Sins of the Past
X: "I travel alone."
G: "So, where are you headed now?"
X: "Amphipolis."
G: "That's in Thrace, isn't it? I love to study maps and place names.
So, what route do you usually take?"
X: "Don't even think about it."
G: "What?"
X: "Following me. -You don't want to make me mad now, do you?"

Draco: "What do you hope to find back in Amphipolis? Forgiveness? I tried to go home once. My father almost beat me to death with a blacksmith's hammer. You'll get the same treatment, I guarantee it."

X: "You lost some weight since I saw you last. I guess that job I did on your eye must have cut down on the people-eating, huh?!"
Cyclops: "Ever since you blinded me, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't dreamt of tasting your flesh."
X: "You know, you should find a different line of work."
Cyclops: "Like what?! I'm a blind Cyclops, for crying out loud!"
X: "You could hire yourself out to a village as a protector. Even a blind Cyclops would scare most folks off. And the villagers would probably toss you a, a sheep every now and again for payment."
Cyclops: "Sheep? How could you start eating mutton, when you're used to human flesh?"
X: "Suit yourself."

G: "Immortal father Zeus in Heaven, curse this brute if he eats me! Torture him with the slain serpent's blood and the crow's droppings!"
Cyclops: "Shut up! I hate chatty food."
G: "I know Xena, the Warrior Princess."
Cyclops: "I hate Xena, the Warrior Princess! -She blinded me. It'll give me great pleasure to rip one of her friends apart with my teeth."
G: "Friends? Who said anything about friends? I've been tracking her to kill her."
Cyclops: "How is a young thing like you gonna kill Xena?"
G: "That's the point; she'd never let a man get close enough to do her... At least, not that kind of `do her.' But, a young, innocent-looking girl like me? I'll catch her totally off guard, cut her evil throat, and hack off her Cyclops-blinding hands."
Cyclops: "You're really gonna mess her up, huh?"
G: "You know what I think I'll do to her?"
Cyclops: "What?"
G: "Blind her, gouge out them eyeballs and bring `em back to you. It'll make a nice little appetizer, don't you think?"
Cyclops: "Ooh, you'd do that for me?"
G: "I feel we're bonded in our hate for this she-demon."
Cyclops: "Ooh... Go on... and, if you bring me a leg, too, I'd appreciate it."
G: "A leg; -She's got two, doesn't she? You'll get them both."
Cyclops: "And maybe a, a-"
G: "Hey! Let's not get greedy."
Cyclops: "Oh, sorry."
G: "Xena's blood or die!"
Cyclops: [Laughs]
G: "Thank the gods for dumb Cyclopses."

X: "You always did have trouble keeping your face clean. Since you've been gone, I kind of lost my way. Now, I found it. I thought I could start over. But no... They don't trust me. Not even Mother. I can't blame her. She can't see into my heart. But I've got to believe that you can. And I wish you were here. It's hard to be alone."
G: "You're not alone."

X: "You know, where I'm headed, there'll be trouble."
G: "I know."
X: "Then why would you want to go into that with me?"
G: "That's what friends do; they stand by each other when there's trouble."
X: "All right, friend."


Chariots of War
G: “And so, Zeus, in his appreciation, turned the two lovers into oak trees. And then do you know what happened?”
X: “Somebody built a boat out of them?”
G: “No- their branches intertwined, and they spent the rest of their days in each other’s embrace.”
X: “What’s the point?”
G: “Come on, Xena. I believe everyone will find their tree in the forest someday; -even you.”
X: “I find the strongest trees in the forest stand alone.”

X: “Hold on! I’m coming! Jump!”
G: “Are you crazy?!”
X: “Jump!”
G: “If I die, I’ll never talk to you again!”
X: “Jump, Gabrielle! -Come on! Jump! You call that a jump?!”
G: “No, it was a frantic leap! Best I could do!”
X: “Hold the reins. I’ve lost my chakram!”
G: “Is that supposed to be funny?!”


Dreamworker
G: “You think you’re man enough to test my blade? Do you? Your type are all cowards! I’ve met and defeated tens of hundreds of your type! So, come on. Make your move. Or, are you waiting for me to make the first move? First mistake? Well, that’s your first mistake, waiting for my mistake! ‘Cause I don’t make mistakes! Hah! Huh! Let that be a lesson to you.”
X: “Are you finished with my sword?”
G: “Don’t do that!”
X: “This is not a plaything.”
G: “I said I’d get some wood. I didn’t say how I was going to get it.”
X: “You’re lucky the tree was unarmed. You could’ve been hurt.”

X: “No, I don’t think you do. People are too quick to go for their sword. It should always be the last resort.”
G: “I don’t want to learn to kill. I want to learn to survive.”
X: “All right. The rules of survival. Number one. If you can run, run. Number two. If you can’t run; surrender, and then run. Number three. If you’re outnumbered, let them fight each other, while you run. Number four-”
G: “Wait... More running?”
X: “No. Four is where you talk your way out of it, and I know you can do that. It’s wisdom before weapons, Gabrielle. The moment you pick up a sword, you become a target. And the moment you kill...”
G: “The moment you kill- What?”
X: “Everything changes. Everything.”

Thug: "...Now, all things considered, I think a surrender would be a good start.”
X: “I accept. Gabrielle, take their weapons.”

G: “Um... but, um; maybe something more - petite.”
Smith: “Ah. Well, let me see what’s over here.”
G: “Oh, how cute!”
Smith: “It’s a breast dagger.”
G: “Oh; you mean, it’s designed to pierce the breast into the heart of your enemy.”
Smith: “No -not quite.”
G: “Ah. Oh; a breast dagger. Yeah, I like it! Yeah... yeah. ”

G: “They’re going to sacrifice me. They’re going to sacrifice me not. They’re going to sacrifice me...”
X: “They’re not going to sacrifice you.”
G: “Xena!”

X: “Wait! -I don’t know if you’re real or not.”
G: “You don’t know if I'm real? This is my dream. I’m the only one who is real.”
X: “Tell me something about you I don’t know.”
G: “How’s that going to prove anything?”
X: “Morpeus can guess anything I know. Tell me something about you I don’t know.”
G: “Very well. All right. N- nobody but my mother knows this. I had six toes on my right foot when I was born. Don’t look! It’s gone now!”
X: “It must be you. Yeah, it must be you..."

X: “Not really... nothing surprises me anymore.”
Voice of Termin: “How about me?”
X: “Termin?”
Termin: “Even in your weakened state, you can’t forget your first. And I was only the first of many, wasn’t I? The first notch on your hilt. Here; -I still have the scar where you slit my throat.”
X: “You attacked our village. Friends of mine, people I grew up with, died under your sword.”
Termin: “You were still an innocent then. Like Gabrielle. Soon, she’ll be just like you.”

DoppelgängXena: “You can’t defeat me! I’m stronger! I’ve always been stronger!”
X: “You’re just a dark reminder of a disease I once had. If you were that strong, I would never have left you. But I did.”
DoppelgängXena: “Ever wonder how the rest of the world sees you? Curious? Watch as if you had the eyes of your victims.”

Manus: “You have no idea what kind of enemy you’ve made. Morpheus will not be denied. You think he’s just going to let you walk out of here?”
G: “Punching’s all right?”
[SMOCK!]
X: “I’m impressed.”

X: “See how calm the surface of the water is. That was me once. And then- The water ripples and churns; that’s what I became.”
G: “But if we sit here long enough it will go back to being still again. It will go back to being calm.”
X: “But the stone’s still under there. It’s now part of the lake. It might look as it did before, but it’s forever changed. Come on, let’s go.”

G: “For your first stab at wisdom, you did all right.”
X: “I was just saying that for your benefit. You didn’t think I meant it, did you?”
G: “Huh! Not me: -I wasn’t fooled.”


The Reckoning
A: “Hardly a suitable situation for a warrior princess. You're probably wondering who I am.”
X: “No, I know who you are. Ares, god of war.”
A: “Very good. I should have known you'd figure it out. Who else could outfight your sword?”
A: “Behold - your former mentor, and still greatest fan; -at your service.”
X: “I used to wonder what you look like.”

X: “You slaughtered those four villagers."
A: “Only three so far. That one you ministered to might actually recover! By all the gods you are a beauty... -You must know I've missed you.”
X: “What do you want?”
A: “I want you back, of course. My warrior princess living as my warrior queen... We were once a great match.”

A: “Well played, my dear. Your choice was totally wrong, of course, but- even as an adversary, you are one of a kind.”
X: “I know my choice was the right one for me.”
A: “In that case... until next time.”


The Titans
Crias: “Which one of you was the liberator of the Titans?”
Phyleus: “This virgin.”
Crias: “We honor you, oh sacred goddess. Tell us your name, so we may honor it as a holy word.”
G: “Gabrielle.”
Crias: “We are your servants. Whatever you desire, we will fulfill. Give us your commands.”
G: “All right.”


Prometheus
G: “Once, a long, long time ago, all people had four legs and two heads. And then the gods threw down thunderbolts, and split everyone into two. Each half then had two legs and one head. But the separation left both sides with a desperate yearning to be reunited. Because they each shared the same soul. And ever since then, all people spend their lives searching for the other half of their soul.”


Hooves and Harlots
G: “What do you think of this one?”
X: “It’s lovely. What’s it for?”
G: “It’s a walking stick. It’s very useful. You can walk with it; you can lean on it, if you need a rest. And, you can kill nasty little critters if you wanna lie down. Yeah. It’s got a good feel.”
X: “Let me look at this..." [whooshwhooshwhoosh] "...Hmm! Not bad.”

Terreis: “It is a man’s world, Gabrielle. -Not because it should be, but, because we let them have it. It’s based on a woman’s weakness.”
G: “Yeah?”
Terreis: “The Amazon world is based on truth and a woman’s individual strength.”
G: “Well, I’m all for that. I’ve always considered myself a single-minded person. Of course, if I got married I’d have to ask my husband if that was OK... That was a joke.”

X: “Something about me you find interesting?”
Ephiny: “Yes.”
X: “Wanna tell me?”
Ephiny: “No.”
X: “Then stop staring at me, before I take your eyes out.”

Terreis: “You tried to save me.”
G: “Don’t talk -just keep your strength.”
Terreis: “What you did, only an Amazon would do for another Amazon. I want you to take my right of caste.”
Ephiny: “Terreis!”
Terreis: “Please!”
G: “OK, I’ll take it. Just, don’t, don’t- ....”
Terreis: [dies]

X: “I find it hard to believe that the son of Tyldus is a murderer.”
Phantes: “Maybe it wasn’t murder. Maybe it was the opening of a war that should have happened a long time ago.”
X: “Well, if it was, it was a pretty stupid way to begin it. Only one death? And to get captured so easily. Centaurs aren’t known for their stupidity.”
Phantes: “Amazons aren’t known for asking questions.”
X: “I’m not an Amazon.”
Phantes: “If it looks like a hydra, and moves like a hydra, it’s a hydra.”

Ephiny: “Come, now.”
G: “I’m sorry, you must have me mistaken for a pet.”
Ephiny: “Would you come with me?”
G: “That’s better.”

Tyldus: “You killed a half of my Centaur army. My friends. My son will not die for something he didn’t do. He’s not a murderer. I desperately want to avoid war, but I’m gonna get him back. And I swear, if he dies, every Amazon will suffer at my hand.”
X: “I don’t believe he killed that girl. But whoever did wants this war. You’re playing into his hands.”
Tyldus: “Just before noon tomorrow, my army attacks. You can go, Xena, but don’t come back. You and I are still enemies, and I’ll kill you if I have to.”

Eponin: “Time to dance, Princess.”
G: “I’m really, really bad at this. No, no; no, no! -I have two left feet, facing backwards! No, they wouldn’t let me dance at the crop festival because I brought a bad harvest. No, no! Yeah!”

X: “Phantes is not the murderer.”
Amazon: “What?”
G: “Thank the gods.”
X: “We have proof. What’s this?”
G: “I’m an Amazon Princess?”
X: “Great.

G: “... -made it to the Mystic fortress. I, of course, was holding them off to give her the time that she needed. I was just telling them the Morpheus story.”
Phantes: “And the Trakus story, the Titans, Pandora... -she knows them by heart, and she loves to tell them.”
Ephiny: “Now, I see why you ride the horse.”
G: “Now, what’s that supposed to mean?”

G: “Huh. You know, I just thought of something... You’re a Warrior Princess, and I’m an Amazon Princess. That’s gonna make such a great story! Yeah. And it all starts with you and me finding those signs in the trees. And then, Xena; -hey, wait! And then the arrows came flying down...”


The Black Wolf
Flora: “So I’ve heard. Would you believe? Xena taught me to swing a sword; and embroider linen for my wedding chest.”
Dio: “You- embroider?”
X: “I have many skills.”

Salmoneus: “Hello, little friend! Looking for some Black Wolf merchandise?! Shh! Shh! Not too loud. Not just becuase of Xerxes’ guards, but because these are incredible bargains!”
G: “I don’t have time for this!”
Salmoneus: “Time?! Who doesn’t have time for a great deal. Trust Salmoneus. He only has the customers’ interests at heart. Ask anybody... later. Take a look at this- huh? This is a nice pouch. You put this on your back. You can put a vegetable in there... a scroll. Take a look. Look! Here’s the Black Wolf seal. I call it- my Black Wolf Pack. Wolf - Pack. Get it?! You like that? Huh?”
G: “That’s good, yeah. That’s nice. I need my tomato.”

Salmoneus: “It’s a misunderstanding! I’m just a businessman! Ow! Uh! Ooh! Wait a minute. Those boots; that leather... those legs- Xena!”

G: “Have you seen Xena? She- she’s tall. She’s beautiful. She- piercing blue eyes... swings a mean right hook. It looks like she might have swung it already.”
X: “What in the gods’ names are you doing here?”
G: “Xena. You get yourself thrown into a dungeon, and you expect me to do nothing? You should know me better by now.”
X: “I should.”
G: “I figure two things. One: if you’re here, it’s because you want to be, which means that you have a plan to get out; and two: you’re gonna need my help. You couldn’t ask for it, of course... -that’s not you. But - you knew I’d get down here, and I’d bring you this-”
X: “My chakram.”

Salmoneus: “You! That’s the ‘little Miss Innocent’ who had me thrown in here in the first place!”
X: “She’s my friend.”
Salmoneus: “She’s your friend. She’s your friend? You have a friend? What is she? A warrior, huh?”
G: “Hey, hey! Back off! You know, you wouldn’t be in here in the first place if you had kept your hands off my tomatoes.”
Salmoneus: “I can explain that!”


Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts
X: “Half an apple, -that’s it?”
G: “I should have picked up some more supplies when we came down Mount Poulis. But don’t worry. We’re not far from Troy. We can just stop there, and-”
X: “No, we’re not stopping in Troy, Gabrielle. It’s too dangerous. And besides, after fighting the Greeks for ten years, I doubt that Trojans have any food to spare.”
G: “It was just a thought. I mean, the only chance I get to see Helen; -the face that launched a thousand ships.”
X: “A thousand war ships. Forget it.”
G: “OK. I don’t need food if you don’t." [TM bard-stomach-groooowl!] "Hmm!”

X: “What do you think you’re doing?”
Helen: “The only thing I can. I’m going to Menelaus, with or without your help.”
X: “That’s not the answer.”
Helen: “Then, what is? Every day another soldier dies for my happiness. I can’t live with it anymore!”
X: “Then don’t. The war stopped being about your happiness a long time ago, Helen. We both know Paris doesn’t love you. And Menelaus barely knows you. The war will go on without you, Helen. Let it.”

Trojan Soldiers: “Let’s get it inside! Heave! Heave! Heave! Heave! Heave! Heave! Heave! Heave! Heave! Heave! Break out the wine!”
[dragging the famous bamboo (?!?) horse inside...]

G: “Do you want to go back for the [trojan] horse? It’s bound to be a collectors’ item?”
X: “Only if you’re gonna pull it.”
G: “Nah.”


Athens City Academy of The Performing Bards
X: “Oh, you’ll get in, Gabrielle. You’re a good storyteller. I only remember one story told me when I was young. It was about two orphans who decided to search the world for their families. And it’s all about their adventures and how they kept searching. But the part I remember most is the end.”
X and G: “And when the first man- ”
G: “ -reached the end of his journey, he found himself- ”
X and G: “ -at the beginning.”
G: “The family he had sought had travelled the world with him. The only family he had ever known, ever needed, was standing right beside him. I know the story.”
X: “Thanks for being my family. You’re like a sister to me. Now, go get your dream.”

Woman: “Your name?”
Euripides: “An appellation does not illuminate the foreboding mysteries of one’s etheral essence.”
Woman: “Was your name in there someplace?”
Euripides: “Euripide(eeeeee)s.”
Woman: “Ah, yeah... Euripides. You’re lodging in the hall of Zeus- room twelve.”
Euripides: “Twelve... the blessing of the Zodiac. It bodes well.”
Woman: “Next.”

Stallonus: “And he ripped his chains from the wall! And then he-- and then he-- like, he ran through and knocked over a door! And, like- out there, there was all these guys fighting! And then, and then, and then, come around!- and- ”
G: “Hey! OK! OK! OK! OK! But, what’s the moral?”
Stallonus: “Well... the moral is- actually, it’s kills all the bad guys. Why; that’s not enough?”
G: “It’s a little... empty. Um, not- not that it wasn’t exciting. I mean, oh; -you really had me going when he tore the chains from the wall.”
Stallonus: “Yeah.”

Euripides: “- ven if you twist the Muses’ melodious song of truth into a deceptive Sirens’ call.”
G: “Do you always talk like that?”
Twickenham: “I told him you knew X-Xena, but he d-doesn’t believe me.”
Euripides: “There are stories of the Warrior Princess, that are so cold, as to chill the heart. I relate such a tale as told to me by a witness to the woe and suffering. She was merciless -using her feminine wiles in her acts of unscrupulous treachery....”

G: “Hey, what’s with the long faces? It’s not the end of the world. I’ve got a place to go.”
Euripides: “Oh, bravery comes forth from your valiant heart like- sap from a wounded oak.”
G: “Thanks, Euripides. It’s sweet ...I think.”
Orion: “I can’t believe my father did this. I’m so sorry.”
G: “Oh, Orion, it’s not your fault.”
Twickenham: “G-g-good-byes are-”
Euripides: “What Twickenham is trying to say, is that separation tears the heart’s core; like the fearsome blade of Ajax toward the ligaments of-”
Twickenham: “No! I’m saying g-good-byes are hard!”

Twickenham: “Wait! I’ve got an idea.”
G: “What?”
Euripides: “Your farewell is not reciprocated. The morning dew must not touch the curvature of your fleeing souls. Our reverie has brought us-”
Stallonus: “Stay through tomorrow’s competition.”
Orion: “Please.”

Teacher: “Gabrielle cheated her way into the competition. She’s been disqualified. You do know you could be disqualified for this, too?”
Euripides: “Then we shall all join the army of the dispossessed. The Muses call shall not play lord over my soul’s higher self.”

Stallonus: “It was night. A creature came into the camp- and had a horn. And, and- they fought- They fought with everything they had! And, his horn on his nose! And, they’re bracing and fighting! And, there’s this smoke coming out of his nose! Oh.”
G: “Oh- I- I think if you had a little more character stuff and a little less action, you might live through the competition.”

Euripides: “The cadence of your words played havoc with the fallen visage of my yearning spirit.”
G: “Huh?”
Euripides: “I liked it a lot.”


Warrior...Princess
G: “The woe of hearts long dead Pounds soundly in my head. For a Warrior Princess lives In a world of broken- Broken- bives? mives? sieves? Broken sieves... It could work. Could you please move? You’re blockig my sunlight.”
Bad guy: “I’ll gladly return the sun, for a price.”
G: “Sunlight is free from the gods.”
Bad guy: “Not from me. Give me your purse.”

G: “You may look like Xena, but you’re nothing alike.”
Diana: “Philemon thinks that I’m a delicate flower- Far too frail to eat bread and cheese and endure a night under the stars. Did I ever tell you that I haven’t been outside the castle walls but twice?”
G: “More times than you’ve actually been outside the castle walls.”

Man: “Thank you, Xena, for buying this food. It’s the first good meal we’ve had in a while.”
D as X: “I assure you, that all the corruption which has stopped royal aid getting to the poor will come to an end. I know the king personally. He’ll hear about this.”
Girl: “Thank you, Xena. What’s this?”
D as X: This? It’s my round killing thing.”
G: “Chakram.”
D as X: “Bless you. I use it to fight evil.”


The Royal Couple of Thieves
G: “Well, I’ve only heard a few stories, but he’s known as the Warrior Philosopher. Everything he says sounds philosophical.”
Auto: “Hmm.”
G: “He always chews on toothpicks.”
Auto: “Toothpicks?”
G: “He’s deadly; he once killed a man with only a rose petal.”
Auto: “Hmm, interesting... -toothpicks.”

A as S: “Lord Malthus, your hospitality is graciously accepted. But, please accept a gift of my own. For the entertainment of all: -my very own Cherish and her dance of the... three veils. [aside, to Xena] Keep them interested, and make me proud.”

Auto: “‘Thou shall not covet; thou shall not steal’? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! -Who can live by those laws?”


Altared States
G: “How was that?”
X: “Very good. You’re getting the hang of it.”
G: “Really?”
X: “Come on, Gabrielle, you’ve been wanting to do this for ages. Just reach under this rock- give it your best shot.”

X: “Gabrielle, Gabrielle, can you hear me? Wake up.”
G: “Uhhhhhh.”
X: “Here... You all right?”
G: “I’m great. I- I can’t see, but, I’m good.”
X: “Try using both eyes.”
G: “Oh, ah, yeah, that’s better, uh-huh.”
X: “Think you can stand?”
G: “You mean, I’m not?”
X: “Come on! There you go.”
G: “By the gods!”
X: “What is it?
G: “You are beautiful!!!”


Ties That Bind
Ares: “It’s time for you to move on. I’ve found your replacement.”
Kirilus: “My replacement? I don’t understand. Where have I failed you? Have I not made sacrifices?”
Ares: “Oh, yeah, yeah, you’ve been great about the sacrifice thing. No, that’s not the problem. It’s more a question of- desire... a fire in the eyes. Quite frankly, you just don’t have it. But I know someone who does; someone born for greatness.”
Kirilus: “No man can better lead this army.”
Ares: “Perhaps. But sometimes, the best man for a job... is a woman.”

X: “Kill ‘em all!”
G: “No! Wait!”
X: “Gabrielle?”
G: “Put it down, Xena.”
X: “They killed my father. Now, they’ll die, too. Get out of my way.”
G: “No! Look at me! I’m standing up to a murderous warlord, like I saw you do against Draco- but this time, the warlord is you!”

X: “You’re not my father.”
Ares: “What is a father, Xena? A man who guides you; who teaches you how to live your life. I did it all for you. And I’ll never let you go.”

X: “Gabrielle... I want you to understand something. We both have families we were born into. But sometimes families change, and we have to build our own. For me, our friendship binds us closer than blood ever could.”
G: “For me, too.”

X: “Let’s go. You swing a pretty mean pitchfork.”
G: “Well, I learned from the best.”
X: “Well- I owe you one.”


The Greater Good
G as X: “Thought you’d come back for some more, did you?”
Sergeant: “Does she seem smaller than before?”
G as X: “This is your only warning: -either leave this valley forever, or suffer the wrath of Xena! Up, Argo! [Whistles] Up, Argo! I always bow to my enemies before I destroy them!”
Lt: “She’s bluffing. Get her!”

G: “Xena, are you gonna die?”
X: “It’s not about me. It’s about these people. That’s why we’re here. People like this used to be my victims. I keep that in mind every time we come up against a warlord like Talmadeus. It’s the greater good- remember that. Gabrielle... if it does happen, I want to be taken back home to be buried next to my brother, Lyceus. Go on, now. I’ll be here when you get back.”

Salmoneus: "Xena? Xena. This is a trick, right? Come on. Proud warrioress... I will miss you.”

Talmadeus: “I like her spirit.”
G: “I’m taking my friend and we’re leaving. Got it?!”
Talmadeus: “You fight well. I might ask you to join.”
G: “I’m taking her home to her brother.”
Talmadeus: “I can see you’re determined.”
G: “Put her on the horse: -now!”
Talmadeus: “How long do you think you can keep this up? The moment your head turns, the moment your eyes flicker, I’ve got you, and you know it. You don’t even know how to hold a sword. You people are pathetic! Such nobility, such a complete waste of time."

G: “You still don’t know who hit you with that dart.”
X: “Whoever it was, sure knew what they were doing. We just have to figure out why. Gabrielle, when you thought I was dead, you risked your life to try and take me back home.”
G: “It was your last wish. For all that you’ve given me, and all the times that you saved my life, I would go to Tartarus and back just to carry it out.”
X: “I used to wonder whether I’d ever make it back, n’- now I know that, one way or another, I’m going home one day. Thank you.”
G: “Change the subject. I’m gonna get all soft on you.”
X: “We wouldn’t want that, would we? Hmm?”


Callisto
J: “Xena!”
X: “Yeah?”
J: “Joxer, the mighty, at your service.”
X: “Get lost!”
J: “You know, a warrior needs- wait- listen. Don’t judge me because I was travelling with those sheep. I can be of invaluable service to a woman like you. Yeah... as a matter of fact, um- I’m a warrior of some repute.”
G: “Hmm! I never heard of you.”
J: “Listen, I wasn’t talking to you, little girl.”
G: “Hey!”
J: “Now, listen- I’m fierce and I have a lust for blood. As a matter of fact, if a couple of days go by and I haven’t shed some blood, I get very depressed. Blood and me go together like a horse and chariot. I once bathed in a tub of blood. My nickname is ‘Bloody Joxer.’”
X: “You like the sight of blood so much, keep talking.”
J: “I’m disappointed in you, Xena! I thought you’d recognize talent when you saw it! Oh; she must be threatened. I can understand that- what, with my masculine prowess and stuff...”

C: “I’m good! As good as you. And why not? You made me.”
X: “It was you who shot me with that poison dart.”
C: “Yes... you see, it left me free to revive your reputation as a wonton killer of women and children.”
X: “I never killed women and children.”
C: “Well- you have now.”
X: “What did you mean when you said, ‘I made you.’?”
C: “Do you remember Cirra?”

J: “Warrior Queen; forgive my intrusion.”
C: “’Warrior Queen’... I like that.”
J: “It’s so much better than -‘Warrior Princess’- you know. Ha-ha-ha-ha!”
C: “Yes... yes it is. Now what is it you have to offer me?”
J: “My services.”
C: “Your services... really? And what is it exactly that- you do ...hmm?”
J: “Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. What do I do? I’m a warrior!”
C: “Oh, you’re a warrior. How silly of me. And why is it, dear man, that you look like an idiot, then?”

G: “Do you wanna talk about it?”
X: “What?”
G: “Cirra.”
X: “It was just another village to conquer- nothing out of the ordinary. The fire broke out, and I don’t know if it was one of my men or just an accident, but, there was a strong wind, and... those flames just swept through that town like a wave of death. But the people were huddled in their houses, ‘cause they were afraid of my army. That was one time when my army was responsible for the death of women and children. And there was just a handful of survivors; obviously, Callisto was one of them.”

G: “No. No look, you promise me. If something happens to me, you will not become a monster. There’s only one way to end this cycle of hatred, and it’s through love- and forgiveness.”
X: “Don’t you go changing, Gabrielle. I like you just the way you are. Go get some sleep.”
G: “No... No... -you promise me.”
X: “I promise. Go, go on.”

J: “You wanna fight, huh? Fine with me. You made me mad, now, little girl. You’ve just made a serious mistake. You broke my crossbow!!! That does it! I’m gonna rip you apart with my bare hands!”
G: “What are you doing?! Now, stay down!”
J: “Are you kidding, me? I got you right where I want you.”
G: “Will you stay down?! There’s something I gotta do!”
J: “Go ahead. Run- you coward!”

X: “Argo won’t obey you, and if you don’t stop kicking her, I’ll break your ankles.”
C: “Oh, the good Xena. What happened to you? One day you just decided to fight for justice?”
X: “Something like that.”

X: "What happened to you was terrible. It was my fault and I’m sorry.”
C: “Oh, well! That makes all the difference. And now, we can be the best of friends!"
[spits] "That’s what I think of your apology.”

G: “Don’t listen to her, Xena. You can’t torture yourself over what she’s become.”
C: “No, no, no, of course not. No, it’s not her fault at all that I dream every night of my mother’s screams coming from my burning home! You tell me Xena, do you sleep well at night?!”
X: “No, I don’t.”
C: “Good... well I can take whatever it is you think I have coming to me. But you tell me this, Xena; have you ever been tried for all of the things you have done? Have you ever been handed over to a mob that wanted your blood?”

X: “What would you do if I let you go?”
G: “What are you doing?”
X: “I changed; so can she.”
G: “No, her heart has been eaten away by hatred.”
C: “The sight, just the sight, of Xena, Warrior Princess, arguing on my behalf amuses me so! Let me tell you. Let me answer your question of what I would do if you let me go. You let me go, and I will dedicate my life to killing everything you’ve loved; your friends, your family, your reputation, -even your horse. You see, I am being so honest with you- because the idea of your pity- is worse than death for me. You see... you created a monster with integrity, Xena. Scary, isn’t it? Now, take me to the mob.”

X: “Don’t worry, I won’t let anything happen to you without a fair trial.”
C: “You know, there used to be some respect mixed up in my hatred for you. But- tsk, tsk- not anymore. Your petty scruples are an embarrassment. As a villain, you were awesome. As a hero, you are a sentimental fool.”


Death Mask
G: “It’s just about ready. Of course, it’s missing my sister’s 17 secret herbs and spices. You know? My sister and I used to argue. Yeah, yeah- we would just go for hours without talking to each other. Come on! This is supposed to be touching. Uh, uh, uh- I mean- a brother and sister who haven’t seen each other for years should have more to say to each other than just--”
X [to Toris]: “So, you’re an assassin, now, huh?
G: “It’s a start.”

X: “Gabrielle, that mother whose baby you saved the other day--”
G: “Yeah.”
X: “Ask her to put you up for a few days. You know, guard the village.”
G: “Huh? -oh no. No, no; that’s your way of saying, ‘It’s too dangerous to be around me right now, Gabrielle.’ Well, have you ever considered that there isn’t a safe time to be around you? Now, that village doesn’t need my help, but you might- and I’m going with you. Now, if that’s all, I’ll just be practicing with my staff. End of discussion. Sorry you had to witness that, Toris.”

T: “She’s doing to you what she did to our village.”
G: “Excuse me?”
T: “She turned our simple villagers into warriors and got them killed. She’s doing the same thing to you. She hasn’t changed. I can’t believe we share blood.”
G: “If you hate here so much, then why are you worried about her now?”

X: “It’s very cunning. You rule over a kingdom threatened by raiders, and your people tolerate huge taxes, because they think it goes to the war effort.”
C: “I become incredibly rich off the taxes- not to mention, the pure fun of being able to put my mask on, go out and slaughter a few dissident farmers, and come back to a warm bath. I’m glad you like it.”
X: “I said it was cunning; I didn’t say I liked it.”

T: “How do you put up with that girl?”
X: “Why? She knows more about wisdom and justice than you’ll ever know.”
T: “At first, I thought she was just blindly following your lead, and that you were gonna do the same thing to her that you did to our village. Use their fear to manipulate them... but that’s not it! She’s brave because that’s the way she is! I was so sure that I had you figured out- that I never bothered to figure myself out. All these years, I’ve been trying to convince myself that I knew what was best for our village.”
X: “Toris, we all made decisions based on what we thought was right. We did what we had to do, because we cared about our friends.”
T: “No, no, no, no- you don’t get it! You stayed because you cared for us all! I left because- because I was- ”
X: “- because you were afraid.”

T: “You knew he was lying, didn’t you? You wanted him to yourself.”
X: “You’re so hungry for that blood you’ll never wash off; -here he is. Everything I hated about me, you’re determined to make of yourself. Go on, do it. And then tell me how much better you feel about yourself. Lyceus would have been proud.”


Is There A Doctor In The House?
X: “Come on. How’re you doing?”
Ephiny: “Not good. I’m so tired, and... my soul feel like it’s been sliced by a razor.”
X: “Here. Ephiny, I know Phantes is gone, but what you and he created is within you, ready to come out into the world. You have to go on.”
G: “You’re not alone. Your friends and your family are here with you.”
Ephiny: “Family?”
G: “Hey! I’m you sister Amazon, remember?”
Ephiny: “They gave you the right of caste.”
G: “Xena and I will take care of you.”

Marmax: “A happy ending. But what a nightmare! -A warrior having to live the life of a deer.”
G: “Actually, it was the best thing that ever happened to him. He became a better king after the experience; a much happier man.”
Marmax: “Why is that?”
G: “’Cause he learned the true secret of life... is to find peace in yourself- and to share it with the world.”
Marmax: “It’s a pretty story. Too bad it has nothing to do with real life.”
G: “Life is only what you make of it.”

Marmax: “She’s a lovely young woman.”
X: “Yes, she is.”
Marmax: “She shouldn’t be here. Why would you bring her into a war zone?”
X: “Since when are you concerned with people’s welfare?”
Marmax: “That’s exactly what I’m fighting for; the welfare of young people just like her.”
X: “And what about the Thessalians’ young people?”
Marmax: “You don’t understand. Thessalians try to take away our right to worship our gods! They tortured our people to submit to their religion!”
X: “So the total annihilation of Thessaly is the only solution.”
Marmax: “We’re securing our freedom from these butchers.”
X: “You’re beyond securing your freedom. You crossed that line when this became a blood-bath. We passed a Thessalian village on our way.”
Marmax: “It was a supply base for their army. It was necessary to neutralize it!”
X: “Neutralize it? There wasn’t a living thing in sight! -Not man, nor woman, nor child. Who’s the butcher now, Marmax?”

Galen: “She should have hit him an inch lower. She could have killed the monster.”
X: “She knew that, -that’s why he’s still alive.”
Marmax: “Are you telling me that she’d rather die, then take the life of a man she doesn’t even know?”
X: “Gabrielle lives by her own code. That code doesn’t include killing.”
Marmax: “As I said before, a girl like that should not be brought into a war zone.”
Democritus: “It was your man that did this.”
Marmax: “He didn’t know who she was.”
Democritus: “He didn’t know she was a Mitoan, and that made her the enemy?"

G: “Ephiny.”
X: “Ephiny! She’s not far away...”
Ephiny: “I’m right here.”
G: “I want- I want you to have my right... my right of caste.”
Ephiny: “Stop talking like that.”
G: “It’s important. I won’t need it.”

X: “Gabrielle, come on, you’re gonna be fine.”
Marmax: “What’s happening?”
X: “I don’t know! Gabrielle!”
Hippocrates: “She’s dead.”
X: “She is not dead; I wouldn’t let her. Come on, Gabrielle, wake up. Come on, wake up. Come on, wake up. You’re scaring me. Wake up. Wake up. Gabrielle, breathe. Come on. Come on, breathe, breathe. Maybe she just needs air. I need to get some air in her lungs. Come on, breathe!”
Hippocrates: “Please stop it. She’s dead, now... She’s in a much better place.”
X: “Get out of my way! You don’t know anything! Don’t you listen to him. Come on, I know you’re in there; -prove it. You can show him. Come on. Wake up and breathe. You never ran from anything in your whole life. Come on, fight!”
Marmax: “Xena.”
X: “Fight!”
Marmax: “Xena! It’s time to stop now. Let her cross over peacefully.”
X: “What do you know? You’ve killed so many.”
Marmax: “So have you. Let it go.”
X: “No. No- Come on, Gabrielle. Come on. Come on. Don’t leave me. Don’t you leave me! Don’t leave me! Don’t leave me! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!”
Galen: “You’re Aesclepius! You’ve come back to Earth!”
X: “Get up, Galen... I’m not Aesclepius, you should know that by now. It’s Gabrielle who performed the miracle... -Didn’t ‘ya?...”

[on to season 2 quotes]