Forever With Love, Daddy

Sunday, 10 May, 1998

Dear Gunnar and River,

Our angles in heaven. It was two weeks ago tomorrow we found out that God was going to keep you all to himself. It has been a living hell, as you know Dougherty men have a hard time letting their feelings flow out, we keep them bottled up so tight. Well I have done my best to help your Mommy through, and feel it's my time to let it all out. I feel jealous, angry, hurt, and empty. All I do think is the about what if's and trying to understand how and why I am being punished, I work hard take good care of your Mom, Timmy and Jessa.

I miss you guys so much, my twin little boys that look like their daddy I held you both for a long time I cried, kissed your little heads,touched your ten little fingers and tickled your ten little toes, then I rocked you to make sure you were sound asleep too. I had to convice myself that you guys are in a better place sitting on God's lap asking him why your Mommy and Daddy are crying, I would like to hear his responce when you should be home with your Mommy and Daddy that were ready for you to come home.

Our lives are forever changed, we had so much anticipation for you and such a let down when God decided that you were too special and beutiful for us to keep I feel so cheated your bassinetts and bouncers are all put together your recieving blankets and newborn clothes all freshly washed and carefully folded by your Mommy. Your Mommy is doing as best she can actualy alot better than I could ever expect of her, she is going kind of crazy right now because she was expecting to be busting her butt to take care of you guys, something she loves to do take care of her babies. All that energy wanting to go but can't. I'm jealous of your Mommy who got to hold you for nine months and I only got to hold you for a few minutes and of God, Mike, Vicki and any on else that watches out for you before I get to join you.

I hope we did right by you little boys giving you a nice little place under a tree at Glendale Memorial in the smallest little casket I ever want to see, you are buried with each other dressed in the clothes you were suposed to be brought home in, wrapped in a blanket Grandma Pam bought for you with one of Timmy's trucks and Jessa's Pooh bear that plays "Winnie the Pooh" we had a small graveside service.

I just want you to know that you are loved and missed by so many people especialy me your Daddy.

I will always love you and will never forget you, there will be a place in my heart devoted to you forever.

Love,

Daddy

The song you hear playing in the background is called "Tears In Heaven"

as sung by Eric Clapton, a song he sang after his son died.

Tears In Heaven

by Eric Clapton and Will Jennings

Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong and carry on,

'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.