This is a long one, but The SoberLady thinks it is well worth your review!

 

HEART.EXE INSTALLATION INSTRUCTIONS

Carefully follow directions

The phone is ringing:  One ringy-dingy, two ringy-dingies, three ringy-dingies - Hello you have reached the Hot Line for ____________Programs.  My name is Mac and I'm your friendly Customer Service Representative (CSR). How may I help you today?

Customer:  My programs are all mixed up.  I can't keep my files straight.  I can't seem to find anything.  The power comes and goes.  In general, my system is a mess and I can't seem to manage the processes any more.  Can you help me?

CSR:  Thank you for calling the Hot Line, ma'am. That is what we do best. Just let ol' Mac walk you through the steps and you will soon find good orderly direction in you life.  Now let's see.  Do you know how to turn your hardware on?

Customer:  Oh yes!  I learned about getting things turned on a long time ago. That's not the problem.  Some times they get going and I don't seem to be able to turn them off.

CSR:  Ok!  But we have to start at the beginning because many people seem to get a bit confused and think all they have to do is throw the switch.

Customer: I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first?

CSR: The first thing to do is to open your HEART.  Have you located your HEART, ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now.  Is it okay to install while they are running?

CSR: What programs are running ma'am?

Customer: Let me see... I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, RESENTMENT.COM, CONFUSION.SUP, MOTOMOUTH.SUP and BRAINDRAIN.EMT, MYWAY.NOW open and running at this time.

CSR:: No problem.  LOVE.UME will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system.  It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs.  LOVE.UME will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and . Those programs prevent LOVE.UME from being properly installed.  Can you turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off.  Can you tell me how?

CSR: My pleasure.  Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM, have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I'm done.  LOVE.UME has started installing itself automatically.  Is that normal?

CSR: Yes it is.  You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART.  Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do.  Is it completely installed?

CSR: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.  You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to receive continuous upgrades. You can initialize this with the HUGME.NOW program which you can find on the EACHDAY Disk.  OK?

Customer: Yes, yes, I see that disk.  I will install it later. What do I do next?

CSR: Now you must delete MOTOMOUTH.SUP and BRAINDRAIN.ALL!

Customer:  Oh My, I've had these programs so long I'm afraid they may be burned into the hard drive.

CSR:  Not to worry.  Many have been successful with the following protocol. Are you ready?

Customer:  I'm not sure.

CSR:  That's OK.  Just copy this protocol and use it when you decide you really want to change your hard drive.  Can you do that?

Customer:  I, I, I don't know.  What do I have to do?

CSR:  First go to the Start Menu.  Click on Install.  When you see the READY icon you are ready to begin.  Insert the CD named Change Past Programs.  Do you find that CD in the package of materials that came with your original hardware?

Customer:  Oh Dear!  I get so confused with all these new words and pamphlets and instructions and these little round records.  They look like what we had as children.  There were such cute rhymns and stories on them. Did you say Change Past Programs?  Oh Yes!  Here it is.  Now young man, let me be very clear about this.  I do not want to make a mistake and wipe out my entire hard drive.  Will this CD cause my system to crash and burn up all my files?

CSR:  Don't panic, ma'ma!   All you need to do is follow the instructions exactly and carefully and you will come through just fine. Always remember that thousands have performed this installation successfully.

Customer:  Well, I don't know!

CSR:  It is a bit intimidating.  Tell you what.  Just copy the instructions and wait until you have had a chance to consider it.  How's that for an idea?

Customer:  Well OK.  But I need to process this with my therapist first.  Can I do that?

CSR:  Of course you can.  Just remember you can continue to have all these problems with your hard disk, programs and files you called about as long as you choose.   OK?  Ready?

Customer:  Yes, I'll try.

CSR:  Alright.  Insert the CD in the proper port.  When the Change Past Programs icon appears in the upper right corner of your screen click on that.   Change Past Programs will prompt you with several options. When you see the THINK.CLR icon click on it.  The CD will immediately ask if you really want to proceed with the installation by signaling CAUTION -This process will erase previous installations and completely replace them with new processes.  If you are certain you want to erase and replace previous programs and files associated with them, click on YES.

Customer:  OK!  I've decided to go for it.  I clicked YES.

CSR:  Good.  Now you need to purge your hard drive and all files of MYWAY.NOW.  Are you ready to move on with life on other terms?

Customer:  I want to but I'm not sure I can do it this minute.

CSR:  That's OK.  You don't have to do it all at once.  Just take it one day at a time.  Down load the program HIPOW.GOD and use it when you are tired of being sick and tired.  OK?

Customer:  I can do that just for today.  Thanks.  Yes, here it is.  There, I've downloaded it onto my zip.   I'll start my day tomorrow this new way.

CSR: That's good.  Just remember to run FIRSTTHINGS.1ST, and EZDU.ZIT at the same time.

Customer: OK! Got it.    Oops ... I have an error message already.  What should I do?

CSR: What does the message say?

Customer: It says, "ERROR 449 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS". What does that mean?

CSR: Don't worry ma'am that's a common problem.  It means that the 66 program is set up to run on external HEARTS, but has not yet been run on your HEART.  It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.

Customer: So what should I do?

CSR: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CSR: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CSR: You're welcome.  Click on the following files and then copy them to the MYHEART directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming.  Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it.  Hey!  My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!

CSR: Then LOVE is installed and running.  You should be able to handle it from here.  One more thing before I go.  LOVE is freeware.  Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet.  They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer: I will.  Thank you for your help.

Author Unknown - but we seriously doubt it is Microsoft