Sexual Abuse
By Nicole Bartindale
What is Sexual Abuse?
SEXUAL ABUSE --
is sexual contact, not involving penetration, in which the victim does not--or is unable to--give knowing consent. Sexual contact, not involving penetration, may include intentional fondling by the assailant (directly or through clothing) of the sex organs, buttocks, or breasts for the purpose of sexual gratification of the assailant. It is important to note that both definitions are gender neutral. Sexual assault and sexual abuse can be emotionally devastating to victims of either sex.
Here are some statistics that show you how rapidly that sexual abuse is spreading.
Canadian statistics confirm the widespread incidence of sexual abuse: over 40% of females, and about 25% of males, were victims of at least one unwanted sexual act before adulthood. The damage that results is deep and wide, impacting an individual in a number of significant ways.
· As many as one in four college women become victims of attempted or completed rape during their college years.
·
In 60-80 percent of rapes, the assailant and the victim know each
other and, of these, over half of the rapes happen on a date.
·
It is estimated that only 10 percent of rapes are reported to the
police.
·
Only 27 percent of women, who were sexually assaulted, perceive themselves as being rape victims.
·
75 percent of the male perpetrators and 55 percent of the female
victims report that alcohol was involved at the time of the incident.
Common Responses to sexual abuse/assault are:
Victims differ in their responses to assault/abuse. The long-term
effects may be influenced by the severity of the assault, the
victim 's existing coping skills, and the support the person has
afterwards. Nevertheless, many victims experience the following responses:
·
A victim’s self-esteem often diminishes after an assault or abuse.
Frequently she feels shamed, humiliated, guilty, angry, and
powerless.
·
A victim’s attitude toward her body may be negatively affected.
This change may lead to self-abuse (e.g., alcohol abuse, overeating, self-mutilation, etc.).
·
A victim may find it difficult to trust and to be intimate with
others.
·
A victim may not want sexual intimacy for some time or may
engage in risky sexual behaviors.
·
A victim may experience flashbacks of the incident.
·
A victim may experience fear of being alone and fear of a future
attack.
· A victim may experience nightmares or other sleep disturbances.
·
A victim may not be able to concentrate and focus. This can
affect academic or job performance.
Victims often go through three general phases. The phases do not always occur in the order listed below.
Common Phases Are:
PHASE ONE: This phase may last a few days to several
weeks. The victim may experience shock and severe distress,
confusion, disorientation, anger, and rage.
PHASE TWO: The victim often wishes to forget the
incident and return to "normal." It is common to want to suppress
feelings in order to forget about the incident and regain control.
However, the crisis is not resolved.
PHASE THREE: The victim is ready to begin to deal
with the feelings associated with the assault/abuse. This phase
usually involves re-experiencing feelings, thoughts, and memories of
the assault/abuse. This healing process may vary in duration.
Throughout all three phases, victims need supportive people
(friends, family, loved ones). A victim support group and/or a
counselor can also be of help.
Being a victim of a sexual abuse or assault is not an easy issue to overcome. There are many emotions and feelings involved. It can take a very long time to fully recover from a traumatizing experience such as this. Both men and woman who have been victimized need to know that this was not their fault. You were the one who was violated, and need to take appropriate steps in the right direction to put this behind you. Healing is a process, which, in light of the significant damage caused by abuse, happens over many years.
At the same time, God is bigger than anything that happens to us, and it is in Him that we find healing. We need God to shine His light into the darkness to expose lies and replace them with His truth about you. The abuse tells you that you’re worthless and deserve to be treated like dirt. God tells you that you are of great worth and well loved by Him, and that none of those awful things should have happened. God affirms your true identity -- created by Him and well loved by Him. You need to believe that in your mind and let it touch your heart in all the deep places. Another person can never be your source of worth and identity, though he or she can affirm the worth you have in God and point you to Him.
Healing requires facing pain in constructive ways, instead of acting out, drowning it out or turning to that which cannot meet our needs.
You need to face the pain and deal with it. You will not find this easy, and will be tempted to respond inappropriately. What you must do is feel your powerlessness and let God cover you instead of trying to cover yourself in false ways. Only God can truly meet your needs, and He holds you close in the midst of your pain and carries you through it. And too, He gives you brothers and sisters in the body of Christ to listen, to care, to stand with you and to show you what a healthy relationship is all about.
How to help a victim of sexual abuse or assault:
·
Talk, listen, respect and be emotionally available to the
victim.
·
Accept what the victim tells you.
·
Let the victim talk about the incident, but don't force a
discussion.
·
Accept the fact that the assault/abuse happened.
·
Understand that it is not the victim’s fault.
·
Listen non-judgmentally. Suggest options and actions (medical,
psychological and other assistance), but let the victim decide what action to take.
·
Respect and understand that temporarily the victim may become
distant from loved ones.
·
Assure the victim that you will be available to provide support
throughout the process of recovery.
·
Give the victim time to heal. Be patient and understand that the
healing process takes time.
·
Take the initiative to maintain communications with the victim.
·
Moderate your natural tendencies to become overprotective.
·
The victim may need to seek medical attention immediately. You can help by encouraging and accompanying the victim to obtain medical attention. If the victim wishes to seek criminal action, this should be done as soon as possible after the incident.
If you are a victim, I want to encourage you to take some steps towards your healing and let God work through you. God can come and restore what was taken from you, but you need to give him full control over the situation.
If you are an abuser, this article was written to help you understand what your wrongful actions are doing, and the long-term affects are that your victims have to deal with. You have no right to put your hands where they do not belong. You are inflicting unnecessary pain in these people’s lives. By abusing other people to get pleasure out of it for yourself, you are effecting the will and destiny that God has for their lives and as well as your own.
So please STOP… before it’s to late.
Man of your dreams
- Cherrie Dack
The most healing thing for a woman’s broken heart is to be able to love again with out fear. Loving the perfect man is the safest thing in the world.
Jesus will think of you first. He will change His plans to make room for what you want. He will notice the look on your face. He will not tolerate criticism of you. He will purposely love the things you love just to share them with you. He will; understand your perspective. He will tell you the truth, and you’ll like the way he does it. He will cross a crowded room just to talk to you. He will laugh himself silly when you say something brilliantly funny. He will kiss your palm when no one is looking (or when everyone is) He will protect you from embarrassment. He will give you the microphone. He will look you in the face when you talk. He will always believe you can do anything, and he’ll pay for you to do it. He won’t give up on you, ever. He’ll follow you; He’ll find you, wherever you go. He’ll drop everything to pick you up. He’ll doodle your name during important meetings. He’ll plan the whole year planning your birthday present, and it’ll be something he made himself. He’ll live his life to love you, and he’ll expect the same in return.
Jesus is the one you’ve been waiting to love. Open your heart to him, and you’ll find the man of your dreams.
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