More Alcohol Ramblings
Alcohol Warning
Due to increasing products liability
litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the FDA's
suggestion that the following warning labels be placed
immediately on all alcohol beverage containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you
are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an ass hole.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends leave.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregancy.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
One
Drunk Helping Another
Recognizing in me what I couldn't... and inviting me here
Allowing me the right to denial
Repeating the Third Tradition over and over again
Sharing with me where you'd been to encourage me to risk doing
the same
Remembering me
Telling me to "keep coming back"
Accepting me
Walking the floor with me
Helping me through the crying jags
Helping me to feel for the first time
Giving me hope
Not judging me when I make dumb decisions
Allowing me to find my own higher power
Guiding me through the steps
Sharing your own experience, strength and hope
Making me feel part of by washing cups, emptying ashtrays, making
coffee
Callling me when I miss a meeting
Being there-- through relationships, births, deaths, job loss,
successes, life on life's terms
Guiding me through the detours of self pity and complacency
Helping me to laugh!
Being excited about my successes
Teaching me how to give back what you've given me
Showing me how to be whole without quick fixes
Helping me to a whole New Beginning
Being here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
Being my family
Caring and Listening
You Know you are in recovery if...........
1. You drink
more coffee per day than Starbucks sells in one week.
2. Emails to your friends have "HALT" as the
subject header.
3. You and your buddies get thrown out of expresso bars and
teahouses for being "too rowdy."
4. Songs like "There's a Tear In My Beer" make you cry
for reasons different than most people.
5. For parties with your friends, you buy a couple cases of
Mountian Dew and Pepsi-Cola.
6. Dining out, you wonder how someone at the next table, can
drink half a glass of wine and leave the rest.
7. There is at least one magnet on your refrigerator, plaque on
your wall, or bumper-sticker on your car with an inspirational
message printed on it.
8. You don't know the last names of most of your best friends.
9. If you need advice on money, you ask the guy in your meeting
who used to be bankrupt.
10. When you empty your purse or pockets you find at least one of
the following: an anniversary chip, scraps of paper with phone
numbers of people you met in meetings, pocket-sized Big Book,
wallet-sized Preamble.
11. Your idea of a pick-up line is, "I really liked what you
shared."
12. No matter how bad a day you had, if you go to bed clean and
sober, you consider yourself a winner!
