Disclaimers: Ok, Sarah, Carola, Jenny, Anders, Sofia, Ronny and me myself (of course), belong to ourselves. All other characters belong to Rob, Lucy, Renee and the bunch over at Renpics.
Timeline: These events takes place during the week before the episode Return of Callisto.
Subtext: *clearing throat* This is a story about five subbers on adventure. They will FORCE the subtext to happen if it isn't there already! :)
Humour: Well...It's there. But it's fatal and stupid. You have been warned.
Violence: This story is about the five most active subbers on the Swedish mailinglist, who really doesn't care that much for Perdicus...and well... We do not take any responsibility whatsoever. We're just blaming Tapert if anything goes wrong. ;)
Grammar: I'm Swedish and not a hundred percent familiar with the English vocabulary and grammar. So I'll just do my best and try to translate this into understandable English, ok? I hope you can read it anyway. If not...ehm...ehr...blame Tapert! *vbg* Or send me a mail with all the spelling errors.
Consumed during this writing session: A bottle of Coke, two MumsMums (well...they're Swedish and very much chocolate covered... translated into English their correct name would be 'YumYum's'. No eating mothers here, no siree), one strawberry ice cream, some dinner and my usual intake of chocolate chip cookies. Chocolate is the answer to every mystery in the world! Yummy!
Johanna.
This is for all my fellow subbers.
Hunting Perdicus
The grass was softly harassed by the impatient feet that stomped it. The dark eyebrows were raised slightly and the eyes stared stubbornly at the shoes. The short, little round xenite's hand combed through the darkbrown hair strands, which almost looked black in the dull morning light. A bouncing sound and a mumbling woke her up from her thoughts.
"Seven...eight...nine", mumbled the blond young man who sat by a tree an arm's length from her. His hair was a mess and the eyes behind the glasses had a manic glint in them. He grinned with joy and held something up. He looked at the dark thing in his hand, while a satisfied smile made it's way over his lips. The shorter xenite tugged her glasses and strolled over.
"Anders...what are you doing?"
Anders looked up and waved the little compact ball he had in his hand. Now she could see that it was made of metal and had a pin stuck through it's upper half. The dark eyebrows were raised noticeably.
"Johanna! Hehehe..I'm just counting hand-grenades! Do you think eleven is enough? I tried to smuggle some nerve gas out, but I thought it would be so much more fun to play with some rat poison and a pair of tweezers.", his eyes glimmered with malicious insanity when he nodded towards his backpack and the handle of the tweezers stuck out from it. A face covered in warpaintings popped out from the greens. Johanna weighed the hand-grenade in her hand while Anders happily waved at the newcomer, who had tied a red handkerchief around her head. She wore her darkbrown hair in a pony tail and currently looked like a wild-eyed version of Rambo.
Anders reacted immediately and hissed; "Password!"
"All power to Gabby, our liberator!", came the fast reply. Carola stepped out from the bushes and shook the leaves from her clothes. A dozen weapons dangled from her shoulder. She let them slide over the arm and hit the ground, where they gathered slammering into a little (and very dangerous) pile. She squatted and picked up an AK5, examined it, and cocked it. She laughed, a silent, mad, laughter and aimed the weapon against a blonde girl, who slept innocently on the other side of the fireplace, rolled in her blankets.
"WHAM!"
Jenny flew up and threw her head from the left to the right with an: 'AAAAAAAAAAH!!!-COOME-ON!-COME-ON-GODDAM***¤#%¤###!!!!!', her hands clenched to fists and she danced around like a boxer. Carola just laughed at her, half-cocked her gun and lowered it.
"Wow. Where the hell did you get these from?", Johanna asked and dug through the gun-pile with Anders. Carola shrugged.
"It's Xenaverse.", was the simple explanation.
"A-haaaaaa!", the other two nodded in understanding. Jenny spat curses and stood practically on sea legs. She blinked with sleep-drunken eyes and started to make her way over to the others.
"I'll rise, but I refuse to shine....YAAAAAAAAAWN...", she stretched lazily. "Where's Sarah?"
"She's dying her hair at the compulsory, fish-filled creek over there. I think she managed to kill a bass with the bottle. Practice makes perfect...", Carola answered and tied her Rambo handkerchief tighter. Then sounds were heard coming from the bushes.
"PASSWORD!", all four howled.
"All power to Gabby, our liberator.", Sarah hummed and threw her towel on the blankets where Jenny had been resting earlier. She looked around and smiled. Then it sparkled of joy in her eyes and she dove down in the gun-pile to search it together with Anders and Johanna. Carola sighed, crossed her arms, stomped her foot patiently and shook her head.
"Kids."
"AWESOME! A flame-thrower!!!!!!", Sarah exclaimed triumphantly and examined her find.
"Be careful wi-"
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOF!
"...-just forget it.", Carola coughed, and emerged from behind the tree she'd quickly thrown herself against when Sarah's weapon had spewed a long tongue of fire. Sarah beamed while she looked at her new toy in wonder.
"It's wonderful, it's perfect..."
KATJINGggG!
Jenny played with her bowie-knife with one hand while she cooked breakfast with the other and went on to hoist the subtext flag with her teeth. Johanna happily dug out a tommygun and wiggled her toes while Anders looked in the bushes after something to throw grenades with. Carole pulled out her IKEA manual and started putting together a big machine gun; in order to have it joined later with the cart they had brought from the farm they had landed at. The farmer's wife had fainted when the five subbers appeared out of thin air on her grounds. Her husband had thought they were gods, which was confirmed by Sarah, who sat the man down and told him to spread the rumour that Sarah, the goddess of subtext, had entered this world with the purpose of improving it. Johanna had talked to their maid and had assured her that the stableboy was bad news, and that she should set her aim for the farmer's wife. The older woman did look good for her age. And well...it was the way it happened in fanfics, anyway! No guy show here. Well, if the farmer and the stableboy could have...
Carola cursed and beat her shoe against the gun.
"Damned thingee! LIIIIIIIIIIVE! LIIIIIIVE!"
BankBAnKbaNK!
Jenny waved them over to eat breakfast. Carola got to her feet and kicked the machine gun, which fell to the ground and clicked together. She stared at it with bulging eyes and four pairs of hands were raised to four pairs of ears while colourful curses rained over the hateful gun. Soon they were eating pancakes with jam. Anders did an Ares imitation and passed the apple cider. (A non alcoholic cider, of course! All subbers must experience life in all its agonizing glory. Amen.)
Johanna side-glanced at the time machine they had covered with the-pinetree-branches-that-does-not-exist-in-Greece-but-does-too-in-the-Xenaverse-Greece-and-that's-that and remembered the bumpy ride.
They had all been sitting in Sofia's apartment, watching episodes from season five. Ronny sat there laughing with his fingers in his ears. Sofia tried to hear the lines being spoken on the TV, while the five subbers chattered on and on about if Xena would've revealed her feelings for Gabrielle, with or without the Perdicus involvement. Sooner or later, that is. Then she had been impressed by the never-ending, inventive and very creative suggestions on how to get rid of Nerdicus for good. It was when Anders waved his hands in front of the TV screen, and sniggering suggested that Nerdicus' little peabrain should be removed through his left nostril with a toothpick, that Sofia decided she'd had enough. She pulled out her top secret XWP remote and set it for maximum zap effect. The room flashed and five figures appeared onscreen, crawling out from a large machine, moaning and groaning about the bumpy ride. Sofia sat back with a smile while Ronny went to the kitchen to pop some popcorn.
"..why would you want to be Joxer?", Sarah blinked and just stared at Anders with disgust. Anders lips curled into a big smile. Carola shook her head.
"Anders, you're seriously damaged."
Anders grin grew bigger and he made himself more comfortable, pulling his legs up to sit Indian-style.
"Remember The Bitter Suite?...", he whistled innocently and found a sudden interest in his fingernails. Jenny swallowed and blushed furiously. Then she grinned as well. Sarah gasped.
"ANDERS!"
"Yeah, what? I mean; he IS the only one in the show that really has seen Gabrielle naked. That we KNOW of. He's a stupid jerk, but in THAT exact moment I'd love to be him. Heheheh...imagine that...but I'd RATHER see Xena crawling on all four towards Gabby, like a big cat...slowly...slowly...and locking her piercing blues with those emerald greens, just before she rips Gabby's BGSB off with her tee-"
"ANDERS!!!!"
"Shut up!"
KNOCK!
"AOOOOOOOOOW!!!! -WHAT? What did I sa-gllllbDHlllll?", Anders' words were smothered by Jenny's hand.
She shook her head. "Heart failure in the morning is not good for you. And it's not healthy to tease Gabby's banshees either...", the tone of her voice was serious.
Sarah sat there with a blissful smile on her face, Carola dropped her IKEA screwdriver on the foot and Johanna had stuffed a handful of grass in her mouth and chewed on it like a cow. Anders glanced up at Jenny with begging eyes. She released him and walked to the blankets, where their belongings were.
"If we're to get close enough without raising any suspicion, we have to disguise ourselves. I found a little farm with a very conveniently placed clothesline on the porch, so I got us some nice stuff!", she threw the clothes on the ground and the others gathered around them, digging through the costumes and trying them on.
"Oh, this would look good on you, Johanna"!, Anders grinned and wiggled his eyebrows, holding the itsy bitsy teeny weenie Go-Go gabby mini bikini in front of him.
"Are you nuts? I would look like a bloated walrus in that! Is there no tent I can wrap around me?", she said and searched the pile for something discreet.
"Waowww...WOW!", Carola nodded admiringly at the two amazon disguises that she and Sarah had dressed themselves in. Jenny had jumped into a pink dress with an "Aphrodite" tag sewn to the collar. She lifted the veils and pulled the fabrics a tiny bit. She sighed.
Carola, clothed in full amazon armour, kept putting the machine gun together with her little IKEA screwdriver. Sarah and Jenny played 'sacrifice the maiden' while Johanna and Anders completed their disguises. Anders frowned and hammered his breastplate.
"This must be the ugliest costume of the century. And this IS chicken-wire. I've always wondered about that..."
"How now, Anders! Now you got to be Joxer, after all! Heheheh. Hm...", Johanna threw the Joxerhelmet in his arms and wrapped the embroided, white big textiles around herself. She adjusted her turban and buttoned the collar. Her facial expressions were slightly strained. "Ok, this is a spoiler costume from season six. But it'll have to do...even though we're NOT in the desert. How do you explain that this far up north?"
"It's Greece, it's not that far up."
"I knew that."
"Shut up."
"No, YOU shut up!"
"Are we done?", Sarah asked and threw away the theatre dagger with which she had just sacrificed a squealing Jenny. The others nodded and they all gathered on their knees around a parchment. "Can I have a piece of charcoal? Thanks, Carola. Let's see here...", she drew a line figure and then two more figures. A short one and a tall one. She hesitated by the lonely one and then added two horns, a tail and a pitchfork to him. After a moments though she made an arrow that pointed at the figure and wrote Nerdicus over the arrow's end. She smiled and the others nodded their agreement with a satisfied murmur. Carola stole the charcoal and drew long hair on the other two figures and then she armed them with a staff, a sword and a chakram. Johanna reached over the parchment to grab the charcoal.
"Gimme that...", another figure was drawn, behind a rock. She wrote warrior queen over the grinning figure's head. Jenny took the charcoal piece from Johanna's hand and drew falling stones over Perdicus head, and then Anders took it from her and carefully drew a figure with mane and tail, next to the tall figure with the chakram. He drew little reins from his figure to the other figure's hand. The four girls looked at the picture. Anders drew little ears on top of the figure's head. Carola tilted her head sideways, Sarah just blinked. Jenny giggled behind a raised hand and Johanna bit her lip. Anders sat back and handed the charcoal to Sarah, who originally had held it.
"Is that a cow?", Jenny asked politely.
Anders looked slightly hurt. "It's Argo! Can't you see that?!"
A giggle was heard from Carola and Johanna.
"It's nice.", Sarah comforted and patted Anders on the shoulder. "Well, let's make a plan, my dear fellow subbers! You remember our mission? Yes, Jenny?"
"To kill Perdicus, my queen!"
"You bet! But not just that?...", her eyes wandered.
Anders cleared his throat. "Mutilate, dress in a gown, blow to pieces, shoot and hang?", he volunteered.
"Ehr...yes, but WHAT ELSE?"
"Jam, annihilate, detonate?", Johanna beamed.
"Yes, yes, that too! But WHAT ELSE? Come on, we've talked about this, guys!", Sarah's patience was breaking rapidly .
"Couple him with Joxer if the mission fails, and try to make Xena stop being a stupid, dumb warrior who hides her feelings. There shall at least be one hot tub bath with Xena and Gabrielle."
"Aaaah, nooooow we're talking!"
"And then we steal her BGSB!"
"I want Xena's leathers!"
The five subbers decided, after drawing straws, to leave Gabrielle's BGSB be, but that the finder should offer each of her/his fellow-subbers a sniff of it and a fabric sample before it was returned. After further reasoning, it was settled that no-one dared to steal anything from Xena. They broke camp and all things were stuffed into the Saddlebag™, where they surprisingly all fitted. That they had no horse didn't matter. Anders put the magic saddle bag over his left shoulder and off they were. The two amazons, the Aphrodite, the Joxer and the LegacyGabbywannabee followed the path.
Days came and went and soon they came to the foot of a big mountain. The little group looked up at the snowy top.
"A mountain.", Jenny stated.
"We can't walk around it.", Johanna mumbled.
"We can't walk under it.", Anders added.
"We have to climb over it!", the wise Sarah said and raised her finger to the sky.
And they did. When they had climbed to the other side the light had faded and they all decided to make camp for the night. The blankets were scattered around the fireplace (that appeared suddenly out of nowhere) and a feast was unpacked from the Saddlebag™. They were all starved after the day's labours and more than one subber whimpered about their feet. Out in the real world, outside of Sundbyberg or rather a yard from Telefonplan, Sofia and Ronny was seated in front of the TV. They sat quiet and waited, since they had cheated and looked through the synopsis at Whoosh, so they knew that Callisto would appear soon. And the synopsis was right; the blonde nemesis of Xena was hiding in the bushes on the bare mountain.
A scream cut through the night sky and the five subbers flinched. Carola raised the IKEA screwdriver over her head and Anders swung a chicken wing in the air before him. Jenny snored and Sarah's sight suddenly was limited by the white clothes that was thrown over her. Johanna ran half naked in a studded leather thong and matching bra towards the scream, with her hands thrown up in the air.
"WOOOOOHOOOOOO! It's CALLISTO! Come and get me! You can do whatever you like!!!! Callisto! I looooooove yeeeeee!" (A lot can be said about Johanna, but that her obsession with Callisto would lead to something this morally corrupting, that...ehr...yeah, right.) Anyway; she ran towards Callisto, who flinched with one of her spidery tics and lowered her sword.
Sarah covered her face with one hand and shook her head when Jenny awoke and threw her pink Dite-gown over her friend to follow Johanna's example. Carola and Anders looked for their autograph pads and feather pens. Then they too ran after Callisto.
"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAA!", the scream echoed when it disappeared into the night, running for it's life from the four subbers. Sarah desperately tried to get up, but she was entwined by two rather advanced costumes and fell to the ground. She wondered how the hell one could get into these and keep one's dignity. Really.
Two hours later, four baffled subbers trotted into the camp and sat themselves down. Jenny and Johanna dressed in silence, while Anders complained of Callisto's unwillingness to co-operate. Carola smiled triumphantly over a lock of Callisto's hair that she had managed to cut from the blonde psycho Barbie. She put it in a test tube and stuffed it into the Saddlebag™. They all decided to lay down and get some sleep. They had a long day ahead of themselves tomorrow and they had to catch up with Xena and Gabrielle. Jenny fell asleep in a sec and slept like a log, while she unconsciously lowered the subtext flag for the night, using two of her toes. Sarah fell into an uneasy slumber and Carola dozed off. Johanna let Morpheus claim her rather quickly too, but Anders stayed awake, trying to figure a way to get his hands on Carola's test tube containing a certain psycho Barbie's hair.
The next day was like the day before, and the day before that; the little group wandered the country road, through villages, mountain areas, by some lakes, on shores, over hills and valleys. They strolled into a forest, where a fallen tree blocked their way. They stopped.
"A tree.", Jenny stated.
"We can't walk around it.", Johanna groaned.
"We can't walk over it.", Anders moaned.
"We have to crawl under it!", Sarah exclaimed and pointed to a small space between the tree and the ground below it. And they did. They crawled and crept until all five were on the other side of the tree trunk. Finally there, Carola stood pouting with her arms crossed over her chest.
"What?", Jenny asked.
"I'm not allowed to participate!", Carola muttered with a sour look.
"But you are too!", Anders said and sympathetically patted her on the shoulder. "You are important for our mission, Carola. And besides...", he grinned, "Who else could I discuss '2000 ways to kill Perdicus' with?"
"But there's only those four lines... a thing, and then over, around and under. No fifth one."
"You can clap and beat time.", Sarah compromised. Carola smiled happily and all the subbers were relieved to have reconciled, so they all fell into a big, warm group hug.
Carola glanced over Jenny's shoulder during the mutual hugging and suddenly pulled herself back. She rushed for the remains of a campfire and lay her hands on the ashes. Her eyes glowed with anticipation when she turned to the others. "They've been here. The ashes aren't completely cold. We're close!"
"Hmmmm..." Anders slowly and carefully paced a bit away, only to squat on the spot. He drew a finger over the poorly hidden campfire, that could be spotted easily through the dust and branches. Another person had travelled this way. And that person had left a still warm campfire pit after a quick departure. He turned his head and searched the area. Soon he had found what he was looking for and waved the others to come. He pointed towards his findings.
"Look here! Footprints...too deep to be Gabrielle and just a bit too shallow to be made by Xena. Her armour do weigh a lot you know..."
"You mean...? Aha." Johanna's smile was dry as she looked up from the tracks. Her eyes followed their direction. "Perdicus is closing in on them. He'll reach them any day soon."
They all looked at each other. Then they looked at Sarah, who had become sort of a leader of their little expedition. She throw out her hands and shrugged. "Why are you looking at me? It was Carola who said she wasn't allowed to participate. In spite of the fact that it really is Jenny who's had the fewest lines in this fanfic this far! Carola can come up with something, since she feels neglected!"
Four pairs of eyes rested on Carola, who swallowed and gave them a sheepish smile. "Ehm...heheh...I don't care who's in charge of this operation, as long as I get to gun Nerdicus down a little." Her words were greeted by nods of agreement and knowing grins, and by a clicking sound coming from Anders clipping a magazine into his Magnum. Johanna closed her eyes and smiled at the sound. She sighed lightly.
"Like music to my ears..."
"About music...", Jenny said with a frown and tilted her head sideways, "Did you notice that the background score has changed since we discovered those footprints?"
They all listened. Yeah, the music had changed, alright. The music that now was playing in the background swelled and was accompanied by hundreds of hooves thundering against the ground. The familiar score of The Debt streamed around the little group. A raw voice who spoke with a godforsaken italian-french mix, tried to sound Russian and omniscient. Sarah pulled her queen-mask over her face and groaned in agony.
"Oh no! It's Borias! I hate Borias!", she fell on her knees and tried to stick two fingers down her throat.
"Xsssscheeeeeeena, youuuuuu shall dooooe watt ai seeeeeeeeeeei, ai looooooooev shoooooo. Aooor tjaaaaaajld wil nuuuuutt bi riiiisckt." Johanna stuck her tongue out and made her best Borias imitation, which was rewarded by a sophisticated and polite golf applause from Anders, Jenny and Carola. She made a graceful curtsy and nodded slightly. In that same moment the music turned around and became softer, milder and more interesting in its harmony. Sarah flew to her feet and crawled up a hill, where she laid down and spied. A woman in red and with a dignified body language was talking to Borias. The remaining four subbers crawled up to the spying Sarah and lay down beside her. Jenny glanced at her.
"Aren't both Borias and Lao Ma supposed to be dead by now?"
"Scccccch. Xenaverse, Xenaverse.", Sarah mumbled and grinned with bliss.
"A-haaaaa!", the others nodded knowingly.
In the real case it was Sofia who had put her Xena Soundtrack Volume 4 CD in the stereo on the highest volume, while she and Ronny sat in the kitchen eating pizza, leaving their five fellow xenites to their destiny for a while. When her neighbours knocked on the floor, Sofia walked into her livingroom and turned the volume down. The images of Borias and Lao Ma faded away. Sarah slipped back down the hill. She sighed and had a look around. "Well, I guess we set camp here and continue our walk tomorrow. Hm...strange.", she shook her head and pulled out her blanket from the Saddlebag™. It wasn't long 'til she slept hard while the others played strip poker through half the night. Anders finally was left as the only awake participant. He still tried to figure out how he could get hold of that blonde Callisto hair.
The next day dawned with a clear blue sky, like they always did in New Zeal-...eh...in ye olde Greece. The little subtext troop woke, Jenny hoisted the subtext flag and they left towards the trail where-Xena-and-Gabby-SUPPOSEDLY-had-walked. Out of some reason the surroundings became more brushy, and the forest they wandered through came closer and soon they felt an intoxicatingly foul smell of still water. They came across a swamp, stopped and looked out over it.
"A swamp.", Jenny stated.
"We can't walk over it.", Johanna sighed.
"We can't walk under it.", Anders exclaimed.
"We have to walk through it!", Sarah said firmly.
And they did. With distaste, but yet with determination, they waded out into the stinking swamp. When they splashingly walked ashore on the other side, it was only the thought that they did this for the greater good, that soothed their uneasiness. Anders sat on a rock and emptied his boot. A little swamp critter fell to the ground and crawled back to where it belonged. He shuddered and pulled the boot back on his foot. All five subbers looked miserable in their soaked and stinking clothes, to say the nicest thing that spring to mind. But Carola just smiled.
"Naaa! Relax! In a minute we'll all be clean and fresh like all movie heroes are after swimming in a swamp!"
And that was correct; when they stepped out on the road again and the new scene began, they were all dry, clean and whole.
"Thank gods for film bloopers!", Johanna grinned and adjusted her turban. A murmur of agreement and adjustment of clothes greeted her words.
Hours passed and the small group began to loose faith. They had not come across a single campfire pit and the sun already stood in zenith. There would only be a few hours of light left before nightfall.
Suddenly Anders stopped and threw his arms, causing the others to bump into him. They cursed and threw multiple threats his way. He just put a finger to his lips and silenced them with a soft hush. He nodded towards the slope and signed for them to follow him. The two amazons, The Dite, The Joxer and the LegacyGabbywannabee sneaked forward as silent as possible. It took them a while to find the compulsory bush to hide in, but then they stayed quiet, watching the fight between the road sluggers and a Xena at her best.
"AYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIAAAAAAAA!!!"
SmaCK! SmOck! KNocK!
"HA-HA!"
"Hooooooowl!"
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
clingKloNGdiNgDoNGdenG!
Xena flipped through the air as easy as Luke Skywalker ever did, stuck her sword in the ground and hauled herself forward in a running kick against the chest of a bad-guy. He staggered backwards, incapable of any resistance. She laughed, grabbed another thug and knocked him senseless against the other. She dropped them, flipped backwards, landed in an award-winning pose and caught the chakram. An arm's length away Gabrielle stood with twinkling eyes and admired her warrior. Another whoooosh was heard through the air and Xena's hand flew out with the speed of lightning in front of the bard. The arrow was caught. The chakram was thrown again and was greeted with a noisy DENG before travelling back to it's owner. Xena once again assumed the irresistible heroic pose. Gabrielle's eyes glowed (if possible) even more of adoration. The subbers grinned from their hiding place.
"Show off.", they chuckled.
"But man, hell! It's Gabby!", Anders drooled and started to crawl out from the bush. Xena had walked to fetch Argo and the bard stayed put, awaiting her return. Jenny, Carola and Sarah tried to climb over each other in order to get to Gab and managed to trample Johanna in the process. Anders' fevered wild eyes could only see the curves, the blonde hair and an infamous BGSB. He pulled out his measuring band while jumping off, since he always had wanted his own Gabrielle costume. Gabrielle's three banshees flew forward, eager to serve their mistress. They hissed and spat like all banshees do when they get really excited. Destiny, however, decided not to let the events run their course.
"Hey, a lucky drachmae!" The bard bent forward to pick up the coin . The banshees flew over her and straight into Anders, who had thrown himself in from the other side. Now all the four subtexters were lying in a little grunting pile, hurting everywhere. Johanna had recovered from being run down by the banshees and came to the rescue. Gabrielle could not know they were there! Fast as hell she ran over to a farm (that lucky enough was just around the corner), and borrowed a wheelbarrow. She trotted straight towards the others, loaded them onto the wheelbarrow and ran away, just before Xena got back with Argo.
"Look, Xena!", the bard said and happily showed her find to the stoic warrior, who smiling took it with one hand, while the other rested on the smaller woman's shoulder.
"Well, whaddaya know. Come on, we have to keep tracking Theodorus."
Fortunately they didn't see the very bright red wheelbarrow that stuck out from a bush. Xena and Gabrielle walked the road, both playfully bantering. Johanna let out a big breath and poured water over her fellow subbers. They coughed, panted and snorted, very much awake. Carola swallowed a painkiller.
"It'll be night soon. Let's set up camp a little bit behind them, what do you say?", she asked weakly.
"That's a very good idea.", Sarah agreed.
"Then we can at least check on them, so we'll know where they'll head for tomorrow.", Jenny finished.
Anders and Johanna agreed and they all headed off towards the heroines' camp.
Xena and Gabrielle had snuggled that night, which made the subbers rejoice. Well, that was before they went to their individual bedrolls and went to sleep. The five sat around their hidden campfire and roasted marshmallows while they chatted about the days gone by.
"I can see now why there's heaps ending up on the cutting room floor." Johanna yawned.
"Yeah...Xena has to get that thumb out of her bu- oh, I'm sorry, Jenny! I didn't mean to make your marshmallow fall into the fire. Here...grab a new one.", Anders handed her the bag (that of course had been pulled out of the Saddlebag™). Jenny reached for it, and fell to the ground flat on her nose when Anders flinched and pulled back.
"There! Did you see that? There!", he hissed and squatted behind some bushes. Four heads popped up around him and followed the direction of his pointing finger. In the shadows behind the tree, a shadow was lurking about. It hesitated and seemed to be waiting for something. You could cut through the anxiety with a knife, practically. So Carola sighed, pulled out a Maglite from the Saddlebag™ and pointed the flashlight to the intruder on the other side of the clearing. A Perdicus with stretched hands, fumbling with them in front of himself, stood there shocked and blinked repeatedly. A delighted murmur travelled through the bushes.
"It's Nerdicus!"
"Go get him!"
It all went very quick. Faster than a speeding bullet the little group ran around the clearing and grabbed Perdicus, dragging him into the bushes. Carola knocked him out with her flashlight and all resistance ceased. Sarah grinned, pleased with the development.
"Thereyago! That takes care of that part! Anders, shave him everywhere and smear jam all over him. Jenny; get ready to play the part of a lifetime..."
Jenny looked at Sarah with a question in her eyes. Carola and Johanna grinned. Anders strolled aside with Perdicus, to smear the knocked fellow with jam.
"Congratulations, Jenny. Or should we say Aphrodite?...", they said simultaneously and pushed her into the clearing. Johanna pulled out a peashooter from the Saddlebag™ and shot Xena in the forehead. The warrior awoke with a jerk, blinked furiously and focused her sight on the figure before her.
"Aphrodite???"
Jenny was stiff from shock and stammered; "Y-y-y-yes? Hrmmmm! I mean; sure, babe!"
Xena looked confused. "What are you doing here?"
"Aw, you know! Don't give me the unknowing act, cutie!"
"I'm not cute!", the warrior princess growled.
"Tss, tss. DUH! You and bardiebabe are sooo cute together! You were made for each other, you can't deny that, huh? You know? But HEY! Xeeena, wake up and smell the coffe...euhm...-ale! Ale! Wake up and smell the ale! Duuuh...", Jenny rolled a strand of hair around her finger and gave Xena that bimbofied look that Aphrodite was so fond of using. Xena looked like she was considering the words carefully.
"I don't know, she's so young...and I am an old warrior dog, I...I am not worthy of her. And besides, the studio don't want to lose viewers over the subtext...but...but..:", she mumbled.
"YOU STUPID CENTAUR ASS! JUST KISS THE GIRL!", Carola, Sarah and Johanna impatiently shouted from the bushes. Jenny smiled a dazzling smile to disguise her panic.
"My peeps.", she explained.
Anders saw how his hand shimmered and gasped. Soon fifty minutes would have passed, an hour with all the commercials, and then they would be sent back to the real world. He crawled through the grass and tugged at Sarah's arm. She listened and her eyes widened. She nodded and Anders crawled back to his little torture victim, who now could make himself a celebrated career as a castrato. Sarah passed the news to Carola and Johanna, who crossed their fingers and watched the scene that took place before their eyes. Xena was hesitating. Sarah swore grumpily and threw a paper cup at Gabrielle. Gab sat up and saw Xena's back, plus a woman all dressed in pink who was just walking away.
"WHO was that?", the little bard demanded to know.
"Ehm...nobody.", Xena smiled and blushed. Gabrielle threw the paper cup at Xena's head.
"Don't lie to me. You're cheating on me!"
Xena's eyes widened. "Cheating?! But Gabrielle, we're not...."
"ARE'NT we???"
"EHM...ehm..."
FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!
The five subbers sat in Sofia's bed and stared out into thin air. They were dressed in their usual clothes and in front of them a big fight scene between Xena and Gabrielle took place. The subbers looked with confusion on each other before they heard a long, suffering groan, or more precisely -two- suffering groans, that woke them up from the traveller's trance.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Sofia!", Johanna excused herself and stood up. Sofia crawled out and fell to the floor.
"Uuuuurgh."
"Sorry!", Carola said and offered Sofia her hand. Sofia took it and got up on her feet, only to fall into the nearest armchair. Carola shook her head and pulled a blanket over the wasted young woman. Ronny was sleeping in the other armchair and was snoring peacefully . The five subbers' eyes met when they heard Sofia's calm breaths which revealed that she had fallen asleep as well. They glanced at the TV and saw Xena reach out for Gabrielle, who slapped the warrior's hands away. That didn't stop the dark-haired woman from reaching out for the bard again, and this time she pulled her in for a long, warm hug, that made the younger woman relax and sink into the embrace.
Gabrielle raised her eyes and met Xena's. The subbers' faces were millimetre's from the TV screen. Then Xena's eyelids slid shut and she leaned forward... five fists was thrown in the air, fingers formed 'V' for victory...and yes...yes....
"YEEEEEES!!! Score! Xena VS Nerdicus 1-0!"
"Way to go, XWP!"
The five congratulated themselves and shoulders were patted. A strange noise from the toilet raised all the eyebrows in the room.
"Mfff! Mffffff!"
KnoCkKnoCK! drag, crawl
Anders snapped his fingers. "Ah. I forgot about him!"
The others looked at him with questioning eyes. He shrugged.
"Well, it looks like there was a side effect with the travel. He shouldn't really have come back with us."
Five evil grins formed on five pairs of lips.
"Nerdicus?"
Nod.
"Go get him!"
The End
(and what a happy ending that may be;) )