Sparkles II, the Goldfish, passed away during the night. The Memoriam was held at 7 a.m at the toilet bowl.
As we gathered in mourning, I couldn't help but notice I could see myself in the porcelain shine, and the water was a "sparkling" Mediterranean blue. The Tidy Bowl man would have been proud.
"Honey, come in here. We're saying goodbye to Sparkles".
"Mom, jeez, I'm running late..can't I just wave?"
I looked at her. She dropped her heavy Jasport bag and crossed her arms. "Ok, hurry up, my ride's gonna be here in a second."
"How about we each say some last words to Sparkles?" I suggested.
"Oh, great idea, Mommy," said my youngest. My husband glanced at his watch. My oldest rolled her eyes.
"Ok, I'll start," I said. I cleared my throat and sang " ~True love... ain't too hard...to see. ~~Don't cry, no tears, around me.~~"
"Neil Young?" said my husband. "You were expecting Backstreet Boys?" I asked.
My youngest bowed her head. "Sparkles, you were a great friend and I'll always love you. I hope you find lots of goldfish friends in heaven and say hi to my Grandma and two Grandpa's and Sparkles The First, ok?" She wiped her nose with hand, and wiped her hand on her pants.
"That was beautiful, honey." I turned to my husband. He was checking his nosehairs in the mirror. "Ahem".
Lips the Fish Beanie Baby by Ty Click here He adjusted his tie and said "Sparkles, you made my daughter happy, so you were okay in my book. And you were low maintenance. Real low maintenance. Don't go swimming with bowlegged--"
"OK..thank you," I interrupted quickly. I turned to my oldest. "Well?"
She raised her hands in the air dramatically. "Free at last, free at last. Thank God almighty, I'm free at last." She dropped her hands and looked at me. "Can I go now?"
"Touching, I replied. Thank you M.L.K Jr."
It was time. My youngest slid the fish into the bowl, and I hit the flusher. *FLUSHHHHHHHH*.
It didn't go down.
There was an uncomfortable moment of silence. "Maybe he's not dead enough?" my youngest said. I hit the flusher again. *FLUSHHHHHHHH*. We waited for the cyclone to cease.
It still didn't go down.
My daughter's ride started honking outside. She ran downstairs, leaving the Three Musketeers alone with the Fish That Wouldn't Leave.
"Do something," I said.
"What do you want me to do, weigh it down with rocks?" he answered. My youngest's lip started trembling again.
I noticed that by this time Sparkle's orange hue had taken on a bit of the blues. Soaking in the bowl, Sparkles was getting bluer by the moment.
I took my daughter's hand. "We've said our goodbyes. Let's leave and Daddy will take care of it." She nodded and we walked out. I didn't look back. I could feel the cringe.
I put her on the bus after drying residual tears. She walked forward bravely, ready to receive her sympathy callers.
"Where is it," I asked my husband as he was pulling out of the driveway.
"I threw it in the wastebasket," he called, and drove away.
I went upstairs to empty the basket. The cat was sitting in the hallway outside the bathroom, carefully licking and grooming her paws.
Blue paws.
As I suspected, Sparkle's corpse was MIA, finally departed to the Great Gig in the Sky. No need for the X-files. No mystery here. Even after death, Sparkles kept on giving.