"Pina coladas! All Right!" kate ties her komodo dragon to a pool table and joins Red Rose for a drink. "I'm sorry about your grandmother." she says sadly. "Let's see if we can make paper mache Angel dolls, like strigoi's. Will that cheer you up?" kate runs behind the bar and picks up a bag of flour to make the liquid stuff with. "Hey this thing is cute." she says. "Maybe if I put eyes on it, it'll be like my own baby. (homage to Bad Eggs here) Here, Red Rose, you want one?..."
"Paper mache Angel dolls!," Red Rose shrieks, "that would make anyones day!" Red Rose is trying really hard not to think, right now, so she just might babble. She also needs a really good distraction. "Bless you kate you really know how to get people's mind off things. Now I wonder if -mere- will come in. I want to ask her if she has anymore bottled sex appeal.
"I'm not seeing -mere- anywhere. Let's see if we can't find some left over sex appeal." kate puts down her bag of flour and rummages through the garbage looking for any bottles.
"Why don't you check under the counter?" Red Rose asks.
"Good idea." kate replies as she picks her head up out of the compost. With her hands covered in potato peelings, she rummages through the bottles of alcohol stored behind the bar.
As Red Rose drinks her pina colada, she does not see kate's komodo dragon shredding the precious bag of flour to bits...
Gypsyrat downs her SoCo, and sees, could it be, angel? gypsyrat approaches the firgure and taps him on the shoulder with no response.
Red Rose taps gypsyrat on her shoulder. gypsyrat turns and is informed that its a paper mache mock up of David
"Ooooohhh! no wonder he didn't reply i thought it was just me. thank you."
Red Rose replies: not a problem neighbor.
Ewww!!!!!! "kate all the garbage you just touched. Nasty! Here, I 'll help you so belmont doesn't freak when he sees garbage in his alcohol." Red Rose lowers herself from the bar stool and *boink* she slips on the flour and slides underneath a table. "Great," she mutters,"I liked this shirt." As Red Rose picks herself up from the floor, she hits her head on the table, knocking over the water. "Uh-oh!" she mutters "kate!!!!!!! I think we have a problem!!!!!! belmont is going to Kill us !!!"
kate appears, with a bottle of tequila in her hand and...
Sita comes into the Bronze looking around for her family. She see's Red Rose sitting with kate and goes over to say hello. While walking past, she see's an amazing likeness of David/Angel. "Wow!!! Where can I get me one of those??? You could make lots of money selling those strigoi!"
Sita contemplates that for a couple of minutes...
Gypsyrat leans over the counter of the bar, seeing Red Rose and kate rumaging through garbage behind the bar.
"Girls can i just say ick! So you are looking for -mere-'s bottled sex appeal? Don't know if she has any but I guarantee she will be by tomorrow. You can ask her then."
Red Rose and kate look at each other in disbelief.
"So what your saying is we did this for nothing?"
Gypsyrat nods.
Coming up to Red Rose and kate, Sita see's all the mess that they've made. Shaking her head sadly, she ask's if there's anything that they need. "Looking for drinks Red Rose?? You know fen will be angry if you drink anything stiff...but if I can have some, I won't tell...."
Red Rose contemplates that for a couple of minutes...
Horizon stumbles into the Bronze after fighting all day with the whup@$$. And the battle is still ongoing. She is so happy to finally be at the Bronze she does not see the HUGE mess that kate and Red Rose have just made. "What the..." *bam* "Well I see that I have arrived just in time to help kate and Red Rose clean up before belmont sees this." horizon says. "Here I found the paper towels! Let me get that for you kate. I don't want you to slip and fall on your shoulder. And Red Rose I am very sorry to hear about your grandmother. I'll be thinking of your family." horizon bends down to start cleaning up. "Hey, this paper mache of Angel is pretty good! Can I try?"
Calli stumbles into the Bronze with her hair in rats and goggles around her neck. Her face is smudged, and she holds a beaker in her hand.
"I've got it! I broke into KMFrye's secret Lab in New Jersey, (sorry Keith, promise to clean up) I isolated the active ingredient in the bottle of sex appeal that -mere- gave me to makes the David doll, and now I'll be able to make millions, market them, and become a millionaire!"
Calli hugs her David doll tightly and smiles wickedly.
"But you didn't think I'd give it up for *free*, did you? Everything costs in this world"
She darts out of the way as kate and RedRose attempt to tackle her to get to the bottle of sex appeal. Papier Mache David just isn't sexy enough without it! Calli slowly and grudgingly backs into a corner
"Okay, okay, maybe we can make a deal...you make the paper mache David, and I make mine, and we go into business together? How's that?"
Kate looks aound and sees her mess has attracted some attention. "What are we gonna do guys?" she cries. She runs over to Red Rose, Sita, and horizon who are busily trying to wipe up the flour when suddenly she spots an empty bottle of sex appeal! She runs over trying to see if there's any of the magical potion left when all of a sudden a figure bursts through the door...
"You got a licence for that there miss?" asks a woman in polyester. (polyester, donuts, and brutality)
"What? This?!" kate says holding up the small glass bottle.
"That bottle o'sex appeal there. You can't be selling that without a license." the police officer comes near them, holding up her badge. Strangely she resembles that assassain from the Order of Turaka...
"What?" asks Red Rose, slowly rising up from the floor, her shirt covered with paper mache stuff. "We need a licence for sex appeal?"
"But it's for our Angel dolls!" cries horizon.
"You mean David Boreanaz?" asks the police officer
The four of them nod their heads emphatically.
"Well, he already oozes sex appeal. I guess you don't need to have a licence to manufacture and sell sex appeal for him. Okay then. But if I see you marketing that stuff for anyone else..." the police officer walks out.
"Man if we woulda lost the right to buy sex appeal, DS205, angeluv, et. al would've kicked our butts!" says Red Rose. "C'mon, lets get this cleaned up!"
"Hey girls, has anyone seen my dragon?" kate asks..
As Calliope steps to the side in order to miss the stampede heading in her direction, she fails to notice gypsyrat sneaking up and swiping the bottle of sex appeal from her grasp.
Gypsyrat scampers away with the bottle. after all someone has to stick up for -mere- while she is away. gypsyrat says to Calliope, "So sad too bad, if you want it back i'm sure we could work something out.....hee hee. besides there must be a patent on here somewhere"
"Okay, kate I think that is the last of it." Red Rose puts the last of the mess on the floor in the garbage bag. "You know what drinking buddy, I think we did a pretty good job with David. I think we should market them, now all we need is -mere-'s sex appeal bottle. Since she won't be here until tomorrow, I guess we can store David. By the way, I don't think we worked in vain!"
Calli smirks at gypsyrat.
"But you've forgotten that I've found the secret ingredient, I can make more sex appeal whenever I want. All I need is some tabasco, red dye no 5..."
Suddenly, she eyes gypsyrat warily.
"Oh no you don't! You think you can get me to tell you the secret formula? Well, that baby's my secret, and if -mere- didn't want me to have the sex appeal, why'd she give it to me in the first place?"
Calli raises her eyebrow at gypsyrat. Not everyone can have sex appeal, and she happens to be a lucky one. But she fears something...she left the formula at KMFrye's lab. If that got into the wrong hands, we could have millions of clones that ooze sex appeal...the ladies of the Bronze would be powerless!
Calli darts out of the Bronze past gypsyrat. She only hopes she can reach the lab in time...
"Thank you very much, I appreciate it," Red Rose says.
"The lunatic hotel I mean." With that said, she sees Calliope dart out of the bronze like a wolf. Hmmm... I hope I didn't give her my stomach virus, Red Rose thinks. Of course she could have used the facilities at the Bronze, hmm...
"kate, that woman scared me. I think she was a fraud, though. She must be a crazed overpossesive fan. Maybe she should be interned at the hotel."
"Horizon, let's go after Calliope and gypsyrat!" kate shouts as she sees them run out of the Bronze. kate runs out after them but as she reaches the door, she sees they have already sped off in their taxi's.
"Well at least we have permission to have sex appeal." horizon says. They both plop down in a booth. "The floor is pretty clean, and the flour is mopped up. belmont would've been pissed!"
Kate sits down next to her David doll. "Now where did my komodo dragon go?!"
Gypsyrat sees Calliope run past and out the door. She persues...
"Oh no you don't Cal! -mere- may have given you the bottle but she didn't mean for you to copy it."
Gypsyrat hops into her cab, which is always on stand by follow that car and step on it.
Calli jumps out of the cab (with its secret teleportation capsule, she can make it to NJ in no time) and runs into the lab. Luckily, everything remains untouched (well, except for that nasty spill in the corner, but no one will notice that). She grabs the piece of paper with the formula for the liquid sex appeal on it and puts it in her knee high boot, along with an extra test tube of the sex appeal.
"You can never have too much of this"
Satisfied at last, she heads outside to the cab. Now, if only -mere- doesn't find out...
As Calli exits the lab, another cab squeals up and gypsyrat steps out.
"Now how did I get myself into this?" Calli sighs as she looks at the sky.
"So, we meet again."
At times like this, Calli wishes she had made a Jeff doll with whup@$$ karate kick action instead of her David and RD dolls. But one must go with what they have...
She throws the David doll at gypsyrat, who is so paralyzed by David's sex appeal that Calli has enough time to scramble into her cab. "The Bronze, and make it snappy!"
Thank god for secret weapons...
Strigoi sits silently in a corner booth, watching the mayhem unfold around her over this battle for bottled sex appeal. She shakes her head sadly at her paper mache Angel. "They just don't get it, do they? The secret lies in the flour paste!" Smiling, paper mache Angel turns to her and agrees. "C'mon, boy. We gotta start working on paper mache Xander. You can never have too many of you guys around"...
Calliope exits the lab, slides a piece of paper into her boots and slides unknowingly into the cab.
Gypsyrat says, "Where to mam?" (in her best NJ draw)
"The bronze please," Calliope says in a self-satisfied voice, "Oh and could you use the portal please?"
Gypsyrat press the big red button and they appear at the doors of the bronze in no time. Cal tips her driver and enters the bronze.
Gypsyrat soon follows.
In an attempt to salvage a storyline shot to hell, Calli clacks into the Bronze, unaware of the fact that the gypsyrat she had delayed was actually the *real* gypsyrat's cab driver. The crafty gypsyrat had used a cloaking device to switch identities.
Calli smugly dallies in the Bronze around the bar, believing that gypsyrat is still in New Jersey drooling over the David doll.
Suddenly, a figure in the corner moves and Calli feels an unease come over her. gypsyrat rises from her barstool.
"Now, how did you get here?" Calli asks, confused.
Gypsyrat gets up from her bar stool and approaches Calliope
"Thanks to my trusty haligraphic/cloaking device i was able to deceive you. who do you think drove your cab all the way from NJ."
Placing her arm around Calliope, they begin to walk to an isolated booth in the bronze. As soon as the two are seated, Jessica approaches and asks for their drink order. "A pina colada and a rum runner please."
Gypysrat glances at the bottle of sex appeal she is still carrying. what...this can't be....she shows the bottle to Cal.
Calliope throws her head down onto the table....THUD!
Gypsyrat looks at the bottle once more, and reads it out loud. "ACME products. You mean to tell me -mere- sent away for this stuff....and anyone can get this?? aaarrrrggghh!"
Jessica returns with the drinks. Cal lets out a sigh.
Gypsyrat says, "Can you just bring us a bottle of rum?"
Calli rubs her aching head.
"For nothing? I did all this and risked the fury of KMFrye for nothing? And I didn't even get to use my secret weapon!"
Calli pulls the test tube of sex appeal from her boot and pours it into the rum. She takes a big swig and offers some to gypsyrat.
"Once everyone finds out where to get this, we're doomed. I figure we should just get a head start."
Gypsyrat nods. After all, there's nothing like a good dose of sex appeal to cure whatever ails you. The two sexiest women in the Bronze smile as the lower jaws of all the men around drop. It's good to be home!
This has been a WITT production. In the case of a real battle of the sex appeal, dive for cover and look out before the entire Bronze becomes one big drool pit
Belmont enters the Bronze.
"WHAT IS THIS!?"
Belmont enters to see that his beloved establishment is in ruin. belmont glances over at gypsyrat and Calli who are reading a bottle of sex appeal. belmont approaches them.
"You do realize that you can order that through an ACME catalog?"
Belmont turns to head for the door and hears two loud *THUD*s as he walks away. belmont will have Calli pick this up tomorrow. belmont turns around in search of -mere-, but she is nowhere to be found. hmmm... maybe this plotless storyline can be redeemed tomorrow? Nah.
This has been a Bronze Action Theater production done on January 18, 1998. (c) kate, Red Rose, gypsyrat, Sita, Calliope, horizon, strigoi, and belmont.