I really don't know life...at all... Topic: People/Family stories The clouds were on the horizon again today...teasing and taunting, as they do in August in Phoenix. Huge billowy thunderclouds in the not so far away distance, hanging there on the edge of the city. It makes you long for a thunderstorm to wash away the city's stale summer air and refresh the trees and grass. It doesn't come, but I can still wish...and I know one of these days, they clouds will spread over the city and a time of refreshing will come.
A friend of mine called today to see how I was doing a week after my dad's funeral. At first I answered, "Oh I'm fine.....y'know".....then I admitted I've been remembering things from my dad's final days, replaying them in my mind, mulling them over, not able to drive them out. And the tears come easily these days, not over my dad's passing, but it could be anything. It's weird to cry over news headlines or tv commercials, but it's the way my brain is dealing...it's the way the grief is working it's way out. Something to be endured, I say....I don't like it and I've felt exhausted every minute this past week! My friend said it was the same way with her when her dad passed away. (suddenly remembering, 'oh yes, other people have gone through this too....she really understands.') She said she would even have times of running to the bathroom to suddenly be sick to her stomach for no apparent reason. Grief is a tricky thing and I admit I'm not understanding it....yet there it is, following me around. My normal life is hanging there on the fringes like those billowy clouds, taunting me....I know it's there, or at least will be again some day, but for now it's just teasing me and I wait for it to come back.
All of these thoughts kind of came together as I looked at some old bookmarked websights. Tonight I clicked on The Cloud Appreciation Society website. And then I remembered writing an entry before about clouds and saw the song by Joni Mitchell. I read through the lyrics very slowly. I think I'm in the third verse of that song now....
Tears and fears and feeling proud To say I love you right out loud Dreams and schemes and circus crowds I’ve looked at life that way
But now old friends are acting strange They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed Well something’s lost, but something’s gained In living ev’ry day
I’ve looked at life from both sides now From win and lose and still somehow It’s life’s illusions I recall I really don’t know life at all....
A time to mourn, a time to laugh Topic: Humor/memes Upon finding out how to import my old bookmarks, that I left behind in April in order to usurp this newer computer, I rediscovered some blogs that I haven't visited in months! (OK, this is funny because I lost this entry in a browser crash a few minutes ago and just condensed what took me 3 paragraphs to say into one sentence!! ha!) So, I laughed and laughed throughout this post on Paper Sack Lifetime, a blog by a weirdly funny, sometimes disturbing comedic writer named Kyle. I needed to share it with you...
I decided we needed some comic relief in this run of increasingly sad, albeit meaningful, entries. *whew* And since my brain is mush lately, I'll let Paper Sack guy do the comedy
I'm sure there will be more sad entries soon, just in case you wanted more. ;)
New Arrival at the Pearly Gates.... Topic: People/Family stories
I will write more later, but I wanted everyone to know.
My dad passed away last night, Monday, August 21 around 11:20pm. All his kids except for his son in Baltimore (too far with little notice) were there at his side keeping vigil, along with my mom and neice.
He is with the Lord now and able to hike around Heaven and think straight again.
We are so.....SO happy for him. And I'm so thankful that God took him quickly.
Nearing the end of a life well lived Topic: People/Family stories We were called to a meeting with a nurse at my dad’s nursing care facility on Wednesday morning. He is failing so much lately….he has lost close to 40 pounds, has no appetite and won’t even drink many liquids. We had thought it was due to a bladder infection, but he is over that and off the meds for it….and still he declines. So the nurse wanted to talk to us about putting him on hospice care. Hospice….the getting ready to cross the Jordan organization. It will give him a lot of benefits though. There will be 5 people seeing him several times a week, keeping an eye on him, comforting him, watching for signs and giving reports to the family, as well as counsel for the family and rides for my mom if she needs it. It is a wonderful program….it was just hard to hear that it had already come to this.
A friend at church who used to work at a dementia floor at a nursing home said that dementia has stages. One of the stages is that babbling, obsessive, paranoid, suspicious stage where they seem driven about things. She said then you'll see a change and they go into this peaceful, quiet stage. It seems like Dad has entered that stage lately.
My sweet dad. The nurses settle him into a recliner each morning by the nurses’ station so they can keep a close eye on him. He sits there with his eyes closed, drifting in and out of sleep, existing. We talked to him. He was awake, but his eyes stay closed as if it’s too much for him to open them. His normal babbling talk was silenced and he nodded or shook his head ever so slightly when I asked him yes or no questions. He seemed more like himself than I have seen him in months and months. I rubbed his arm and asked if he was awake. He made a little sound, keeping his eyes closed. He knew who we were….I think he usually does. I bent down to kiss his forehead and he did a silly little exaggerated, childish kissing imitation with his mouth. That was always his way of reacting when we got sentimental…he got a little silly. So it was good to see him react more like himself.
This friend of mine at church named Jackie, encouraged me to ask him what he is thinking about. She said that often when a person is closer to death, they begin thinking of Heaven, even having little visions sometimes. It reminded me of a day before he went into the nursing facility. He was talking about ‘home’. That he wanted to go home or that he was thinking of home. They had moved a few years back, after living in one house for almost 40 years. When his dementia was bad, he didn’t recognize this new house (of 8 years) that they currently lived in. So I asked him which home, the one we grew up in, in Glendale? “No…HOME” he said, pointing vaguely at the ceiling. “Heaven?” I asked him. “Yeah…” as he nodded, not sadly, but respectfully, contemplatively. Even when he is confused and the dementia is evident, he knows, his spirit is tired….he’s preparing for the future.
So I tried to ask him questions, trying not to get emotional, but matter of factly asking. “What are you thinking about today Dad?” No response. “I really want to know. Are you thinking about your family?” Slight shake of the head. “Are you thinking about places you’ve been?” His finger went up, but no other response. “Are you thinking about home, Dad?” His head moved, but I am not sure if he nodded. He tried really hard to say something, eyes closed the whole time. One short sentence came out but it was so quiet, I didn’t hear the words. But his eyes got watery and spilled over just a bit, still closed.
He ate the applesauce the nurse brought as my mom remembered out loud the applesauce that his mother used to make on the farm. They had apple trees and she would make batch after batch of applesauce about this time of year. He made a throaty noise to acknowledge that he did remember. I put spoonfuls of applesauce into his mouth as mom talked about the farm and his mom.
It was actually one of the nicest visits I’ve had with him since he’s been in the nursing home. The obsessing and paranoia were gone and we had our quiet, peaceful dad back, responding to us and listening, enjoying our company. He has a little stuffed animal that I gave him for Father’s Day. It’s a Scotty dog with very soft fur. I try to remember to put it in his hands whenever I’m there, so he has something to hold and cuddle. When he was in the obsessive stage, he wouldn’t hold it very long, or he would think it was falling and yell at us to catch it because he couldn’t hold on to it and it was slipping. But yesterday as I put it in between his hands that were folded on his lap, he took a hold of it and rubbed it’s face with the palm of his hand. Then he put his face up, eyes still closed and did a little childish barking, as you would do to a little baby when showing them a dog. “rrrrrrrufff, ruff ruff” clamping his teeth like he was biting. I said, “Yeah, Dad, it’s your stuffed dog. He’s soft and nice to hold onto. Hold him for a while.” I was so relieved that he knew and was letting us know that he understood. It will be easier to be there and visit now that the obsessing is gone. I don’t know if we came on a particularly good day or if he really has entered a better stage of his disease, but I’m thankful for the sweet visit. He’s very weak and I do believe he is near the end of his life, but at least there were glimpses of the real him.
When he first had to be admitted to the full time facility, a little less than 3 months ago, he could still walk and he talked to other people there and to the nurses. He was hard to talk to because of the stage of dementia he was in, but he was strong and he talked almost nonstop. To see him decline so rapidly is hard, but in a good way, it is a blessing that he may not have to live long term in this mental condition. Someone (I think the doctor there) advised us when he was admitted, that when a person comes to a nursing home, they either adjust and can live years in the facility….or they decline and die within months or a year. I can tell my dad is tired of this life. I think he longs to be set free to enjoy the next life in Eternity. As hard as it will be on his family, I hope it is soon for him. I hope it is soon.
A long and winding post... Topic: People/Family stories
My mom asked me yesterday if I’d had time to write lately. She loves to read my blog, but doesn’t go on the internet, so I give it to her a year at a time in written form for Christmas. I just said, “No, not really.” But that was not quite the truth. I have had the time. The missing key ingredient to writing though, is the heart to do it. And I knew if I started writing from my heart, that it would be a hard, long journey into things that I wasn’t ready to sort out on paper…or even in Microsoft Word.
But here goes.
It’s been a rough week with school starting. Usually at this time of year, we are collecting homeschooling supplies, books and thinking of schedules. This year we moved to the city and decided to put the 2 teens in high school. This in itself was a horribly confusing and tedious journey. We really wanted them in 2 other schools, but one did not work out and the other one was not a good choice for Bethany because they didn’t have a good band program. So they are going to the school we are in the district for and jumping in with both feet.
“I hate Mondays!” On Monday, the first day, they both came home deflated and tired. They each had to eat lunch alone, having different lunch hours. And they felt lost in the sea of kids they didn’t know. For Emma, it was freshman orientation day and for Bethany it was finding classes and trying to get a parking permit, having to give up eating lunch to stand in line.
Monday morning I also got the not so surprising news from my doctor’s appointment that I need a hysterectomy. Things are collapsing and though I am not in any pain or discomfort from it yet, it would just continue to cause bigger problems down the line. So now I have to mentally prepare myself for that hurdle in late September. She gave me birth control pills to stop everything until I could have surgery, which I said I would try, but couldn’t take 22 years ago when we were first married. They made me wacko and sick. She promised these did not have those bad side effect and I went home with 2 trial packs.
We talked, we prayed, we worried.
Then Monday night, as I tried to sleep but could not, having had a few little things on my mind, I heard Charles’ cell phone ring at 10 minutes til midnight! It was Hannah….and I had a bad feeling as I answered, knowing it was her at midnight, calling home. She sounded very subdued and quiet, so I cut to the chase…”What happened??” She said she wasn’t going to tell us, not wanting to worry us, but she couldn’t sleep and needed to talk to us. Of course, this does a number on your adrenal gland and energy/stress hormones go shooting through your stomach and head, making you feel a little nauseated and dizzy. (or was that the BC pill I had taken 3 hours before?) It turns out she was closing up the coffee shop where she works 2 nights a week and was robbed!!! I’m asking questions that come out of thin air, without passing through my conscious thought, and I am hearing her saying, “No, he didn’t have a gun…no, he didn’t hurt me, I’m fine.” With that information, my head starts to gain a little control of my adrenal gland and she tells me the whole story.
She was working alone (I hate that) and had just cleaned the coffee machine and was about to count out the register. There was one customer still in the shop…really an acquaintance of hers who likes to hang out there, but can’t afford to buy fancy coffee. So she had not locked the doors yet and there came a young man, about 20 years old in the door. Letting him know she had just cleaned the coffee machine for the night, the young man said he’d have tea. And as she turned to begin making it, she heard him say, “Actually, I’ll just take this.” He had his hands in the register and was grabbing all the bills he could, then ran out the door. Hannah and the guy sitting in the shop stood there in stunned silence, frozen in shock.
She had to call the police, which meant her acquaintance had to leave, since he knows the police rather well and didn’t want to get into any trouble. The police dispatch said it would be a while since there was a shooting that most of the town’s police were already called to. She had to call her boss, which was when the shaking began, oh and the crying. He could not come, he was at his other job. So thankfully she called her roommate, who came there, along with her boyfriend, to wait with Hannah for the police and see her home safely.
We talked, we prayed, we worried…..again.
We finally hung up, with the knowledge that her roommate and boyfriend would come the next night, to be with her while she was closing. She also said a church meets there after closing on Tuesdays, so there would be a lot of people around.
“I love Tuesdays!” Tuesday was such a relief. Except that I had waves of nausea all day. The girls came home from school somewhat energized. I asked about their day as they began to tell me of all the supplies and things they needed for classes. I asked about lunchtime….I dreaded knowing the answer. But Emma said she had found a girl from her orientation group, who was eating all alone and sat by her. The girl said she was new and didn’t know anyone, so she was glad to have Emma to eat with. They’ve now had lunch together everyday this week and Emma is going to invite her to youth group. Bethany said she went outside to eat her lunch and a girl came and asked if she could sit by her. They got to talking and found out they are both strong Christians and made plans to eat together thereafter also….*whew*…. At which time, I started crying so much that I could not hide it, kind of like a very short version of Emma Thompson’s breakdown in Sense and Sensibility upon learning that Edward is not married, but it was his brother who married Lucy. (my favorite part)
Bethany hooted at me, thinking I was ridiculous to cry because they made lunch friends. She thought it was very strange. It was then that I decided not to take any more of those BC pills, suddenly remembering the wacko and nauseas thing. Vicariously, I was having panicky feelings all day about lunch hours, but it worked out and I was so relieved! Usually, such a thing would not move me to tears, so I’m thinking my assumption about the BC pills was correct. It was Emma’s first day of classes after Monday’s orientation, so she reported about all her teachers and funny or strange things that had happened.
We went to Target to find notebooks and gym shoes, laughing a lot and feeling so much better than Monday. We ate frozen pizzas, swam in our pool, and the girls arranged their notebooks and backpacks. I had also called Hannah, who was feeling quite fine at work, not fearful or nervous. The church group who meets there was coming in and out with equipment…making a welcome distraction! The girls went to bed on time without so much as a mild protest and all was well as we all slept soundly through the night.
“You just can’t trust Wednesdays!” Wednesday though, found trouble, as we were called to a meeting with a nurse at my dad’s nursing care facility. They are advising us to put him on hospice care. That will be another post though….soon I think.
Wednesday night was good, meeting with people at church to pray, learn, talk and laugh. What would I do without having a good church? I thought about that because a friend of mine online, who I’ve been emailing with, is a pastor’s wife in the South. She and her husband are in a tumultuous situation in their church, brought on by hypocritical, mean people. Not all churches have good, like minded fellowship, but if you find one, count your blessings and dig your heels in! (and pray for my friend as they wait this storm out)
I came home, lost a few games on online gin rummy and quickly went to bed so that there could be no more bad news for the day.
“Thursdays have a way of making you think….or of thinking a certain way.” Today is Thursday. I took my mom to her weekly hair appointment, then to visit my dad. My sweet dad. The nurses settle him into a recliner each morning by the nurses’ station so they can keep a close eye on him. He sits there with his eyes closed, drifting in and out of sleep, existing. We talked to him, he was awake but his eyes stay closed as if it’s too much for him to open them. His normal babbling talk was silenced and he nodded or shook his head ever so slightly when I asked him yes or no questions. He is tired and he’s fading. But it’s not a bad thing….it is a thing to be endured and walked through. And we hope to walk through it with him. More on this tomorrow.
Right now I have ribs in the crockpot, homemade bread ready to pop in the oven and beans to bake. I came home feeling defeated and low, but we are not defeated:
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Corinthians 4:16-17
Eternal glory FAR (way far, go long, on and on) outweighs our light and momentary troubles. Come to think of it, I think that applies to our whole week.
Just go....now! Topic: Humor/memes
I was just over at Holy Mama's blog and she has a link to this incredibly hilarious video. You must click and watch all the way through. Amazing how much time some people have on their hands. After another look, I think this is a dance group....they have other videos, but I haven't reviewed them...yet.
Super Food Saves the Day Topic: People/Family stories My friend Sally and her husband were visiting with us over breakfast this past week and we ladies fell to the topic of nutrition. (one of Sally's favorite topics and I learn a lot from her!) It's amazing how she and I can totally block out the 'blah blah blah' of our pastor type husbands and be in our own world, all while at the same table in a restaurant! Now, I'm sure it's all very noble conversation between the pastor types, but we ladies usually want to discuss the things of daily life, while the husbands are way up in the atmosphere discussing ideas, books and church know-how. So when she ordered blueberry topping for her french toast, we began talking about 'super foods'.
No, it's not about little blueberries and green apples wearing red capes and rescuing the downtrodden. Well, they don't wear capes anyway. ;) Sally's been reading the book Super Foods and I am going to order it from Amazon as soon as I can because it sounds very simple and practical. The ten most supreme of super foods are: apples, avacados, beans, blueberries, dark chocolate, kiwis, oats, spinach, walnuts and yogurt. Yum!
As far as my nutrition goes, I try to take my vitamins and have a variety of vegetables at meals and eat whole grains. I can't seem to 'get' or 'do' the more advanced nutrition planning and detoxing that I keep hearing about. I can't even handle super vitamins. I ordered some off the television that touted bunches of whole food nutrition and natural vitamins and minerals in each capsule only to feel ill all day, and burp 'vitamin' taste well into the afternoon. My system needs gentle and natural stuff. So when I began researching super foods, I felt instant relief and doability!
And while it is too far fetched of an idea to think of myself juicing whole foods, grinding my own grain or drinking grass juice (aaack); I CAN eat a handful of almonds (walnuts make my tongue go numb) instead of processed crackers, some blueberries or apple slices, and a spinach salad, into my lunch menu, eat yogurt and oats for breakfast, and buy some dark chocolate to nibble on instead of milk chocolate that I keep on hand (in a secret hiding place) for those times when a woman's gotta have chocolate or die. PLUS, guacamole!
I think I like super foods....and they are easy schmeazy! While doing some last minute grocery shopping this afternoon for the kids' school lunches, I also picked up some 100 percent whole wheat bread, blueberries, red grapes, green apples, garbonzo beans for making hummus, tomatoes and fresh spinach. No labels to even read, just simple, super foods. And my husband, who was at my side the whole time, didn't even know I was buying 'health food'!! (Hi Honey, you're so nice.....he even reads my blog, he's so nice!)
This is the little guy who lives on our front porch. He comes out at night and prowls about in search of bugs to eat! (and that is OK with me) When I look out at night and see him, I half expect him to stand up, put his front paws on his hips and talk to me about car insurance with an Aussie accent. (and I would LIKE it too!) But he doesn't. I came too close once and he ran like a spazz back into a crack in the wood.
Today I found out he is a dad....er, maybe she is a mom. Like I said, I haven't been able to get very close to it. ;) I was in my bathroom, doing bathroomy things, when I saw a mini gecko on the floor. I MEAN MINI. It was so small! The baby is only a little over an inch long and skinny, with the tiniest claws! If I could have gotten a picture of him, you would be oooing and awwing all over the place! He looks just like the picture above, but tiiiiiiiiiiny....just a wisp of a thing.
So....what would you do if you had a baby gecko in your bathroom? Yep, I ran to get my husband. He went in, shut the door behind him and tried to catch the little monster. I kept hearing him hit his hand against the wall or the floor, quietly making exclamations to himself, sometimes talking TO the gecko, encouraging him not to run. lol Once outside, he opened his fist to reveal the small fellow, who flew off like lightning into the gravel. Heeheehee.....what fun. He kept stopping and we kept touching him and off he'd go again. Finally we left him in peace to grow up to eat our crickets and cicadas.
Hmmmm I think I will have to turn on the light in the bathroom tonight when I make my night time treks!
UPDATE: There were spies among us as I typed this post. I found 2 more tiny geckos right above my head, on the window frame. The good husband was called in again and he found that if he poked them in just the right way, they jump right into his other hand. Yeeesh....I'm so glad he caught them! I'll probably still dream of tiny claws padding their way across my arm in the night! *shiver*
Pray for Israel Topic: Prayer ...not that you haven't been, but this is a reminder to keep praying for Israel and the middle east. After our trip there last November, we have a really special place in our hearts for these people.
A wasted afternoon Topic: Other
Busyness has taken over and I am so tired of running around in the car and waiting in lines! I took Emma and Bethany to register for high school last week....this week, it's been getting Bethany's car repaired, then registered and tested, etc etc....unpacking from going to the cabin, birthdays, teen girls' sleepover, new homeschool group meeting (went out for coffee til 11pm afterwards) visits from out of towners, an AZ Dback baseball game (thank you Mary Ann!) and errands. The one day I found to have some internet time, I have spent 2 hours looking at Gilmore Girl quotes and trying to figure out how to change things on my space.
Get. Priorities. Straight! Sheesh...
Well, it was entertaining, but definitely a waste of time. Things I could have actually spent time on this afternoon:
Oh, nevermind...but there are some pretty worthwhile things, I'm pretty sure.
I was going to join up with three blogging carnivals this week. I was going to look at window covering ideas for my bedroom. I was going to clean my bathroom and paint. Nuts...
Look for more interesting posts here by next week....I promise, I might, if I have time, okay, maybe the week after that.
I guess I am just wrung out dry this week....unlike Molly, who never runs out of vastly deep and interesting things to write about! Amazing! =)
Reruns: Absolutely Commatose Topic: People/Family stories
I posted this one about a year ago, when my oldest daughter was going off to college. So I"ll run it again in case it can encourage anyone who finds themselves with a chick about to hop the nest....
I have a hard time reading things that are not punctuated, capitalized, italicized to show me how to read and interpret the passage. A lot of people type their blogs or post on internet message boards and messengers in this style. Quite often I have to ask what the poster’s meaning is exactly. (Because I have to know)
Well I’ve come to a place in my life where I have looked down and seen the comma. I looked up comma usage on a grammar and language sight and believe me, you do not want me to post anything I read there, except for a few quotes that made me smile and chuckle as I read them. Basically a comma separates a sentence so it is more easily interpreted. It is usually applied orally by a slight pause mid-sentence….pause, take a breath, but don’t stop, there’s more. I was thinking this morning that a comma is just the word picture for what is happening in our family life right now.
My oldest daughter moved out of this house yesterday and here we are in the pause, taking a breath, waiting to see what happens next. We can feel the pause. It is a real thing, almost tangible. I felt it last night when walking down the hallway to go to bed. The lights were off, dishwasher was started, everyone was in bed…but not everyone. Hannah had moved out and her bed is not here anymore. (She has moved 30 miles away to share a mobile home with 3 other girls while going to college.) It was a strange, unpleasant feeling to know that I can’t have that peace of mind knowing that all my children are in bed and safe. One of them is out of the nest and off to fly solo now. I think it’s going to take a little more faith, a little more trusting God to go on past this comma and continue as a family. There is no way to prepare for such a day. I have been busy trying to be excited for Hannah and preparing her to live on her own, but now that it’s a reality I find myself unprepared and wanting some white out to blot that comma to Kingdom come! She came over today after church to use the internet and to see us, and I found myself trying to think of ways to prolong her visit….just like my mom used to do when I would drop by their house when I was in college. It used to drive me crazy! Now I understand….I want to hold on.
It’s not that I don’t trust Hannah…or that I don’t trust God to take care of her needs. This is a good thing. We’re excited for her to start her life and to be on her own….to see where God takes her in her life. It’s just that this changes things. It changes our family….we will have some redefining to do in our home and in our hearts. Soon, new habits and game plans will emerge and become a new kind of normal for us. But until then……gotta learn, gotta grow, let go and ….trust.
~~I have spent most of the day putting in a comma and the rest of the day taking it out.~~ — Oscar Wilde
~~And what does a comma do, a comma does nothing but make easy a thing that if you like it enough is easy enough without the comma. A long complicated sentence should force itself upon you, make you know yourself knowing it and the comma, well at the most a comma is a poor period that lets you stop and take a breath but if you want to take a breath you ought to know yourself that you want to take a breath. It is not like stopping altogether has something to do with going on, but taking a breath well you are always taking a breath and why emphasize one breath rather than another breath. Anyway that is the way I felt about it and I felt that about it very very strongly. And so I almost never used a comma. The longer, the more complicated the sentence the greater the number of the same kinds of words I had following one after another, the more the very more I had of them the more I felt the passionate need of their taking care of themselves by themselves and not helping them, and thereby enfeebling them by putting in a comma. So that is the way I felt about punctuation in prose, in poetry it is a little different but more so …~~
Reruns: Divine Humor Topic: Humor/memes
This is from way back, April 15, 2005...
A friend of mine recently showed me an internet video clip. We were talking about that creepy Burger King commercial with the guy in a king mask who looks into someone’s window, just staring at him, then the man he’s staring at starts getting this goofy smile on his face….weird! So he said there was a commercial that was taken off the air in Germany because people complained that they saw ghosts in it and heard backward talking. He said to listen carefully to hear it and lean close to see what he couldn’t make out but might be the ‘ghosts’. (this should have been my first clue…lean close, turn up the sound) lol Here is the clip: http://jordanslair.com/video/kfee.mpeg.
Well not to spoil the surprise for you, but at the end of the car commercial, a goblin jumps in front of the screen and does this crazy, scary scream and scares the bajeebers out of you! So naturally, I played the trick on my kids. I told them the story and showed them the clip, telling them I thought the supposed ghosts were just sun rays or fog or something, but to look closely at the trees. Well, they about hit the roof, my daughter Emma actually screamed and jumped off the couch. Ha! Gotcha! This was a few days ago.
Last night I was loading the video clip just to bother Emma again, who was sitting beside me on the couch. It takes about 5-10 minutes to fully load (on my old computer) and get ready to play on my computer, so I turned the laptop toward Emma and got up to go to my room…while I was in my room, my husband was talking to me about some things, then I went to the kitchen, then came back to sit on the couch. Do you think God has a sense of humor? I know He does. At the precise time that I was in mid-sit, that goblin jumped out and screamed. My head was at the same level as the speakers, I had totally forgotten that I had left it loading. I screamed and my feet slipped out from under me and I fell the rest of the way to the couch, half laughing, half choking on my Oreo, part peeing my pants!
Then, after that lovely display, I couldn’t stop laughing and choking….the girls were laughing and telling me how it served me right. And I guess it did. I am a practical joker at heart, but I don’t like it when I am the subject of a joke. And how did that happen just perfectly unless God set it up? Hmmmmmm?
Other proofs of God’s sense of humor: giraffes, monkeys, weird bugs and fish, pictures composed of precisely set stars in the sky, sneezes, weiner dogs, and west Texas. Besides, we are made in His image and even little toddlers have a sense of humor. Doesn’t it just make you smile to think of a baby laughing, of clouds in goofy shapes, of how dogs are so goofy and seem to understand you and communicate back with you? And what does smiling and laughter do for us? It lowers blood-pressure, relaxes us, puts us at ease with each other and makes the emotional and social ground level between people.
It’s a good thing that God gave us humor….and I enjoy it to the fullest. I love to find it every day in the world or in other people, even when they don’t realize they are cracking me up! Human nature, mixing up words while talking, being a clutz, facial expressions….these can all be FUNNY. I love it….and I’m starting to appreciate the little practical joke played on me last night. That was a good one….heh heh heh. My only problem is this: When someone plays a trick on you, you want to get them back! That is not an option in this case. *Drat*
Sallie, at: has the Carnival of Beauty back up and running.
This week's hostess is Iris. Please go to her blog, Sting My Heart, to see all the Carnival entries on the Beauty of Philippians. (my entry is the post below)
Early on in life, I chose a 'life verse'. This was prompted by a college Bible study group I was in....all of us so young and most so new at independence and at deciding how we would live this life as a Christian. We were fervent but lacked life experiences and depth. So when I chose Philippians 4:6-7, I had no idea how it was going to impact me and how it would eventually save my life as I clung to God's promise in those verses.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)
I chose the verses because I had a tendency toward worrying and anxiety. In my inexperience, I had a very shallow idea of the Christian walk and the 'peace that transcends all understanding'. It was a selfish kind of peace that I desired....one that made me feel good, calm and secure. I memorized it. I would repeat it to myself on many occassions: when I was alone at night, when I was anxious over an upcoming test or event, and when I was thinking of the future. Let me just add here that God honored my shallow thinking. I had no idea the depths and nuances that His peace included, but I was wholeheartedly following Him and trying to live according to what Scripture said. So He did bless me as I learned to give my worries over to Him and asked Him for peace in my life. I thought it was a pretty good deal!
It wasn't until I was in my 30's and went through two mid-pregnancy miscarriages that I really had to cling to those verses for dear life. The depression, anger, guilt and grief that came into my life was more than I could bear alone. God was adding depth to my life.....and that is hard....not the good deal I had remembered from my early adult years when life was always pretty mild and calm. This was down in the trenches praying and crying out. I was desperate for Him. There is a worship song that always brings the tears of remembrance back when I sing it. (I think it is written by Michael W. Smith)
This is the air I breathe This is the air I breathe Your holy presence living in me
This is my daily bread This is my daily bread Your very word spoken to me
And I I'm desperate for you And I I'm I'm lost without you
That is how my prayers sounded at that time, although this song wasn't written then. Just small cries for God....help, I'm desperate, speak...and in the middle of crisis, I found God at a level that was more huge than I'd ever experienced. He surrounded me, carried me through that cloudy time and created a deeper love, a greater sympathy for people who suffer, an understanding of grief and depression.
And when I emerged from that....and it took quite a while....God showed me the next few verses in that passage.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8-9
I had seen those verses before, but never put them together with God's promise about laying down anxiety and receiving peace. When I wanted to revert back into that depression and grief, I was always reminded to go back to those following verses about replacing the anxiety with good things in your head. 'Put it into practice,' it says.
Practice, practice, practice....it's not natural, it takes a lot of practice, but it does work.....
The clouds were on the horizon again today...teasing and taunting, as they do in August in Phoenix. Huge billowy thunderclouds in the not so far away distance, hanging there on the edge of the city. It makes you long for a thunderstorm to wash away the city's stale summer air and refresh the trees and grass. It doesn't come, but I can still wish...and I know one of these days, they clouds will spread over the city and a time of refreshing will come.
Upon finding out how to import my old bookmarks, that I left behind in April in order to usurp this newer computer, I rediscovered some blogs that I haven't visited in months! (OK, this is funny because I lost this entry in a browser crash a few minutes ago and just condensed what took me 3 paragraphs to say into one sentence!! ha!) So, I laughed and laughed throughout 
We were called to a meeting with a nurse at my dad’s nursing care facility on Wednesday morning. He is failing so much lately….he has lost close to 40 pounds, has no appetite and won’t even drink many liquids. We had thought it was due to a bladder infection, but he is over that and off the meds for it….and still he declines. So the nurse wanted to talk to us about putting him on hospice care. Hospice….the getting ready to cross the Jordan organization. It will give him a lot of benefits though. There will be 5 people seeing him several times a week, keeping an eye on him, comforting him, watching for signs and giving reports to the family, as well as counsel for the family and rides for my mom if she needs it. It is a wonderful program….it was just hard to hear that it had already come to this. 
My friend Sally and her husband were visiting with us over breakfast this past week and we ladies fell to the topic of nutrition. (one of Sally's favorite topics and I learn a lot from her!) It's amazing how she and I can totally block out the 'blah blah blah' of our pastor type husbands and be in our own world, all while at the same table in a restaurant! Now, I'm sure it's all very noble conversation between the pastor types, but we ladies usually want to discuss the things of daily life, while the husbands are way up in the atmosphere discussing ideas, books and church know-how. So when she ordered blueberry topping for her french toast, we began talking about 'super foods'. 
Hmmmm I think I will have to turn on the light in the bathroom tonight when I make my night time treks!
...not that you haven't been, but this is a reminder to keep praying for Israel and the middle east. After 
*Drat*
We are going to my sister's cabin for a couple of days. But I am post dating some old blog entries of mine while I'm gone.
Early on in life, I chose a 'life verse'. This was prompted by a college Bible study group I was in....all of us so young and most so new at independence and at deciding how we would live this life as a Christian. We were fervent but lacked life experiences and depth. So when I chose Philippians 4:6-7, I had no idea how it was going to impact me and how it would eventually save my life as I clung to God's promise in those verses. 
