At this moment, I can think of only one thing that is worse than a Sunday morning hangover; an any day hangover where there was no booze or drugs the day or night before. YEP! Even aspirin taken in tripple dose doesn't help. Chocolate won't work and trying to sleep with a pounding headache is like trying to sing with strept throat.
I am begining to think that fear is a drug akin to alcohol. I get fearful, ride the feeling thru, then go out and get another 5th White Label Fear with a mixer. Even my behavior while guzzling down shots of fear is foggy and just as messed up as it was when I was chugging vodka from a paper bag.
I know! I know! I know! I have heard it said so many times before, " The opposite of fear is faith". I have tried and retried to bolster my faith. I also know that whether I have a little bit of faith or alot of faith, its is always my greatest asset. <what's the message here?>
I must have paid my electric bill. A little light is starting to glow dimly.
Wrong word, Joey! I am scrambling for damage control trying to fix something that isn't broken. There is no crack in the bulkhead of faith. It isn't faith that is going to carry me thru an emotional hangover. That would make my program a self-help program. But THE program is not a self-help correspondence course. It is a 'WE' program; a program of you(s) and me. And faith isn't what is lacking! Love is!
I get my love from those around me. Family, friends, fellowship, strangers and God. It's there for me and all I have to do is embrace it, feel it and accept it. Well, that's almost all I have to do. I have to give it! But to who? Dare I try to pass it out to just anyone? Wrong question, Joey. Dare I not!!!
I must become willing to pass out love to everyone even if it is just passing it out with a smile. It doesn't mean I love them. It means that I have love. I must even being willing to pass out a piece of love to strangers. I remember it now from my childhood, from many years ago:
"And even be kind to strangers for many have done so only to find that they have entertained angels"
Lessons in life, the Big Book, Holy Books, these are not about mans search for a loving God. They are about God's search for loving men, (women too). If He didn't love me, He wouldn't have sought me out.
I am off to go entertain angels!!!
Soberly submitted by Joey, Seattle WA
Sometimes, I am not always sure that life is good or bad. Perspective sets the stage for me. If I set the stage of life at any given time as 'bad' or 'unfun' , not only am I looking cockeyed at it all, but I am forgetting the G word; Gratitude.
Even now I still have days where I need to write out a gratitude list, (there was a time not too long ago that I waited until November to write one). Why it is that I wait for the flood gates of unhappiness to open before i become willing to pick up that 500LB. pencil and start writing or even start deeply thinking in a grateful manner is beyond me. Maybe that is the way it's suppose to work. I have never heard anyone ever say, "My life is soooo good right now that as soon as this meeting is over, I'm gonna run right home and write out a long gratitude list!". Maybe I should be the first to say that. Maybe I can start a whole new trend here:'Since today is so happy and well for us, let's be grateful and shout it from the balconies and write it all out so we can read it back when times are rough!' But, I have never been a trendy person. I waited until I was 8 years old to steal my one and only hula-hoop and the only reason I had a chia pet is because one of my cheap friends got two of them for Christmas and gave me one of them.
So, whats the message here? Hmmmmmm. Pick up that heavy lead, Joey! Write about it even when times are good! You've come a long way from stealing novelties and accepting cheezy gifts, why not proclaim it!! So what if the Bulls don't win or the truck doesnt start? So what if the kids are outgrowing their clothes every three weeks? Did you find the need to drink or drug today? Did you go out of your way to hurt someone today? Did you have to steal anything today? Kill anyone today? Does the roof leak? Is there food in the fridge? Kids all have shoes? Joey, you got a damn good life,,,,,,better go tell someone about it and while your doing that, tell yourself too!!!!
Soberly submitted by Joey, Seattle, WA
I don't remember the date, but i know it was in the summer of '84. I was in Chicago with a friend named Ralph. Ever since that day, good 'ol Ralph has be sober. It did not happen that way for me tho. It wasn't suppose to. Ralph knows that I tell this story from time to time and he gives me his blessing in me doing so.
We, Ralph and I, were a bit on the wild side back then. Maybe just a tad bit more than just wild. It was early on a Sunday morning. We had been out all night which was not unusual for us back then and we were kinda sick from the night just over with. We were wondering what to do: go buy some drugs or go to the next suburb over to the west and drink our heads off because the bars there were open early on Sundays.
At any rate, all of the sudden Ralph jumped up from the curb, looked at me and said, "Joey, do you ever think about church?"
Gawd, I thought Ralph was still high! The last thing I wanted to think about was church or God! Anyway, strange as it may seem, an hour later we ended up in a pentecostal holy roller church on the west side of Chicago.
This in itself was real different for me, I was raised Catholic and the only time we held our hands up high in the air was if someone was sticking us up or if we were getting busted by the cops.
We sat in the back all alone. Good thing too because we were decked out in leather, long hair and I am quite sure we were a bit 'odifferous' from being out all night. I remember only bits and pieces of being in that church. I remember the name of the preachers wife: drunk or sober, if someone tells me that their name is Cinderella, chances are i will remember. I also remember the preachers sermon. He wasn't standing up at a pulpit. He was wearing an open shirt and standing with his flock right outside their pews. There were about 35 people listening to him. He had a southern accent and kept addressing his congregation as 'peoples'.
He began by asking them this question: "Peoples, what is the greatest gift we can recieve as Christians after we die and get to heaven?"
It was a good thing he didn't ask me 'cause I would have said, "Who cares and I aint going there!!"
Someone raised their hand and said that we get to be with our saved loved ones in heaven forever. The preacher said, "No, that's not a gift, that's a promise."
Someone else stood and said, "We get to see God face to face." , and again the preacher said no, that that was a promise and not a gift.
An older woman stood up and said that we get to live for ever with The Savior. Again the preacher said, "No."
This went on for a bit longer and I could tell that the preacher was getting a bit tense because noone in his congregation was giving him the answer that he was looking for, so he spoke with a loud voice and said, "Peoples, I am going to tell you this and tell you only once, so remember it! The greatest gift that we can recieve as Christians after we die here on earth and get to heaven is seeing someone standing there, infront of God, that we were able to help along the way without needing to know that person and without ecpecting anything in return. So, now that you all know this, why are these two gentlemen sitting all alone in the back of our church?"
Kaboom!!!! We immediately had people standing around us asking if we needed anything and shaking our hands!!! I learned right there and then that I would rather see a sermon than hear one.
In sobriety, I have been able to apply the sermon to my AA way of life; doing something for someone else and expecting nothing in return. I believe that is the true meaning of anonimity in the Spiritual Program of Alcoholics Anonymous and if there is any one thing that keeps me sober, it's me practicing that. I want all the 'Gifts' I can get when I get to whereever it is that us sober drunks go after we die here on earth.
With much gratitude, Joey, Seattle WA
