Dominick:Well, Vince, let me start off this interview with a few short and shoot questions. Who is the best wrestler out there today?
VINCE MCMAHON:Well, thats easy, me. I am the greatest.
DM:I somehow expected that from you.
VINCE MCMAHON:What from me?
ME:The question I just asked you and your answer.
VINCE MCMAHON:Who questioned my answer?
DM:Nevermind, Vince, down to some serious questions. How do you plan to keep WWF RAW on its hot streak?
VINCE MCMAHON:Well, we have been doing a lot to keep the fans all over interested in character and---(long pause)---what was I saying again?
DM:About how you will keep RAW winning Monday Nights.
VINCE MCMAHON:Who the hell are you kidding, son, we all know NITRO has beaten us ever since it started, so what are you talking about? The only thing hot about RAW is Shawn Michaels--he is so fine and---(VP Jim Ross covers Mr. McMahon's mouth)
JIM ROSS:What Vince meant to say was that we really are trying to get--OUCH(Mr. McMahon has bitten into Ross's hand at this point and Ross jumps back)
VINCE MCMAHON:No, that is not what I meant to say, touch me again and you are fired!!! What I was saying was this---(Present WWF employees await this responce in horror)---what I was saying was...was...what was I saying?(WWF employees let out a sigh of relief)
REPORTER#1:Nevermind, Vince. Is it true to any extent that you actually had Mankind BEAT Steve Austin at a recent WWF show a few months back?
VINCE MCMAHON:Yes that is true.
Reporter#1:So why wasnt that acknowleged on television?
VINCE MCMAHON:Why wasnt what acknowleged?
REPORTER#1:The fact that Mankind beat Austin for the title.
VINCE MCMAHON:Who the hell gave you that idea? How could you lose the title to Austin not at live TV.
REPORTER#1:But you just said---
VINCE MCMAHON:What I said was---was, well, I cant remember it at the second. But I'm sure it had something to do with something making me look smart. Ah, yes. You are suggesting that I actually had Mankind beat Austin?
REPORTER#1:Yes, I---
VINCE MCMAHON:How could Austin lose the title via pinfall? (Looks at me and says)Can you believe this moron?
ME:Well, uh, Vince, um, what was the rating in the neilson's last Monday?
VINCE MCMAHON:Not bad, but we were easily beaten by NITRo and there was no doubt they rule Monday Nights---(Jerry Brisco covers Vince's mouth)
JERRY BRISCO:What Vince is really saying is that we are very happy with the Monday night results in which we defeated NITRO 5.7 to 4.3 and---(McMahon jumps up and throws Brisco back while WWF suits try to cover McMahon's raving)
VINCE MCMAHON(screaming):No we didnt!!! WCW RULES!!! We are terrible. There is absolutely nothing good---(at this point, WWF officials pull Vince to take a 30 minute break to cool down)
(Interview continues)
ME:Vince, what do you expect the buy-rate for SURVIVOR SERIES to be?
VINCE MCMAHON:If we are still alive by then, which will astound me, I confidently expect it to be MUCH higher then WCW's World War 3. As a matter of fact, I'm positive we will beat them one hundred to one.
REPORTER#2:How can you be sure?
VINCE MCMAHON:I have hired the greatest of hitmen to murder every WCW fan that has WW3 show up on their cable bill.
ME:Yeah, but by the time they recieve the bill for it, they will have already ordered the event.
VINCE MCMAHON:Duh. Thats why I am paying REQUESY PPV to run a warning add before the PPV.(Takes paper out of his pocket)It says "This is a warning letter from WWF head Vince McMahon who requested anynimoty. If you order this PPV, Charles Manson will kill you. Regaurds, Vince McMahon." (Vince smiles proudly as WWF VP Jim Ross shifts uneasily in his chair.)
REPORTER#3:Well, um, (clears throat), arent you smart. Good thinking Vince. Anyways, you said earlier that you are the best wrestler---
VINCE MCMAHON:I most certainly did not. Earl Hebner is the best wrestler. Idiot.
REPORTER#3:But, Vince, you said YOU were the best, and now you are saying Earl Hebner is the best?
VINCE MCMAHON:Who gave you that idea? How can Earl hebner be the best wrestler when he is a stinkin refferee. (Looks at Jim Ross) Can you believe this guy, Jim? He says you are the best wrestler and you are nothing but a fat commentator. What a moron, huh? I mean, how the hell in this guy's dillusional state can he say that Paul Bearrer is the best wrestler---
ME:Oh, puh-lease, Vince, you're even confusing ME!
VINCE MCMAHON: I dont care what, Stone Cold is the best wrestler.
ME:Vince, this is really complicated, here---
VINCE MCMAHON:Whats so complicated? I siad that I think X-Pac is the best wrestler and I'm sticking to it.
ME:(I clear throat)Okay, Vince, when do you think that your rivalry with Eric Bischoff will come to the ring?
VINCE MCMAHON:Who said I have a rivalry with Mr. Bischoff?
JIM ROSS:Well, Mr. McMahon, he DOES own WCW and tha---
VINCE MCMAHON(screaming and jumping on the table)SO WHAT. WCW is a very good and interesting organization. I LOVE WCW!!! Bring Eric in here so I can kiss his royal feet!! Right now!! Get him!!!(He pulls out a gun and blasts Jerry Lawlers crown right off his head. As security hauls Vince to jail, our interview session is cut short. Shortly after, saddly, Vince was committed to an insane assylum for the attempted murder of his Limo driver, who he said turned into Tim Allen from TV's Home Improvemant. Now there is no doubt. Vince is a nut.
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