"Hey, I've got some good news and some bad news...."
1 - The bad news?
..."Bionic" Mike Mlynek crashed into the
left-center fence after stepping on a water sprinkler
cover(one of the many obscure hazards at venerable
Clark Field) at full speed. In the ensuing pile-up,
Max's throwing shoulder was separated and he was lost
for the season (.900+ hitters are hard to find).
The good news?
...Successful surgery and an intense
therapy session off-season has returned the shoulder
to almost "like new" condition and he has resumed a
light-duty training regimen. [On a personal note:
Max, blushingly told this publication he has fallen
in love with his therapist - we know all of "Bio" Mike's
fans join us in wishing he and Gunther a happy
and meaningful life together.]
2 - The bad news?
..."Bozo" Brosso bruised and tore
groin muscles (he claims to have more than one, but
then, he's [*]french) on a diving, twisting play for
a hot line-drive into center field. The real
culprit(?), he had his cup in upside-down. It took
two of us to get him off the field and three of the
four cheerleaders to get his shorts unbunched.
Needless to say, it was a rookie mistake you wouldn't
expect from a guy who claims to have played semi-pro
ball in a corn field near Kankakee, Illinois. It was
serious enough to keep him out for three weeks when
we were making a stretch run.
The good news?
...Gloria, Bozo's better half, sewed his cup right-side up
into his jock, so we shouldn't see a repeat of that type
injury unless he tries pulling it on over his head.
Gloria, however, has promised to supervise that aspect of
his pre-game preparation to insure he gets the more
complicated equipment on as it was intended by the
manufacturer.
3 - The bad news?
..."Ol' Man River" Manford broke several toes halfway
through the 3rd session. It clearly slowed him down
covering the line, getting down on hot drives in the dirt
and getting to and from the men's room before his turn to
bat.
The good news?
...We saw no perceptible slowdown when
he was on the bases, actually, he looked a little
quicker. His on-base percentage went up after the
injury and he still managed that trademark two-hopper
to first on most plays. In fact, after a winter of
reviewing films, Coach thinks we should break his
toes again before the start of the '98 season.
5 - The bad news?
..."Stick Man" Rosborough struggled
with a sprained knee almost the entire '97 season.
The training staff reviewed the injury in post season
and called off plans for an MRI and suggested rest
and "flex" therapy. Also noted in his medical file
was the recommendation that The Stick start showing
up at least 30 minutes prior to game time and do
warm-ups like most over 40 players...I think the
exact verbage is "Stick, act your age, bub..."
6 - The bad news?
...Juan "Bugsy" Piede, a mid-season free agent pick-up for
the NADS, struggled to find his game. Just when he showed
signs of contributing he was tossed for "Failure to
Control Adjectives" and later was asked to leave the park
almost costing us forfeiture of a double-header. Needless
to say, we all, from time to time, experience a little
pent-up frustration; but Bugsy had it bad. It is my sad
task to report this was an injury, from which, Bugsy was
unable to recover. The Bugster will, we assume, explore
free agency this spring.
[*]NOTE: Where I come from, the "f" in french is not
capitalized
[NOTE: His wife says she'll do it for free so we
won't even have to hire it done.]
[*] NOTE: Where I come from the "C" in Coach is
capitalized.
7 - The bad news?
...In a surprise announcement today, NADS Officials
announced a somewhat serious injury to Jerry "Ol' Man
River" Manford. Tests run Wednesday, 3/11/98, revealed a
lateral, triple hernia of the lower abdominal flexor
muscle group. At Jerry's age (he has a 5 digit social
security number) this cannot be taken lightly and though
not considered career threatening, it will certainly take
the measure of his desire to rehab and re-join the lineup.
The NADS will miss his contribution at the plate and in
the infield.
