A DOSE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE

This woman is in labor. Everything is going fine, and suddenly the nurse exclaims, "I can see his head!" Sure enough, the baby peeks out, but then he sees this nurse, gets scared, and ducks back in. After a few moments, he pops his head out and looks around the room again. This time, he sees the doctor, gets scared, and ducks back in. A few more minutes pass, and the baby reluctantly peeks out again. This time, he sees his father. Suddenly, he reaches out and starts poking the father on his forehead and says, "How do you like that, asshole!??"

Anything for Money?

There was this new guy in town and he walked in a bar. on the way in he notcied a bucket filled with ten dollar bills. so he asked the bartender whats up with the bucket. he said if u do three things u get to keep all the money in it. and he said what r the three things. He said u have to pay first. so the guy gave him ten dollars. he said first u have to dirnk a whole bottle of pepper tequila without making a face. second there is a pit bull outside who has had a sore tooth for 9 months and u have to go pull it. third there is a 90 year old woman up stairs who hasn't had an orgasm. so the man says u must be crazy. so after a few drinks he said how about the tequila. so he drinks it all with out makin a face in one sip. so then he went outside. the people inside started hearing growling and all these noises. the people figured he was dead. so he walked back in with scratches and stuff on his clothes and said where is the woman with the sore tooth.

IT'S A HARD LIFE

A cucumber and a pickle are having a conversation and the pickle says to the cucumber, "You know my life really sucks. Whenever I get big, fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings over me and stick me in a jar." So the cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that's bad ... whenever I get big, fat and juicy they slice me up and they put me over salad." So this penis is walking by and overhears their conversation and says, "You think that your life is tough? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they put a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark smelly room and make me do push ups until I throw up!"

Horse Whisperer

A guy comes up to a farmer and says,"I bet you $100 that I can make your horse laugh." The farmer accepts the offer. A few minutes later, the farmer walks around to the back of his house, and the guy has the horse laughing hysterically. When they get back around front, the guy says,"I'll go bet you another $100 that I can make the horse cry." The farmer accepts the bet. A few minutes later, the farmer walks around to the back of his house, and the horse is crying like a baby. As the farmer pays the guy, he asks,"How did you make my horse laugh and cry like that?" The guy replys,"First I told your horse that my dick was bigger than his...then I showed him."

Rosebuds

There was a young woman who lived with her grandmother. One night the granddaughter came bouncing down the stairs dressed to go out to a party wearing a see through blouse without a bra. Her grandmother told her to go back up stairs and "dress decent." The young woman said, "No, I want to show off my rosebuds" and went out the door. The next day the granddaughter came outside to find her grandmother on the porch wearing the see through blouse without a bra. "Grandmother!! What are you doing? My boyfriend and a couple of other friends are coming over any time now!" she cried. "Please go change your blouse, I'm so embarrassed!!" The older woman replied, "Well if you can show off your rosebuds then I can show off my hanging baskets."

ALIEN SEX

One night, the waitress in a bar was a bit unsettled that a strange looking man who sat quietly drinking at the bar always seemed to be looking at her intently. Finally, he got up enough nerve to speak to her. "You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I do hope you don't mind my looking at you." She told him she would rather he didn't look so hard and that she didn't consider herself that special. "Well, you see I am from a far away planet, sent here to observe some things here and I have to go back tonight. So you see, I really haven't seen anyone like you before. Please just let me look." So she said ok, although she thought he was a little nuts. He did mind his manners, didn't get drunk, and just sat quietly looking. When it was time to close the bar, he prepared to leave, then walked back to the waitress. "I know this is strange, but would you please let me see your tits? I've never seen anything like this and it would mean so very much to me if I could go home and tell the guys all about you." Since everyone but the owner had left and he was in the back room, she finally gave in and unbuttoned her blouse and pulled her tits out of her bra. "Oh my goodness, that is wonderful! Thank you! Thank you! You don't know how much this means to me!" When she started to gather her clothes around her again, he asked shyly, "Please, please, let me just touch your tits. It would mean so much to me to be able to tell all the guys about how wonderful you are." After a little consideration, she allowed him to touch. He was very gentle and she was beginning to get stirred up by this alien. Then he asked her if she would allow him to make love to her. Since she was beginning to fancy that notion, she agreed right away. To her surprise, however, he placed his right forefinger in the middle of her forehead quite firmly. As he did so, she could see the passion on his face and he called out, "Aah, ahh, aaaahhhhh." Then he took his finger from her forehead. Astonished, she asked him if he'd like to do it again. Looking at his curled up forefinger, he replied, "Yes, but I'll have to wait a little while."

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