Topic: People/Family stories
The clouds were on the horizon again today...teasing and taunting, as they do in August in Phoenix. Huge billowy thunderclouds in the not so far away distance, hanging there on the edge of the city. It makes you long for a thunderstorm to wash away the city's stale summer air and refresh the trees and grass. It doesn't come, but I can still wish...and I know one of these days, they clouds will spread over the city and a time of refreshing will come.A friend of mine called today to see how I was doing a week after my dad's funeral. At first I answered, "Oh I'm fine.....y'know".....then I admitted I've been remembering things from my dad's final days, replaying them in my mind, mulling them over, not able to drive them out. And the tears come easily these days, not over my dad's passing, but it could be anything. It's weird to cry over news headlines or tv commercials, but it's the way my brain is dealing...it's the way the grief is working it's way out. Something to be endured, I say....I don't like it and I've felt exhausted every minute this past week! My friend said it was the same way with her when her dad passed away. (suddenly remembering, 'oh yes, other people have gone through this too....she really understands.') She said she would even have times of running to the bathroom to suddenly be sick to her stomach for no apparent reason. Grief is a tricky thing and I admit I'm not understanding it....yet there it is, following me around. My normal life is hanging there on the fringes like those billowy clouds, taunting me....I know it's there, or at least will be again some day, but for now it's just teasing me and I wait for it to come back.
All of these thoughts kind of came together as I looked at some old bookmarked websights. Tonight I clicked on The Cloud Appreciation Society website. And then I remembered writing an entry before about clouds and saw the song by Joni Mitchell. I read through the lyrics very slowly. I think I'm in the third verse of that song now....
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I’ve looked at life that way
But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed
Well something’s lost, but something’s gained
In living ev’ry day
I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all....
Thanks Patrice for calling me today....=)
