Thought's To You, My Babies In Heaven

May 1st. I have no idea of how to start this my heart and my arm's ache for you. I don't know how I am to get through this life without you. Yesterday we laid you both to rest in the same Sky blue casket side by side in matching outfit's and wrapped in the same blanket that Nana bought you. I am completely lost now, I have no idea of what I am to do without you in my life. I don't understand why?? if that doctor had only delivered you that sunday night when I was in labor you would be here, but NOO he didnt want to deliver you because I wasnt his patient. Everything rolls through my mind like a tape that is on constant play. I will never forget the way that nurse told me that you were gone, why she didnt wait for Doc to get their I have no idea but I can never forgive her for that, never. I can't stand this, you cradle and bassinette are right here by my bed and your boucer's are all put together but they will never be used, the car seat's the clothes. People are already telling me that if or when ever I want to get rid of the stuff just let them know.. my god you havent even been gone that long. I already had to let you go and now they want me to get rid of all of your stuff, I can't do it I don't want to, the thought hadnt even crossed my mind to do that. Oh how I miss you. My arm's feel so damn empty, I still remember the feel of your skin, the color of your hair, your sweet smell. I counted every finger and ever toe: 20 toes and 20 fingers the most precious babies I have ever held I would not have missed carrying you inside of me and giving birth to you for anything in the world. I love you and I miss you Love Mommy

I still cannot believe that you are gone. I wake up at night because I hear you crying in my sleep, I get up and look at the cradle and bassinette and your not in them and then I have to remind myslef that you never will be. I sit up at night crying because I miss you so much, someone said that I'm not crying for you I am crying for myself and being selfish for wanting you back, I told them where to go. Maybe I am being selfish because I want you back I am the one that carried you inside of me, I am the one who gave birth to you, I am your MOMMY. I can't help what I feel. If people want to call me selfish for wanting you back then let them. I feel cheated because I don't get to have you in my arm's and they ache for you, I miss you and I love you with all of my heart. I will close for now but I wanted to write you and let you know that You are Forever In My Heart and Soul.. Hug's and Kisses goodnight my sweet Angel's.. Love Mommy

To My Angel's In Heaven,

I miss you both everyday I wonder what you look like if you have changed at all?

I see you both living in your big brother and sister. I see how much Timmy misses you both he tell's me and everyone he meet's that "he carries you both in his heart". He know's who you both are and ask's me where you are, he alway's want's to go and see you both and he alway's has flower's for you that he picked out, he seem's to think that you both would prefer spider mum's he pick's them out all the time. Jessa on the other hand think's that you two would prefer pink roses she alway's want's to get them for you. They both carry them one in each hand and they alway's put one on each side of your marker. They may be young but they miss their baby brother's.

Daddy misses you both he wonder's about you two all the time and he is wondering if your Uncle Michael is taking good care of you, I think it might be wise to give him a sign and let him know so he can feel at ease.

Not a day has gone by that I don't think of you two I wish that I had a chance to hear you both cry, to see you smile, hear you laugh but I guess I will have to wait until I get to heaven to be with you both. I have to stay here for now to take care of Timmy, Jessa and Daddy, but one day I promise that I will be with you in heaven, to hold you both again.

Alway's remember that you both are in my heart I never go anywhere without you. Everytime I think of you two I smile, you two and your brother and sister have your Mommy's heart forever.

I"ll love you alway's my little angel's

Love,

Mommy

A new friend of mine told me this " Mommy's hold there children's hands for a

moment...But their Hearts Forever."

The song you hear playing in the background is "Two Pina Coladas" By

Garth Brook's,it was their favorite song they used to kick me everytime it

came on the radio, it was like they were dancing inside of me.

I Love this song.

KEEP YOUR ANGEL'S IN YOUR HEART FOREVER..AND NEVER LET THEM GO.

Quote By Nicole.