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"He loved me once, when I was young and pretty. They all loved me then. Now I am growing old."
Everything little thing seemed to get more serious in Patsy's life as her years began to pile up. All of her friends were pairing up in an attempt to create something more worthy than a one-night-stand. "They confuse lust with love." She said. " It seems to me that a man is willing to settle for any woman who will just stay, not grow birdgirl wings and flee. And a woman settles for any man who seems eager to protect her and give her all of his lifetime earnings."
A few men hade loved her and wanted to put a diamond on her finger. She wouldn't let them. "I have never been wise about love or it's consequences. I am looking for a connection so strong that it blasts me off my feet." She believed in miracles, convergence of the galaxies, and psychicgirl predictions, she had no intention of settling for anything that was merely passable or one-sided or written in some familial book of worthy couplings.
Two months ago she related a lovethrust moment to me: "BF and I went to Jane's All-Night Diner for pancakes." It was rainy and late and she was a cavegirl all wet with flip-flops on her feet. She entered the warm diner and began stripping off her wet see-through vinyl slicker when she casually noticed a man in a booth about 10 steps to the left. "I knew he was the one of THE ONE'S in less than 2 seconds of a casual glance. He was quite ordinary looking, brown short hair, a healthy pink tongue, wet nose…his aura flamed at me. I grew weak in the knees and had to sit down immediately.
I was with BF and very interested in pancakes, a shortstack, and I wasn't about to start something with a man who was sitting with a woman, a gf?, a wife? So I deliberately did not look at him again throughout the dinner. I knew the thunderbolt had struck his heart too. It was one of those intense moments of flaming tongue. We both knew it.
I remember laughing at BF's crazy-client stories and loving the taste of the buttery pancakes in my mouth. I always add a dribble of maple syrup right at the end.
We rose from the table and walked over to the register. BF paid and I spied all of these most amazing confections in a glass display case. The cakes and petit fours and pies were so deliciously decorated that they looked like a bridal fantasy. I pointed them out to BF. We were laughing and making up one-line scenarios about the different sweets.
Just then THE MAN and his woman were passing behind us to reach the exit. I paused a minute at the case just to be polite and allow them to pass by. When I turned to leave, THE MAN was there looking into my eyes, holding both doors open for me. His lady was outside. She said. "I can't believe you are holding the door for her when I am standing out here in the rain."
He slipped up. I know how easy that is to do. When love runs into your heart you do wacky things.
I hurried through the door and ran through the pouring rain to my car. I didn't thank him, nor did I look at him.
Sometimes love can't be allowed to grow.
But in the moments between the time we first looked at each other and the door incident the two of us were on fire. That was the moment we own. Two goofy lovestruck strangers passing in the deep wetness of night.
One day I will find a man who slips right into my orbit. I will never let him go."
Patsy turned 27 last August. Maybe she has spent too much time out soaring the heavens. She should have taken a chance on something a bit more earthly. The wrinkles don't stop. Unborn babies don't breath that first gasp of oxygen. Every moment is a little bit later.
Wait too long and they are both in diapers; she grows a beard and he grows tits. As Dylan says, "He not busy being born, is busy dying."
