Catt's Corner: Smart Seeds & Frightening Foods
Copyright 1999, Catt Foy
I was reading about genetic engineering the other day, and how scientists are developing "smart" seeds that are capable of all kinds of things, like refusing to reproduce.
What's next? Food that forces itself down your throat? Must I fear ears of corn that will jump into the butter, slather themselves thoroughly, then perform a kernel striptease for ease of eating? (Why, we won't even need teeth to eat them!) Will my refrigerator be host to suicidal milk that morbidly announces its own expiration date? Self-mutilating flowers that will cut themselves, then leap into the vase to die gracefully on my dining room table?
They've even developed plants that manufacture their own pesticides, bringing to my fevered mind images of that old sci-fi flick where strange alien flowers spray their human victims with deadly spores. Suppose the plants also develop aggressive tendencies and decide to migrate, like Africanized bees? Are we to then live in fear of our own gardens running amok, releasing toxins at us willy-nilly? Suppose the tomato plants take a dislike to the nasturtiums? "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" may be more than a Saturday matinee.
The practice of genetic engineering involves putting the "desirable" genes from one species into another. Like crossing a sunflower with Venus flytrap? Well, that might cut down on the number of stray cats in the neighborhood, but at what cost? Will even toddlers be fair game?
Add to that the new developments in nanotechnology, and we have truly frightening possiblities. Like food products that will list their own ingredients or nutritional value. (Or worse still, food that will tell me why it's bad for me!) If I want something that talks back to me, I'll call my children. For the same reasons I don't have a talking parrot, automobile or computer, I don't want food that communicates with me. I want my food to be passive and cooperative, that will - willingly or unwillingly - lay on my plate and allow me to consume it at my leisure. If I wanted a good fight for my food, I would have been born into a tribal hunter-gatherer society - or stayed married to my first husband.
I suppose I'm just being old-fashioned. Think of the advantages - what could be better than a potato that not only grows without maintenance, but is genetically engineered to be the perfect french fry? Why, it's only a matter of time before these potatoes are able to grow their own golden arches trademark on their skin! Think of the advertising dollars that could be saved....
And for the diet-conscious, fruit, cola, or cacao (chocolate!) that grows automatically sweetened with Nutrasweet might be considered a bulimic's breakthrough. After all, any plant that can grow its own pesticides could surely manufacture other neat and useful biochemicals with the right genetic tweaking. And what could be more popular than designer food in our crazed consumer culture? Wouldn't it be easier to get your kids to eat Nike Niblets or Calvin Klein Karrots? Why, if we did it right, the side effects might be that the kids would grow their own athletic shoes or jeans right "on the vine," so to speak. Boy, wouldn't that save a bundle on the MasterCard bill?
I don't know. I still think I'm on the side of the Europeans who have dubbed Monsanto's monsters "Frankenfoods." I want my Frankstein on film, not in the fridge.