These were recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Journal. They are true quotes of questions (and some answers) asked at trials.
1. Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
2. Q: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?
3. Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
4. Q: Were you alone or by yourself?
5. Q: Did he kill you?
6. Q: Was it you or your younger brother that was killed in the war?
7. Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
8. Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
9. Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
10. Q: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
11. Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
12. Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
13. Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
14. Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
15. Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
16. Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice that I sent your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
17. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
18. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30p.m..
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
19. Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
20. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: I have been since early childhood.
21. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy did you check for pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient still have been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.