https://www.angelfire.com/art2/sas/index.html
stonethecavegirl@hotmail.com
There I was tearing apart a head of lettuce to make dinner salads when the criminals opened the basement door. Boy D was standing behind Boy J sitting in a plastic snow toboggan.
“What’s up?”
“I’m sliding down the stairs.”
“No you're not.”
“Come on...it will be fun.” Two giant-smile imp faces are staring at me.
“You’ll smash into the concrete wall, your brains will fall out, I have to pick up the brain goo, put it in a Baggie, take you to the hospital, the doctors try to put you back together, you stay in the hospital recovering for the entire rest of the summer, and they release you the day before you have to go back to school, and from then on you ride the retard bus. If that sounds worth it, then go ahead.”
The chum left. No fun here.
My nephew took off on my bike he has named "The BeachMobile." When he returned I armed him with spray paint. "Do the lawn."
I'm not even going to mention the exploding lighter, sleding off the roof of my garden shed, demolishing a sculpture, spray painting SHIT on a broken skateboard AND my white marble landscaping rocks.
I had to access my dom self. She was pissed and guess what? It all stopped. They turned into charming gentlemen.
I made BLT's for dinner. No, we made BLTs. I did the bacon. I had them make the other stuff because I told them that they need to learn how to cook because they will never find a woman that will cook for them, (oh and if they did they should marry her because she would be extremely rare.)
Lucas said he would stay with his mom because she cooks good food. He will move his wife in with mom.
Jere said he already knows how to cook so he doesn't care.
Right now it is 12:30 a.m. There are 6 kids in my backyard. I okayed a sleepover/campout for two, now three. Two older girls came over. One looks like a little floozy. One boy has been at my house ALL day. Neither his mother, nor his father have checked up on him. He's one of my overnighters.
I roped them inside around midnight. They blabbed themselves out. Two got kissed. Man, they can swear too. Then my nephew said they couldn't swear in front of me any more, so it ended.
I slept fitfully. First I woke up to a burping conntest. The 2 hours later, a farting contest. At 6 a.m. I went in to tell them to be quiet and a huge burp erupted from my mouth as I was talking! Lucas shouted, "She's just like us!" I am not. I am not. I AM SOOOOOOOOO NOT! Now he calls me "Antz" a form of "auntie."
I threw a copy of "American Slang" into the boys. "Try playing with words. This book has everything." I thought they would flip directly to the "f" section. Nope. They opened it at random. They laughed hysterically for over an hour. hub cap=a conceited person, schlub=a jerk, bowwow=hot dog, sausage, etc.
Oh and I forgot about an earlier incident when they said "hey" to some dudes that (they say) looked exactly like Limp Bizkit. The dudes in a convertible, wearing ball caps backwards, chased the boys.
Oh again...the boys went through an entire container of Nutella, a loaf of Wonder bread, a huge bag of cheesecorn, a pack of brownies, and when I went to check on them the last time, the kitchen table was littered with 15 empty soda cans.
At 6 I told them to go outside and watch the sunrise. Lucas puked all over the street.
The destructoids are just like frat boys. Plus not one of them slept a peep.
I have 4 more days of this! Yippee!
They are shooting for a 50-hour no-sleep deal.
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All I know is that I am going to get married when my futureboy turns 11 or 12. I would need some help raising a crazee criminal. (I called Z and told him about this and he said that is was all just normal! "They're not drinking, not doing drugs, not vandalizing...you are lucky to have a bunch of regular kids staying with you.")
He was right. The following 3 days were marvelous.
The only sticky part was them asking again and again if they could see me naked. My nephew said to them, "That's my aunt. Don't say that shit again. I'll beat the hell of of you bastards."