Step 1: There's a power that will kill me.

Step 2: There's a power that wants me to live.

Step 3: Which do I want? (If you want to die, stop here. If you want to live, go on.)

Step 4: Using examples from your own life, understand that selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear control your actions.

Step 5: Tell all your private, embarrassing secrets to another person.

Step 6: Decide whether or not you want to live that way any more.

Step 7: If you want your life to change, ask a power greater  than yourself to change it for you. (If you could have changed it yourself, you would have long ago.)

Step 8: Figure out how to make right all the things you did wrong.

Step 9: Fix what you can without causing more trouble in the process.

Step 10: Understand that making mistakes is part of being human. (When you make a mistake, fix it immediately if you can.)

Step 11: Ask for help to treat yourself and others like you want your higher power to treat you.

Step 12: Don't stop doing 1 through 11.

And PASS IT ON!

(Author Unknown)

Friday, January 5th 2000

At first I halfheartedly did the program (I was a 3-stepper).  This seemed to be enough.  I seemed to be making progress (felt physically better), and was on the road to recovery, I thought.  I read the book, and thought it was "OK"-- not any earthshaking revelation.  Besides I was feeling pretty good, and this was kind of like church when I was a kid which I faked and got by.  Then the time came when I was face-to-face with alcohol and had no way to resist I went in and out of the program about a year before someone suggested to me that I should work the steps.  It was at this point my recovery began.  I had become willing to go to ANY length

I have seen  many come in and work  just the  first 3 steps...and for a few it  was all they needed  to just not be active...i have seen some  do a 4th and 5th and never venture further and a couple  are seemingly happy......i have  been to meetings where  all that  was openly discussed  was  the first 3 steps and  step 10... all others  were deemed  necessary only once ...and even the old-timers  seemed content.....have these people failed?.....did they follow our  path.....the  path  of  the ones  before us....? i do not really know  if  they have  failed...they are  content  with  that  level of sobriety and/or recovery in their lives....maybe  they don't  need more,much less want  more..........however, if I had  worked the steps or learned the program in any of the  above ways ... i  would  be  dead....when i came here bankrupt had more than me.... the first  chapter my first long-term sponsor  had me read  was chap 11...a vision for you.... it spoke of  all the things i wanted...dreamed of...and didn't  believe for  one damn second  i could  actually experience  or be a part of.....but  all the same i wanted as much for  recovery as alcoholism/addiction robbed me of and  then some....willingness wasn't  an issue after reading  that  chapter and  a few others.....do i judge what  the others  have ....by no means...i learn so very much from everyone of them.....and  you.....i don't  know that anyone will make it along this path.....regardless......i know  i am not responsible  for my disease.....however  in being  responsible  for my recovery i know that  today i will make it and welcome  all who travel beside me in person and in spirit.

Soberly submitted by Joy from Tulsa, OK

Thursday, January 18th 2000

RELAPSE

I had a stinky dream about drinking last Friday night.  I don't know what's up with that.  I guess probably the simple fact that I am still an alcoholic...always will be.  I didn't actually drink in the dream...I had the empty martini glass in my hand and it was my full intention to fill it and drink it.  In my dream, though, I remember thinking to myself, "just don't do it."  And, even though I wanted to...I didn't.

So I went to a 10:00 a.m. meeting on Saturday and the topic was relapse. (Doo doo doo doo.)  I'm certainly qualified to talk on the subject...I've done it.  Don't recommend it.  It's a hell of a lot easier staying sober than getting sober.  Especially for me the second time.  Most everyone's discussion in the meeting had one common thought...the relapse starts long before the first drink.  Actually putting alcohol to our lips is the end result of the relapse...not the beginning.  One guy said, in hindsight, he could see that his relapse started about four years before he actually took a drink.  That kind of talk doesn't scare me... although it could...but it sure as hell reminds me that I better take care of my spiritual program on a daily basis and make my sobriety a priority in my life.

This disease is so very patient...by the grace of God I don't have an obsession to drink anymore, but the damn disease gets to me in my sleep. After the Saturday morning meeting on relapse, I had a long talk with a new gal who had just gotten her 60 day chip the night before...the Saturday morning meeting had scared the hell out of her.  I think a healthy fear of this disease is a good thing...but the newcomer was over the edge into being totally afraid she'd lose what she has found.  (Damn fear.)  She and I talked on the phone a couple times over the weekend...we talked about healthy fear but that we don't have to fear losing our sobriety as long we maintain our spiritual condition on a daily basis.  I kind of believe, for me, that when I began to be afraid of losing my sobriety it was a start in the right direction...it told me my sobriety was beginning to mean something to me. And that's progress, because I didn't really want to get "sober" in the beginning...I was just seeking relief.  I've come to see that alcohol wasn't my problem...it was my solution.  But it wasn't working anymore.  And so today, I have new solutions.  I have daily guards...tools...against relapse...provided I am willing to use them.

Drinking might not be an option for me anymore...but I am still...always will be ...a candidate for relapse.  My dreams remind me where I could be again. Thank God, today I'm here.