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Mr. Wonderful Talks Politics
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4/17/2002: Oh, ha, ha, ha! IRS Agent as Uncle Sam at Mailbox on Tax Day. Ha, ha, ha
Even though I have ten or so articles pre-written for this space, the sight of an IRS agent dressed as Uncle Sam, accepting federal tax returns on April 15th, just blew my cork. Oh, isn't that funny? The most blood thirsty, feared and ill run of all government agencies is being so helpful by staying open late and dressing up a few of its vampires in costumes to collect last minute tax filings and checks. And federal tax payment checks. Tax payments that are stealing the lifeblood of the 50% of us who pay the 96% of all individual income taxes collected. Mr. Wonderful III, had to physically restrain your Mr.Wonderful from jumping into my 1988 smoking, transmission-slipping, 179,913 miled-odometered Suburban assault vehicle and sputtering down to the location of the nearest 'IRS Uncle Sam' character and just punching the bastard right in the face!  Damn-it people! This is the one time of the year when the federal Nosfaratu reveals himself in the light of the day. This is the singular ceremony of the year when the common man realizes that those S.O.B.'s in Washington only have the power, because we willfully give it to them. We, the 50% of the taxpayers who foot 96% of the bill these Senators and Representatives run up to stay in office, give at least 800 hours of our labors each year to help these ner'do wells fulfill their immoral promises to everyone but us. Why do we do this? Why?! You've got to get mad. You've got to get up out of your chairs and go to the window, stick your head out and yell, "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to pay this anymore!" Or, at the very least, one of you brave, conservative millionaires out there (remember Howard Jarvis in California?) must create a movement to disembowel the employer enforced individual withholding tax mechanism. And then replace it with an entirely sensible system where each and every citizen receives the full due of his or her labors, ie., the 'gross amount' of each and every paycheck and then, out of his own banking account, scribbles a tax payment to the FICA, to the IRS, to Medicare, to the appropriate state, county and city taxing agencies. Sounds like a lot of work you moan? You are gawd-damned right it's a lot of work Chester! But hell, us dolts work each year until sometime in May just to pay all these taxes and I think we need to be reminded every payday that we do. That we are the power (money) behind all the insane promises these Beltway Politicians make. And then, maybe then, enough of us will get fed up and say ENOUGH! Enough! "I don't care to fund grandfather's tightening bolts on the I.S.S. for $10,000 an hour. I don't care about water on Mars! I don't care about frogs with two sets of genitals! I don't care that some fat-assed 65 year old has come down with diabetes and Medicare wants to pay his bills. I don't care that a 72 year old needs a prescription and can't afford it without Medicare's help - why can he afford his two daily packs of cigarettes, lottery tickets and the bus ride to the reservation casino?" What do I care about? Paying MY mortgage, being able to afford a vehicle that is at least as nice as the ones the criminal illegal aliens drive around Scottsdale. I care about having enough money to pay for my own health insurance. I care about paying my water bill, electric bill, phone bill, cable bill, grocery bill and the $700 a month tuition to keep my teenager in a private school so maybe he'll get an education roughly equal to what I received in public schools in the 50s and 60s. What do you care about? How much do you care? Do you even care?
3/24/2002: "Putting Service First" the IRS ?
You've probably heard the AM radio ads (whose entire design is to morph the government agency - that places one foot on top of each armpit of the prostrate little guy while fleecing him, but yet at the same moment letting the billion dollar corporations with the cooked books escape the same shearing pen - into a service minded corporation) about the Internal Revenue Service, that ends by spraying its listeners with the diarrhea steeped phrase, "Putting service first."  Mrs. Wonderful, late in February 2002, mailed, via the U.S.P.S., several years of revised tax returns to both our Arizona State Revenue Department and the I.R.S. We promptly received our credits due us from the state, but, even though the I.R.S., located in Mormon, oops!, I mean L.D.S., infested Ogden, Utah, admits they indeed have received their set of the same of returns, they are still "working their way through the system." We've been informed that if they don't bubble up to the top by the end of March, we'll have to hand-carry another set to the I.R.S. office located in illegal alien/biker infested Sunnyslope. That's "service?" Typically, the only instance where the very real burden of federal taxation of personal income becomes clearly evident, is when we are faced with making additional payments to these leeches from our current net income. It is so terribly difficult for most citizens to part with this after-tax 'windfall', that in an effort to collect these tributes, the vampire-zombies at "The Service" freely threaten all involved with garnishment, liens and even prison.  That again, points up the genius of the federal payroll withholding tax system. Whereby our employers are charged with removing a big, bloody bite of earned income prior to issuing payment to us, thereby invisibly negating any protests (or even notice) on our part. Being the majority of American voters have been Prozac®-ed into helplessness or are just plain dolts, the only hope of us few sentient citizens remaining have in preventing our government slave-masters, from at some point seizing our entire paycheck, is if this illegal federal income tax withholding scheme is abolished by a Supreme Court that, against all odds, follows the dictates of our own United States Constitution.
3/19/2002: Our Government, Idea Man for the Terrorists
Every day we wet ourselves as our government warns us about all forms of possible future terrorist attacks. Not only that, but they tell us, exactly how, step by step, these terrorist assaults might be carried out. All the while, those of us who can read (a dwindling number every day) continue to learn about the confessions of captured terrorists and their cohorts.  (Here, in an exclusive report, your Mr.Wonderful exposes the inhumane methods used to wean desperately needed information from captured suspected terrorists: After being confined in a cell wall-papered with hundreds of 8 by 10 glossy photos of a nude and trembling Janet Reno swapping spit with a similarly clad Rosie O, while simultaneously pumping in the throbbing audio of the lovely couple singing "Ebony and Ivory" these international criminals quickly spew.) And what they usually tell their non-Muslim inquistors, again and again, is that they get their best ideas from our own government spewing these end-to-end "what if" scenarios. Why isn't our government, which claims to attract the best and the brightest, more circumspect, as is private industry, about detailing probable terrorists plots before booking time on Larry King? In the March 3, 2002 Wall Street Journal, I read a quote by TruSecure's chief technology officer, Peter Tippet, voicing concerns about future virus attacks against the still privately managed world-wide computer networks, where he stated, "There are futuristic attacks we can't talk about that don't even require (computer language) scripting." Enough said? or not said?
2/26/2002: "(European) Losers envy Winners."
Raymond Sokolov, published in the Friday 22nd, 2002 Wall Street Journal page W13 "de gustibus" column, hits the nail right on the head as he writes, ". . . Losers envy winners. Citizens of former European imperial powers are ashamed of their current decadence; so how can they be expected not to turn up their noses and shudder at our power and vigor? Pathetic, ragged Islamic societies see how we live on television and hate us for it. They see how Israelis prosper without petrochemcial trillions and hate them for it too. Hate them for winning wars. Hate success because they are failures. And so, when the Trade Center towers collapsed, Muslims cheered and said we had it coming. When suicide bombers kill Israelis in buses, in markets and at a religious celebration, Europeans can say, 'The Jews had it coming.' They've said that before, haven't they?"
2/17/2002: The Difference between Dems & Reps
Since so many young people world wide read my internet columns, I have long been searching for a simple way to explain the major difference between a true conservative Republican philosophy and beliefs held by the typical liberal Democrat. Like Jesus, I love to use analogies (I will probably go to hell for that comparison, eh?)  The Washington D.C. world has recently and conveniently provided me with that analogy. It is the way Democrats espouse Social Security as the Saviour of all American citizens, while the Republicans demonstrate that they believe a Free America is much better served by lowering tax rates and 'allowing' Corporate-taxpayers and individual-taxpayers (you & me-unless you're a welfare case) to keep more of the money they themselves earned. To keep their own money, even if that keeping might damage the empty Trust Fund of the Ponzi-scheme known as Social Security. (This scheme is so very crooked that on your pay stub you will not read the words "Social Security Taxes" but you will witness a large deduction 'described' with the mysterious four letters of F-I-C-A. ) The Democrats believe that the 535 members of Congress have an absolute right to as high of a percentage of the paychecks of one hundred million plus of its wage-earning citizens as they deem necessary. (Note, that in today's America, rather than waiting until you wrangle your first job out of a relative, at say age thirteen, to get your Social Security number in order to file your first tax returns, like I did in the early 1960s, you are issued a Social Security number at birth. Why? So these 535 plebians in D.C. can steal your earnings while you are a burbling, speechless, helpless infant and then continue to ravage your pocketbook until, ravaged by six decade of insane taxation, you become a burbling, speechless, 67 year old. True conservative Republicans believe that the economy, the society, the Free Enterprise System, and the individual himself (Adam Smith's 'Invisible Hand') is far better served by each income-earning citizen retaining as much of the money they themselves earn as possible. Remember, according to IRS's own statistics, the top 50% of income earners pay all but 6% of the entire national income tax bill. That leaves the 'bottom' half of our citizens, the 'poor' to pay merely the remaining six percent. What about these 'poor?' Again, I turn to Jesus who told the truth when he said, "The poor will always be with us."
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