Dear Diary, 1-13-2001
I don't know what to do. It seems like my life is falling apart, even though it sounds stupid. Zac and I have been bickering a lot lately, and it's getting me worried about our relationship. He thinks I've been cheating on him with Nathan Hawkins, the guy I'm tutoring in math. I'd try to tell him to calm down and that the only time I ever see him is when I'm helping him. I guess maybe I shouldn't worry about it much. I mean, he's fifteen years old, it's okay to be alert and a little possessive...
Knock knock knock. Ding-dong ding-dong.
I waited on the Hanson porch for someone to open the door so Zac and I could go out. About five seconds later, I saw Isaac's face when the door opened.
"Ike, hey!" I was surprised to see him answer the door. The message entered my brain, and we both embraced. He kissed my cheek, and we broke apart. "How are you?"
"Pretty good, yourself?" he replied, letting me inside.
I paused on my answer, scrunching my lips and thought about Zac. "Mmmm..." I replied, shaking my hand side to side.
"What's the problem? Care to tell?" he asked, looking at me sincerely.
"It's Zac, but it's really no big deal." I let it out. "He's just fifteen, he doesn't know much yet, you know?" I tried to explain, not wanting to get into a detailed account of our problems.
There was thumping coming down from the stairs, and Zac appeared in the foyer.
"Hey babe," he whispered, kissing me and wrapping his left arm around me. "Ready?"
"As I'll ever be!" I said cheerily. "Bye Ike, nice seeing you." I said, heading out the door.
"See ya man." Zac said, and we left to my car to go see a drive-in movie, a classic date for most couples.
I parked in the back of the area where the movie was being showed. Tonight, I wanted nothing to go wrong. Zac had always taken a lead in our relationship, but I was going to let him off the hook. I was going to make the first move, something he had been waiting for since we united.
The movie started, and Zac reached for my hand. I pulled it away from him, and instead, I rested my head on his shoulder, inviting his left hand around me and his other hand in my right thigh.
Ten minutes into the show, I got bored. I looked at Zac; he seemed like he was about ready to fall asleep, with how his head seemed to keep falling over on his right.
I leaned over and kissed him. His eyes opened up, and he smiled a perverted look at me. I shot him the same look back. I knew what was going to happen next, and it looked like he did too.
I hoisted myself onto his lap and kissed him, moving my mouth to his neck. He brought his right hand around my back and his left hand held my head, and he let out a low, soft moan.
"Kim, I...can't...see the...movie." he said quietly.
I broke away from him, and held his face in my hands, looking directly at him in the eyes. "Zac, do you want to see the movie, or do you want to see...me?" I whispered, my voice low and raspy.
We stared at each other for a few moments. I leaned all the way out the driver side window and flipped the sound off the speaker, and then reached out the passenger window, and turned the sound off that speaker. I rolled up the windows, and led Zac's hands up my shirt until they were snug under my bra strap.
"I love you." I whispered, leaning my forehead on his. He smiled. I put my hands on his hips, and I started to softly, slowly move myself up against him. He leaned his head back, and then brought back his face facing me, and we kissed.
I kept the first kiss long, and then I let go. I told Zac what I wanted with my eyes.
We got into a heavy make-out session. My lips were fused to Zac's, and I moved his hands to my rear, so that he was pulling me up against him. My hands ran up his chest under his tight shirt. His body felt so wonderful and his kissing, I wanted to stay like that for all eternity.
"Mwhmmm..." he mumbled, taking his mouth away from mine.
He stopped kissing me and let go. I didn't want to stop, and it was odd for him to also.
"Kim," he said, taking my face in his hands and kissing my lips. "As much as I want to do this," he reached behind me and turned on the defroster, "I don't want anyone getting interested in our X-rated attraction." he said, lifting his eyebrows up and down.
I began kissing him again, and he pushed me away. He set me back into the drivers seat, and climbed into the backseat.
He sat there, and I stared at him. "Well, I'm waiting." he said, tempting me to join him when he unbuttoned his pants.
I slithered into the back seat like a snake, and before I could lay down, he climed in between my legs and pushed me down, my head banging against the window. "Ow Zac!" I mumbled, but we continued.
I pushed him back onto his backside, and leaned down, lifting up and taking off his shirt. I kissed his chest and stomach, my mouth descending to the fly of his jeans. I unzipped him with my teeth, which in fact was a difficult task, and I tugged his pants off a little bit, looking at him with a evily sexy grin. Then I took off my shirt, and reached behind my back to unhook my bra and slid it off. I brought Zac's hands up to my breasts, and he kneaded them to his satisfaction. I unbuttoned and unzipped myself. Zac leaned up enough to whisper into my ear, "Ride me."
I whispered back to him, "Cover your stump before you hump."
"Oh come on, I don't have any."
I got up off of him and went to open my glove compartment. I kept a fair stash of condoms in there, and I pulled one out. I got in the back again, and I waited until he covered himself.
I got on top of him, and guided him into me, and we moved our bodies to the racey rhythm of our love-making.
Zac grabbed my lower backside to pull me further into himself. We moved faster and faster to achieve orgasm. Sweat was growing on Zac's forehead, and my heart was racing, our moans too loud for comfort.
With the last thrust Zac gave, I whiplashed, enjoying the pleasure from my climax.
Zac and I left the drive-in immediately after our own little show. The night was still young when we pulled up in my driveway.....
My bedroom door slammed open, and Zac and I stumbled our way in onto my bed. Our bodies were molded together; I was on my back, and Zac was in between my legs, not bothering to prop himself up on the palms of his hands to give me breathing room. I didn't need any anyway. He mouth sloshed all over my face, and his tongue darted in and out of my mouth.
"Get up," I managed to say, and pushed him off of me. He sat up, and draped his legs over the edge of my bed. I got up and climbed into his lap, my legs cradling his waist. He removed my jacket, then my shoes, my shirt, and my bra once again. I unzipped him, and tore off his shirt. We resumed kissing.
"Wait Zac. Condom." I said, and pushed him down, giggling, my legs still wrapped around him, so that I could reach in the drawer of my nightstand for a condom.
Zac grabbed my hand before I could get one. "Come on. Not this time." he begged, and laid back down bringing me with him, and he resumed kissing me.
I was shocked. "Zac, do you want me to get pregnant?" I screeched in a whisper.
"But I hate wearing them. And you won't get pregnant." he opposed.
"Oh no?" I asked.
"You can go on the Pill." he suggested.
"No. You wear one, or you're not going to get any." I said, getting up and crossing my arms.
He sighed. "Hand over the condom." he said.
I knew he was really horny, and I was glad he made a smart choice. But why wouldn't he want to wear one? This made me contemplate our relationship one step further.
He must have been horny, as I was too. We did it in a sitting position. It went by so fast that it seemed like Zac just wanted to get it over with, but I didn't stop there. We did it standing up, on the floor, and in bed. It was around two o'clock when we fell asleep.
It had been around a month since that night, and Zac and I kept spending less and less time together. I called Zac one day to talk about it.
"Zac, what's wrong?" I asked on a late Thursday night.
"What do you mean? We barely talk to each other anymore." he said grouchily.
"Zac, I've been waiting and waiting for you to call, or come over, or do something. Why haven't you called? Especially when you were away." I started to sniffle.
"Me!? You've been doing the same. I feel like you want to break-up or something." he reiterated in the same tone.
"Zac, I think it's you who wants to." I said.
"Maybe it is. I don't know if I can handle this anymore." he replied, sighing.
"Stop it, Zac." I whimpered from crying, covering my eyes.
There was a long pause.
"I think we should." Zac whispered.
"Why?" I whispered back.
"I don't know! Why do you think?!" he yelled. "Is it always based on my decision?!"
My anger dominated. "Don't yell at me! I wanted your opinion, not a conclusion!" I yelled back.
"Fine. My opinion is that it's over. And now I'm taking charge of the decision. It is over." he growled, and hung up.
I hung up mine and chucked the phone at the couch. I fell to a chair near by and wept. I wanted my life to end. And I came up with a plan to do that.
I drove my car to the apartments out on 78th and Westdale. The apartments were 15 stories high, and I took the elevator to the top floor and walked up the stairs, finally reaching my destination. Slowly, I made my pace across the ground and reached the concrete fencing.
I stepped up onto the fencing, and maintained my balance, holding onto the top of the shades. I looked down and just about let go until I heard a voice call out, "Kim! No!" It was Nathan.
I turned around. "You stop right there and don't come closer, or I'll jump." I threatened, pointing at him, my tear-stained face telling him I was serious.
"Kim, come down." he said, and stepped closer.
"I'm warning you! And don't try to call the police. They won't get here in time." I said, turning around to look down at the cars below. They looked so tiny. I couldn't get hurt if I fell. The wind started to pick up and it kind of pushed me around. "Woah..." I whispered.
Nathan paused. "Wait right there. Don't do anything, please." he said, and ran downstairs to his car. I watched his car speed away, and then I turned around to look at the people walking on the sidewalk, smiling. They looked so happy, and I wanted to be happy too.
Nathan zoomed over to the Hanson's in his car. He got out and ran up to the front door and rang the doorbell, impatiently waiting for someone to answer. When no one answered right away, he pounded at the door. "Is somebody home?? Please answer the door!" he demanded.
Finally, Zac opened the door, and to his disgust he found Nathan standing in front of him.
"What?" Zac asked evily.
"You're Kim's boyfriend, right?" Nathan asked, the tone in his voice scared.
"Ex-boyfriend." he emphasized. "What do you want."
"Zac, I think you should come with me." he said seriously, and grabbed his arm, leading him outside to his car.
"No." Zac said, shaking away his arm.
"Zac, it's for your own good. Come on, please." Nathan said, his eyebrows creased in a frown.
Zac paused, and grabbed his jacket, and they headed out for the car. "This better be good." he muttered, slamming the passenger door and folding his arms as they sped off to the apartments.
When Nathan and Zac arrived, they saw a few cars and the police there, even a firetruck, trying to coax me to get down from the building. Some were at the top with me and some waiting at the bottom. Zac then realized what emergency Nathan was talking about, and that my actions of that afternoon where of not necessarily his fault, but it sure laid a guilt trip and worry on his shoulders.
I saw Nathan and Zac out of the corner of my eye about ten feet away from me on my right, and turned my head toward their direction.
"Kim, come here. I'm sorry." Zac said, and walked towards me. I made no move to jump, and just stared at him coldly. By now, he was standing in front of me, holding his arms up so he could hold me and take me home.
"Come on, I'm sorry." he said.
I looked at him, and then I lost my footing and stumbled on the concrete wall, hanging onto the patio shades for dear life. Carefully, I stepped down backwards and Zac grabbed my body, making sure I wouldn't fall over even though I was safe on the other side. I tried to shake him away.
"She's off!" one of the policemen cried, and two of them ran towards me, taking me away from Zac and put a blanket around me. The led me to the inside of the building. I turned my head around and looked at Nathan, then at Zac. My cold stare remained on my face, and then I disappeared behind the door, leaving them alone. Nathan put his arm over Zac's, but he shook it away. Nathan looked hurt, and Zac moved away from him. He stood away, with his arms crossed in front of his chest. He looked down and away, his eyes in a fixed stare at the ground.
"You okay man?" Nathan asked, stepping near him, trying to comfort him once again.
"Man, just...get away from me. And leave me alone." Zac grudged, and walked away from him.