"Sometimes when I say that I am 'recovered' from alcohol to someone, I get the reply, "Why are you speaking in the past tense?" "This is a process not to be completed in our lifetime." I read in the Big Book in several places that the founders 'recovered' from alcoholism."

Depending on where my head is at on any given day, I may say that I am recovered, recovering, or even sometimes a grateful recovering/recovered alcoholic. Sometimes I even throw in the infamous "anda". Most days I'm just an alcoholic. But just to set the record straight, the forward to the first edition says, "We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book." The word recovered also appears on pages 17, 20, 26, 90,96,132, and 146 (just to give you all a little homework - there will be NO test!)

My experience seems to dictate that my disease is in remission, and not extinguished. I receive a daily reprieve from alcoholism by practicing the principles in my life. Alcoholism is always there: lurking in the background, waiting to pounce if I flounder -- waiting to kill me if I become weakened, or complacent. It is like a predator waiting for me to come out of my place of safety.

Actually, I have often felt this very same way, as Chapter 5 says, "Remember that we deal with alcohol~cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power~that One is God. May you find Him now!" And that is the one and only saving grace that I have. Consious contact with God, as I understand him, has saved me from the overwhelming obsession that alcohol is, was and always will be for me alone. When I got to the program, alcohol was my best friend; it was the only real friend I had left~and it was killing me! I had no chance if I didn't embrace the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and it's principles. So that is what I did and it worked. It continues to work to this very day. Are we in a place of safety? How do we remain in our place of safety? What are the signs that we treading in an unsafe place?

The only place of safety I have is to remain wrapped in the loving arms of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, with the true friends and family I have had the blessing of finding here.

My situation, as you all know, can get a little difficult, since I am seldom able to physically go to meetings. But I make a point of talking to at least one alcoholic, on the phone, every day. My husband is also program, and we spend at least a little time everyday talking program with each other. Sometimes, just like with every other person in the program, I'm not to thrilled to hear what he has to say to me. He has this disgusting ability of treating me just like any other drunk and telling me what I need to hear, rather than what I would like to hear. And worse than that, he is almost always right on ( I will deny I ever said that, if you quote me to him- hahaha). As often as I am up to sitting at the computer, I read my messages from Internet friends ~ which for me is like going to both a meeting and coffee after the meeting. I work on my website, which makes me really close to the program because my attitude is that it might very well be the first introduction to the program that someone out there might see. I read the book and I work steps regularly. I call my sponsor often (and we do real-time chats on Messenger).

I have days when I get into very unsafe situations~usually not for a whole day at a time however. This program and the people in it have taught me the tools to use and how to use them, when I get depressed or discouraged or frustrated or simply have a blue day. And for that I will be eternally a gratefully recovered/recovering alcoholic/addict. There I said the whole mouthful, all in one sentence. But then today has been a pretty good day, so far. Of course, it is only 9:00 am and all I have done so far today is read messages about sobriety; so I guess I can't have gotten into too much trouble, yet anyway.

I love this program, and I love all of you who are helping me to trudge this road of happy destiny. Thank you for letting me think and share and stay sober, for one more day.



So as topics I would really like to hear how 1. everyone else deals with anger and 2. how everyone came to beleive and have faith in a higher power...(this one if too personal, that's ok).

Anger

I agree with Reid in a lot of ways, but for me anger has just as much to do with impatience and intolerance as it has to do with fear.  And most of the time it has absolutely nothing to do with the situation or circumstances that are truly present.  I am a Scotch-Irish, Red-headed Aries Female and most of the time when I get angry it is the "straw that broke the camel's back" kind of stuff.  That means that my anger is something that has been
building, unbeknownst even to me, for a long time; and then some little insignificant thing will happen to blow the lid off of my pressure cooker.

The most important thing that I have to do in order to deal with my anger is to put the right hat on it.  This means I have to find out what I am really angry about, and it is almost always not what I am pitching a fit about.  I also am the kind of person who blows off steam really fast and then when everyone else is upset by my "antics", I am mostly over it.  So what I have to do is get in touch with my sponsor as soon as I can and talk it out with her so that I can get passed the "one finger pointing" out and get to the real root of the problem which is usually the "three fingers pointing back at me".  Then when I finally have it straight in my own mind, I usually have to go back and apologize to the person that was involved.  I do not say here that I make amends to them because for me making amends is changing my ways of reacting or responding to those around me, and that is ongoing and long term.  But when I blow up at someone out of anger, they usually deserve an apology from me.  The amends part is all tied up in the growth that comes from working it out with my sponsor and finding out where I was wrong or impatient, intolerant, etc., etc.