Welcome To Fibro-Haze Humor Page 4
You have just surfed into Fibro-Haze Land... sit down, kick your shoes off, get comfortable... you're gonna be here awhile! LoL :~)
UPDATE: June 15, 2004 -
To date, I have received over 3,000+ Survey Responses from 14 Countries including Australia, Belgium, Canada, Germany, Israel, Netherlands, New Zealand, Philippines, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom, and the United States!
I can't wait to share this information with you! I have heard from publishers showing great interest in publishing this information!
Battling this illness myself has made my book project quite a challenge. I would have never imagined receiving this many responses from kind and concerned people!
The year - 1980 something... This lady had told her 16 year old son to take the garbage out the previous night. She was ready to leave the next morning, although being in a major Fibro-Haze, she did happen to notice that he had not taken out the garbage as instructed. She decided to deal with him later. While she was getting in her truck, she was trying to lift the seat to place something in the back. She got her finger caught in the 'track', which was sharp! The only thing she could do was 'rip' it out. Blood was going every where, so she went back into the house like a wild woman. Her son came running from his room saying, Okay, Okay, mom, I'll take out the garbage, NOW! Then, he noticed his mother's finger, and off to the hospital they sped! (I gather he believed he was in major trouble, before he saw his poor mother's finger bleeding! A Painful, but Great Story!)
This lady always takes her husband with her to the doctor, since her memory is so short! The doctor was asking questions about family related illnesses. She was telling the doctor that some members of her family had been diagnosed with lung, liver, and brain cancer. At this point, the doctor seemed concerned, and asked, "What side"? The lady replied, "Well, I think is was the 'whole' brain, not just one side". She said the doctor tried not to laugh as he was saying, No, No, I mean what side of the family! She thought the crisis was over, until she continued to tell the doctor that there was cancer on her EX-husband's side of the family also! He asked no more questions.(What a great story!)
This lady took her oldest son, and a friend out for lunch. Her son was going to be in a Christmas concert that afternoon! After, they enjoyed a leisurely 2 hour lunch, they decided they had better get ready to leave! She casually opened her purse to retrieve the keys. Hmmm... no keys! As they walked closer to the car, they noticed the engine was still running, and THE KEYS WERE IN THE IGNIGITION! And, as Murphy's Law would have it, of course the doors were locked! Her sweet husband finally arrived to give her a spare set, and one magnetic box with keys for her to hide on the car somewhere. (Out of sight, of course!) As he handed the keys to her, this kind man said nothing, only shook his head! She notes if she loses the keys from her purse, how on earth will she EVER find a second set? (Good idea? Bad idea? My guess is that we'll be hearing from this lady again! What a funny story!)
I received an e-mail last night from a lady telling me that she appreciates the work I am doing, and how wonderful it felt to laugh while reading the Fibro-Haze Humor Pages! She commented that it must be difficult, and take much discipline for me to keep all of my projects updated. However, she went 'on to explain' - do not worry, if you fall behind in updating. I was a little confused, until she summed it up in the last sentence! She told me that if she waited a few days,
and then came back to the EXACT same page, she could read the stories all over again, and not remember reading them at all! (It took a minute for me to catch on... DUH, but then I knew exactly what she meant! This was just too funny!
This lady was trying to get her kids in the car so she could run errands. After fastening their seat belts, she began to notice how cluttered the car looked. She gathered items, to take inside, then she would come right back! She was only in the house 2 minutes, then realized she had lost her car keys in that short time! She spent 10 minutes trying to locate them. But, you'll NEVER guess where she found them... on the key rack, exactly where they belong! She asked, "Who would have ever thought of looking for something where it actually belongs?"! (Great Story!)
This woman must have been to her high school class reunion recently. She said looking around, she wondered why everyone else looked SO MUCH OLDER THAN SHE? (It's called tainted vision, or maybe wishful thinking! Most women have it! I certainly do! Ha!)
This lady needed a few things from the grocery store, so, she and her son walked all the way to town. They were going to do some errands, then go by the grocery store on the way home. After they returned home, she realized she didn't have milk or cigarettes. Now, she goes back to the store again! As soon as she walks in, the cashier began to giggle. This puzzled the lady, UNTIL the cashier handed her a bag from behind the counter. It seems she paid for all of her items, and then left them at the market, before the cashier could stop her! ( Hey, I'd like to be behind this lady in the check out line...... Ha! Very Cute story!)
This lady is always doing a head count, so she doesn't lose children or dogs! This day she had everyone accounted for except the dog. She safely placed the children inside the sliding glass doors, as she frantically ran around the back yard looking for the dog! Thank Heaven's he finally came to her! Just as she was taking the dogup onto the deck, she saw the children inside playing with... YOU GUESSED IT, THEIR DOG! So, WHERE DID THIS 'IDENTICAL' DOG COME FROM? The family dog was a female, and the other one wasn't.... Whew! She placed both dogs back on the deck and gave them something to eat, so she could try to regroup! (Great story!)
This lady was going to prepare a 'pot luck' dinner. She went into the kitchen to get the cook book. Well, she couldn't find the recipe, and didn't understand why... until she noticed she was looking at the telephone book! Her mother suffers from Parkinson's Disease, and has a poor memory. She couldn't wait to share with her mother that she was trying to look a recipe up in the phone book. She was still in a haze, and couldn't remember her mother's telephone number. So, she goes in the kitchen looking for it, but can't find it ... until she realizes she is looking through the recipe book!(LoL)
This lady had an MRI done, so she decided to reward herself. She stopped at a drive-thru quick place! She told the person taking the order that she wanted a Pina Colada. He told her to drive around to the window! (Okay, I'm just thinking the employee wanted a look at her!) As she was paying for her order, the young man asked, "Will that be with or without the liquor"? She looked puzzled, but then realized she meant to order a 'Coffee Colada'! (Hey, if she didn't drink, that would be a great time to start! Funny Story!)
This lady had a friend which came by her office. She wanted to introduce her friend to her boss (with whom she has a close alliance). While standing there, she started to say, "Hi, let me introduce you to my boss...". Hmmm... she just stands there UNCOMFORTABLY, as she tries to remember his name! (Too Funny!)
While at home, this lady was trying to phone her doctor's office, because she needed to talk to the nurse before they closed for the day. Everytime she would try, she kept getting a busy signal! As she grew more and more frustrated, it suddenly dawned on her that she was dialing HER OWN NUMBER! (What a great story!)
This lady was at an outdoor car show with her husband. She had purchased a large cup of diet cola, and walked back toward her husband. As she walked, the wind began to blow around her! She could feel the wind almost take her sun hat into the air. Instead of trying to catch her hat with her, FREE hand, she tried to catch it with the hand holding the rather large cup of soda! She accidentally poured the WHOLE cup of sticky soda over her head... She said her husband just stood there laughing! (I love it!)
This lady was going to take her daughter to get some 'Cab Tokens', but as she tried to rush her daughter to get ready, the lady snapped, Hurry, we need to go get some 'TAB COKENS'! (Too Funny!)
This lady works for one of largest banks in Canada, which is located in the Montreal International Airport. One day a lady came to the counter to have a check cashed, and even supplied 3 pieces of identification. When the bank employee looked at the pictured identification pieces, she could see it was clearly a 'man's photo'! She told the customer she would be happy to cash the check, but to please ask her boyfriend to come to the counter with her! She nearly lost it, when the customer began to speak... saying that was a picture of 'HER', and that she had almost completed the goal of having a sex change! (What a great story!)
Okay, this one make me laugh so hard, I can barely type it! This lady had finished her appointment at therapy. She went to the parking lot to get in her car! She opened the door, and sat down. She was so disoriented and couldn't figure out how to get her car in gear. After sitting there for a while, she figured out she was in the PASSENGER seat! So, she casually gets out, walks around the car, and gets in the driver's seat. (This story is too funny! Hmmm, isn't it a good thing that she was unable to put the car in gear. What a great story!)
While working, this lady was helping her boss try to find his car keys, as he had a meeting he should have left for 30 minutes ago. They checked desks, pockets, briefcase, lounge, her desk, and she finally gave up! She went to her desk, reached into her purse for some hand lotion. As she opened her purse, she noticed keys that looked nothing like her keys! Oh no, they WERE HIS keys, and reluctantly gave them to her boss! She said he just gave her a strange look, then rolled his eyes! (What a wonderfully funny story)
This lady wanders around aimlessly trying to remember what she keeps going to the kitchen to get... Finally, after the 6th time, AND A NOTE FOR HER TO CARRY FROM THE BEDROOM TO THE KITCHEN... NOW, she remembers she was meaning to get a cup of water! However, after making the accomplishment of getting the cup to the bedroom, just as she is getting all comfy in bed, she notices the cup on the entertainment center, and it is NOT close to her. So, her kind husband was still standing, and as she was looking directly at her 'Red Cup', she asked him to hand her the white tree?"(What a great story!)
This lady says her preschool child came home the other day, telling her the teacher wanted everyone to name something their mother does best. Cautiously, but curiously, the mother wanted to know what her daughter had told the class. She said her child told the whole room, "My mommy stays in bed the best". (What a great story!)
This lady says that her young son is going through one of the various stages all young guys experience. However, this particular phase is 'Belching'! He drinks carbonated drinks in order to reach his maximum ability, and can 'burp' out just about anything. The mother did mention being somewhat annoyed at times, but she feels making a big deal will just fuel the fire! So, she just simply wanted to give him some tips on 'burping' etiquette. She meant to tell him to please say, "Excuse me, after burping, however, in a moment of Fibro-Flakiness, she told him to always say, Thank you, when burping". He now burps out, as she instructed, "Thank you"! (So cute!!)
Okay, I may be taking this story off my page as soon as I add it! It is about my friend, and her kindness. She went on a camping trip with her family. It was so thoughtful of her to take the time to write all about the fun she was having, even sending me a postcard via snail mail! She just wanted me to know that she was thinking of me. I sent her an e-mail explaining how beautiful the postcard was, and how special she made me feel. Then, I received this e-mail from her, after she arrived back home! She sounded really curious saying, "Hey, what kind of picture was on the front of the card, I don't remember"? I was thinking the place seemed isolated, and probably didn't have a large variety of postcards! (Too funny!)
First of all... this lady sending me this funny story had me laughing as I read the first sentence of the e-mail. She, rather unhappily mentioned, how distressed she felt after reading my humor pages! She loved the stories, but said she could relate with too many of them! This is not even the funny part... Then, wrote that she must 'type quickly' otherwise, she would find herself sitting on my page, wondering what she wanted to tell me! This is still not the funny part, however, I am already smiling at this point. She told me that she had pulled into the parking lot of the bank. She had a check she needed to cash, and all she needed to do was sign the back. Her name begins with a 'D'. She says she writes the 'D', but can not remember how to complete her signature. She had written the 'D' repeatedly, then just got out of her car to take the check inside. She asked the teller if she could still get the check cashed, because she had written 'D' on the back many times. Not wanting to know why she had written so many 'D''s, the teller cashs the check, but only because she was a good customer! (What a great story to share!)
This lady wrote that when DMSO was being touted by trainers as the 'new' wonder drug for aches and pains, she went to purchase a bottle. Before reading the instructions, she slapped a large amount on her thigh. She said her SKIN BEGAN TO SMOKE! She was serious!! Then, as her thigh was 'smoking', she read the instructions. It seems that the product should have mixed one part DMSO, with EIGHT parts water! Ouch!
She was horrified, and had always heard that spontaneous combustion was possible with humans. Well, she didn't combust, but the place on her leg turned brown, (after is stopped smoking) and peeled like a suntan. She said now the story is just part of the family legend! (Great story!)
This lady writes that she makes these wonderful dishes to serve at dinner. At one specific meal, she had prepared a favorite dish for her in-laws, baked beans! However, she was dismayed to find them the next day in the microwave, still waiting to be served! (Funny story!)
This lady and her husband were working in their very small garden. He decided they needed some potting soil and mulch. He gave her the assignment of going to the garden center to pick it up. While she was there, she saw the most wonderful flowers, and bought a whole cart full! After the purchase of these beautiful flowers, she got back in her car, and was heading home when the car phone rang. The husband asked how the shopping turned out. She said, "Piece of Cake!"... as she was turning the car around to go back to the garden center, so she could purchase the soil and mulch! (Too funny!)
This lady wanted to describe the task of 'shopping'.
No big deal, right? Wrong... This is how she described this adventure! (1) Make a list - Good! Now, I'll remember everything! (2) Place the list in a safe place, until ready to leave for store... because I have to wait until the temperature is just perfect. I can't go out if it is too hot or too cold! (3) Hmmm... now I'm ready, but where is the list? Lost list, make a new list! (4) Finally, I am in the car ready to back out the drive-way... but better make sure the house door is locked, again! While at the door, I'll step inside just to double-check that I turned everything off! While I'm checking, I'll place the list on the counter here at the door, so I won't forget it! (5) Okay... back in the car, and off to the store. (6) Get out the list... it has got to be here somewhere. Oh no, I left it on the counter! Oh well, since I had to write it twice, I'm sure I can remember everything! (7) Shopping... did I need this or not? Well, it is better to over-stock groceries than to under-stock! (8) Get to the check out lane... Get out coupons! Oh no, they are still in the car! Admist nasty strares from the three people in line behind me, I run out to grab the coupons. (9) After paying for groceries, I marvel at how little money I spent, only $153.67! Hey, who needs a list? (10) Well, finally the groceries are in the trunk and I can go home! (11) Hmmm... but where are the keys? They are right on the seat 'inside' the locked car where I left them!! (12) Phone a locksmith... okay he gets in the car in less than 20 seconds, and ONLY charges $60.00!! What a deal!! (13) Now, I must stop by the convenient store to purchase the 'few' items I forgot... eggs, bread, bottled water, chocolate, Kleenex, toilet tissue, toothpicks, juice, cotton balls, soda and yogurt! (14) When home, I realize I purchased dog food, instead of cat food! Oh well, I'll walk over to give it to my neighbors, since they have a dog! (15) Now, I'm back from the neighbor's house... Uh oh, I forgot to put the ice cream in the freezer. So what, I'll just 'drink' the ice cream later! NOW... Who says shopping is a chore? (What a lovely, and 'too' exact re-play of this adventure! Ha! GREAT!)
Guess Who... DUH! It was about 12:30 am, and I was having more trouble sleeing than normal. I finally decided to take something which would hopefully help! After another hour of tossing and turning, I realized, unfortunately, that I had removed the wrong pill, from the wrong bottle... I had taken a 'fluid' pill! Needless to say, I did not sleep at all that night!
ATTENTION - I AM ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW "FIBRO-HAZE HUMOR STORIES" - NAMES WILL NOT BE USED! Thanks, and be well!
Disclaimer
I plan to include some humorous stories in my book! Submission of your humor serves as right to publish! These stories will be used for entertainment, including my own wacky stories! These will be great for everyone to read!
Please remember, if you object to having your story published, do not submit it!
Names will never be mentioned.
Donna Heart's Fibromyalgia Home Page!
To read the article about publicity information, check this out!
Fibro-Haze Page #1
This is too funny to miss! Find great Fibro Stories Here!!
More Fibro-Haze Humor #2
Laughter... You'll like it, you'll love it, you'll want to be a part of it!!
More Fibro-Haze Humor #3
Laughter...
You are on Fibro-Haze Humor #4
Fibro-Haze Page #5
You can find some more laughter here!
More Fibro-Haze Humor #6
And even more laughter...
More Fibro-Haze Humor #7
And even more laughter...
More Fibro-Haze Humor #8
And even more laughter...
If you have any comments, click here to send them to me!
~Donna Heart
