A Night at the Movies
by Tabbi and Coleen

A Night at the Movies

It was a Friday night and Tabbi sat in front of her computer, bored out of her mind (not that she has one) and yet she had not once ounce of ambition to do anything. And then came a little chime. Ding! Ding! Or Bubble! Bubble! Or Bloop! Bloop! Ehhhhh… It’s that MSN messenger sound… Yeah you get the point.

"What the…" Tabbi stared dumbly at the screen. She squinted as she tried to read the little message box that had appeared on her screen, brought by the happy computer fairy, known as Bertha. Why she’s called Bertha, nobody knows. "Oooooooooh, it’s the Woman (formally known as Coleen)! What the hell does she want?" Tabbi said to no one in particular… Unless… The walls do have ears you know… Big Brother is watching! *eerie music plays* MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!! Oh… Yeah, the story… What? What was the story? Ooooooooooh yeaaaaaaaaah now we remember!

"HEY WOMAN!!!!!!! Do you wanna go see a movie tonight?" Coleen typed.

"Sure!" Tabbi answered. "Ehhhhhhhhhh… What movie?"

"Save the Last Dance"

"Sure!"

"Ehhhhhh… Woman, what’s the movie about?"

Coleen stared at her screen in disbelief. "What? Gods!" She let out a long-suffering sigh and proceeded to type the plot (or non-plot) to Tabbi.

"Ooooooooooh… Oh yeah! I remember that one!" Tabbi typed.

After much bickering, pointless conversation, and farting, a time was decided on. Little did the noble heroines know, this would lead to their demise… DUH DUH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!

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"GET OUT OF THE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Tabbi screeched as she tore through the parking lot.

Coleen sat impassively in the passenger seat as Tabbi narrowly missed running over an old lady and barely missed sideswiping a police car. She rolled down her window and screamed, "SOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRY!"

"What the hell did you do that for?" Tabbi asked.

Coleen looked offended. "Well I was just trying to be polite!"

"WELL I WASN’T SO SHUT UP!"

"Well fine!" Col replied in an injured voice.

Tabbi nearly took off the door (and the arm of the person climbing out) of a parked car as she swung into the empty parking spot next to it. The driver shrieked angrily as the girls got out and walked toward the cinema.

"Do you hear something?" Col asked.

Tabbi rolled her eyes. "Noooooo… Not a single thing!" She looked at the south lobby entrance. "Holy shit!" she exclaimed, "Look at the damn crowd!"

"Yep," replied Coleen, "the cattle complex is full tonight. Moooooooooooo…"

"Let’s just go to the north lobby." And so they did.

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The two ladies (*snort* yeah right…) bought their tickets and made their way to the south lobby. When they got there, they were surprised to see how big the crowd really was.

"Hey woman," Tabbi said, "Why don’t you try to push your way through to the front of the line."

"Why?" Col replied petulantly, "You’re better at it!"

"Fine! I’ll do it then!" And with that, Tabbi began pushing her way to the front of the line, with Coleen following behind. "EXCUSE ME! PARDON ME! I HAVE TO GO THE BATHROOM!" When Tabs reached the front of the line, she grinned triumphantly and turned to Col. "See how easy that was?"

"Yeah, yeah."

They waited in line for about 10 minutes before the ushers finally began taking tickets. The girls entered the theater and chose the middle seats in the middle row. Gradually the theater filled in. The two women looked around in horror…

EVERY SEAT WAS FILLED IN BY A TEH-HEH TEENIBOPPER PREP! *the Noble Authoresses shriek loudly*

And that was the beginning of the insanity…

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Coleen and Tabbi sat in their seats, praying for the movie to start. Until then, high pitched giggles and screaming assaulted their ears. They shuddered in their seats and just as they thought things couldn’t get any worse… They did…

"KRISTY! KRISTY! HEY KRISTY! KRRRRRIIIIISSSSTYYYYY" a short brunette shrieked in high, nasally voice (really grated on the ears). She sat just a few seats away on the left. "KRISTY!"

Kristy, who ever the hell she was, answered from a few seats on the right. "Yeah?"

"DO THESE PANTS MAKE ME LOOK STUPID? I KNOW THAT’S A STUPID QUESTION BUT I’VE BEEN ASKING EVERYONE ALL NIGHT AND I KNOW THEY DO!"

The noble heroines winced. How… stereotypical.

Kristy answered, "Yeah they look stupid."

"REALLY? AWWWWWWWWW…." And then "Nasally Bitch" as Col and Tabs dubbed her, sat down.

The movie still had not started. By then, Col and Tabs felt a couple of migraines forming. Two N’sync boys sat in front of them with their girlfriends and the general IQ level in the theater had dropped several points. And then…

"KRISTY! KRISTY! KRISTY! KRISTY! KRISTY! KRISTY! HEY KRISTY! KRISTY! HEY KRISTY! KRISTY! KRISTY! KRISTY! KRISTY! KRISTY! KRISTY!" Nasally Bitch shrieked. (Authors’ note: Yes, she really did shriek it that many times, actually probably for about 2 minutes—oh the horror!) When she finally got Kristy’s attention, she fluffed her hair and asked, "DO YOU LIKE MY HAIR? I GOT IT PERMED THE OTHER DAY! DO YOU THINK IT LOOKS STUPID?"

Somehow Tabbi and Coleen got the idea that Kristy wasn’t too happy about Nasally Bitch either, when she replied, "Yeah it looks stupid."

Just then, the lights began to dim and that would last our heroines would hear of Nasally Bitch. The film went along fine unless the actors touched each other or kissed. Then the teenibopper audience began giggling. Yes, even the boys.

When the movie ended Col and Tabs waited until the crowd had cleared out before trying to leave. But before that, Tabbi just had to run up in front of the projector. She bounced up and down and made obscene gestures with her hands. The shadows on the screen were larger than life… Wow… Minutes later, they stumbled out of the cinema, laughing hysterically.

Coleen was brought up short when she saw all the teeniboppers in the parking lot. She screamed in horror as she and Tabbi made a mad dash for the car. Just before she got in though, Coleen had one thing to say… errrrrr… shriek. "DIE YOU STUPID TEENIBOPPER PREPS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Tabbi started the engine and raced out of the parking lot, honking her horn continuously to annoy everyone in the vicnity.

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