I would love if you guys would read this excerpt and give me some feedback. I don't know if I think this story is worth continuing... your opinions will help me decide.
One
Caitlin sat alone on a bench. The heat of her body could not thaw the icy metal that she was curled up on, and the fact that she was dressed in a short skirt and fishnet stockings did nothing to remedy the situation. Her shaking fingers held a cigarette to her lips and she surveyed the dark parking lot with a frown.
“All alone at night? Are you sure you’re safe?” rumbled a throaty voice from behind her. She felt cold fingers wrap around her neck and she gasped.
“Get your hands off of me, Michael!” she squealed, peeling the frosty digits off of her skin. “I’m cold enough, thank you.”
“So why are you sitting out here instead of on the bus?”
“I’m thinking.”
“Hypothermia is your muse?” he asked, laughing.
“No, but thank you for ruining my moment,” she scowled, grinding the cigarette into the ground with her boot.
Michael grabbed her arm as she headed towards the bus. “Don’t get angry, Caitlin. I’m just playing with you.”
She turned to face him. “I’m not angry. You just happen to be around whenever I’m trying to think.”
“What are you thinking about?”
“Wondering how we’re going to be able to finish this tour with Dave as sick as he is.”
“He just caught a little virus.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Little? He’s been throwing up nonstop for the past two days.”
“I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
Caitlin leaned against the bus, the cold metal numbing her bare arms instantly. “I don’t know.”
“There’s something else, though. You’re not just worried about Dave.”
She sighed. “I just don’t know if I can keep doing this, Mike.”
“What?”
“I just don’t know if I’m cut out for this after all. I mean, I thought that life on the road was my dream. That it was my lifestyle. I’m just not sure about that anymore.”
“What makes you think that?”
“I-” she stopped short. “Never mind.”
“No, I want to hear.” He followed her onto the bus. “Come on, Caitlin.”
She flopped down onto the couch nearest the door. “I just feel…” she hesitated again. “I don’t think I can explain it to you.”
He sat next to her. “Try me.”
“I just feel alone, okay? I mean, I love you guys- you’re like my second family. But it’s really hard to have any kind of social life outside of the band right now.”
“So you don’t think you want to tour anymore because you can’t get laid?” he asked bluntly, twisting a dark spike of hair around on his head.
She glared at him. “It’s more than that.” She turned away from him abruptly. “You don’t understand. You couldn’t possi-”
“You think I don’t know what it’s like to be alone? Christ, Caitlin, we’ve been best friends for five years now. You think that I don’t know exactly what you’re feeling and thinking most of the time?” He touched her arm tenderly, then yanked back. “Jesus you are cold.”
She shivered, as if to demonstrate her low body heat. “I know.”
Michael pulled her into a tight embrace, rubbing the backs of her arms. “Now you’ll get sick and we’ll be out half a band.”
“Doubtful,” she sighed, pulling away from him. “Mike, do you think we could take a break from touring after these last few dates?”
“What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know. I just need some time alone, I think. I need to get away from all of this craziness. I miss my bed, I miss my cat, and I really miss eating real food. Don’t you want to take some time off?”
He shrugged. “I guess. I love the road- touring seems so natural for me. But if you think it’d do you some good to get some time off, I don’t see why we can’t do that.”
“Ever consider taking a vote on that?” asked another deep voice.
“Depends on what your vote is, Trevor,” Caitlin smiled slyly.
“I don’t know. I guess I just thought that we were going to head to Europe after we finished this American leg.”
“Well, we can do that too. I just want a week or two to recollect myself. Can you wait for a couple of weeks? Or is London calling?”
“Buh-bum ching,” Michael cut in. “Nice Clash reference.”
“Thank you.” Caitlin took a small but arrogant bow.
Trevor sat down on the chair across from the couch. “Well I can’t really see why we can’t take a little time off. Dave probably should get some rest, too. And it’s not like we’ve even announced any dates yet.”
“Exactly!” she cried. “I knew I could count on you, my little cue ball.” She rubbed his bald head affectionately and he grinned.
Yawning, Caitlin stretched out on the couch, her legs in Michael’s lap. “I need sleep in a real bed.”
“Do you even sleep at night anymore?”
“Sometimes. It’s just that the bed is so small and my thoughts are so large that I feel overwhelmed.”
“You poor poor thing,” Trevor teased.
Caitlin reached under the couch and pulled out a small wooden box. “Shut up.”
“I sleep like a rock after a show we had like tonight,” Michael breathed. “If indoor venues were any less ventilated, we’d all suffocate entirely.”
“I hear you, Mike,” Trevor nodded. “My hands couldn’t even hold onto my drumsticks because the sweat was just pouring down my arms. Then we come outside and it’s 45 below zero.”
Caitlin nodded as she retrieved a joint from the bottom of the box. “Ah-ha! I knew there was an extra one stashed in here.”
There was a temporary silence as the joint was lit. But as soon as Caitlin had it fully lit and passed it to Michael, the conversation resumed.
“I don’t know why I don’t sleep on this bus,” she said, smoke punctuating her words. “I wish I could. My body is exhausted, but my mind won’t ever stop for more than a minute. If it’s not fragmented thoughts, it’s pieces of songs that I can’t get out of my head.”
“You’re a tortured soul,” Trevor said dryly, lifting the joint to his mouth.
“Your sarcasm is always a comfort.”
“So what are you going to do with your time off, Trevor?” Michael asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe finish that drum solo that I’ve been working on. Try and find some lovely ladies.” His black goatee curled underneath his smirking lips.
“So essentially, go to the bar, piss off a bunch of women with your ‘charm’, and then get too drunk to even be able to walk home,” Caitlin purred.
“Exactly what I said.” He turned back to Michael; first to grab the joint, then to ask, “What are your plans?”
“I might do a little painting. Relax. The more I think about taking a break, the better it sounds.”
“The more stoned I get the better it sounds,” Caitlin giggled.
Michael laid his head on her shoulder, yawning widely. Smoke billowed from his mouth. “I think I’m going to bed when that’s finished. I’m really exhausted.”
“Sure, cut out on me,” she huffed.
“I’m not going to stay up with you just because you have insomnia. Why should we both suffer?”
“Some friend you are.” She inhaled deeply on the joint. “Trevor?”
He shook his head firmly. “I’m exhausted, too.”
Michael stood up, wavering slightly. “As a matter of fact, I think I’m going to head to bed now.”
“And waste your good buzz?” she asked.
“I’ll have to sacrifice it for my need for sleep.” He ruffled Caitlin’s black and red chunked hair. “Good night, my dear.” She made a face.
Trevor put out the joint in the ashtray and handed it to Caitlin to put back into the box. “I think I’m going to head to bed, too.” He laughed when she gave him her saddest puppy look. “Don’t give me that, Cait. If it doesn’t work on Mike, it sure as hell won’t work on me.”
“Are you implying I am weak against her?” Michael asked incredulously.
Trevor grinned. “Yes.”
They traded playful punches for a few moments before both said their final goodnights and headed for their beds.
Caitlin sighed, again enveloped in silence. She felt it pressing down on her ears and she stretched out into a more comfortable position on the couch. Staring at the ceiling, she became so engrossed in thought that she didn’t even hear Shawn, Purple Zephyr’s bus driver, get onto the bus.
“Another late night, eh, Cait?” he asked, smiling down on her.
“Yeah, unfortunately. I’ve been abandoned once again.”
He chuckled as he slid into the driver’s seat and started the engine. As the bus rumbled to a start, Caitlin let her thoughts follow the rhythm of the wheels on the asphalt. She didn’t even feel her eyes getting heavier.
Michael wandered out a little later to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. He glanced over to the couch and saw Caitlin fast asleep on it, her lips speaking in a silent dream language. Smiling softly, he grabbed the blanket off of her bed and covered her in it.
“Some insomniac,” he chuckled. He only let his fingers brush her lips for a moment before he headed back to bed.
Two
Caitlin threw her bags on the floor of her apartment and sighed in bliss. She stared euphorically at the walls of her small apartment. She had fantasized about her empty bed for the first time in her life. Now she was home.
As she walked through the quiet apartment, she shoved a random CD in her CD player and turned it on. As the music began filtering into the silence, she smiled again and headed to the kitchen.
She found her fat tomcat Naveed sprawled on her counter, one large orange paw dangling over the side. She laughed and scooped him into her arms, snuggling him close. He purred loudly and nuzzled the side of her face.
“Oh, I missed my baby,” she cooed to the twenty-pound cat. Then she dropped him onto the floor and reached for his bag of cat food.
“Has Erica been coming over to feed you?” she asked, pouring food into his dish. “I see you haven’t been wasting away.”
Then she headed to her living room. She fell onto the couch and turned on the TV. She surfed the channels for a few moments, searching for something that could hold her attention. She found it on MTV.
It was a video by a band named Venus. She watched the platinum-haired lead singer stalk back and forth in a small room. He had piercing blue eyes and full, pouting lips. She had heard the song on the radio one night during their tour and fallen in love with it, but she had no clue that the lead singer was as undeniably sexy as he was. She sat in open-mouthed silence; she was spellbound, wishing she could remember his name.
When the video ended, she frowned. She had discovered that being at home was just as lonely as being on tour. With one exception.
She grabbed the phone from the end table beside her and dialed a number she knew by heart.
“Hello?”
She paused for a moment. “Hey Mike.”
“Caitlin?”
“Yeah. What’s up?”
“Um. Nothing. I was just unpacking my stuff and getting settled in. What about you?”
“Just sitting here going crazy over the silence.”
“I thought that’s what you wanted,” he laughed.
“I thought so, too!” she insisted. “I thought I wanted to be alone. Do you think you’d want to come over to hang out for awhile?”
He laughed again. “Sure, Cait. Sure. I’ll come over- give me about ten minutes, okay?”
She grinned. “Thanks, Mike. You’re awesome.”
As soon as she hung up the phone, she ran to her bedroom. She had to at least get a little more ready than this.
She yanked off her big t-shirt and sweatpants and pulled on a pair of hip-hugging jeans and a baby-doll t-shirt. She took a few moments to look at herself in the mirror, adjusting the clothes so they fit perfectly in all the right places. Then she grabbed a random perfume from her dresser and dabbed it on her wrists and behind her ears.
Just as she finished, she heard a buzzing in the living room. She ran out and pressed the button to say, “Hey Mike.”
“Hey.” His voice was coated in static. “Can I come up?”
“Sure.” She buzzed him in.
When he got inside, he waved a bottle of vodka. “I brought you a gift.”
“Oh wow,” she grinned. “Awesome.” Her eyes passed over his soft black button up shirt and dark slacks. He looked unusually striking.
He came into the kitchen while she made a few mixed drinks, leaning against the counter. He leaned closely- she could smell his cologne.
“So you’re lonely here, too?” he asked.
“Yeah. Sadly enough, right? It’s so pathetic.” She laughed bitterly.
“Oh, Cait, don’t be so upset,” he said, rubbing her arm.
She looked up at him with gloomy green eyes. “Mike, it’s terrible. I feel so lonely. But I think I finally know why.”
“Why?” he tilted his head to the side.
“Come sit down with me,” she urged, pulling him into the living room.
When they settled on the couch, he pressed further. “Come on, Caitlin. What?”
She leaned closer. “Mike, if I said something really shocking to you, would it affect how you felt about me?”
“No, of course not, Cait. Tell me anything.” He took her hands in his.
“I think I’m lonely because… because you’re not around.”
He looked at her strangely. “What do you mean? You miss the band?”
“No. I miss you.” She frowned, waiting for a reaction.
Mike looked at her and gently brushed her hair with his fingers. She leaned even closer to him and there was a moment of hesitation as they looked at each other, both moving hesitantly forward. But when their lips met tenderly, their mouths melted slowly together and they pulled each other closer. Caitlin had one hand wrapped in his dark spikes of hair and the other exploring his back and he had one hand on her neck and the other on her waist. Their mouths plunged together desperately for a few moments before Mike broke away.
“I’m sorry,” he said sadly, his hand on her shoulder. “I can’t.”
“What?” she asked, her eyes widening.
“I can’t do this. Not with you. Not…”
“I see,” she said slowly. “You don’t feel that way about me.”
“No,” he blurted. “No, I do. I just don’t know if it’s right. I don’t think it could ever work.”
She frowned at him. “Mike, you don’t think what would work? I’m talking about sex. What are you talking about?”
“You and me.”
She sighed. “You’re too moral for just sex. I should have figured.”
“I’m not,” he insisted. “But it’s different with you, Caitlin. You’re my best friend. I don’t want to ruin that.”
“It doesn’t have to,” she said softly, grabbing his hands again.
He pulled them away. “I just don’t know.”
She fell back onto the couch for a minute. There was a long, painful silence between them. A terribly awkward stillness. Finally, Michael leaned over and pressed his mouth against hers again. They kissed passionately for a few moments and Caitlin slid her hands up his chest to reach for the buttons to his shirt. But as soon as her fingers found the top button, he pulled away again. This time, he stood up.
“I’m sorry Caitlin,” he said in a sheepish voice. “I just can’t do this… not right now. I have to sort things out first. Can we talk about this later?”
She sighed slowly, looking at the floor. “Um. Yeah. We’ll talk about it later.”
He nodded, even though she didn’t see him. “Okay. Well, uh, enjoy the vodka. I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Yeah,” she said weakly. “I’ll talk to you sometime this week.”
“That would be great.” His voice was strained. “Okay. So… later.”
She said nothing as the door swung shut behind him. As soon as he was gone, she buried her head in her hands. “What have I done now?” she moaned aloud. Naveed crawled onto the couch with her, mewling. She rubbed his head and he curled up in her lap. The gentle, comforting presence of her cat did her wonders and as she lost herself in the mindlessness of television, she felt the heavy weight lighten on her lungs.
“Maybe we’ll just forget it ever happened,” she whispered to Naveed. He meowed in feline agreement.
Michael, on the other hand, was shuffling slowly to his car. When he got inside, he found that his eyes had filled inexplicably with tears. He knew he had made the right choice- why couldn’t he convince himself of that?
It took a few more minutes of silent regrouping before Michael could pull out of his parking space and drive home.
Three
“Caitlin?”
“Mike? Hey, what’s going on?”
“I was just sitting around.” He hesitated for a second, then plunged ahead. “Do you want to come over for a little while?”
Caitlin struggled to conceal the smile in her voice. “I’d love to.”
As soon as they hung up, she leapt into the air, cheering. She felt almost desperate to see him- it had been nearly three days since their last encounter. Then a wave of paranoia swept through her. What would they talk about? Would he even want to discuss what had happened between them? Her stomach churned as her mind played out the various scenarios.
With much trepidation, she knocked on the door to his apartment. She had pulled out the sexiest outfit in her wardrobe- a short black dress that molded to her body, fishnet stockings, and thick soled combat boots. She felt good.
When the door swung open, however, her delightful feelings turned to nausea. Mike was wearing black sweatpants and a white tank top. His eyes widened in shock when he saw her outfit.
“Wow.” He allowed himself a quick glance up and down her svelte body. “Jesus, Cait. Wow.”
A hot blush rose sharply into her face and she looked at the ground. “I didn’t know we were dressing down for this.”
“I can change,” he offered quickly.
“No,” she sighed. “It doesn’t matter.”
He frowned and waved her inside. His apartment was a definite bachelor pad- there were no cute knickknacks or any soft feminine touches to his place. Caitlin wondered absent-mindedly what she would do to the place to fix it up. The thought was shoved roughly aside.
“So…” she trailed off, sitting uncomfortably on his couch.
“There are only a couple of things I wanted to talk about,” he said, sitting next to her. “Look, Cait… you’re my best friend. I love you more than anyone else I know. What happened the other night- I don’t think it was supposed to happen. It just doesn’t feel right.” He surveyed her crestfallen face and pressed on. “Not that I don’t want it to happen.” He sighed. “I mean, good Lord, look at how you look tonight.” He gestured to the outfit with more than one wistful glance. “You’re a beautiful, beautiful woman. But I don’t want anything to happen to our friendship because of how we feel at the moment. I- I don’t want to be another one of your tragedies.”
“Excuse me?” she scowled.
He shuffled his feet on the carpet and watched their action with great interest. “Every relationship you’ve been in recently has ended in disaster.”
“Thank you,” she snapped. “I appreciate that.”
He seemed shocked at her sudden irritation. “I’m not trying to offend you by saying that. I’m just saying that I don’t want anything that happens between us to end in a horrible disaster. I think we both know that it would.”
“I wasn’t planning on pulling out an engagement ring or anything. Why do you have to turn every one of your sexual endeavors into a relationship?”
“Because I-” he stopped suddenly. “Because I refuse to treat women like they’re disposable.”
“It doesn’t have to work that way,” she insisted.
“It’s always worked that way for you. Why is this time any different?”
“Because we have caring and compassion already built up. I never cared about any other guy I’ve ever been with as much as I care about you. That affects things. I think it affects things in a good way. Apparently, you don’t feel the same way.” She stood up, her fingers curling into small fists. “I think I’m going to go. I’ve made enough of an ass out of myself already.”
Michael seemed very sad when she said this. “You don’t have to go.”
“Yes,” she answered firmly. “I do.”
Caitlin was struggling with tears as she headed for the doorway, ashamed at what she had expected from him. Lust was no comparison for the platonic love he had for her.
Just as her hand encircled the doorknob, she felt a hand on her arm. When she turned to face him, she felt his mouth against hers. The kiss they shared was like the one they had had a few nights before- the same intense passion barely concealed by loving tenderness. Her knees felt like they had turned to water and just as she was sure she was going straight to the floor, Michael’s arm wrapped around her waist. He pulled her tight against him, his hand alone supporting her entire jelly-like frame. He placed gentle kisses along her bare neck, his hands sweeping the straps of her dress off her shoulders. Then, in one fluid motion, he picked her up effortlessly and carried her into the bedroom while she stroked his hair and back.
~*~
Waking with a start, Caitlin gazed around the unfamiliar bedroom she was in. It took her a few minutes until she was awake enough to remember that she was in Michael’s room… that she had slept with him the night before. She rolled over, gazing with a sleepy smile at his still-slumbering face. Her fingers gently traced his features. As her hand brushed his lips, he kissed her fingertips gently. His eyes remained closed.
“Good morning,” she said softly.
With a smile, Mike’s eyes slowly opened. “Hi.” His lips pressed against hers and she responded enthusiastically, beginning to slither on top of him.
But with a firm hand on her shoulder, he stopped her. “We have to talk.”
Caitlin turned on her bedroom eyes and nuzzled his neck. “Talk about what?”
“Caitlin.” The sternness of his voice kept her from kissing him again.
“Mike, what do you want to talk about?” she asked, slightly irritated.
He sighed deeply. “What did we just do last night?”
With a cocky smile, she traced her fingers up his bare chest. “We fucked like animals. Don’t you remember? I’d be glad to give you a repeat performance.” When he didn’t smile in return, her arrogant features softened. “Mike, Jesus, what is it?”
He rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in his pillow. After a long silence, he looked up at her and said, “What did last night mean to you?”
Caitlin frowned deeply. “Is this a trick question?”
“Does it look like a trick question?” he asked with solemn eyes.
She fell back onto the bed, groaning at the ceiling. “You don’t want me to answer that, Mike. You know you don’t.”
There was another painfully long silence.
“Do you want me to leave?” she asked quietly.
Mike laid his head on her shoulder. “No.”
She stroked his face gently. “This was a bad idea, wasn’t it?”
“I don’t really know the answer to that. And it’s a little late to be wondering about that, isn’t it?”
“This is definitely not the morning after I was hoping for,” she sighed.
“Well, it’s not what I wanted either, you know,” he replied.
“Attack of a guilty conscience?”
“Yes.” He looked up at her, frowning. “Caitlin, I-”
“No,” she interrupted. “I refuse to let it end like this.”
“What?”
Caitlin leaned down and began kissing up his back. He shivered, his back arching involuntarily.
“Caitlin-”
She hushed him and continued to lavish kisses up his shoulders and neck. “We can talk later.”
“Later,” Mike sighed, turning to kiss her. “We have to talk later.”
“Certainly,” she smiled, crawling onto him.
~*~
“Caitlin, where the fuck have you been?” Mike snapped, his arms crossed.
“Well, hello to you, too,” she sneered.
“You’re a half an hour late,” Trevor pointed out.
“I’m sorry,” she said sheepishly, setting her acoustic guitar on the ground. “I fell asleep and then my mom called...”
“There’s always something,” Mike muttered.
“Are you having a problem with me, Mike?” she snarled.
“Not at all,” he replied dryly.
“Look,” Dave said softly, “we have to get some work done today. Can we please just do it without fighting for once?”
“How have you been feeling, Dave?” Caitlin asked, her defiant features softening.
He smiled weakly. “Terrible. Same as always.”
“Oh, honey,” she said, touching his forehead. “Are you going to be able to handle going overseas?”
“Yeah, I’ll survive. Don’t worry- my duty as the loyal bassist remains the same whether or not I am feeling 100 percent.”
“Good man,” Trevor nodded, patting him on the back. “All right… can we work now that Cait is here?”
The four sat down, first discussing the places they’d like to tour in Europe, and then rehearsing a few songs that they wanted to try playing before they recorded them. There was no need for words while they played- they’d been a band for long enough to know what everyone else was thinking. They could predict what was about to be played.
As they wrapped up their practice, Dave grabbed Caitlin’s arm.
“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?”
“Sure, Dave,” she said, looking a little confused. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Mike.”
Her stomach exploded into butterflies. “What about him?”
“Well… I don’t know. Maybe it’s not any of my business.”
“Dave,” she sighed impatiently, “what are you talking about?”
“Are the two of you messing around?” he blurted, avoiding her eyes.
Caitlin gaped at him. “What?”
“It’s just that… I saw the way he was looking at you. He doesn’t usually look at you that way when we’re all around.”
“What way?” she asked, her eyebrows lowering.
“You know- the look you give someone when you’ve slept with them.”
“I wasn’t aware there was a particular look that was given,” she sighed. “Why are you always so damn perceptive?”
“So I’m right,” he said, a look of triumph flashing across his face before he smothered it with a more serious expression. “Cait, I don’t know if you’re aware that what you just did was not such a good idea.”
“Why is that?” she asked, knowing he could provide her with the answer.
“Because I think Mike feels a lot more deeply for you than you do for him.”
She frowned. “Probably.” Her fingers curled into a fist in her hair. “Damn.”
“Cait, you should know better than to use someone like Mike as a fuckbuddy.”
“I’m not using him,” she insisted. “Dave, please don’t think that way about me.”
He sighed. “Do you intend on committing yourself to a relationship with Mike?”
“No.”
“Then you’re using him.”
“I made certain he was very aware of the fact that it was casual sex.” She sighed for the third time in the conversation. “Please don’t look at me like that.”
“Caitlin, you should know him well enough by now to know that he’d never engage in anything casual when it comes to sex. Jesus, do you really believe that he’d sleep with you and just walk away from it?”
She slumped against the wall, pressing her palms against her forehead. “I know, I know. So what do I do now?”
“You have to talk to him.”
“About what? What on earth do I even say?”
“I don’t know for sure what to tell you, Cait. But you have to think of something to say to him or this tour is going to be hell. The longer you let this happen, the harder it’s going to be to explain to him why you’ve tired of his nighttime entertainment.”
“You’re right,” she conceded. “You always are.”
He smiled gently. “Yes. I know.”
Four
“So are we going to talk now?” Mike asked, tracing his fingers across Caitlin’s palm.
“First can we discuss why you were so hostile towards me at practice yesterday?”
“Because you have been habitually late to every single one of our meetings in the past few weeks. Your responsibility level is at a minimum. I’m starting to believe that you care less and less about getting anything accomplished.”
“I cannot help that my life is always busy,” she cried defensively. “You know how my mom gets when I blow off talking to her for something that involves that band.”
“I know. But it’s not just that anymore. You’re treating us more like a side project than your full-time occupation.”
“I’m sorry,” she said softly, staring at the empty wall of his living room. The red streaks in her black hair gleamed as she turned to look at him. “I don’t want you guys to think that you’re not my first priority because you are. Without a doubt.”
“Just try to make a little more of an effort to be on time. That’s all I want.”
“Okay. Deal.”
“Good. Now…”
“This other thing.”
“Yes.” He took her hands in his. “Caitlin, I just… you know how I feel about sex outside of a relationship.”
“I do. You hate it. And you think that the way that I live is abhorrent.”
“No, I don’t think that at all. I just don’t agree with the way you treat sex.”
“I’m more careful than I ever used to be. You can at least say that.”
“Well, that’s not saying a whole lot.”
She rolled her eyes and pulled her hands away from him. “Thank you.”
“No, no, please don’t take that the wrong way. I’m just saying that-”
“Mike, I’m not ready to devote myself to one person right now. I’m 22 years old- I have a lot of life to live still. And I’m not willing to commit to a relationship if I don’t think that I’ll be happy in it.”
“I would hate to see you get hurt.”
“I’ve already been hurt many times. I’ve been wounded enough to know that I haven’t met a man that I can trust enough to fall in love with.”
“I know.”
“Mike, don’t you just want to live your life without constantly worrying what might happen tomorrow? Don’t you ever just want to do what you want?”
“It’s not that easy.”
“It is. I could show you how.”
“And how would you do that?”
Caitlin leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. Her mind fought aggressively against the action, but her lust pressed her on.
Mike struggled against her. “Please, please, we can’t do this.”
“Why not?” she asked, a sensuous little smile curling her lips. “Live a little, Mike.” She locked fingers with him and pulled him to his feet. Her hands slid up his chest intertwining behind his neck as she kissed him again. They took slow, awkward steps to the bedroom, shedding pieces of clothing on the way.
“Cait…” Mike protested again as she straddled his hips and began kissing down his bare chest.
She looked up at him. “If you want me to stop, I will.”
“No,” he said at last. “I don’t.”
Afterwards, Caitlin fell to his side. Mike laid his head on her stomach and she began playing with his dampened hair.
“Now I really need to talk to you about something,” he said softly.
“What?”
“Look, we’ve been best friends for years and I just… well, I never expected this would happen. I don’t want you to take this the wrong way or anything, but I think there’s something that you should know. I have been attracted to you since the first time I ever saw you onstage, and sleeping with you these past three times has only intensified that. Caitlin… I love you.”
Caitlin’s hand froze in his hair momentarily, then she continued to comb through his dark locks absent-mindedly. “Oh.”
He looked up at her with a frown. “Oh?”
“I don’t really know how to react to that, Mike,” she said softly.
“I know you don’t love me,” he pressed on, looking away from her again. “It’s okay. I just thought that before anything else happened between us that you should know that.”
“I see.”
There was a long silence.
“Mike?” There was no response, so she tried again. When she still received no answer, she asked, “Mike, are you asleep?” When there was silence again, she removed her hand from his hair and sighed.
In complete silence, she slid slowly from underneath his head and began pulling on her clothes. She left the apartment without a second glance backward.
~*~
“Dave, have you seen Caitlin today?”
“No, Mike. She said she might come over yesterday, but if she’s really coming, she’s two hours late. She’s not usually that late. So I’m starting to think that she’s just not going to show up.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. She was just over here last night…”
“Mike, I tried to talk to her.”
“Well, we were just going to talk, but things got carried away. Again.”
“And the reason you can’t find her is…?”
“Because she was gone when I woke up this morning.”
“Oh, Jesus,” Dave groaned. “Mike…”
“Don’t even say it. Just don’t even give me an ‘I told you so,’ because I knew it was coming. I really did. I just didn’t think she’d leave while I was sleeping.” He sighed deeply. “I have to go talk to her.”
“Do you really think that’s a good idea?”
“I don’t have any other choice, do I? I have to find her and straighten things out.”
“Well, I think she’s going to a concert tonight.”
“What concert?”
“I don’t know… you’d have to ask Trevor. I think he was going to go with her.”
“Thanks, man.”
“Sure. But I’m still advising against talking to her right now. I think she might be really… well, you know how she is.”
“Yeah. Thanks for the advice.”
Mike hung up the phone and pressed his fingers against his eyes. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he chastised himself, picking up the phone again.
“Trev, have you seen Caitlin?”
“No, not since yesterday.”
“What concert are you guys going to tonight?”
“Some band called Venus.”
“Are there still tickets left?”
“No, I think it sold out.”
Mike sighed. “Son of a bitch.”
“Dude, if you want to go that badly, you can have my ticket. I don’t want to go at all. I’m starting to think about going to the bar instead.”
“Seriously? You don’t care?”
“No, please. Take Cait. You’ll entertain her more than I could.”
Mike laughed a hollow laugh. “Thanks. I’ll be over to pick up the ticket in a little bit.”
“All right.”
He slumped back in his chair and put his head in his hand. He dialed the first six digits of Caitlin’s number three times in a row, but hung up before he finished the call. He made a firm resolve to find her at the concert and talk to her. He refused to go to her house to see her because he knew that she would be harder to talk to in her own home. He thought maybe if he could catch her on a concert high then maybe he could get through to her. What he wanted to get through, he wasn’t sure.
Five
Unfortunately for Mike, however, finding Caitlin amongst a mass of at least a thousand people was going to be impossible. His eyes scanned the crowd at least a hundred times while he waited for the band to come out.
But then the band appeared, and all else was forgotten. Mike was never a fan of Venus, but by the end of the show, he was determined to buy their CD. The lead singer came out onto the stage wearing black vinyl pants and a tight black shirt. He grasped the microphone with silver fingernails and pulled it to his full mouth. Mike was spellbound for two straight hours, unable to see anyone or anything but this man. The band itself was absolutely spectacular, but the vocals and onstage presence of the lead singer were unbelievable. Mike felt quite determined to meet him, and it wasn’t even until the end of the show that Caitlin crossed his mind again.
He looked for her distractedly as he headed towards the tour bus, which was parked right outside the venue. He waited for an hour or so and had just talked himself out of staying any longer when the band emerged from behind the doors. He spied the lead singer instantly, but so had all the young teenage girls. They mobbed him, and he settled for getting the autographs of the other band members first.
When the crowd around the handsome blonde man had thinned a little, Mike headed over. The man signed his ticket without looking up, but when he went to hand it back, he looked a little startled.
“It’s nice to see there are guys that actually listen to us, too,” he laughed.
“Well, I can say that I wasn’t a fan before, but after tonight, I most definitely am.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Oh really?”
“Indeed.”
He held out his hand with a charming smile. “I’m Ian.”
“I’m Mike,” he replied, shaking his hand cheerfully.
Ian’s eyes scanned up and down Mike’s tall, thin frame. “What are you doing tonight?”
He shrugged. “Going to bed.”
“Would you like to party?” he asked, his eyes sparkling.
Mike shifted his weight uncomfortably. “Well… I guess I could…”
“Excellent,” he purred. He motioned for him to follow him onto the bus.
“So,” he continued, peeling his shirt over his head, “if you’re not a fan of Venus, how did you find yourself at the show?”
“I was looking for someone.” Mike found himself momentarily distracted by the soft curve of Ian’s hips into his low-slung vinyl pants.
“Did you find that someone?” His voice was muffled by the shirt sliding down over his face.
“No.” He observed the long-sleeved black mesh shirt he had just yanked on. “Nice shirt.”
His face lit up. “Thank you.” He traced his fingers across his tightened ab muscles. “Sexy, no?”
Mike smiled hesitantly, not quite sure what to say.
Ian laughed and motioned him onto the couch. “Sit down and have a drink.”
“So tell me,” he said, pouring him a shot of Absolut, “what do you do?”
“I’m a musician,” he replied. They downed their shot glasses quickly and Ian refilled them again.
“A musician?”
“Yes. I’m the guitarist in Purple Zephyr. We have a pretty solid fan base on the East Coast, but I don’t know if anyone else has even heard of us.”
Ian frowned thoughtfully. “I’ve heard the name before… I’m just not sure where.”
“As long as you’ve heard the name, that’s all that really matters,” he laughed.
The shots continued one after another, and soon, both men were absolutely trashed. The conversation ceased to make any sense except to them and it consisted mainly of trading music facts back and forth. Ian had his head propped on the back of the couch, his legs sprawled wildly, and Mike had one leg curled under him, swaying precariously.
“Well, do you remember when the bassist of-”
Mike’s sentence was cut abruptly short when Ian leaned forward and pressed his lips against his. He didn’t resist, but instead drew him closer.
The two men kissed for a long time before Ian pulled back.
“I want to make a few things clear,” he slurred. “And this is very important. I am not interested in you for anything but a one-night stand, I will not call you afterwards no matter what I say, and I only want you to do this if you’re absolutely sure that it’s what you want.” He shrugged. “I have to make my speech so I don’t have to run into hurt feelings the next morning.”
Mike laughed. “I see.” Then he leaned forward and kissed him again.
~*~
Mike’s eyelids barely peeled off his eyeballs when he woke up the next morning. He winced at the sunlight and rubbed his head with a grimace. It wasn’t until he felt someone shift beside him that he remembered that he wasn’t on his tour bus.
“Oh Jesus,” he moaned, still massaging his temples. “I really fucked up this time.”
“And you loved every second of it,” Ian murmured, a smile playing on his features as he turned to look at him.
“I thought you were sleeping,” he blurted quickly.
“Obviously.” He laughed. “I don’t mind. Believe me, I’ve heard a lot worse.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean for it to sound like I didn’t have a good time last night. I did, believe me, I did. It’s just- I’ve never done this before.”
“I’ve heard that one, too,” he grinned. “But I believe you. From last night, I could tell that this wasn’t your area of expertise.” Mike’s face flushed bright red. “Oh, isn’t that adorable?” he gushed, pinching his cheek.
“Knock it off,” he laughed, brushing his hand away. They both stopped, smiling at each other. Then they leaned closer and exchanged a passionate kiss.
“Hey,” Ian said softly as they pulled away, “did I get your number last night? Maybe I could give you a call the next time I’m in the area.”
Mike remembered what he had told him last night. “No. You can have it if you want… put it into your little black book.”
“Little?” he asked haughtily, arching an eyebrow. “You mean massive. I use the telephone book.”
“You’re ridiculous,” he laughed.
“I mean it, though,” Ian insisted soberly. “You never know- I might call.”
Mike bit his lip. “Well, I should be around. I’ll give you my cell phone number because we’re set to go on a European tour for a few months.”
“Really?” he asked, looking surprised. “That’s cool. I think we’re hitting a couple of festivals over there. Maybe I’ll see you.”
“Maybe,” he smiled, avoiding his eyes. “Anyway, I really should get going.”
“Are you kidding? Before the morning-after sex? You must be kidding.” He grinned devilishly and pounced onto him.
~*~
“Mike, where the fuck have you been?” Caitlin growled.
“Oh gee, I’m late?” he asked nonchalantly. “That’s a real shame.”
Her jaw tightened, but she said nothing. “Are you here to work or what?”
“Yeah, actually, I am.” He sat in the chair next to Dave.
“How was the concert, man?” Dave asked as he tuned his bass.
“It was amazing,” he gushed. “I’m a converted fan.”
“What concert?” Caitlin demanded.
“Venus.”
She narrowed her eyes. “I was there… I didn’t see you.”
“I was kind of front row center in the mosh pit. Right in front of Ian.”
“Ian? So you know his name now, too?”
“Well, obviously,” Mike sneered. “I met them.”
“Oh you did?” she asked, her eyes beginning to shoot fire.
“Yeah. I got drunk with Ian after the show.”
“Well isn’t that really fucking great,” she snapped. “Can we work now?”
Mike looked down at his guitar with a smirk. He felt a surge of victory wash over him when he replayed the look in Caitlin’s eyes over and over again.
After practice, she caught up with him. “So when did you become a Venus fan?”
“When Trevor gave me his ticket because he wanted to go to the bar. I never pass up a free show.”
They both knew he was lying, but she chose to ignore it. “I see. And about the other night…”
“Just forget about it, Caitlin. You obviously felt that that was the best way for you to handle the situation. There’s really nothing more that can be done or said between us about it. I’ve been trying my best to handle it alone and you obviously want nothing further to do with me. I mean, Jesus, you waited until I was asleep to leave.”
“Mike, you don’t understand how hard it is for me to comprehend what you said. I needed some time to think alone… some time outside of your bed. I’m sorry if I hurt you. I wanted to go back to talk to you, but you were gone when I came to see you. So I just figured that I’d talk to you today at practice. And here I am, talking to you.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not saying that I don’t still have very strong feelings for you, Cait. I’m just saying that the way I feel has been changing over the past day or so. I need some time to think on my own. I don’t want you to come over to seduce me anymore.”
“Seduce?” she cried, gaping at him.
“Don’t act like that’s not what you were doing, Caitlin. We both know better than that.” He sighed. “Just let me sort out the things that are going on in my head. I don’t quite know how to explain them yet, but I have a feeling that you’re not particularly interested in being with me.”
“You’re wrong about that,” she replied. “I’m just not ready for a serious relationship at this point in my life. Especially not with a member of our band. I just… I just can’t.”
“Then maybe its best if we forget that it even happened,” he said softly, and headed for the door.
Six
“I said I’d call,” a throaty voice said on the other end of the phone.
“No one is more surprised than me,” Mike laughed. “What’s up?”
“I’m bored to death and I saw your number here on the table,” Ian said. “Where are you?”
“We just drove into England,” he replied, looking out the window.
“Amazing. Are you going to be at the Reading Festival on Friday?”
“I think so. Caitlin is excited to get to Amsterdam because she wants to hit a few of the coffee shops in the area.”
Ian chuckled. “I didn’t know you guys were cool with that.”
“Oh, we’re big stoners,” he grinned into the phone.
“Who’s Caitlin?”
“Our lead singer.”
“I see,” he mused. “Is she hot?”
“She’s a bitch.”
“I’m sensing some hostility there,” Ian said dryly.
Mike sighed. “I don’t really mean that. We’re… having a conflict right now.”
“Too much touring?”
“Something like that.”
Caitlin walked up to the front of the bus, passing by him without a glance. She picked up a book from the table and sat down with it on the couch. Mike’s eyes lingered on her lips and neck, painfully and involuntarily recalling the taste of her skin. When she looked up at him, his eyes stared back out the window.
“Well, that happens with every band. That’s why it’s important to get away from each other sometimes.”
Mike had ceased to listen. “Yeah.” His heart beat against his ribs with a throbbing ache.
“Hey, I have to go do a sound check, so I’ll talk to you later. Maybe I’ll see you on Friday. I’m going to try to make it to your set.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure we’ll be there. And if you guys do come, I’ll definitely be front row,” he smiled. Caitlin’s eyes lifted from her book momentarily to look at him.
“Great. I’ll talk to you later.”
Mike hung up his cell phone.
“Who was that?” she inquired, tilting her head slightly.
“Nosy, nosy,” he chastised, getting out of his chair.
“Excuse me for showing any kind of interest in your life,” she snapped. “I won’t from now on.”
He turned to stare at her. “Why are you so angry with me? I didn’t do anything to you.”
She sighed, looking back down at her book. “I’m sorry that I even bother to talk to you anymore.”
He shook his head and turned his back on her. Trevor passed by and nodded.
“What’s up, man?”
Mike made a face. “Watch out- Caitlin’s being a bitch.” Then he was struck in the back of the head with a hard, flying object. He turned and saw her book on the ground behind him.
“Mature, Caitlin. Really mature,” he growled.
“Thank you.” She got up to retrieve the book and he picked it up, holding it out of her reach.
“Now who says you deserve this book back?” he asked as she struggled to grab it from him.
“Who’s being mature now?” she snarled. She got one hand on the book and they wrestled for it.
“Christ, why don’t the two of you just fuck and get it over with?” Trevor laughed.
They both froze and stared at him, their faces exploding in shock. After a slight recovery, Caitlin yanked the book out of Mike’s hand and sat back down on the couch.
“Oh, what a pleasant tour this will be,” Trevor sighed, heading back behind the curtain into the area with the beds.
~*~
There was an air of electricity at the Reading Festival unlike anything Mike had witnessed. He smiled as he meandered through the backstage area, feeling butterflies of excitement explode into his stomach each time he passed a celebrity. All the while, he kept his eyes open for Ian.
But it was Ian who found him.
He felt a hand on his arm and when he turned to see who it was, lips collided against his. He pulled away quickly, his eyes looking around to see if Caitlin was in the area.
“Hey there, handsome,” Ian teased. “Are you too ‘in the closet’ to kiss in public?”
He rolled his eyes. “You scared the shit out of me. How else am I supposed to react?”
“Joyfully.” He adjusted his tight electric blue shirt with a smug smile. Mike couldn’t help but notice how amazing his eyes looked against the shirt, and a small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth.
“So when do you go on?”
“I think it’s nine tonight. We almost got to headline this year.” He waved to a group of teenage girls who were gawking at him from across the large field.
“It must be hard to be so great,” Mike remarked dryly.
“You have no idea,” he preened arrogantly, a brilliant smile flashing across his face.
“You’re really obnoxious today,” he laughed.
“I’m in a great mood.” The grin continued to bloom across his face. “I love performing.” He grabbed Mike’s hand. “Hey, are you doing anything tonight?”
“Not as far as I know. We can’t stay all night, though. We have to be in Amsterdam by tomorrow night.” Again, his eyes flickered around the surrounding crowd to see if anyone was watching.
Ian nodded, noticing his discomfort and releasing his hand. “Well, we’re partying after our set. You should stop by for a couple of hours.”
“I’ll certainly try. I can’t promise anything. But I will try.”
“Awesome. I’ll see you tonight, then.” He flashed another cocky grin and disappeared into the throng of people.
Mike knew as he watched Ian’s leather-clad behind that he would be making his best effort to make it to both Venus’ set and to the after-show party. He didn’t care what Caitlin would say about it- he didn’t even care if she yelled at him. Ironically, he knew this was the only way he had a chance of forgetting about her.
When he climbed back onto the bus, he asked when they would be leaving that night.
“I want to leave at around 11 or 12,” Caitlin replied into her book.
“Why so early? We have to fly to get across the English Channel anyway, so it’ll only take a couple of hours to get there. I don’t really see the point in leaving so soon.”
“Well, I wanted to hit a couple of coffee shops…”
“You can do that all day,” he shot back.
“Why do you care?” she asked suspiciously, finally looking up from her book. Then a look of understanding flooded her eyes and she picked up the band schedule for the day.
“Oh I see. Venus goes on at nine. I suppose that you’ve been invited to another party by your new best friend, Ian.”
Mike’s face flushed. “What does it matter to you if I was?”
“It doesn’t.”
“Then I think we should stay.”
“I don’t see a point.” Her eyes challenged him.
“Just let him go have fun for God’s sake,” Dave said, rolling his eyes. “Why do you two have to turn everything into a drama? Can the two of you just not speak to each other?”
Caitlin’s features hardened. “Fine.”
“Fine,” Mike smiled. “Thanks, Dave.”
“Not a problem,” he said softly.
~*~
“You guys had an awesome set tonight,” Mike gushed.
“So did you. I stopped by to check it out. Man, your lead singer is a hot little number.” Ian cringed when he looked at Mike’s face. “Sorry- I forgot about the bad blood between the two of you at the moment.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he sighed. “I’d like to forget about it myself.” He took the joint from Ian’s hand with a frown. “She’s all pissed off tonight because I came here. She wants to leave.”
“I can’t blame her necessarily,” he mused. “She wants to go get her smoke on in the coolest place on earth.”
His silly grin made Mike laugh. “You’re so much more fun when you’re stoned.”
“I told you. It’s the good mood I’m in. You have no idea how excited I am to be here. I love Reading.” Ian tried in vain to blow smoke rings.
“It’s kind of a shithole,” he remarked, shrugging. “Not that I’m not flattered to be here, it’s just that…”
Ian leaned towards him with another goofy grin. “You talk too much.” He pressed his lips against Mike’s.
“I can’t stay long,” Mike insisted between kisses. “I have to get back before Caitlin throws a fit.”
“Let her throw one,” he said. “Don’t you deserve to have a good time, too?”
“Good point.”
A little after two, Mike stumbled onto his own bus. The first sight he saw was Caitlin- damn her insomnia.
“Look at you. Don’t you look absolutely stoned out of your mind?” she snorted.
“That would be because I am,” he replied. “I’m going to bed.”
“Well, I-”
“We’re not talking anymore, Cait. Remember?”
Her jaw clenched. “Of course. How could I have forgotten?”
With a small smile, he turned his back on her. “Have a lovely night.”
