Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second.
"You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping
service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two
pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord,
insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they
are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and
more people gather to watch them at work.
The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when
he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and
scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls
again,
bounces and comes back up again.
This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses
him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes
back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost
unconscious.
Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says,
"What happened? Was the cord too long?"
The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a
'pinata'?"
THE TRUTH BEHIND ADAM AND EVE
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a
problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and
all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm
just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for
you."
"What's a 'man', Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an
enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All
in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger & faster & more
muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball
about & hunting fleet-footed ruminants, & not altogether bad in the sack."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But,
you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he
wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop
owner suggests a faithful dog.
The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says,
"How about a cat?"
The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do
everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"
The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've
got it! A centipede!"
The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a
centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a
centipede."
He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede,
"Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks
into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All the dishes
and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away;
the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the
floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed.
He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."
Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room.
The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and
dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; plants
watered.
The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing
thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do
everything!"
Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner
and get me a newspaper."
The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later...
no centipede. 20 minutes later... no centipede. 30
minutes later... no centipede.
By this point the man is wondering what's going on. The
centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes.
45 minutes later... still no centipede!
He can't imagine what could have happened. Did the
centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car?
Where is that centipede?
So he goes to the front door, opens it ... and there's
the centipede sitting right outside.
The man says, "Hey!!! I sent you down to the corner
store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the
matter?!"
The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just
puttin' on my shoes!"
