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nWo Nitro report for 11-16-98
LIVE from Witchita, KA

-Tony Says that Judy Bagwell is in the hospitol and that Bobby Duncum, JR, will make his debut tonight. GREAT!!! Who the hell is Bobby Duncum, JR?
-Juventud Guerrera vs Billy Kidman . Another spectacular match. Kidman and Juvy exchange moves. The fans are behind Juvi, the bastards. Many near falls as Kidman kicks out of a "juvidriver" but is pinned as Juvy hits the 450 splash on Bill for the 1, 2, 3. Rats...
-Recap of Judge Judy Bagwell
-Wrath vs. Raven . Raven whines about how terrible his life was as a child. He then says that he will NOT wrestle tonight. He then just leaves. Okayyyy.... Then Kanyon gets in and is demolished by Wrath.
-Glacier comes out for his match with Kanyon, only to be demolished by Wrath. DAMN that Wrath. He ruined Glacier's normally kick-ass entrance. Now he is beating the shit out of Kanyon and Glacier. SOMEBODY get this guy his prozac and get him out of the ring.
-Glacier vs. Kanyon . The tired foes beat what's left out each other to the ground. The crowd is HATING this. But Kanyon gets his win over Glacier.
-Okay, NOW I'm mad. Glacier entrance was ruined and he lost twice in the same night. We better see some SERIOUS nWo soon.
-Tape of (The next President of the United States) Hollywood Hogan giving a check to some radio show in Atlanta.
-Sonny Onoo(He wrestles?) vs. El Gringo(???) El Gringo turns out to be Kaz Haiyashi so Onoo is about to get his ass kicked when that old, tired Jabrone Ernest Miller comes out and nails Haiyashi. SURPRISE!!! The ref wasnt looking maggically and Onoo gets the win. Oh well, the crowd wasnt looking either.
-nWo Nitro Girls lighten me up
-Horace and Stevie Ray(w/Vincent) vs. (I eat a lot of)Beans Malenko and Moron McMichael(w/Arn Anderson) . Vincent winds up getting his ass kicked as usual by Arn Anderson but it finnally proves helpful as Stevie Ray hits Mongo with a slapjack and the nWo gets the win. Hahahaha. As we go to commercial, Anderson is taken to jail. This is gettin better, now.
-Gene Mene with (Very white haired)Ric "the bitch" Flair . Flair does his usual rambling. He calls out that washed up jabrone Barry Whyndam and he does some more rambling. He looks to be as gay as ever. But wait....what's this....is it....the one and only, the karate champeen, the man with the plan, THE boss...Eric Bischoff(!!!!!) comes out and puts them in their place. He says he fired ol' Barry a few years ago (I remeber THAT glorious day), and he'd be happy as hell to do it again. Flair says Whyndam is going to take Eric's beautiful girl away tonite (as if...) and Eric just laughs and walks away.
-Jabrone Guerrero vs. Rey Misterio, Jr. . GOD I hate this Mexican, Latino, LWO crap. Eddy wins but does anyone REALLY care?
-Tape of Judy Bagwell telling Buff she wants Marc back. Whatever...
-Scott Putski(I wont go there) vs. Chavo Guerrero(with Pepe) . We see the match for about 12 seconds and now we've cut to the back where Doug Dellinger gets whipped down by that ECW jabrone Bam Bam Bigellow. Oh, come on, do we really need this guy? He just walks around throwing shit and screaming for Goldberg. I had enough of this moron 4 years ago. He runs to the ring out of nowhere and beats the hell out of Putski and Chavo. He calls out Goldberg but instead Eric(!!!), JJ Dillon and a heep of security come out together. Eric tells him to go because he's "not employed here." Then Bill Goldylox runs out with about 50 security gaurds and Eric tries to stop him from getting in the ring. No avail. As security tries to controll them, Eric tells JoJo he wants to see him in the back, NOW. Eric tells JJ this is "all your fault" and FIRES him. Thats a little harsh, Eric.... JJ says "you cant fire me because I QUIT!" Then he tells Eric to "Run this company any way you want!" As JJ gets in his car and drives off, Eric says "Waffle-house is down the street, go put them outta bussiness." To quote Tony Schiavone, "holy smokes!"
-Perry Saturn vs. (The bald, boring, beer-bubled bum) Konnan . BEAT HIS ASS, PERRY!!! We cut to the back AGAIN, where Gene Mene and Eric are talking. Eric says Goldlox cant fight Jigelow because Bam Bam is employed at ECW. Then, Bill Goldberg comes out and puts his hands on the boss, ordering him to have Jiggles fight him. DONT YOU BOSS AROUND ERIC, Bitchburg!!!
-Nitro Girls
-Buff Bagwell(!!!) and Big Poppa Pump(Who seems to be growing on me) come out with a very scary lookin nWo Refferee. They do their usual funny antics but then Ric Steiner comes out and starts to beat on them. But, from behind, Scott Nortan(!!!!) comes out and beats on Ric. Scotty Steiner says "If you show up in Auborn Hills I'll end your carreer."
-Bobby Duncum, Jr. vs. Chris Jericho(!!!!) Dude, why in the f*ck were we talking about this guy all night? Jericho is getting his ass whipped and runs away. That was bullshit....
-(The next President of the United States) Hollywood Hogan(!!!) comes out with all the American flags and balloons. He brings out a very accurate Monica Lewinski look-alike and she gives him a cigar. LOL. Then, he calls out Mr. Bischoff and Eric(Is he busy tonite, or what?) comes out. I dont like this.... I have a feeling this could be a possible firing from the nWo. Mr. B looks very depressed as Hollywood says he was talking earlier to Hall and calls him out. Scott Hall(!!!) comes out, looking very cleaned up and sober. He seems to be a little mad at Easy-E. He asks Eric where his head is at. Eric says he doesnt think Hall is entitled to ask HIM where HIS head is at. Hall....DECKS Eric in the face???? I could HURL. Whew....at least we know the nWo is on Bischoff's side as Hollywood beats on Scott Hall. What the HELL is going on here? Kevin Nash runs out to save Hall. Hall BETTER not be joining the wolfpac.
-Bret "the hitman" Hart(!!!!!!) vs. Chris Benoit - This is a spectacular match as Chris gets the diving head-but on the Hitman. He then gets a chair and goes to swing it at Bret. The ref pulls it away from him as Tony Schiavone yells "Let him hit the man!!!" Tony, go suck down another slim fast, will ya? Bret then gets the chair and hits Benoit in the elbow a few times. Then Dean Malenko runs out and Bret jumps out of the way. Dean tries to help Benoit up. BIG MISTAKE. Bret is halfway back in the locker room when Stinko Malenko turns his back on him, and Bret runs to the ring and beats HIS ass!!! I LOVE this. He is beating both of their assess as that faggot-wing, idiotic tired ass Diamond Dallas Page runs out. Bret leaves and Page tells him he wants a match at World War 3. Doesnt he EVER get tired of getting beat up?
-Bill Goldberg vs. Bam Bam Bigelow . Well, what do you know? Another match that WCW promotes the entire night and then says "We're desperately out of time" once it gets here. What a surprise.

All in all, I rate this nWo Monday Nitro about 3 and a half staros out of ****. It was a good one compared to the last few weeks.