Thantos deus-an-anthropora -- working title... 1.0
Thantos Non-Corporundum
Cast of Characters:
God A young woman in a wheel chair)
The Devil A tall, thin man, well dressed man
(coat and tails, although the
suit is some what worn)
Joe Class Eight Demon/Angel
Sally Class 7.993 Demon/Angel
Jason Nesmith A scraggly bum person,
Fake Jason An evil pretender
(a dead ringer for Jason
but well dressed)
Linda Hamilton Young aspiring actress,
the friend of Jason
Mrs. Dodge The Director of the Play Hamlet
(may be played by a Mr. as well)
Policeman/woman Efficient somewhat cocky.
Father, Mother, and obnoxious Moppet
(small girl) -- visitors to the park.
Mayor Talbridge
Props: Pic-nic table, well constructed,
very stable (later, Linda will
stand atop it to deliver a
speech from Hamlet)
Fan (for creating wind)
Large amounts of paper to be
blown onto stage
Stick-pole with nail in bottom
(for use in picking up trash)
Trash can, two canvas litter bags,
Scull for Scene for Hamlet,
pedistal for same.
Stand-alone wash-basin (lavatory)
Set Directions:
Sally Joe (In most cases Sally, Joe, the Devil will
sit on THIS side of the table)
( ) ---------------
(viewed from the top)
Dodge Linda (Other actors will sit on this side only)
Audience
<----------------- wind blows in
this direction
players enter from the direction of the wind
(the wind at their backs) and exit to the left .
During the production of Hamlet, some players may enter
from the LEFT -- through out the remainder of he play
all players enter from the RIGHT and exit on the LEFT.
PLEASE NOTE: Due to a slight problem with the author's
sense of RIGHT AND LEFT, the stage terms
stage-left and stage-right should be
reversed; unless the prevailing political
party is that of Mr. Le Penn, in which
case it won't make much differerence,
since this work (as well as its author)
will probably be sent via train to
holding area and hence "up the chimney".
(we appologize for any in-convenience that this may cause)
Scene 1: A pic-nic table, near by a trash
can, filled to over-flowing with
FAST FOOD WRAPERS, etc.
At the bench are seated FATHER, MOTHER, and
OBNOXIOUS MOPPET (small girl).
MOPPET (in whining voice): You did it again,
I told you I wanted a FIVE-PIECE chicken
nuggets not SIX !!!
FATHER: Well, I just forgot. Can't you just
eat five of the pieces and we'll
throw the rest out.
MOTHER (to FATHER): There you go again,
always trying to suppress her
-- you always have to have your way.
FATHER: I wasn't trying to supress her, all
I was trying to do was...
MOTHER: Opress her, opress me. Next you'll
be trying to opress the poor dog.
(wind picks up slightly, blowing wrappers from
off stage past them -- right to left).
The MOTHER AND FATHER reflexively hold down
their wrappers. Wind, subsides after 30
seconds or so...
FATHER's and MOTHER's dialog is essentially:
Look out, don't let that blow away,
no, no. Look, out, grab that
--- (knocking drink over: Pshhaw.
Oh, there goes something else.
-- during this, the moppet keeps saying
and whining:
MOPPET: Make the wind stop. It's blowing on
my food. Make it stop. I don't like
the wind. I don't want it blowing on
me. Look, it's blowing on my food.
Make it stop, it's blowing on MY food.
(wind sub-sides)
MOTHER: Whew, at least that's over.
MOPPET: I want my five-piece chicken meal
I told you I don't like six-piece
chickens.
FATHER: Well, can't you just...
MOTHER: Don't start it again. Don't even say it...
(wind comes up. May need a gimick here: The
wrapper/container with the infamous 6-piece
meal gets blown off the table. Moppet begins
to bawl.)
MOTHER: NOW see what you've done? Do you see?
It's all your fault. You ruin it every
time!
FATHER (looking heavenward, sighs deeply): Why me?
(he grabs up the remaining papers and drinks and
starts to put them in the trash barrel, but of
course it is already over-flowing)
MOTHER: Oh just leave it. Just leave it.
(Father takes the trash firmly in his hands
and shoves it forcefully down into the
waste basket)
MOTHER: There you go again. You always get
angry, and I just don't know what
I can do...
MOPPET: I have to go to the baff-room, I gotta
go....
(they exit), wind picks up, and enters JOE
has a canvas bag marked "CDS" on it in bright
orange letters -- below, in black is stenciled
PROPERTY OF CITY
OF SPASHUL, (state)
He has a paper-sticker-pole (nail in end) with
him. He sits down on the bench, sets the bag
down. Sits there looking out at the trash
barrel. Scratches around his face and hair.
JOE: Hmmm. So, here we all are again.
Yep, nothing new here. Same old thing,
over and over again.
(Pulls out news paper that has been
sitting under the trash barrel, reads
out loud):
Hmmm, murmle, murmle, murmle.
District Court finds Mega Chem Corp
guilty of dumping. Fines them twenty
million dollars.
(looks out toward audience) 20 mill
why they make that in a single week.
Let's see what else we have here (turns
back to paper)
Election. Candidates vow to run clean
race. (looks up to audience) So it's
a race now?)
Captain and Mrs. Hornswaggle announce wedding
of their daughter Esmarelda to Mr. Jason Nesmith,
esquire.
(looks up, seems to be peering at the back
of the auditorium, slowly shakes head side
to side, then nodds slowly and gets up,
standing next to the table, holding the
poking-stick -- seemingly lost in thought
and then snaps his fingers. Immediately
(off stage) we hear:
SALLY: I wasn't sleeping, I'm here, I'm here.
(she rushes onto stage, equipped with her
on bag but does NOT have a poking-stick.
she starts emptying the trash into her own
bag and scrambling after any of the debris
that spills over)
I'm on it. Don't worry, I've got it covered.
JOE: No, no, no forget about the trash. Here
look at this. (hands her the paper)
SALLY: Stripper to wed millionare octagenarian.
Orville Brunes, father of the CEO of Mega
Chem corp, Orville Brunes announced to
day plans for his up-coming marriage to
Lulu La Tour.
Miss La Tour appears nightly at the...
JOE: NO this. Right here. That one. That.
(Sally reads and then starts laughing).
JOE: It's no laughing matter. And you know it.
SALLY: Yes, but can you imagine. I mean -- can
you?
JOE (pointing to the six-piece wrapper and
nuggets): You missed something.
(Sally picks up the nuggets. They both look
around; everything looks clean now. Joe starts
to walk off, Sally picks up the stick-poker
and looks at it.)
JOE: Give me that. What do you think you
are? A grade eight? Only a grade eight
demon gets a stick-poker! Come on...
SALLY (handing it back to him): Demon? I thought
we were angels today?
JOE: Demon, angel -- what's the difference?
You know the chant...
(together):
JOE & SALLY: Angels create,
demons maintain
and the form destroyer recycles
all that remains.
JOE: God, I hate this job.
(thunder, some-what loudly in the distance).
SALLY: (Shaking her finger at Joe)
And of course, SHE whose name may not
be spoken.
(Joe bows his head towards Sally, she passes
her hand over his head in a small circle).
JOE: Come on, we have work to do.
SALLY: Right-e-o!
(they exit)
The wind starts up again, blowing more trash
onto the stage.
A thin, young bum comes out and sits
on the picnic table -- this is Jason
More papers blow in, and he grabs one as it
blows by, reading silently to himself. He
then jumps up (angily) -- holding the paper
in front of him.
JASON: I can't believe it! I just can't believe
it. First he steals my name, and now
he's doing this!
(storms off stage).
Wind picks up again, more trash blown onto the
stage.
A woman (GOD) in a wheel chair slowly wheels her self
onto the stage.
GOD: (rolling to a stop near the table). Sits
for a moment, fingers interlaced slowly
nodding, thinking for a few moments.
The DEVIL walks onto stage (should be fairly thin,
dressed in a some-what shabby coat-and-tails).
DEVIL: So there you are. I've been looking for
you.
GOD (raising her head up, sighs): Yes, what is now?
DEVIL: Its about this Mega Chem Corp thing.
GOD: I told you what I want done. Just do it.
DEVIL: But, we're talking ketones, and double
bonded esters and an-hydrides, and...
GOD: Just do it.
DEVIL: As you wish. But, this is an ecological
disaster in the making. I don't even
know if my demons will do it. And I'm
right in the middle of re-negotiating
their contracts and....
GOD (turning the wheel chair around, and straing
her self up out of the chair -- this is
supposed to be god, so the actress
never actually shouts; always expecting
her orders to be followed).
I don't care a jot for you and your labor
problems. I want there to be NO action
taken against MEGA CHEM CORP. Do you
understand?
DEVIL (bowing sincerely, slowly and with dignity):
As you wish, Madam.
(they exit, to the left)
(Joe and Sally come back in -- apparently they
were listening to them off stage)
SALLY: Did you hear that?
JOE: Yeah, I've never known the devil to
go against the old lady like that
before.
SALLY: Sheesh, I'm just glad that it's none
of our business.
JOE: Yeah, all we have to do is make sure that
the truth comes out.
SALLY: What about this? At the last minute
we switch the real Jason for the
pretender so that Esmarelda marries
the real one?
JOE: No, it's too trite and contrived.
Besides, then we'd have to explain
how it was that Jason's (the real Jason)
how Jason's fiance didn't realize that
the other Jason was a phoney.
SALLY: (ranting) Well, see she had amnesia,
and when she woke up there was
this guy had already convinced her
that HE was the real Jason.
And of course her parents had
never met Jason and,...
JOE: You see. You see. That's why I'm a
Grade Eight, and you're not. Why you're
just a... What grade are you?
SALLY: Seven point nine nine three.
JOE: Amnesia!
(they sit on the bench, both thinking...
Wind starts blowing more papers onto the stage)
Enter: MRS. DODGE (theatre director) and
LINDA HAMILTON (dressed entirely in
black)...
(as they enter, JOE and SALLY go around to
the back side of the pic-nic bench and sit there
-- backs to the audience, "whistling" trying
to act innocent -- Sally sits on the LEFT near
the trash can, Joe on the RIGHT).
DODGE: No, Linda. I've told you it JUST
isn't done.
LINDA: But, Mrs. Dodge But, I know all of the lines,
and I've got a friend: He can do all
the lines of Ophelia.
(they sit on the bench -- as the conversation
between Dodge and Linda proceeds, Joe and Sally
turn back towards the audience and begin to
listen in -- Linda and Dodge ignore them)
DODGE: It's not a matter of casting. It just
isn't done. What would the members of
the Ladies Auxillary say? To say nothing
of the Mayor. I mean it's Shakespear
for God's sakes! (slight thunder in the
back ground).
LINDA (standing and striking a dramatic pose):
To be
or
not
to be.
that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
(Mrs Dodge is taken away by here performance, she
sighs quietly, and raises her hand slightly and
is about to speak, when from behind her, Sally
jumps up and comes around the table
(around the Trash can -- see diagram) and at this
point, Linda stops and looks at her.
SALLY: That was great!! Can you imagine it!
LINDA: Who are you?
SALLY: Er, uh, Just Sally. Just me.
(Linda turns and looks at Joe -- who is in plain
sight behind the table. Linda peers (moving
her head side to side, as if trying to see
behind some shrub or not).
You come out of there. I can see you, come
out.
(Mrs. Dodge stands up)
DODGE: How dare you two eavesdrop on a private
conversation. What are you? Laborers
or something?
SALLY (to Linda): I'm sorry, but it was just
so good. I mean you keep
hearing and seeing the same old things
centur..., uh year after year. I mean it
would be so neat to do that. Don't you
agree?
JOE: Uh, yeah. Listen, we weren't, see we were
just resting. Look, Sally, we got to go.
You know, the work, all the work that we
got tuh do...
SALLY: But it was nice. Wasn't it? I mean
fresh. Really fresh. Not like this
False Dimitri business.
JOE: Jason. It's Jason, we did Dimitri in
Gudonov. Remember, darling???
SALLY (taking leave of herself): Yes, yes.
Of course, Darling.
When you're right. You're right.
(to DODGE and LINDA) Sorry, didn't
mean to intrude. But, it really was
nice. Uh, got to go....
(as they leave, to Joe)
Yeah, but it was nice. I mean for
a change. I mean, at least it's
better than what we have to do all
of the time. Not so boring. I mean
imagine: Hamlet played by a girl!
(they pause near the edge of the stage)
JOE: Oh, don't go on.
SALLY: But, admit it. You liked it too. Didn't you?
JOE: Well. Yeah, it would be nice to do
something different. But, you know:
Orders are orders.
(he voice slowly fades)
I mean we just can't take it upon
our selves to just do what we
want -- I mean we have a job to do.
And SHE -- whose name may not be
mentioned -- commands us...
After all, we have no free will....
(voice fades about here)
I mean if we had free will, what would
the world comes to?
It would be the end of everything.....
(voice fades completely)
(He continues to walk off stage and we
hear him continuing to talk, Sally
remains on stage, and slowly creeps
back behind MRS DODGE and LINDA --
she again seats herself on the back
of the bench -- they can not "see"
her).
(JOE will then proceed around the back curtain
so that he can again re-appear from the right
of the stage).
(While Sally creeps around behind them, Dodge,
sits, quietly slightly smothing out her dress,
Linda stands up and then looking directly at
back of the auditorium)...
LINDA: Shouldn't we have some dialog at this
point. (shout's slightly). Dialog?
Yoo hoo, Wee neeeeed dialog here.
(sits down) I don't think there's anybody
out there. I mean, we're just
supposed to sit here and do nothing. I
mean those people paid good money to see
this and so far, it's been pretty boring
if you ask me.
(begins smoothing out her tights and her
black tu-tu)
DODGE: You just have to be patient my dear.
Now if this were film, we'd simply fade
back in.
LINDA: But, I mean what are we waiting for.
And DON'T say Godot! (thunder slightly
in back ground)
DODGE: Well, isnt' it obvious my dear, we're
waiting for the JOE character to
go around the back curtain so that he
can come out on stage right.
LINDA: Well, that's bogus. Who wrote the
set direction for this. (she again
gets up and shouts this time towards
the back of the auditorium)
CAN WE GET SOME DIALOG UP HERE???
(by this time, MRS DODGE has taken out some
knitting).
DODGE: Now, just don't bother your pretty little
mind about it. You just have to learn
how to sit quietly.
(at this point JOE re-enters and sneaks behind
them -- they can not see him
he sits down and then Linda gets up and ...)
LINDA: Yes, but even if the glorified women
of the Women's Auxillary or even the
Mayor can't accept it -- you could
bill it as experimental theatre.
DODGE: Experimental theatre (laughs) here?
In Spashul (state) -- surely you jest?
(God again wheels her self in and says
distinctly -- again not shouting)
GOD: Look at this mess. What are you two
doing, get to work!
(thunder prominent when she/he gets done speaking).
(Joe and Sally spring into action and start
picking up papers like crazy).
(FADE)
----------------- end of scene one --------------
SCENE TWO: Same scene. Same pic-nic table. Same
trash barrel....
(Lights come up, the bum (Jason) is sleeping
on the bench, behind him is seated the Devil
who is stroking his beard/goatee, drumming his
fingers on the table).
(The manner of the devil is that of an old
world diplomat, always very straight posture,
alwasy enun-ci-ates each word clearly -- as
if weighing each word.)
DEVIL: Conundrums, problems, im-prob-a-biliies.
Absurdity, honor, duty.
And alas, per Jason.
While others play at a play,
Your life hangs in the balance.
(sighs)
Just another helpless pawn
in a far greater game,
Just a poor hap-less soul to
do my bidding...
If only there were some way,
(snaps fingers)
(Jason sits up with a start,
Joe and Sally enter (almost in a march, they
join the devil behind the table,
but remain standing)
JASON: Wow, what a nighmare. Can my life
get any worse?
(Jason sits up and then is somewhat over taken,
and then lies back down on the bench. The Devil
gets up and comes around and "views" Jason.
DEVIL: Poor wretch. Poor, poor lamb of God.
(thunder very noticble)
(bows deeply towards the windward
side of the stage)
(wispers) Blooker.
(wind blows quite a few papers onto
the stage).
(bows again deeply, returns to the
back of the bench, and sits down
facing away from the wind).
(**** As the scene was originally written:
Joe and Sally enter on stage at this point
(as the wind dies down -- enter Joe and
Sally, they join the Devil behind
him on the back-side of the bench -- Sally
tapping him on the back, he looks around at
her, and gets up, dusts off where he has
been sitting, and lets her sit down, graciously
extending his hand to her.
When he gets up, Joe (in deference to him) gets
up and stands, the Devil chooses the middle
of the bench and sits down. Joe sits on the
very end of the bench.
Each of them (head in hand, back to the audience)
sits, shaking their heads. Suddenly, the devil
jumps up whirls around and snaps his fingers
*********************)
(Joe and Sally sit down, The Devil looks them over
and then nodds). He snaps his fingers and...
Jason rolls off the bench.
Joe jumps up and rushes around to help him.)
JOE: Here, let me help you. Are you all right?
JASON: Thanks, thanks. Yeah, I've just been
going thru some hard times right now.
No really, I'm fine.
(Joe and Jason sit down, side, by side,
neither really looking or listening to
the other -- Jason sits next to the ever-present
trash can, Joe sits on the windward side).
JOE: Yeah, I know what you mean. But, let
me tell you -- it's nothing personal.
It's just that they've got us working
on this big project.
JASON: Yeah, if I could just get some work
I'd be fine.
JOE: And you know how it is: when you have a
job to do, then you have to do it no matter
what. Actually, I can set you up with some
work....
(Father, Mother and Moppet come on stage)...
FATHER: Well, if you had kept track of it
then you wouldn't have lost it in
the first place.
MOPPET: Daddy's yelling at me again (sniffles).
MOTHER: Don't you go trying to supress her.
FATHER: I'm not trying to suppress her. I
was just saying that if she had kept
track of it...
DEVIL: Would you people PLEASE get out of here!
FATHER: Sir, I don't like your tone. And who are
you to talk to me like that? I'll have
you know I'm a very important person
in this town.
MOTHER: You have no right to talk to my husband
like that.
(Mopptet kicks the devil in the shin), saying:
MOPPET: Take that you bad old man.
(wind rises up, huge amounts of trash fly through,
the wind blows the three of them off (Father,
Mother, Moppet off stage).
Behind the bench, Sally is standing -- hands
out-stretched. She lowers her hands dramatically
and the wind stops. The Devil, bows to her
and returns to behind the bench. All of this
time, Jason and Joe have continued their dialog)
Joe: (sometimes you have to do a job even
if you know it's wrong. I mean after
all that's what honor and duty mean.)
Jason: (need to work, if I could just get a job
then maybe I could get my life back
together)
(finally after the FATHER, MOTHER, and MOPPET
are blown off stage, Joe gets up and addresses
Jason directly):
JOE: Look, I have a job for you. It's a little
bit dangerous. But, this Mr. Diablo
that I do work for every now and then
said he'd pay us good -- real good. All
we have to do is dump some barrels into
this river see. I know it's not much, but...
(during this conversation, Jason is looking up at
Joe, listening intently and nodding, the Devil
has risen and is rubbing his hands together
in joy.
Suddenly the, FATHER, MOTHER, and MOPPET come in
dragging a police man with them.
MOPPET: Thass him ossifer. That's the bad old
man.
MOTHER: Yes, officer that's the ahem gentleman
who accosted us.
(the policeman comes over to the devil and ....)
POLICE MAN: I'm afraid that you'll have to
come with me. It's purely routine
but a complaint was made.
DEVIL: (sputtering) But, you can't do this
do you know who I am? I'm
(starts to tell)
JOE: (coughs loudly) AHEM!
DEVIL: Why, I'm, I'm a very important man
from where I come from.
POLICE: Well, I'm sure you are. Thing is, we got
laws here for protecting our citizens
-- espcially our more prominent leading
citizens like Mr. Brunes here!
JASON: No, officer you don't understand. He
hasn't done anything. These people here...
POLICE: And just who might you be?
JASON: Why, I'm Jason Nesmith.
POLICE: (laughing) THE Jason Nesmith -- esquire???
JOE: Hey, leave him alone.
(melage)
(Police man dragging Jason and Joe in one hand, the devil
in the other). Sally hides behind the trash can.
(FADE TO BLACK)
---------------------- END of scene 2 -------------
(The set is exactly the same. However, the trash
can is gone and has been replaced by a lavatory.
On, the front of the Bench sit (in this order
(LEFT to RIGHT) from the lavatory towards
the windward side: Joe, the Devil, and Jason.
All sit on the front of the bench (towards the
audience).
DEVIL (to Joe): Well, here's another fine mess
that you've gotten us into.
JOE (somewhat appoplectic): Me? Me? He's the
one who punched that cop!
JASON (simply sighs): Well, at least we have
our own cell.
(looks around)
Not too bad, God,
it could have
been much worse.
(thunder off stage, wind blows papers across the
stage).
Devil: All right, all right. Just lay off ok?
Joe: Sir, remember who you're talking to!
(the arresting cop walks up and struts around
in front of them -- the pic nic table might have
to be pushed back prior to the opening of this
scene).
POLICE: Well, well, well. Here we are all
together, again.
(rubs his chin, addresses Jason)
Well, I've got to admit that you've got
one hell of a right hook.
DEVIL: Officer, can't you just leave us in
peace? Do you really have to do that?
POLICE: Suit your self, old man. Looks like
that lawyer you called flaked out on
you. Still hasn't shown up.
And even if he does, it won't do you
any good. I mean you just can't
go around striking a member of the
police force and accosting a fine
and upstanding member of the community.
JOE: No one accosted anyone. My boss just
was trying to get them...
POLICE: Save it for the judge, fella.
(walks off)
DEVIL (rubbing fore-head): Why me, why me?
JOE: Yeah, tell me about it. How are we
going to explain this to SHE whose
name dare not be spoken.
DEVIL: Yeah, but at least you don't have to
don't have to deal with her directly.
Moves in mysterious ways! Let me tell
you -- one day its (mockingly):
Now, this is what we're going to do.
Next day,
Why are you doing that? Who told
you to do that. THIS is what you
need to be doing!
Eternal being! Hmph. The only thing
that's eternal is her propensity to
changer her mind!
JOE: (comfrorting him) There, there. Well,
now all we have to do is to figure out
how to get out of here.
Devil: What do you mean? We can leave any
time we want....
JOE: Yeah, but (tilts head towards Jason),
but you know. Enh, ehh. The Mega Corp
-- toxic waste. You know....
DEVIL: Oh, yeah. I forgot about him.
(Police enters FROM THE RIGHT,
followed a few seconds later by Sally.
She is now decked out in a suit like a
fancy lawyer with a brief case, etc).
POLICE: You gotta a visitor. I guess you lucked
out, Judge gave you a court-appointed
lawyer.
(the police man strikes up a pose, legs apart,
hands clasped behind his back).
SALLY: (holding out a business card, which
she hands to Jason (who is sitting down
and looks up at her)
Margaret O'Connell, ACLU.
JASON: ACLU? What?
Devil (putting his hands tightly over his ears)
NO! No! Don't say it.
SALLY: American Civil Liberties Union,
card carrying member, and damned
proud of it!
(single, loud bolt of lightening off stage,
wind blows papers across the stage).
(Sally squints her eyes and looks out towards
the back of the theater and says:
Fine, then you fix it. Oh, yeah?
POLICE: (looking at her) Well, even if you
do get him off. We got a law here.
No vagrants. He don't got a job,
so, we can't let him go.
SALLY: Why that's absurd. You can't hold
a man just because of some silly
little law. I mean, he might not
have a job, but he's still a human
being.
POLICE: Listen sister, we don't like your kind
here, and if you think that you and
your high-falutting title makes a rat's
...
(off stage)
LINDA: Jason, Jason. (runs in from the LEFT)
I got her to do it.
POLICE: Hey, you can't just come running in here
like that. We got rules and regulations
to follow. Who are you?
LINDA (to policeman): I'm Linda Chalmers and
I got Jason a job.
Here. Read this.
(hands writ to policeman)
POLICE: (reads the writ and then reading aloud),
..and being of the county of the
great and glorious state of (state)...
(Sally, Linda, and Jason leave quietly)
POLICE: Well, I guess you're free to go son.
But, these two here -- that's anoth...
(He looks around.
Right in front of him are the Devil
and Joe -- he does not see them,
he peers out into the auditorium)
Well, I think there were two. I mean
hunh. Well, I guess I better go
file my report. (exits)
(Joe and the Devil exchange glances and then
walk to the front of the stage, peer out into
the back of the auditorium).
DEVIL: Good, we can still do it.
JOE: Yeah, but this isn't exactly what SHE
whose name we dare not speak meant.
DEVIL: Are you questioning me, Grade Eight?
JOE: No, just reminding you, boss. Just
reminding you.
(fade to black)
-------------- end of scene 3 ---------------------
SCENE 4: The ever-present pic nic table is has
been moved back slightly. Instead of
the trash can, there is a pedistal
with a human scull on it. Over to the
left, front of the stage, a director's
chair is sitting almost at the edge of
the curtain.
Duplicated notes for scene 4
In the very front of the theater are to be
three seats that are to be un-occupied (during
the last scene, the MOTHER, FATHER and MOPPET
will sit there) -- the stage director can be
seated next the three seats, and will tell
anyone wishing to sit there that "I think that
they said some one was going to sit there later."
If (after the curtain goes up), there is no one
sitting there, a couple of extras can sit there
They should be occupied by some one.
Later on, when the FATHER, MOTHER, and MOPPET
go to sit there (they will enter from the back
of the auditorium (making large amounts of noise
as they move down the isle to their seats).
When they find some one in the seats, they make
a big hub-bub about this. In the middle of
the Hamelet play the Devil character (who now
plays Hamlet's father-the-ghost) comes to the
front of the stage and yells at the extras
to get out of the chairs (again enun-ciating
clear and very succinctly).
At first they do not get up, but then he yells,
GO. GO. GO NOW.
Don't you EVEN LISTEN to
the stage director at all??!
He then returns to the scene and takes up
the "ghost mask" again. The FATHER, MOTHER
and MOPPETT are by this time seated.
------ end of notes for scene 4...
As the lights come up, there is LINDA playing
Hamlet, off to the side is JASON in very
"princely outfit" -- very flourished, almost
like something out of Ali Babi and the 40
thieves).
Off to the left (exit side of the stage), sits
Mrs Dodge in a director's type chair).
Two guards enter (from the LEFT) Hamlet (Linda)
sits, facing the windward side, head in hand,
contemplating existence).
The gurads stand about 5 or 6 feet from the
pic nic table and speak to themselves):
GUARD-1: There she sits again. As she does
every night, mourning the death of
her father.
GUARD-2: Should we tell her? It would only
upset her so.
GUARD-1: Yes, we must.
(They approach her and talk so softly that
the audience can't hear).
MRS: DODGE (mock whispter): Louder, louder,
enunciate, enunciate.
GUARD's and LINDA do the scene about the ghost
The Devil (as Hamiet's father appears) on stage.
When he says, "Mock me, mark me"
and Hamlet responds: Spirit I'll go no further.
(this is when FATHER, MOTHER, and MOPPET come
in from the back, and cause the rukus).
At about the time that they get to where they
are sitting, Hamlet's ghost should be saying:
Devil (as Hamlet's Father's Ghost):
I would know things that would
freeze thy young blood.
Then they start the ruckus, and the Devil
lowers his "ghost mask", and comes over to
ball them out. They finally get settled in.
(During all of this, Mrs. Dodge is following
along with a SCRIPT that she has -- turning
to follow the Devil's movements -- this
should be with her nodding: In other-words
everything that is happeing is SCRIPTED,
even the supposed interruption).
As the devil turns back around and resumes his place to
the right of the stage, Mrs. Dodge can clearly
be seen making the "pointing gesture" towards
him, and he resumes his speech.
The ghost exits -- again to the right.
And then, there is a pause. Nothing happens.
Then Mrs. Dodge says to the wings (towards
the right -- accross the stage (in mock whisper):
DODGE: Polonius, psst Polonius. Mr. Mayor!
POLONIOUS (Mayor Talbridge): (rushed on,
stumbles through
lines)
LINDA: (looking directly at him) Yes,
all well and Good, Sir King.
But, there is something rotten in
the halls of Denmark.
A stench that fills our rivers like
toxic waste. And all the while
(whips around, pointing directly
down into the crowd towards FATHER.
And it is the foul stench of MEGA
CHEM CORP that be-fowls our city.
And you give tacit approval to it.
DODGE: Brilliant, simply brilliant!
(commotion ensues, FATHER stands up and jumps
onto the stage trying to shut LINDA up.
The Guards rush forward to protect her. She
Jumps up onto the pic nic table and begins:
To be,
or not to be,
that is the question
To die, to sleep
perchance to dream
aye! There's the rub!
(fade to black)
------------------ end of scene 4 ----------------
SCENE FIVE: The pic-nic table, trash can
restored. Paper litters the set.
FATHER, MOTHER, MOPPET re-enacting essentially
the first scene:
MOPPET: I didn't want a blue toy, I wanted a
green one.
wind blows trash, they are all blown away.
(God wheels onto the stage, rolls behind the
pic-nic table, then to the front)
GOD: I know you're hiding from me. You can't
keep hiding for-ever.
(wheels herself off stage, to the LEFT)
(Joe pokes his head out from behind the RIGHT
curtain)
JOE (whispers back behind him):
SHE whose name may not be spoken....
SALLY (from off stage): She's gone, just say it.
She's gone.
(Joe and Sally -- both have their canvas bags
again, and both have poking-sticks now. They
march out onto the stage -- almost as if in
triumph. They reach the pic nic table,
Sally turns back to the right-side of the stage...
SALLY: Come on out, sir. She really has gone.
For now. Really, you shouldn't be
so afraid of her.
(The Devil comes out slowly looking around under
imaginary bushes, goes behind the table and looks
to see if she might be there).
SALLY: Boo!
(The Devil jumps)
JOE: Hey, don't do that!
SALLY: (to Joe, mockingly) Hey, you no longer
out rank me -- I'm Grade Eight now, same
as you. She holds up her poking-stick in
triumph.
(They all sit down).
SALLY: Why so glum, we did what was right
even if it mean stretching the rules
a bit. You know what I really liked
was when Hamlet, I mean Linda jumped
on the table. Now that was unique!
Hamlet on the mountain!
Hamlet, bringer of truth!
I bet old Shakespear didn't have THAT
in mind.
JOE: What do you mean, he had more talent
than that bit you put in about the
stentch fills the rivers. I mean
a stentch doesn't fill a river -- it
IS the river. You'd think that you'd
never seen the Styx....
Devil: Now, now, children don't fight. What
would your mother say.
(Sally and Joe cover their mouth and are taken
aback -- for he has spoken the name that can not
be spoken).
(thunder, wind, paper blowing God rolls onto
stage, Sally and Joe run off stage as she rolls
on)
GOD: How dare you use my name! How dare you!
Just wait until I get my hands on you!
DEVIL (exiting): Yea, dear. What ever you say
dear.
(all exit)
With Larry Mathers as the spirit of the Wind.
************* FINAL PRODUCTION NOT#ES ***************
The various genders suggested for the
various parts are completely arbitrary.
The stage design "should" be minimalist,
if money needs to be spent, it should
be for the costumes. This lends a bit
of realism to each charater. The
demons are dressed shabbily and in
loose fitting t-shirts, or something like that.
Except for when Sally appears as the
ACLU lawyer, that suit should be as
elegant as the budget will allow --
perhaps rented; believably as a suit
that a lawyer would wear to an important
case; eg, the one worn by Harrison Ford
in "Regarding Henry" at the beginning
of the movie.
The devil's coat and tails should be a bit shabby
as well (again the male/female/nether genderes
are COMPLETLEY arbitrary), although that might
present a problem when it comes to th epart of
"just a girl playing hamlet". (As it turns out,
since I wrote this, a film was done witht the
idea of Hamlet played by a girl; drat, I hate
when that happens!)
Obviously the mayor's outfit is stage stuff for
Polonious -- feel free to use Shakespeare as a
guide and embellish as desired. Mr. Burnes
and his wife and the moppet should be farily
well decked out also. This may present a
problem with all of the wind and stuff in terms
of keeping their costumes clean (as well as
Sally's Lawyer outfit).
Enjoy life, and as always, all the best, froodz!
(oh, yeah, and save me a seat in the middle of
the theatre ;)
-- Pizo.
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