Carnival of Beauty
Topic: Carnival entries
Sallie, at:

has the Carnival of Beauty back up and running.

This week's hostess is Iris. Please go to her blog, Sting My Heart, to see all the Carnival entries on the Beauty of Philippians. (my entry is the post below)

Practicing peace
Topic: Carnival entries




Early on in life, I chose a 'life verse'. This was prompted by a college Bible study group I was in....all of us so young and most so new at independence and at deciding how we would live this life as a Christian. We were fervent but lacked life experiences and depth. So when I chose Philippians 4:6-7, I had no idea how it was going to impact me and how it would eventually save my life as I clung to God's promise in those verses.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

I chose the verses because I had a tendency toward worrying and anxiety. In my inexperience, I had a very shallow idea of the Christian walk and the 'peace that transcends all understanding'. It was a selfish kind of peace that I desired....one that made me feel good, calm and secure. I memorized it. I would repeat it to myself on many occassions: when I was alone at night, when I was anxious over an upcoming test or event, and when I was thinking of the future. Let me just add here that God honored my shallow thinking. I had no idea the depths and nuances that His peace included, but I was wholeheartedly following Him and trying to live according to what Scripture said. So He did bless me as I learned to give my worries over to Him and asked Him for peace in my life. I thought it was a pretty good deal!

It wasn't until I was in my 30's and went through two mid-pregnancy miscarriages that I really had to cling to those verses for dear life. The depression, anger, guilt and grief that came into my life was more than I could bear alone. God was adding depth to my life.....and that is hard....not the good deal I had remembered from my early adult years when life was always pretty mild and calm. This was down in the trenches praying and crying out. I was desperate for Him. There is a worship song that always brings the tears of remembrance back when I sing it. (I think it is written by Michael W. Smith)

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word spoken to me

And I I'm desperate for you
And I I'm I'm lost without you

That is how my prayers sounded at that time, although this song wasn't written then. Just small cries for God....help, I'm desperate, speak...and in the middle of crisis, I found God at a level that was more huge than I'd ever experienced. He surrounded me, carried me through that cloudy time and created a deeper love, a greater sympathy for people who suffer, an understanding of grief and depression.

And when I emerged from that....and it took quite a while....God showed me the next few verses in that passage.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8-9

I had seen those verses before, but never put them together with God's promise about laying down anxiety and receiving peace. When I wanted to revert back into that depression and grief, I was always reminded to go back to those following verses about replacing the anxiety with good things in your head. 'Put it into practice,' it says.

Practice, practice, practice....it's not natural, it takes a lot of practice, but it does work.....

It's a promise!

Giving up control...
Topic: Carnival entries




C. S. Lewis said, "There are two kinds of people:
those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,'
and those to whom God says,
'All right, then, have it your way.'"

"Thy will be done."

When Jesus taught His disciples how to pray, He told them to have that attitude. Today we knock it out as one of our vain repetitions. We don't really think about or mean what we're saying. Would we really be praying that if we were obligated to mean it?

Give up control?

By assuming control, we are actually running out of control....God's control. I have seen it so many times in my own life. When I take the wheel and point it where I want to go, using human wisdom and knowledge, I throw God's compass out the window, disregarding God's wisdom and knowledge.

Ouch!

When my children were preschoolers, they each went through a stage that was very frustrating. It was the "I'll do it myself!" stage. Some of my 4 children went through that stage several times. It seems to take some longer to figure out that they need help, or as they get older, advice and direction. As parents, we get frustrated and anxious for them. We know they would be better off if they would listen to us, but some lessons are learned the hard way.
When children are babies, we expect them to go through that stage.

I was talking with one of my teenagers tonight, remembering times she or her sisters tried to do things themselves and made a huge mess for me. We got to laughing so hard about it, but at the time it happened, it was catastrophic to me! Once my youngest, Maggie, was playing after dinner. She sounded happy, so I continued to visit with my friend who was over for dinner. We were enjoying some nice after dinner talking, when my friend glanced into the kitchen. She looked horrified and amused at the same time. (Just TRY to duplicate a look like that…it’s impossible! It has to be spontaneous.) She just said, “Oh….Christie….look!” I didn’t want to, but my curiousity made me look. Maggie had pulled the honey pot down from the counter and was painting our very fuzzy, long haired poodle with it! She had wanted to try to use that wooden swirly honey dripping stick all evening at dinner and I wouldn’t let her do it by herself. We were horrified….we cleaned the dog and the baby at the same time in different tubs. Then we tackled the kitchen floor.

Another time, a different daughter (I won’t mention names, because after all, she was only 2) had been fiddling with her diaper all day. Being a natural escape artist from things like car seats, high chairs and cribs, she had now begun trying to find her way out of her diaper. So I used wide tape to hold the diaper on, then I put her in a one piece blanket sleeper and put her to bed for a nap. By the time I noticed the terrible, horrible, very bad smell coming down the hall, into the living room, it was WAY too late. Upon entering her room, I about gagged as she had painted very quietly for an extended time…I know this because it was EVERYWHERE! I spent hours cleaning first her, then her crib, toys, walls and carpet!

OK, no more stories. But the point is, that when we are babies, we try to do things for ourselves. Our parents are patient (or at least try!) with us and clean up our messes and we learn from it. But when we are older and can clean the poop from the crib railings or the honey from the dog, we are expected to fix the mess ourselves. A wise parent will insist on this. We let go and say, “All right then, have it your way. But you will be responsible for the consequences.” And we let them deal with it. A parent who bails a child out of every situation they get themselves into, using unwise judgment, only leads to very tall, very spoiled babies who look, on the outside, like adults.

God is the wisest of Fathers. He carries us, makes allowances for us even, when we are young in faith or in age. But if we don’t learn from it and grow, we may look like mature Christians, but we are really just very tall, very spoiled baby Christians. (Like the ones addressed in Hebrews 5:11-14.)

Silly how we think preschoolers are foolish to have to learn a lesson over and over again, when really, we haven't learned certain things very well ourselves. I wonder if God looks upon us as we do our children, shaking of the head, rolling eyes, sighing....or would He more likely respond with tears in His eyes as we willfully bypass His plans and purposes for our lives. The stakes are a little higher nowadays than they when we were young. God's will in almost every situation is to draw people to Himself, using us as His hands and feet. I wonder how many times I have stubbornly chosen my own will, only to have missed an opportunity to show someone Jesus.

Yikes...

Oh, God, please don't give up on me. I can be so stubborn, thinking the control I keep in certain areas of my life is harmless. Please do NOT let me do it my own way. I only want Your way....to know Your blessing, Your favor and Your will.

Thy will be done.

Carnival Wednesday--Art
Topic: Carnival entries
Check out this week's Carnival, The Beauty of Art over at Scribblings by Blair. Thanks to Sallie, at Two Tallent Living for being the instigator of the Carnival of Beauty and to Blair for hosting!

The Art in Me
Topic: Carnival entries
I was searching google, then allposter.com, then pondering things in my head, but I can't seem to come up with a post about art for the Carnival of Beauty, hosted by Blair....and if I did, it would be too contrived and probably sound goofy. I am not an 'art person'. I don't like to have to think about a painting or picture to 'see' the meaning or to feel the emotion. I just know when a picture moves me and when I like it.....without analyzing.

This is funny, because my Myers-Briggs personality type is in one of the artist catagories....the 'entertainer'. (Scott Joplin's tune wafts through the room) So I guess the art in me comes out in creating something to entertain, not to really make a statement...like this blog? hmmm

I was just telling someone this afternoon that I have not put up one picture on my walls yet in this new house. I have 3 stacks of framed pictures on my floor, but somehow they don't seem to fit this house.....or my mood in this house. I feel as if things are changing, and of course they are, because we moved, but I don't think that is it. I am changing....our lifestyle is changing....the kids are in a new stage of life and did I mention peri-menopause? Yeah, that too....big whoop...

I look at this house and I think, "Who do I want to be here? How is this reflecting who I am in this new place, climate, time of life...." My husband is getting impatient with my procrastination of unpacking the last few boxes. But these are the boxes with the 'art' of my life in them....my decorations, pictures, knick knacks, momentoes. It could be a sign that I really haven't accepted settling down in this place....or it could be that I need a fresh something....or it could be that I'm lazy, I dunno.... Do you see why I don't like to analyze? lol

It feels as if my past and this house are clashing.... and there is nothing worse than that clashing feeling to an aesthetics enthusiast. So, husband, be patient.....I"m trying to make this house an expression of who I am now with all these 'things' of the past. It may take a while...


Things are pretty, graceful, rich, elegant, handsome, but, until they speak to the imagination, not yet beautiful.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life lessons with Dad
Topic: Carnival entries
I have been in emotional burnout lately, I think. It has been 2 months of revolving emotions, ups and downs. God moved us. We had to leave a church and community we loved deeply (sorrow and mourning), begin ministry in a new church and large city (exciting and draining), and have spent more time with my parents since we live in the same city now. (draining, sorrow, mourning for my dad, who is spiraling down into dementia) You should see the new patch of gray hairs I have to show for my stress.

So if it seems like I’ve slacked on my writing lately, this is why. Times like this can either deplete you or inspire you….guess which it’s been with me? =) So when the Carnival of Beauty was on aging gracefully this week, I didn’t think I had anything to offer. I wrote very, very vaguely yesterday about how our church family is stepping in to help with my dad, to give my mom and sister a small break in caregiving. I wrote vaguely because, to be honest, the details are starting to take their toll on me and I didn’t want to rehash them in my head again.

Then in an instant, God gave me inspiration to write an entry for the carnival and in doing so He also gave me inspiration to keep going in this draining time.

Thank you, God for giving me a little more mental energy…and thank you to whoever chose this week’s Carnival topic….The Beauty of Aging Gracefully, hosted by Carol at She Lives.


My dad had his 81st birthday this past January. Quite a milestone and it has come at quite a price. He was the picture of health up through his 60’s. He always exercised and ate right. He was in a hiking club until 70something and some heart problems forced him to quit anything strenuous, but he still walked each day. In his 70's we watched him go through a lot of physical problems and lots of procedures and surgeries to get to 80! A stent and angioplasty in his early 70's, followed by a pacemaker.... steadily we watched his weakening heart slowing him down to a shuffle. Then prostate cancer and recurring scar tissue from the prostate surgery which made his kidneys shut down for a few days last year. His mind is slowing down as is his body and we have to remind him of things he knew well a year ago. The doctors put him through a year's worth of testing and evaluation to determine if he is getting Alzheimer's disease, as his 2 sisters do. The results were negative, which is a great relief. The diagnosis is dementia, worsened by the kidney failure..…just old age. His body was so strong that it is outlasting his mind it seems.

Everyone knows that your body and mind slow down in old age and that you start needing more medical attention. I knew this was coming as my parents entered their 60's and 70's, but it seemed to happen quickly, like a smack in the face when it happened to my family. It is personal this time.....it hit home....it invaded our lives without permission and it hurts. Shame on me for not being more sympathetic and supportive when friends would talk about their aging parents and how bewildering it is. It is a hard thing to watch your dad lose his ability to go do the things he enjoyed, to watch him spend more and more time in his chair, walking to the kitchen for a cup of coffee becoming a chore. My dad once was an extremely intelligent scientist and project engineer. His job was to be given a problem and to figure out how to solve it and build a machine to make it happen. Amazing....I use to try to listen to him explain scientific or mathematical things and get dizzy!! I just could not think on that level.

He began repeating things he told us several times in one day and needed help thinking of a word to finish his sentences. Then he began talking about things that were complete fantasies (delusions)…..that clients were coming over to lunch for a meeting, that he needed a part or machine and had to go out and get it. Now he doesn’t know my family at times, especially at night, and gets scared and erratic in his behavior, sometimes striking out. One day I spent about a half hour explaining to him ‘how’ to take his vitamins….just how to swallow them. Last week when I went over to take my mom to get her hair done, my dad had fallen and my mom could not get him up. So I went in and saw him lying there on the carpet, my mom had put a pillow under his head,. He was kind of curled into an almost fetal position, and I had to really work with positioning him so that I could hoist him up. (He may look frail, but he is as solid as a rock and about as heavy.) My mom has just gotten approved for some new insurance to help get him into full time care. I could never imagine putting one of my parents into a nursing home…but this is what it has come to. We cannot take care of him anymore like he needs….so another phase of life is about to begin. And while it will be a relief to have him getting the help he needs, it will also be painful to know that we could not keep him home.

When I hear the words ‘aging gracefully’ I think of the Queen of England or of a woman I know at our former church who is 80, yet spunky and just as involved and loving life as she was when she was 40. I do not think of old, shriveled shells of humanity living out their last days in a nursing home. Yet, I have begun to rethink this a little and will more as the days go on, I’m sure. All of us have prayed for my dad, have grieved that he has so little dignity left with his mind being so far gone…and we’ve prayed that God would be merciful and take him home.

Yet, he remains.

As I struggled with that, I came to realize (and actually believe firmly now) that God is leaving my dad here to help us, his family, to grow through this difficult time. To age gracefully, we usually think of the older person aging and doing it with great dignity, but in our case, it is we, the caretakers, who need to deal with age gracefully. We need to learn the lesson God has given us and it is a hard one….especially for the ones who live with him full time and have to deal with his arguing or obsessing on a delusion or being soooooooo slow to understand the most basic of intructions. “Caregiver fatigue” has hit my parents’ home very hard lately.

To speak kindly when he is having a delusional moment (or evening or week), to be gentle when he is being stubborn and combative, to treat him as a person with dignity even though he may not know what is going on, to talk to him kindly, to be patient when he is clumsy, to visit with him, instead of keeping silent and not wanting to ‘get him going’ on some tangent..….these are lessons we’re having to learn.

Hard....hurts....bewildering..... makes you have to grow up in the deepest of ways...and to do it gracefully? But there is a great reward for people in this situation if we will just learn the lesson. We can develop great, deep character, God promises us, if we persevere through trials. And aging can be such a trial.

Romans 5:2-4 And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Carnival of Beauty: Flowers
Topic: Carnival entries
There is a growing group of Christian ladies who write blogs. Some of us join in the Carnival of Beauty (started by Sallie of Two Talent Living) on a regular basis, practicing our writing skills and sharing our thoughts on a topic that is picked out for us. It is a lot of fun and I've gotten to connect with a lot of fellow bloggers, as well as practice writing on a given topic. (kinda like English class in school, but much more forgiving!) It is not a contest, just a fun exercise in sharing our blogs with each other.

The ladies have taken turns hosting the carnival. (I haven't been brave enough to do this yet.) So go to Amanda's and read some of the entries on the topic: The beauty of flowers.

Maybe next week, you could send in an entry for yourself!

It's Carnival Wednesday!
Topic: Carnival entries
The Carnival today is The Beauty in My Life and it is hosted by Two Talent Living. Sallie did a great job on her entry for the carnival but I have to wait to read the rest, because I'm sneaking in a minute from homeschooling to write this!

Go read what these ladies have written on the beauty in their lives!

Carnival of Beauty: Friendship
Topic: Carnival entries
Chel at Chasing Contentment is hosting the Carnival of Beauty this week. Go and check out all the wonderful entries on the topic of Friendship!

It is such a privilege to be getting to know these Christian women blog writers....they have a lot of great things to say!

Carnival of Beauty: Comfort Food
Topic: Carnival entries
It's Carnival Wednesday! Go over to Heather's mom2momconnection. She is hosting the Carnival of Beauty: Comfort Food with tons of recipes and thoughts on spiritual food too.

I've been pouring over the entries and am feeling hungry....and inspired to cook. Too bad my kitchen cabinets are halfway packed up!!

Carnival Wednesday--Contentment
Topic: Carnival entries
This week's Carnival of Beauty on Contentment is up. Bethany at Picturesque Life has done a great job getting out fifteen entries for us to enjoy! Please go and give them a read....

Seeking contentment
Topic: Carnival entries
For several months now, I have not been able to write about what was really on my mind, due to confidentiality. When you’re in a ministry position and you know God is urging you to move on, you can’t just discuss it with people, sometimes even your closest friends. They are the people who you are there for and who you work for…..you can’t just discuss leaving or it causes all kinds of feelings of abandonment and uncertainty. (especially when you don’t know how long it will be until you do move on) So ministers have to hide the thing that is most on their mind when God is moving you….you are not sure when or where He’ll do it, but you know He is making you restless. Things are coming to a close where you are….at least for you, not for the other people there.

For my pastor husband, the restlessness began two years ago. He knew God was moving, but you never know in the beginning exactly what God is telling you….rather, the details unfold in time. Usually in our lives, the attitude of restlessness comes first, then a gradual letting go….that is the hard part. In ministry, you come to deeply love the people you’re involved with. Often they are closer than your own family, people you have worked alongside of in the most important work there is…..serving Christ and building His church. I think this is why God has to cause that restlessness in you first, to prepare your heart….and He does it well. But as you go through that time, it is very hard to start letting go of the people you love and the ministry He’s given you with them. Being the only person in my husband’s life who he could share all this restlessness with, it began to weigh heavy on my own heart. I wanted to share his burden and hear the call too, but I wasn’t feeling restless and I didn’t want to leave. And I’m very good at avoiding things I don’t want to think about or deal with.

So I was very surprised….okay, I was shocked….when, last Easter, my sister Julie told me her pastor was resigning. I didn’t pause to think about it or pray about it, but instantly, in the same moment she told me, the thought of moving to Phoenix and Charles becoming their pastor passed through my mind and I was okay with it. Almost a year later, the first Sunday of March will be his first Sunday preaching as the pastor of that church. It is hard to convey how deeply I dreaded God moving us and leaving our wonderful church, community and the mountains. (I had always wanted to live in the mountains.) I thought He would have to drag me kicking and screaming away from our home there. But as instantly as I had the thought of moving to that church, I also had peace from that moment on about moving. Contentment that comes from knowing God’s will became a resident in me. I didn’t know if it would be that particular church or if it would be somewhere in southern Timbuktu, but I felt it was time to move on and that peace never left me. To clarify that a little more, just because you have peace in your heart and mind about making a decision, it doesn’t mean there will be no pain, no ripping of the heart over leaving, because they definitely cohabitated in my heart and mind. Peace and pain have been my heart’s companions this past year and will be for a while I think.

Finally being able to share this decision with our church this past Sunday was at the same time heart-wrenching over leaving and exciting to let them know how much God was working, not only in our lives, but for their church as well. I know that somewhere a man of God is starting to feel a restlessness and wondering where God will move him. He is preparing himself for a new phase of ministry in his family’s life as God is preparing them to be a good match for this church in the mountains, where he has no idea the blessings and love he’ll find there.

True contentment is far more than a simple feeling of temporary happiness and feeling settled inside. Sometimes it is what carries you through the ultra-stressful, heart wrenching, and totally unsettling decisions you have to make in life. To be content in all circumstances means that even though the stress is there, you know you are in God’s will and following His leading.

There is great contentment because we trust our loving Father. We take His hand and walk along where He leads, knowing that He is with us every step and that He would never lead us anywhere that would be wrong for us.

The following verses of Scripture have been my ‘life verses’, including the ones I skipped over for this entry. There will always be anxiety and stress in our lives, especially when God is changing you or stretching you…or moving you, but His peace is readily available. These verses have been proven true many, many times in my life. We can be content in any circumstance when are seeking and following Him.

Philippians 4:6-7, 11-13* Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus……I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Amen

Carnival Wednesday
Topic: Carnival entries
Go and see this week's Carnival of Beauty at MzEllen & Co. The topic is Hope and the entries are so good!

I still am in a funk of scattered thoughts and buziness, so maybe next week I can join in.

Beauty of Winter Carnival
Topic: Carnival entries
This week’s carnival of Beauty is the beauty of winter. I was way too spread out this week, so I didn’t enter the carnival, but go and check out all the wonderful entries!




And enjoy this beautiful picture my husband took a few years ago outside my sister’s cabin. He loves wood….the woods as well as just wood…stacked neatly in the corner of the yard. To him I think it represents preparation for winter’s chill, hard work from summer paying off, and a tangible reward of hard work. Since he is a pastor, his hard work he is paid to do doesn’t always show in tangible ways. =)

Our wood pile is dwindling down this winter as we stay toasty inside. But there has been NO snow this year so far. This drought is hitting the ski areas hard now, but come summer, our water supplies will be hurting badly. We can do without skiing but we kinda need water. Carol of She Lives asks for prayer for rain, as she lives in the drought stricken grasslands of Texas. I echo her request for prayer….please pray for rain, snow and relief for the parched land and dwindling water supplies of these areas, including Arizona. Thanks!