Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes
"The captain has turned off the `No Dubbing' sign. You are free to speak any language you choose."
"Fire laser gun!" --- Mighty Joe #1
"Fire second battery!" --- Mighty Joe #2
"Fire screenwriter!" --- Crow
"Help! I've plummeted to my death, and I can't get up!" --- Tom Servo
"Hmmm, a lot of CHRYSLERS on this planet ..." --- Crow
"Watch it -- we've got Moog synthesizers! We could kill you from here!"
"'Chapter Two: Molten Terror'! Ooo, isn't terror bad enough without being molten?" --- Tom Servo (#1), "Commando Cody"
"Even if they kill that thing, they're going to need a lemon the size of a Volvo to eat it." --- Joel, "Black Scorpion"
"'Women of The Prehistoric Planet'?! My sister had to watch this in Junior High. All the boys had to go in the gym." --- Joel, "Women of The Prehistoric Planet"
"Why does he have to kill them to prove his point? Can't he just show them a *pie chart* or something?!" --- Tom, "Mad Monster"
"No spiders were squished, stepped on, flushed, or made to suffer any emotional distress during the making of this film. One spider did die of old age; we have two letters from doctors confirming this." --- Tom Servo, "Earth vs. the Spider"
Joel: "Aw, I saw a wire. That wrecks everything."
Tom: "You mean this is fake?" --- "Gamera vs. Barugon"
"We've secretly replaced the Pacific Ocean with Folgers crystals ..." --- Tom Servo, "Mighty Jack"
"You could see they're a more advanced civilization-- their furniture doesn't break!" --- Joel, "Commando Cody, Ch. 1"
"Immolation is the sincerest form of flattery." --- Crow, "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"
"You know, wild horses couldn't drag this plot any further." --- Tom, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
"No one will be admitted during the breathtaking car-parking sequence!" --- Crow, "Rocket Attack USA"
"I never thought the end of the world would be so annoying!" --- Joel
"This is my rifle, this is my gun. One is for retail, the other's for fun!" --- Tom, "Wild Rebels"
"Find a Chevy, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck!" --- Joel, "War of the Colossal Beast"
"Oh, well this isn't good, not at all. I've seen good before, and it didn't look anything like this--remember that bad thing we saw? Well--it looked like this, remember? Yeah--definitely bad." --- Joel, "The Black Scorpion"
"You know, elf tastes just like chicken!" --- Tom, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians"
Scientist: "How do we stand on fuel?"
Crow: "I'm in favor of it." --- "Rocketship X-M"
"What's a dead man but a live man without any life?" --- Tom Servo
"I'm a scientist! I don't think, I observe." --- Dr. Clayton Forrester, "Hercules Against the Moon Men"
Narrator: "There is one terrifying word in the world of nuclear physics."
Tom Servo: "Oops." --- Monster A-Go-Go
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