A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by a policeman.

"What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the officer.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Let's see you do it."

The juggler gets out of the car and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully. A couple driving by slows down to watch.

"Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now."

SENILITY PRAYER
God, grant me the Senility
To forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune
To run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight
To tell the difference.

The Ghost

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.

He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with  the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on?"

The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost."