Terrible, no good, very bad things Topic: People/Family stories
I don't know if I mentioned at Christmastime that my husband gave his old laptop to me. It's one of those sleek, white apple notebooks with a lit up apple logo on the front. It burns cd's, has tons of ram for all my pictures and songs, plays dvd's, surfs the net with speed and grace, and did I mention that cute lighted up apple logo?
It's toast.
Last night it just turned off by itself. I don't know why, it didn't tell me....didn't utter any last words, just *blip*..... Charles got it to come back on again and it worked for a few hours, then it almost posted it's final blog and *blip*.....it won't go back on now. It makes a horrible noise and it's 'asleep' light flashes like a strobe when you try to turn it on. BUM MER!
I hate this.
Why?
*POUT*
It just went out of warrenty a few weeks ago.....as it goes according to Murphy's Law. Man, that Murphy guy is ticking me off!
So I went back to my old laptop....old Blue. It's cute, it's got a handle that makes it look like a purse. Charles thinks it looks like a huge powder compact. It's slow, I can store limited pictures on it if I put my songs on an external harddrive (that I hook up when I want to listen to the songs), it is a wee bit sluggish on loading web pages that have pics, it reads cd's and has an external floppy disk reader....heh. But I am back in the blog business, and though it may take an hour or two longer to work my blogs out and find pics and upload them to my sight, it's worth it to make your day a little brighter. (yes, that was sarcastic)
Oh, the little cute, cuddly doggie in the picture is my dog, Millie. She also went *blip* about a month before we moved to Phoenix. Yep,
She's toast....
I'm getting depressed and I wanted to be funny....drat...
House diaries part 2 Topic: Photo entries When we moved to Phoenix, the housing market was in a slight decline. This meant that we could buy a house, as first time buyers, and also that we didn't have a huge choice, as people were waiting for the market to go up to sell. We are really starting to love our little house though, and we know it is where God put us. It's kind of exciting to put our own personality into it. (with lots of help from family and friends!)
The other day we went to a landscaping place that was moving locations and selling all their stock. We got 3 mesquite trees, 2 queen palm trees, 2 pygmy palms, and a couple of shrubs for a great price! So this was what we were doing all day Monday! Charles and Emma digging and planting trees, Maggie running little errands, and giving us her running commentary on everything, Bethany looks like she is supervising up on that wall, but was only an observer, as was I. They planted the 3 mesquite trees in the front.
The 2 pygmy palms need a lot of shade, so they are going in the entryway. The 2 queen palms will be put in the back by the pool, as well as the spiked sedge. (which I thought was bamboo when we bought it...heh)
This is the pool fence, which had a small space for some flowers, herbs and tomatoes!
Neither of us knows much about desert plants. So we were pleasantly surprised to see these HUGE flowers blooming on a big cactus in the backyard one morning. There are lots of blooms, but they only open in the evening/morning and close up with the bright sun.
City living is a big change for us. Little trips to the store or to pick up a teen from work become time consuming journeys, always in traffic. But I think we'll do fine.
Just like our surprise, beautiful flowers, brightly blooming on a dry old cactus.....we've got to bloom where we're planted....where God has planted us. (old saying, rich meaning) And not only bloom, but have a bright, beautiful life in a new place.
Christmas in April? Topic: People/Family stories Well it was a long day of working on the house with our friends, Dick and Bev and visiting. It was good to see them and hear about how things are going back up the hill in Williams. And we are the proud new owners of a beautiful white security screen door on the front and a whole security screen on the back. (instead of just half of one....) Winnie was partial to the half door, since she could sneak in more easily and stare at us all day through it.
So when the kids all got back from their various activities, we plunked down on the couches (me in my jammies by 4pm) and watched Christmas movies. What's with Christmas movies in April??? Kinda strange, but that is what was on satellite that sounded good to us. We watched Christmas with the Kranks and Elf.....with the air conditioning running, eating tacos, laughing as loud as we could (Elf is laugh out loud funny!), and singing along with the holiday songs. =)
Now it's bedtime. The chicks are all home (even Hannah home from college this weekend), safe in the nest.
The very bad DOUF Topic: Humor/memes I love clean floors. The whole house feels clean when the floors look nice. But when you have white floors in your home, it’s a never ending BATTLE! We have white tile in most of the house and in the bedrooms, off-white, brand new carpeting. I know you just said ‘ugh’….and you’re right. It’s beautiful when it’s clean, but how do you keep it looking nice with 5 people living here full time, plus a constant stream of guests and stoppers-by?
So today when Maggie walked through the family room and I heard, *crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, etc etc*, I decided it was time to attack. We got out the wide dust mop and made a clean sweep of the entire tile floor, then swept the kitchen particularly well. Maggie spot cleaned the family/living/dining room area with a sponge mop, while I mopped the kitchen. Then we did the same to the ‘back room’. (screened in porch area.... It has white tile.) I went outside to show Maggie the correct procedure for shaking a dustmop, and while I was shaking and banging it on the fence, I noticed the dog of unusual fuzziness (DOUF) sitting as innocently as she could, lying under the trampoline.
Her name is Winnie and she is a very sweet dog most of the time, but today she has caused me fits! This morning I looked out to see her gently chomping up and down on a bird, as if it were a piece of bubblegum, hanging limply out of her mouth on both sides. *Shudder* I didn’t want her to eat it, as bird flu and germs are out there, so Maggie and I decided to get it away from her. I saw the shovel from across the yard and made a dash to it, which only brought Winnie to my side with that gangly thing flopping in her mouth. It was revolting! I screamed and yelled at her to get away, fetched the shovel and followed her around, trying to get her to drop her bounty so that I could shovel it up. We finally got her to drop it by tossing a dog biscuit to her. At first she simply picked them both up into her mouth, so we had to toss 2 or 3. She couldn’t fit the poor bird in her mouth along with 3 biscuits, so I pounced the shovel on it and scooped it up. Then I realized it wasn’t really dead. It was only mostly dead. (‘what’s that line’ from Princess Bride today, do you know the other inference to that movie in this post?) I shuddered and gagged and threw it over the fence near the trash can, screaming in disgust when it landed.
So when I saw the beast…er DOUF, lying under the trampoline, all hot and panting, I decided to do her a favor. Maggie got the hose while I acted nonchalant and watered a few pots, getting closer and closer to her….then HA!, I sprayed her with it! You’re probably shocked that I would do this, but it’s what we have to do to our dogs in Arizona when it’s over 90 degrees outside. She is afraid of water (which made it somehow more satisfying for me in a sick way) so you have to sneak up on her to douse her. Well she ran and dove under the pop up trailer, so I brought the hose over and squirted her out, just like a bug and did my best to keep that spray of cool water over her while she dashed out from under the trailer, hopped the plastic wading pool, (which is no good when your dog is afraid to get in it) and ran under the trampoline again, quite soaked already. I was in the process of dragging the hose over to the trampoline to get better aim, when she made a run for it….into the HOUSE OF FRESHLY CLEANED, WHITE TILE! See, this is where you are really going, “UUUUUUUUUGH!” and that’s what I did too, except probably louder than you. So annoying….especially after a satisfying time of squirting the dickens out of her. I guess she got the last laugh on me.
No spiritual lesson or point to this story….just a sickening example of Murphy’s Law and how goofy my life is sometimes! (And what a sicko you are for enjoying it! LOL)
Carnival Wednesday--Art Topic: Carnival entries Check out this week's Carnival, The Beauty of Art over at Scribblings by Blair. Thanks to Sallie, at Two Tallent Living for being the instigator of the Carnival of Beauty and to Blair for hosting!
The Art in Me Topic: Carnival entries I was searching google, then allposter.com, then pondering things in my head, but I can't seem to come up with a post about art for the Carnival of Beauty, hosted by Blair....and if I did, it would be too contrived and probably sound goofy. I am not an 'art person'. I don't like to have to think about a painting or picture to 'see' the meaning or to feel the emotion. I just know when a picture moves me and when I like it.....without analyzing.
This is funny, because my Myers-Briggs personality type is in one of the artist catagories....the 'entertainer'. (Scott Joplin's tune wafts through the room) So I guess the art in me comes out in creating something to entertain, not to really make a statement...like this blog? hmmm
I was just telling someone this afternoon that I have not put up one picture on my walls yet in this new house. I have 3 stacks of framed pictures on my floor, but somehow they don't seem to fit this house.....or my mood in this house. I feel as if things are changing, and of course they are, because we moved, but I don't think that is it. I am changing....our lifestyle is changing....the kids are in a new stage of life and did I mention peri-menopause? Yeah, that too....big whoop...
I look at this house and I think, "Who do I want to be here? How is this reflecting who I am in this new place, climate, time of life...." My husband is getting impatient with my procrastination of unpacking the last few boxes. But these are the boxes with the 'art' of my life in them....my decorations, pictures, knick knacks, momentoes. It could be a sign that I really haven't accepted settling down in this place....or it could be that I need a fresh something....or it could be that I'm lazy, I dunno.... Do you see why I don't like to analyze? lol
It feels as if my past and this house are clashing.... and there is nothing worse than that clashing feeling to an aesthetics enthusiast. So, husband, be patient.....I"m trying to make this house an expression of who I am now with all these 'things' of the past. It may take a while...
Things are pretty, graceful, rich, elegant, handsome, but, until they speak to the imagination, not yet beautiful. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Taking a walk Topic: Friendship Having lived here for only 8 weeks now, I haven’t really had the time to invest in very deep friendships yet. I feel close to some people here, but a close, trusting friendship takes time, although some people you can know for a long time and never feel very close to them. Don’t you love it when a new friendship just ‘clicks’? After we had been here only a few weeks, a woman I only slightly knew heard me say that I really needed to start walking every day. She said she lived pretty close to me and she would walk with me. I was excited to have a walking partner all of a sudden and also a bit nervous to make that kind of daily commitment to spending time with someone I barely knew….so we settled on walking 3 days a week.
From the first day, we hit it off well. Cheryl and I walk about 45 minutes and just set off with no route in mind or pace to follow. We just go along and feel in sync, like we’d always been doing it. We talk and talk….about life, about the church, our families, marriage (she and her husband have been teaching in a marriage group for years and years, so I learn a lot from her!), food, places we’ve lived, our families growing up, dogs, about the yards we pass by and good paint colors for houses.
One day we were walking in my neighborhood, which is all winding streets, like a maze, no direct routes. I was getting a little tired and I asked Cheryl how long we’d been walking. It was over an hour! We had totally lost track of time and we were not close to my house either. All of a sudden our legs ached and our heads were hot and we were thirsty! Neither of us had our cell phones or I joked that I was going to call my husband to come pick us up….except we didn’t know how to tell him where we were! Don’t worry, we finally did make it back after deciding to keep heading east and north. =) (I was a girl scout after all) We got back and had a long, tall glass of ice water while we talked some more. Our 3 days a week has turned into every weekday now and when she’s gone out of town, we miss the time together! I had to go up to her on Sunday after not seeing her for 3 days, due to appointments and say, “I miss you!” It was funny, but it is such a blessing to have what I consider a real friend now in such a short time. An encouraging, kindred spirit….and the exercise has been great too! We’re starting to compare how our clothes fit better and better.
Ephesians 4:10 ….pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
……or the woman who exercises and has no one to laugh with!
A Humble Heart Topic: God things This is from a prayer newsletter that I receive in email. As you can see, it's from several weeks ago, but I've been saving it to share. Humility is really the 'missing link' in American Christianity, we are so self centered....and this hit me at the core when I read it the other day....
Weekly Prayer Focus for March 28:
God's Opinion of Humility: "God's high opinion of lowliness and humility remains the best-kept secret in Christendom." -T.W. Hunt
Scripture: "Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up" (James 4:10, KJV).
Prayer: Almighty God, forgive us and cleanse us of how little we know of and value the humility that Christ came to bring us. We bow asking You to bend us and help us esteem and seek humility of heart as our one great desire. In Jesus' name, amen.
Let the children come! Topic: God things Today was a good day. I didn't want to get up at first because I went to bed with a killer headache. When I did, even though I was a little late, I went to our state SBC Vacation Bible School conference.
First of all, having grown up in Arizona in the SBC denomination and now having a husband who is a pastor here, I knew a lot of the people at the conference, so it was a fun time of seeing old friends. I even saw some people who had come who I used to help teach when they were kids!
I also was so glad I went to familiarize myself with the new curriculum. Each year Lifeway chooses a theme and builds a really cool VBS from it that is fun and also has a lot to offer in learning world cultures. This year it is the Arctic Edge. The decorating and music and missions times are revolved around the Arctic Circle region and the Bible stories are about courage to follow Jesus. I chose to teach the missions class because I would get to see all the children each day from all grades. We're brand new at this church and I want to get to know the children. But after going to the missions leaders conference, I was full of excitement about missions itself. We watched the video report of the 5 different missionaries we're studying and praying for that week and it melted my heart. Seeing other cultures and the needs there really brings your heart and mind back around to what is important in life. I'm so glad I went and am ready to jump in for all the right reasons now!
We also saw the children's choir from the church I grew up at (!) perform a musical that had all the VBS music and themes in it. There was drama...really good drama....and it was choreographed so cute! It was very inspirational to see children in today's world putting their whole heart into putting on a production about following Jesus. I know it takes a lot of hard work to put one of those on.
Matthew 19:14Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Friday night we had a Good Friday service with a contemporary/contemplative flair to it. We were given a nail as we entered the sanctuary, which had a fog machine going up near the stage and red spotlights pointed at a very rugged looking cross in front of the stage. The was a stage set up away from the main area, draped in black where a band played worship songs, mostly related to the cross. Then above the band was a powerpoint of video clips, no audio, of scenes from the Jesus movie and the movie The Gospel of John to accent what the songs or testimonies were saying. In between songs were about 4 or 5 testimonies....one was a scripted one by 'Barabas', the others were from people from our church on how what God is doing in their lives. Near the end, while singing a song about the nails in His hands showing us how much He loves us, people began walking up to the rugged cross, kneeling down to pray, then leaving the nail they had on the altar....this went on for a good 10 minutes while the band played. It was very good...very moving and interactive. When everyone who wanted to was done, my husband (the pastor) said just a few words and the band sang one more song to close.
Saturday morning we had a church sponsored egg hunt and party on our grounds. It was a gorgeous day and we had carnival types of games to play, an egg hunt and free cotton candy, popcorn and drinks. One of the booths was giving away 'salvation eggs' which had colored jelly beans to represent the salvation plan. The women running it told the plan of salvation 125 times in 2 hours!! The eggs came with the instructions to retell it inside. Here is a good example I found online to make your own. Use any color or style of plastic egg and put one of each of these in the egg:
The colors of the jelly beans show how God loves us,
Sin...the bad things we do, (a small stone) not only keeps us away from God, it doesn’t belong in our lives....just like a stone doesn’t belong with jelly beans – you can’t eat a stone!
However, Jesus took the punishment for our sins and died on the cross to pay that price. (red bean)
If we receive Jesus as our Saviour, giving our lives to Him, He forgives us and our hearts are cleansed like snow (white).
Once we have chosen to follow Jesus, we should grow in our knowledge and faith by going to church, reading the Bible and praying. (green)
And eventually we will go to be with God in heaven (yellow – like streets of gold).
We also had people register and fill out an information card with their address so that we can send invitations to them for other events and to our services. It was a good day with a lot of families who came from a nearby school, where we sent out flyers about it.
Sunday was a great morning of worship and celebration! We started at 7:30am. It was not quite a sunrise service, but it was outside on the church grounds, decorated as the 'garden tomb' area, with a pulpit one of our youth girls made out of chicken wire and paper mache that looks just like a real stone! Then we had a coffee and snack fellowship time, Sunday school and regular service. We were so glad God answered prayers and brought back for these services some of the people we had met at the Easter egg hunt! These included one college aged girl who talked a long time with my husband about the paganism she was involved in, and also a couple from Pakistan who would like to join our church, as well as several others.
Today we were sitting in the left turn lane at a traffic light. As rushing cars passed by us, we could feel the car rock as the great puffs of air hit the side of it.
We had just passed a few churches that had cars in the parking lots and I said, "They're all having Good Friday services." (ours is this evening) And when my mind had already gone back into neutral, watching the cars go by, Charles noted with a sigh,
"Today is the day the Lord died."
I didn't say anything, but felt a lump grow in my throat and tears welling up in my eyes, the passing cars feeling suddenly like the blows of a hammer.
It is a Good thing to remember.....because He died for me....
O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be! Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love; here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.
Life lessons with Dad Topic: Carnival entries I have been in emotional burnout lately, I think. It has been 2 months of revolving emotions, ups and downs. God moved us. We had to leave a church and community we loved deeply (sorrow and mourning), begin ministry in a new church and large city (exciting and draining), and have spent more time with my parents since we live in the same city now. (draining, sorrow, mourning for my dad, who is spiraling down into dementia) You should see the new patch of gray hairs I have to show for my stress.
So if it seems like I’ve slacked on my writing lately, this is why. Times like this can either deplete you or inspire you….guess which it’s been with me? =) So when the Carnival of Beauty was on aging gracefully this week, I didn’t think I had anything to offer. I wrote very, very vaguely yesterday about how our church family is stepping in to help with my dad, to give my mom and sister a small break in caregiving. I wrote vaguely because, to be honest, the details are starting to take their toll on me and I didn’t want to rehash them in my head again.
Then in an instant, God gave me inspiration to write an entry for the carnival and in doing so He also gave me inspiration to keep going in this draining time.
Thank you, God for giving me a little more mental energy…and thank you to whoever chose this week’s Carnival topic….The Beauty of Aging Gracefully, hosted by Carol at She Lives.
My dad had his 81st birthday this past January. Quite a milestone and it has come at quite a price. He was the picture of health up through his 60’s. He always exercised and ate right. He was in a hiking club until 70something and some heart problems forced him to quit anything strenuous, but he still walked each day. In his 70's we watched him go through a lot of physical problems and lots of procedures and surgeries to get to 80! A stent and angioplasty in his early 70's, followed by a pacemaker.... steadily we watched his weakening heart slowing him down to a shuffle. Then prostate cancer and recurring scar tissue from the prostate surgery which made his kidneys shut down for a few days last year. His mind is slowing down as is his body and we have to remind him of things he knew well a year ago. The doctors put him through a year's worth of testing and evaluation to determine if he is getting Alzheimer's disease, as his 2 sisters do. The results were negative, which is a great relief. The diagnosis is dementia, worsened by the kidney failure..…just old age. His body was so strong that it is outlasting his mind it seems.
Everyone knows that your body and mind slow down in old age and that you start needing more medical attention. I knew this was coming as my parents entered their 60's and 70's, but it seemed to happen quickly, like a smack in the face when it happened to my family. It is personal this time.....it hit home....it invaded our lives without permission and it hurts. Shame on me for not being more sympathetic and supportive when friends would talk about their aging parents and how bewildering it is. It is a hard thing to watch your dad lose his ability to go do the things he enjoyed, to watch him spend more and more time in his chair, walking to the kitchen for a cup of coffee becoming a chore. My dad once was an extremely intelligent scientist and project engineer. His job was to be given a problem and to figure out how to solve it and build a machine to make it happen. Amazing....I use to try to listen to him explain scientific or mathematical things and get dizzy!! I just could not think on that level.
He began repeating things he told us several times in one day and needed help thinking of a word to finish his sentences. Then he began talking about things that were complete fantasies (delusions)…..that clients were coming over to lunch for a meeting, that he needed a part or machine and had to go out and get it. Now he doesn’t know my family at times, especially at night, and gets scared and erratic in his behavior, sometimes striking out. One day I spent about a half hour explaining to him ‘how’ to take his vitamins….just how to swallow them. Last week when I went over to take my mom to get her hair done, my dad had fallen and my mom could not get him up. So I went in and saw him lying there on the carpet, my mom had put a pillow under his head,. He was kind of curled into an almost fetal position, and I had to really work with positioning him so that I could hoist him up. (He may look frail, but he is as solid as a rock and about as heavy.) My mom has just gotten approved for some new insurance to help get him into full time care. I could never imagine putting one of my parents into a nursing home…but this is what it has come to. We cannot take care of him anymore like he needs….so another phase of life is about to begin. And while it will be a relief to have him getting the help he needs, it will also be painful to know that we could not keep him home.
When I hear the words ‘aging gracefully’ I think of the Queen of England or of a woman I know at our former church who is 80, yet spunky and just as involved and loving life as she was when she was 40. I do not think of old, shriveled shells of humanity living out their last days in a nursing home. Yet, I have begun to rethink this a little and will more as the days go on, I’m sure. All of us have prayed for my dad, have grieved that he has so little dignity left with his mind being so far gone…and we’ve prayed that God would be merciful and take him home.
Yet, he remains.
As I struggled with that, I came to realize (and actually believe firmly now) that God is leaving my dad here to help us, his family, to grow through this difficult time. To age gracefully, we usually think of the older person aging and doing it with great dignity, but in our case, it is we, the caretakers, who need to deal with age gracefully. We need to learn the lesson God has given us and it is a hard one….especially for the ones who live with him full time and have to deal with his arguing or obsessing on a delusion or being soooooooo slow to understand the most basic of intructions. “Caregiver fatigue” has hit my parents’ home very hard lately.
To speak kindly when he is having a delusional moment (or evening or week), to be gentle when he is being stubborn and combative, to treat him as a person with dignity even though he may not know what is going on, to talk to him kindly, to be patient when he is clumsy, to visit with him, instead of keeping silent and not wanting to ‘get him going’ on some tangent..….these are lessons we’re having to learn.
Hard....hurts....bewildering..... makes you have to grow up in the deepest of ways...and to do it gracefully? But there is a great reward for people in this situation if we will just learn the lesson. We can develop great, deep character, God promises us, if we persevere through trials. And aging can be such a trial.
Romans 5:2-4 And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
They came alongside us Topic: God things There was a family, made up of a mom and dad and 6 children. They were happy as they lived and laughed and grew…..up. These children went off to have their own families, reuniting whenever they could for holidays or vacations, and they were happy as they lived and laughed and grew.....older. The mom and dad of the six became grandparents, then great-grandparents….they grew older together and supported each other in love, laughter and remembering, watching their family grow.
The grandpa fell to frailty of mind and body. The grandma took care of him, along with the grown daughter and granddaughter who lived with them, trying to juggle full time careers with caring for the parents at night. But as time went on his frailty, compounded by the grandma's own weakened body, was too much for her and the family. The children did all they could as they managed their own families, work and their aging parents. But it was overwhelming and they lived and cried and stressed out and grew…..in despair.
There was another family. I do not know how many, but close to 200….they lived and laughed and learned together how to grow…..in spirit and in the love of Christ. They were a church, the body of Christ. They grew and began reaching out as members of this body with the hands, feet, ears, eyes and mouth of Christ. In fact, they reached out to this small despairing family.
Asked if they could just befriend and encourage members of this family, they saw the need and provided rides and watchful care as well as friendship for the grandpa as the grandma (and the daughter and niece who lived with them) got rest and got out of the house. It was a breath of fresh air to this family and they could live and laugh and grow again…..in strength and in hope and in thanks to God for His family and community we have through them. And it wasn't just the physical help that encouraged them, rather, it was the knowledge that they were not alone....they had friends who cared.
My deepest thanks and love to the members of my new church family, for ministering to my physical family. You are a breath of fresh air!
Ecclesiastes 4
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.