Strange News in our World

If you're not good at what you do, don't do it

A Florida man claims a woman carjacked him at knifepoint and forced him to perform oral sex on her. After this harrowing ordeal she made him sign an IOU. Evidently she wanted something more then he could give.

Sex Kills

A man in Missouri loses control of his car and kills an elderly woman. He told police that he lost control of his vehicle when his girlfriend bit him while performing oral sex. One helluva way to lose your head.

Good Vibrations

A frantic Englishwoman called the police saying she could hear burglars drilling into her home. Within minutes the police arrive but find nothing. The police could hear the drilling sounds and investigated further. After such time it was discovered that the woman had left her vibrator on inside her bedside table.

The Drunk Driver

A Missouri man had his drivers license suspended for failing to submit to a blood alcohol test. The drunk filed an appeal on the grounds that he was to drunk to realize that he should have taken the test. Some people are not playing with a full deck. What an idiot.

The Gambler

Zambia... It seems that Effas and his wife Dorothy failed to conceive a child. So he made a $200 bet with her. The bet was that she could have sex with as many men as she could in hopes of becoming pregnant before February 22, 2000. He tried to renege and ask that the marriage be dissolved. The HIgh Court ruled that she in fact did have sex with other men and therefore a bet is a bet. So she can continue to have sex with as many men as it takes until the end date of the bet. She is what you call a high roller in the hay. And her husband, well let's just say that he doesn't play stud poker.

Who's your Daddy?

Chelsea Clinton looks like her father, Janet Reno.

Your tax dollars at rest.

Des Moines, Iowa - City staffers are busy drawing up plans to post new signs on all utility poles - warning that it's illegal to post signs on utility poles.

Do morticians really keep it hard longer?

It seems that an employee of a funeral home wanted to do something a little different. He calls his girlfriend over to his work and asks if she would like to have sex in the hearse. She likes the idea and so off they go. It's a hot day in Mexico so they decide to pull the hearse in the garage where it would be shaded. They close the garage door and get in the back of the hearse. Well by golly the heat of their passion was so uncomfortable that they decide to run the air conditioner. So they start the hearse and fire up the air. Now its comfy again. Unfortunately for these two lovebirds that they were so excited about the coming events they forgot about how deadly carbon monoxide fumes are in a closed space. Needless to say the sex crazed couple had died in the saddle and their bodies were discovered the next day. Somehow I don't believe that this is what they had in mind when they wanted to go for a ride in a hearse. This is one way of burying a stiff.

Bloody Mary anyone?

The latest fad in Finland is for teen girls to soak their tampons in vodka and then insert the tampon in its anatomical correct location. The alcohol is absorbed into their system and they become intoxicated without having to drink an ounce of liquor. Is this what they call a Mickey FINN? Their parents can't smell the alcohol on their breaths, however their boyfriends don't complain about that fishy smell. The Finnish police must be having a difficult time with breathalyzer tests. If these girls ate an orange it would give new meaning to a screwdriver.

How's this for a Bad Day?

A zookeeper in Germany being the diligent caretaker of animals decides to help out his pachyderm friend. It seems the elephant was consipated so the zookeeper gives the elephant 22 doses of an animal laxative to help ease the congestion, with no results. So he then feeds the animal some figs, berries and prunes, with no results. So now he must do the unthinkable, an enema. So he prepare the olive oil enema and gets into position. Suddenly the elephant lifts his tail and fires away. The force of the elephant dung firing out of the elephant's alimentary canal knocks the zookeeper to the ground in which he hits his head and is renedered unconcious. The elephant doesnt stop there. After he unloads 200 pounds of the finest elephant dung, the zookeeper is later found under the pile and the flies. He suffocated from the weight of the dung. Talk about a shitty day

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