I will never forget the day when I was told by Dr. Eugene Helveston at the Indiana University Department of Opthamology that I needed eye surgery. How could I forget the worst and best day of my entire life? At the time, the only thing that I could concentrate on was how scared I felt when I should have been happy that technology is advanced enough to help me.

I was born with a lazy left eye which gets smaller after I cry or when I feel tired. The muscles in my eye hadn't been functioning properly for a long time. I had blurred and double vision.

The night before my big day, my mom, my boyfriend, and I drove to my aunt Donna and uncle Kent's house, who live near Riley Children's Hospital. It was hard for me to believe that tomorrow was going to be the big day after the many sleepless nights and the months of being on a waiting list to see Dr. Helveston.

I reminded myself throughout the car ride that I'd feel better once it was over. Riley didn't feel like any hospital I've ever been to before. I felt awkward because I was one of the older patients. The walls were covered with pictures of animals to put scared children's minds at ease.

The hardest moment in my entire life was having to leave my family when the anesthesiologist came for me. I knew it was time and I had to be strong. Everyone stood up in a row, each having their own sympathetic look. I hugged them each and tried not to take long saying goodbye because it would only make it harder.

I cried as I was going down the hallway with the anesthesiologist. I cried because I was going to be fixed, and things would never be the same again. My vision would be better than it has ever been. I had felt like I was about to begin the rest of my life. Still, the hallway seemed endless.

I was in a complete panic before I was even on the table. All it took was the sight of the sterile room with the many instruments. I tensed up so much that they missed my vein the first time. I instantly went from pain to numb. My face was then covered with a low oxygen mask. The last thing I felt was a very quick amount of pressure down through my head and shoulders.

The first thing that I was aware of when I woke up was distant voices. They seemed so far away. They then wheeled my bed into the recovery room. I couldn't open my eyes yet. Both my mom and dad were talking to me. All that I could do was just grunt. I felt as if I had sand in my eyes but I couldn't rub them. I was in so much pain.

My mom and aunt found a stuffed frog in the gift shop while I was in surgery. It had the same furry feeling as a stuffed animal I had as a child. My mom put it next to me so that I could feel it even though I couldn't see. It was comforting just to touch. It helped me feel relaxed.

After hours of stillness, a nurse came in and told us I could leave, but I still felt so heavy and tired. I rested for awhile longer before changing out of my hospital gown. The wheelchair ride to the car was excruciating. I had to ask the nurse to stop for a rest a few times. I couldn't believe how sharpened my other senses were. Any bit of light hurt terribly, I couldn't open my eyes. I heard sounds that I've never heard before.

It's a totally different world being in the dark. It's terribly lonely.

After we got back to my aunt's and uncle's house I was exhausted. I wasn't ready to go to sleep. My uncle Kent sat and talked with me for what must have been hours. We covered many topics; from his job to movies we had seen. My favorite thing that he said was that he would turn out the sun for me because I was bothered by the light.

My mom and aunt took turns playing nurse. They helped me do everything from cleaning my eyes, walking me to the bathroom and even spoon feeding me. I had never felt so helpless.

The next morning, I was coaxed into opening my eyes, but it was still painful. The first thing that I saw was my mom's smiling face as she held my frog for me in my small view of vision. All of this happened six weeks ago.

I'm now seeing more clearly now. It was very scary and I'm glad that it's all over but the traumatic experience was worth it for improved vision.

If you are going to have surgery, the most important advice that I have is for you to bring your family members or closest friends. If I had not been surrounded by people I care for, I don't think that I could have made it through.

About this story:

I wrote this story about my eye surgery experience about two weeks after it happened during my senior year in high school. It was published in The Review, Riley High School's newspaper in early December of 1997.

Here are some sites to go to if you'd like to learn about...

Riley Children's Hospital , where I had surgery

strabismus , the eye condition I have

back to Rachel's main page