“We should make a haunted house,” responds Cerviche, taping up a section of fake webbing over the entrance to the kitchen.
“That’d be cool, but who would go through it?” asks Fantasmas.
“We would,” answers Cerviche.
“Then who would put it on?”
“Ok we’d put it on and the Chicas would go through it.”
“Yeah but there are only three Chicas. How many times can three people go through the same haunted house?” asks Fantas.
“Well then I guess we’ll have to go and recruit some more. I’m sure there are ton’s of hot females out there that would love to work for some super-powered studs such as ourselves.”
“Hoo Ha!” yells Huevos De Diablo popping his head trough the door. “What’s this about getting more Chicas?”
“I was just saying that we should get some more females up in here,” answers Cerviche. “The ones we have are great, but this is a big castle and there are only three of them to clean this whole place. I mean we used to have nine Chicas, I think we should have at least that many again.”
“Right cleaning… that’s why you want more Chicas,” says Huevos sarcastically.
“Yeah dude,” chimes in Fantas. “He says he want Chicas to wax the floor, but he really wants them so he can WAX DA BOOTY!”
“Wax da booty?” sneers Huevos. “Dude that is lame.”
“Both of you shut up!” orders Cerviche. “And lets go get some Chicas!” Fantasmas writes a note explaining their mission and leaves in the middle of the newly hung spider web. Then the three of them take off on the search for women worthy of becoming Chicas.
Choni Susio, half-asleep, gets up off the couch and heads into the kitchen to get some water. His eyes almost completely closed, he stumbles through the web, tearing it and the note down, without even seeing it. “Damn spiders… makin’ webs allover the place…” he mumbles, grabbing a dirty cup and filling it up in the sink. After downing the water he throws the cup in the sink and slowly makes his way back to the couch and falls asleep again.
After watching the Diamondbacks stomp the crap out of the Yankees in games one and two of the World Series, Oso Verde, Sueltos Frijoles, Caliente, Duende Gallo, and El Torso return home to an empty house. “I hate going places in disguise,” says Caliente opening the door to the mighty Hall.
“Yeah, those handicapped seats sucked,” added El Torso. “I wish I could have just used my hover chair.”
“Well I felt it would be better to go incognito, so we wouldn’t draw attention to ourselves,” says Duende.
“Not that anybody noticed a seven-and-half foot tall giant pushing a limbless torso around in a wheelchair,” replies Oso jokingly.
“Where is everybody?” ponders Sueltos aloud.
“Choni’s in here,” Caliente yells from the vast living room. “Dude where’s everybody at?” he asks, waking up the slumbering Susio.
“I don’t know,” he says yawning. “Oh wait… The Chaicas went shopping. I don’t where the other guys are though.”
“Thye sure got this place decked out for Halloween,” states Sueltos.
“Yeah, it really gets me into the Halloween spirit,” says Oso. “I got an idea. There are what three days until Halloween? We should go teach the Butt Gnomes and Nose Goblins about Halloween. And the then they can come trick-or-treating here at the castle.”
“It’s be cool to see what kind of weird costumes they come up with,” says Duende.
“You guys have fun, but I gotta drop a Shiite Muslim. Then I’m going to bed, it’s like midnight,” Caliente says disappearing up the stairs. With that Sueltos and Oso head to the village of the Nose Goblins, while Duende and El Torso make their way to the home of the Butt Gnomes. Choni Susio they leave asleep on the couch.
As Oso and Sueltos walk down the dirt path to the center of the goblin village, mothers grab their children and run into the many cave and round stone huts, slamming doors behind them. The men of the village; wearing loincloths made of animal hide, and some bearing piercings of bone through their ears and noses; grab spears and scimitars and form a circle around the intruders. “Whoa! What’s their problem?” asks Sueltos.
“Well we did nearly wipeout their entire population when we raided Makabendrix’s castle,” answers Oso. “We come in peace,” says Oso loudly, raising his hands to show he’s unarmed.
The goblins in front of them shuffle aside as the Chief of the Nose Goblins appears with his large dark skinned bodyguards at his side. He is extremely large for a Nose Goblin, standing nearly five-and-a-half feet tall, and all of his personal guards are over five feet in height. His dark green skin is covered with red, orange and white markings, and on his head is a crown made of feathers and bones. His Bodyguards are dressed in black loincloths and are unmarked except for a strange red symbol tattooed on their foreheads. They all carry large black curved scimitars. The chief raises his black blade in a scaly claw and screams out in the Goblin’s harsh guttural language. Suddenly the circle begins to draw tighter. “I hope the other guys are having more luck than we are,” says Sueltos turning to his friend.
Walking into the gnome village, Duende sends a telepathic message to the Butt Gnomes telling them that he and his companion come in peace, and bring tidings of good faith. The gnomes, in their cotton tunics and pants, and brightly colored tall pointed hats, shyly come out from their butt-huts to see the man that can speak to them without talking. After peacefully greeting the gnomes and passing around candy, Duende and El Torso are cheerfully welcomed into the village and are escorted to the King. Entering a large butt-hut the two outsiders see the large round-bodied king standing to greet them as he bows his long gray beard sweeps the floor. To the left and right of him stand two burly, dark-bearded gnomes, wearing large black hats and holding heavy broadswords. The King is very large for a Butt Gnome at five and-a-half feet tall, but the large gold pointed cap adds another three feet. “Hullo,” the king says smiling.
“Wow you speak English!” exclaims El Torso.
“Hullo,” the King says again.
“Ok, maybe not.”
“It’s alright,” Duende says to El Torso. “I’ll handle this.” Telepathically, Duende starts to tell the Gnome King about the tradition of Halloween, jack-o-lanterns, and most importantly of all, trick-or-treating. After talking for a long time, Duende invites the King and all of his fellow Butt Gnomes to come trick-or-treating in three days, at the Hall of the Nine Kings. Then he and El Torso head home. “I wonder if it went this well for Oso and Sueltos,” El Torso says to Duende.
“Tell me again why we’re running?” Sueltos asks Oso as they break through the ring of goblins and run through the jungle.
“Because we don’t want to kill them. We’re trying to befriend them.”
“But I feel like such a pussy running from these little punks. Speaking of which, where are they.” Looking behind them they see that the goblins have stopped following them. “That’s weird, they just gave up. Lets go dude, we can come back here in the morning.”
“Wait up bro, something’s wrong, something’s amiss.”
“Amiss? What the hell? You need to quit watching Army of Darkness so much.”
“Sssh” demands Oso, peering into the blackness of the jungle. “Look at all these crosses around us. And I think there’s a building up there a head of us.”
“Oh shit,” says Sueltos, his face turning a ghastly pale gray in the moonlight. “It’s the ruins of Makabendrix’s castle.”
“No wonder the Goblins took off. Dude lets go in there,” Oso says to Sueltos, the corners of his mouth pulling into an evil grin.”
“No way man! I’m not going in there.”
“Come on, don’t be a pussy. This is what Halloween’s all about. Going in to graveyards and stuff.” Reluctantly Sueltos agrees, and they cautiously approach the ruins of the former monument to evil that was Makabendrix’s castle. Entering the main hall, they see that there are lit candles on piles of toppled stone. “Ok now that’s creepy,” he says.
“Yeah it is, now lets get hell outta here,” says Sueltos. They turn to leave when they hear a jingling coming from another room. “It sounds like keys or something.”
“Yeah lets check it out.”
“You first.”
They silently creep toward the room when suddenly a figure jumps in front of them. “AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!” They fall to the floor and scramble away from the shadowy figure. “What are you doing here?” demands a tall dark man, dressed all in black with a large shiny set of keys jingling on his belt. “What are you doing in the home of my beloved?”
“Who the hell are you?” demands Sueltos and Oso standing up and taking a defensive posture.
“I am Ralphus the Vampire. I was a loyal servant of the beautiful Makabendrix,” he says and for a moment a look of sadness flashes in his eyes, and then is gone. “I was the head janitor to the great Makabendrix. Little did she know my love for her. After her death I remained here where I will clean this once great castle for the rest of eternity. Wait…” Ralphus growls, his eyes glowing blood red. “It was you who killed my beloved!”
“Well not personally but… AAAAHH!!!” The evil vampire slashes Sueltos across the stomach with his claws.
“I will enjoy drinking the blood of those who killed my love,” Ralphus says turning to Oso.
“Don’t count on it,” says Oso, and grabs the vampire and throws him across the room. But as he hits the far wall Ralphus explodes into a mist and disappears. “Whoa!”
“You have not seen the last of me,” says a voice coming from everywhere and nowhere. “You have not seen the last of Ralphus.”
“Oh man,” groans Sueltos. “That’s enough of this Halloween crap, lets go home.”
Oso picks up the wounded Sueltos and runs through the jungle back to the Hall. Bursting through the front door they see Huevos, Fantasmas, Cerviche, and the rest of the guys partying with 10 new Chicas. “There’s a vampire janitor living in the ruins of Makabendrix’s castle!” shouts Oso. “Look what he did to Sueltos.”
“We got new Chicas,” Caliente says enthusiastically. “You say something Oso?”
“Aww forget it,” Sueltos says to Oso. “I’m all right. Put me down and lets get this party started!”
Oso and Sueltos soon forget Ralphus as they, their Macho brothers, and the new Chicas party the night away. Two days later the Amigos fly in for a kick-ass Halloween Party. Surprisingly they are visited by little Butt Gnomes trick-or-treating dressed up in strange costumes. All Gnomes who show up are welcomed, and our heroes and their guest party the night away.