August 2002
-I put up ads and asked all my friends if they could assist me in getting a straight-bodied, rolling car for under 500 dollars. In a stroke of extreme luck, my good friend Shannon Sibayan offered me a beautiful 1988 Chrysler Conquest. In a similar stroke of extreme luck, I reasoned that this car was PERFECT for project SacrifRICE.
August 25, 2002
-Moving Day. Jason Wright, my Head Assistant, is allowing me to keep his car at his place. We used his truck to move it out of there as Shannon's mom rejoiced at the renewed abundance of garage space. The drive home was a little tricky because the interior smelled like shit and there was no power steering or brakes. Finally, we got it there, and it's on the side of Jason's garage sitting on the lawn. No matter how much I tried to suggest that the car wouldn't be there very long, and as many concessions as I made to remove it if it created trouble, he and his mom just kind of nodded incoherently. It's nice to have a good location like this, and there should be plenty of tools there to shoddily remove the engine and most heavy components. Thanks again, Jason.
August 27, 2002
Today we started painting. The hood is fake carbon-fiber black, and various trim pieces are painted yellow. You can see new pictures of it in the PICTURES section. I found a great old hubcap that looks hilariously bad on the back left wheel. Also, Jason, Aaron, and Scrooby (Sean Grube) started demolishing the engine with a hammer, a saw, and a very big axe.
September 1, 2002
Today was an important day. We decided that instead of jacking the car up to remove the internals, we would instead roll the vehicle onto its driver's side door. To do this, however, we had to turn the car around in it's spot. Using an extension cord as a tow strap (it worked!) we moved the car, spun it around, and parked it back in it's original place. Soon we'll tilt the mofo over on its side and the real fun will begin.
9/8/02
Today we created the SacrifRICE car's second spoiler (spoiler #2 in my diagram). At Lowe's we bought some primo galvanized steel roofing material and used Jason's truck to bend it into the nice shape we needed, then stuck it on a shelf that rests on the back window. I didn't know those windows were strong enough for Jason to stand on, but I guess they are. We finally took a picture of the engine compartment and the Mitsubishi logo emblazoned on the hood. The spoilers' excessive width, height, and overall crappiness is sure to net an extra eighty horsepower to the car, and, combined with the other two spoilers, will be tough for most ricers to beat.
September 16, 2002
Michelle Wright (Jason's sister) was at a local Kroger store and saw a 1980s Cougar with a disgusting yellow "R" sticker on it.... so, being the jackass she is, she decided to BORROW it and give it to us for Project SacrifRICE.
9/28/02
Today we had a quick little batch of things to do. I decided that the interior would actually be a lot of fun to update rice-style, seeing as how some of the ugliest rice ever is indeed on the inside. Now there's abundant yellow everywhere and a hand-painted rice performance company named "Futenza." Also a window banner and an extra racing stripe have been added, and the rear bumper has been painted yellow.
10/02/02
Today was another fun day. Two tail pipes have been added to the right side, sticking out about eight inches and being supported by (what else?) an extension cord! Jason has been busy at work taking apart the engine, which is now missing the radiator, intercooler, camshaft cover, and air cleaner housing. The fuel tank has also been drained, and a large section of the exhaust system has been removed. Fun stuff! Also, more yellow has been added to the interior.
November 11, 2002
A whole lot of people complained that there hasn't been any updates lately. Now, I'll admit that, for a while, little was happening because Jason and I were real busy. But now, a little of our attention can be devoted to the car. The hood is now in the art room at school getting special detail, while, over at Jason's pad, we're slowly and carefully taking out the engine, transmission, and related 'heavy stuff.' There's a lot of funny stories associated with this work, but, they wouldn't be funny to anyone but Jason and myself, so I will tastefully omit them. One thing that's funny is how badly I hurt my thumb trying to remove the driveshaft with a really big hammer (we couldn't find the small one.)
If anybody has been gifted with a prodigious supply of faux Type-R or similar rice stickers, please donate them to Project SacrifRICE. An assistant who is capable of painting Japanese characters is also needed, to contact just sign the guestbook.
11/16?/02
After I took the front body panels and hood to school for repainting, I noticed to my dismay that a fellow student has stolen the "Type-R" accessory badge that once adorned the front of Project SacrifRICE. I certainly hope that the thief is careful with this high-performance equipment. The application of that badge could not only give him a false sense of superiority in his Geo that he may be horribly embarrassed or die in a racing-related accident, but it may also make his penis so large that the blood flow to his brain will cease and he will die.
Aside from that small setback, work has been proceeding is usual. The engine is completely disconnected from the car, all we need now is superhuman strength to lift out the whole drivetrain. Here's where you come into contact with some of the nastier things that occupy a garaged car for several years. For instance, whatever was inside the clutch hydraulic line WASN'T the right fluid, and it smelled REALLY bad.
I still need someone to paint me up some ridiculous Japanese characters! The hood is at NSHS, it's not like you have to travel or anything.
12/17/02
Sorry about the lack of updates, but, quite frankly, both Jason and I have been really busy. Everything's ready to go back on, except now we're fighting the whole "What the hell do we do with this thing" dilemma. Whatever it is, I'm sure it will be a fun and creative solution. Or I'll never hear the end of it.
Christmas 2002
It's amazing how heavy such a little engine can be! The removal of the engine has been delayed by a largish oil spill, bad weather, and outright laziness. My fault.
01/04/03
Today Shannon came by and took a few photos for the yearbook. I'm so happy that this project is considered by the yearbook staff to be a good "hobby." Many more pictures were taken, some of which may be added to this site soon. The engine has still not been removed, but we're working on some solutions to transport the car with the engine crudely hung inside as it is. Other than that, Jason and I have been cheerfully taking off more items from inside the engine bay and throwing them in the Parts Cart.
01/18/03
The end is nearing. I know this may sadden a few of you, but, I'm even more bummed than you are, since I didn't get to do half of the REALLY funny stuff I wanted to do. On the other hand though, it's pretty sweet how this has not cost any money at all. As soon as we find a free transportation solution to get this thing to a junkyard, it'll all be over. I'm going to miss it a lot, and I've often felt bad for never working on it. As I drive to school every day I see rice that is getting progressively worse and worse. Despite all the logical reasons not to "trick out" a Honda Civic and make it "mad tyte," it appears people will continue to do it. I have projected that in 10 years 95% of all vehicles on the road will be rice or SUVs. Not that I have as much against SUVs, but it can be quite silly how people buy what are basically either minivans or Camrys/Accords with raised suspensions, aiming for the "rugged" look. Perhaps by adding bigger wheels, a roof rack, and some brush guards on the Conquest, I can make it an SUV. Sound like a good plan? Of course not. Let's move along...
02/11/03
A disgusting and completely random occurrence has warped my perception of just how bad the rice problem has become. It has become VERY bad. On a recent visit to Jason's house, I noticed that a mere two houses down the alley, some neighbors, whose education level is unknown, have obtained a Chrysler Conquest/Mitsubishi Starion and are ricing it. But, for them, it is legitimate. This four-cylinder is built to race, no matter how badly the odds are stacked against it. I wanted to sit down and cry. Never in my life have I been more depressed, since at least The Fast And The Furious came out and I could hear movie stars talk about 10-second Civics. Hopefully we'll get some pictures of it soon. I didn't get to check it out up close, but I noticed unpainted body panels, a windshield banner, and a glorious array of repainted parts on the inside. I noticed a giant tachometer with a huge shift light on it. If I look in that window and see that this car is an automatic, then, I don't think I should be held accountable for my actions.
