Two days later I was out of the hospital. I had overdosed on cocaine so much the drug was suspended in my blood, and traveled to my nervous system, impairing my brain's ability to function correctly. The doctors wanted to wait until the drug had dissipated in my body to let me go. It didn't take long, just seventy-two hours. I was back in my normal life and schedule two weeks later, after coping with my stress.
Nathan apologized to me repeatedly, for he felt that my overdosing was caused by his carelessness. I explained to him over and over, in a patient matter, that it was all the peer pressure surrounding me ever since I was a freshman freshly exposed to the high school scene. I was sick of being an innocent, "daddy's little girl" angel, and I was almost satisfied I wouldn't have that reputation anymore, yet I was also very disgusted at myself for giving into the temptation and falling into the traps of peer pressure. But I guess some things happen for a purpose. The night Nathan stopped apologizing was the same night he made sweet love to me.
Our relationship seemed to descend ever since my departure from the hospital to back home. It seemed that more and more often he was out drinking and getting high. He didn't need to learn from my lesson, he knew what he was doing. But every time he wasn't sober, he'd treat me like some whore on the street corners; cheap, dirty, and worthless. It scared me. His "morning-after" attitude was better, but it made me wonder: Where are we going from here?
It was a late Friday night when I was by myself in my living room, sorting out articles to put together for my school newspaper, "Our Time: Our Life," and briefly watching Loveline. My parents had left for a twenty-five year silver wedding anniversary honeymoon in France early Wednesday morning. I had the whole house to myself for two weeks. Pure freedom.
As I sat there in my work clothes, a candy striper outfit, light denim overall shorts and a white and red-striped T-shirt, I put my work aside and paid attention to this one girl who had a problem on Loveline: She had a baby at eighteen years old and lost contact with the father, whom she had seriously dated with before the baby. She had a fiance when she reunited with the baby's father, and later broke off the marriage. She was now getting involved with her past flame and wanted some advice.
"Wow, she's got issues." I commented. "Poor girl." I shook my head, tsking.
The doorbell rang just then, and I turned off the TV and got up to answer the door.
"Nathan!" I cried, feeling all my needs for him rush through my body, and I jumped into his arms, kissing him all over his face and neck.
"Oh baby," he said, stomping inside my house and trying to hold me at the same time.
"Uhh, it's so late. Mmph, what's this visit for?" I asked, trying to contain myself from over-showing my affection.
"Damn girl, you horny or something?" he slurred, making our way into the living room. He threw me on our loveseat and climbed on top of me, burying his face in the crevice of my neck.
"Oh baby, only for you." I gasped, turning his head to face me, and licked his lips. He caught my tongue before I put it back in my mouth, and started to suck it. Our kisses were wild and sexual.
After briefly kissing each other, he descended his mouth to the cleavage of my bosom, where the neckline of my shirt scooped down and revealed a little more skin than was acceptable to show. His kisses washed me out in desire and sensation. He popped my right breast out of its snug place in the bra cup and ran his tongue over my areola.
"Hey Nate, no." I guarded, and put my breast back where it belonged.
"We're going down." he said, and fell off the couch, taking me along with him, myself landing on top of him. He rolled us over so that he was now on top of me.
"Gimme some dessert." he commanded, unbuckling my overall straps, and lifting me up by my rear, pulling off my overalls.
"Nathan!" I screamed, and scrambled to stand up, pulling my overalls back on.
"What the fuck?! Too good for me now?" he got up and asked disgustedly.
"Where do you think you can go off like that on me?!" I cried, upset.
"Bitch what's wrong with you? You always let me." he mumbled, struggling to stand up straight.
A cold look froze over my face. I stepped cautiously towards Nathan, and smelled his breath. He never got this mad unless he was drunk. And standing right there in front of me then, he was drunk.
"You're drunk. Why?" I questioned.
"I ain't drunk." he denied, and took out a joint and a lighter from his back pocket and lit up.
"I don't think so." I put my foot down, took the cigarette out of his mouth, cleared the smoke away, and went into the laundry room bathroom and flushed it down the toilet.
When I stepped back into the room I left him in, he walked up to me apologetically, like a hurt puppy. Gently, he took my face into his for soft kisses.
He had his ways of making me melt and unable to resist. I really had to put my foot down this time.
"No, I don't want to anymore Nathan." I said rejectingly.
He got this look of anger and frustration on his face. His anger spilled over, and he yelled in rage.
"Fuckin' bitch!" He threw me on the couch and jumped on me. He ripped off my overalls and began to try and rape me.
"Ahh!! No!! Nathan, stop!! Sto-o-op!!" I yelled and sobbed, unable to get up from under him.
"Shut up, you dumb bitch!" he yelled, and tore off my underwear, about to stick himself inside of me.
"Stop it, you fucker!" I cried, and punched his face hard. He yelped in pain, and sat up suddenly. This was my chance to break free.
I ran into the kitchen, grabbing the cordless phone and a large kitchen knife. I ran through the dining room, then the living room, and upstairs hiding under a desk and dialing 911.
"Help please! My boyfriend is crazy, he's in my house yelling and screaming! He tried to rape me and he's gonna kill me! Help! Hurry!" I cried hysterically into the phone, clutching my head and body under the desk.
I could hear Nathan ripping and tearing things downstairs in a gruesome rage. Upstairs I was panicking, shaking in my boots.
"Hurry! Please hurry!" I pleaded again and again. The operator tried to calm me down and get more information out of me.
"He's drunk, he smoked marijuana, he tried to rape me - he's trying to kill me! He's going to kill me! Get the god-dammed police here now!" I demanded.
She told me to stay on the line, when I could hear Nathan's loud footsteps stomping up the stairs.
"Where are you, you dumb bitch?!" he ravaged, knocking over chairs and whatever got in his way.
He came into the room where I was hiding, and I sat real still in total terror.
"Boo!" he said, peeking under the desk.
I shrieked, and kicked his face. Again, he yelped in pain.
"Get away from me, you fucker!" I yelled, scrambling to get up.
"Fuck you bitch!" he yelled, grabbing my arm and slamming me on top of the desk, getting on top of me.
He all of a sudden quieted down and stared at my icily. I was sobbing, my face red and my breathing in short gasps. His face was beginning to bruise from my kicks.
"Shut up bitch!" he yelled suddenly, shaking my shoulders.
I bit my tongue to stop me from crying, in fear he'd kill me if I made the slightest peep.
"I wonder what would happen if I killed you and got away with it." he said contently, licking the kitchen knife he held up above my head that was identical to the one in my back pocket. He brought it dowm to my neck and slit it carefully to draw blood.
I bit his fingers hard, and he cried out loud, sitting up. I knocked him off of me, and he fell to the ground. I reluctantly got off the table and ran out of the room, around the corner, and down the spiral staircase. Unfortunately, Nathan was only four paces behind me.
"Stay away from me you fucker!" I cried, opening the front door. My face was red, and my eyes were watery and bloodshot.
I ran outside and found a couple of police cars, policemen around my front door, and some neighbors standing by off the property, watching to see what would happen, worried looks painting their faces.
The first face I made contact with was Taylor's. I ran to him; he had open arms. He took me in tightly, and I held onto him for dear life, causing him to stumble backwards.
"It's okay, it's okay. You're safe now with me." he whispered calmly in my ear, ruffling my hair. I broke down in sobs.
"Bitch!" screamed Nathan. He was struggling to get out of the policeman's grasp. He put Nathan's hands behind his back and hand-cuffed them.
They put Nathan in one of the police cars and drove him off to the police station. Some other few policemen went inside my house to investigate.
It was about an hour later, around midnight, when a policeman wanted to talk to me about what had happened. At first, I was hesitant to walk inside.
"Go on ahead, Taylor will go with you." Walker said. I hadn't noticed that he, and Zac, were standing there by Taylor the whole time.
I unburied my face from Taylor's chest and looked at Zac and Walker. "Okay," agreeing quietly.
"Come on." Taylor said, taking my hand and leading me to the inside of my house. I sobbed every now and then.
In the entrance hallway, we looked around to find the policeman who wanted to talk to me.
"Excuse me." a voice said. It startled me.
"Oh, sorry Miss. Are you Kimberly Brown?" he asked. It was a policeman.
"Yes." I subtley whispered, clutching to Taylor's arm like a shy kid.
"I'd like to talk to you about what has happened in the past couple of hours, if you don't mind." he requested.
"Yeah." I said, trying to regain my composure.
While others continued to search my house, marking suspicious things and checking to make sure everything was safe and where it was supposed to be, the officer led me and Taylor into the living room, and he took a seat on the sofa, while Taylor and I sat on the loveseat.
"I'd like to ask you if you knew about Nathan's problems." he stated.
"Excuse me? I don't understand..." I drifted off.
"Did you know he drank, smoked....." he didn't finish his sentence.
"Yeah, um. He drank often with his friends. Sometimes he got high on cocaine, Angel Dust, acid, and smoked weed, that's all, I think. I don't know." I tried to keep my cool.
"Did you ever join in with him?"
"Sometimes I smoked. I refused to do drugs. Except for the episode I had about a month ago, where I overdosed on cocaine; I never did drugs."
He wrote down everything I was saying on a paper attached to a clipboard.
"Kimberly, tell me, please, what exactly happened tonight? Everything you can remember."
I took a scuddered sigh, and Taylor clutched my hand tighter, signaling to tell me it was okay.
I took one last sniffle and cleared my throat. "I don't know what caused him to go on a frenzy like that.
"I was just sitting her writing for my newspaper and watching Loveline. My parents are in France for another honeymoon. I got a knock on the door, and it was Nathan. I embraced him, and was glad he was there then. We went over to the couch and fooled around, then we fell off. He wanted to...perform oral sex on me." I hesitated to say it.
"Go ahead. Tell me everything. Don't be afraid to say anything that might seem embarrassing. I need to know what happened." the officer comforted.
"Okay. I didn't want him to do that. We started yelling at each other, and then I could smell the alcohol on his breath. I realized he was drunk, and whenever he gets drunk, he gets high, so the drugs added onto his behavior.
"He took out a joint of marijuana, and he knew I never tolerated marijuana, so I took it out of his mouth and went into the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet.
"I came back, and he started playing...affectionate games with me. He hugged me and kissed me everywhere, as if nothing happened between us. Again, I declined to him, and he just lost it. Um-" I lost it there too, and buried my face into Taylor's chest once again.
"Kim, it's okay. Calm down, shhhh...It's okay." Taylor cooed, rocking me in his arms.
"No, it's not okay! It is not okay! It will never be okay..." I bursted, and wept once again.
The officer and Taylor patiently waited for me to calm down. Eventually, I regained half of my composure and went on.
"He pushed me onto the couch and pulled my overalls down to my knees, and almost...raped me," I sniffled.
"Luckily, I punched him in the face, and he fell to the ground. I got up and ran into the kitchen, grabbing the cordless phone and a large kitchen knife. I started to make the call to 911 by then, and I hid under the desk in the study upstairs, waiting for dispatchers to get here. I told the operator what was going on.
"Unfortunately, Nathan found me. He yelled, "Boo!" and scared me. I kicked his face, and then he knocked me on top of the desk. Then, all of a sudden, he just stopped doing everything, and, stared at me icily. I was gasping, and he yelled at me to shut up. I immediately kept quiet. I was frightened that if I made the slightest peep, he'd kill me instantly. I remember his exact words," I hesistated once again. "I wonder what would happen if I killed you and got away with it."
"He had a kitchen knife like the one I had, and slit it across my neck, drawing blood. I took my chance and bit his fingers hard. He cried out and sat up, and I knocked him off of me. I ran out of the room and outside. He was right behind me, and surely, I thought he was going to kill me then. I was so scared-" I broke down and wept once again. Slowly, but surely, I ended my saga of a horrific recent event.
"Thank you, Kimberly. I'll make sure the city receives this report." the officer concluded, and left.
Taylor and I sat there; I was sobbing into his chest and he held me and rocked us, shhing me to calm down. Being in Taylor's arms and presence made me feel safe. His big arms around my body gave me security. If Nathan was still there, I'd still feel more safe.
"Kim, let's get up and go home, to my house." he whispered, coaxing me to get up.
Walker walked into the room and cleared his throat to get our attention. "Kim, upon your safety and behalf, I would prefer it if you were to stay with us until your parents return from France." he requested, clasping his hands together.
"Oh, Walker, thank you, but, I'll be okay here, by myself." I rejected, wiping my eyes.
"No, Kim. You don't have a choice. I don't care it that...little bastard is in jail or not, you're staying with us. Tomorrow, you can get your things. You're staying with us, and that's final. It's an order of safety." he put his foot down. I looked at Taylor for a relapse.
"He's right, Kim. I'm not about to let you stay here by yourself, no matter what." he agreed with his father. I sighed, figuring it was for the better.
"Okay." I settled.
By then, everyone was gone and the house was empty, except for me and Taylor. I got my keys, locked up, and we both walked next door to his house.
I couldn't sleep that night, or morning. It was around two o'clock in the morning, and I sat staring at the blank TV mounted on the wall in the Hanson's basement. I couldn't keep my mind off of Nathan and what he did. The scar he left on my neck was healing, yet it was still visible. I don't know how long I sat there on the couch pulled out into a hide-a-away bed with the light on. Taylor had loaned me a shirt and a pair of boxers for me to sleep in, but what good were they doing now?
I tried reading, I tried playing the old Nintendo system they had hooked up to the television set, I tried writing, I tried sleeping...nothing took my mind off of what happened to me earlier that night. I laid down and stared at the dim light, thinking.
The door leading to the upstairs main level opened, and I turned my attention to it.
"Oh, sorry. I saw the light on out of the door crack, and, uh, I thought you fell asleep and forgot to turn it off." It was Taylor.
I looked at him for a minute, and then refocused my attention back to the light that was blinding me.
"How can I sleep? I mean, I don't understand it, Tay." I spoke up just as he was about to leave, keeping my eyes focused on the light. "Why did he go off like that just because I wouldn't let him have sex with me or smoke pot. Yeah, he was in a stupor and drugged, but, why?"
"Kim," he started to philosophy, walking further into the room and towards me on the bed. "There are some things no once can explain. He's one of them. Why do people drink and do drugs in the first place when they should at least be smart enough to know that it won't get them anywhere."
I sat there, my fingers stayed half-way through my hair. I sighed, not answering.
"Kim, I knew something was up with him from the beginning. I heard that he was transferred to your school because he was caught stealing one of his old school's sound systems and car parts. I don't know much, but I'm safe to say that he wasn't worth your time-"
"Well, duh, he's not worth it." I interrupted.
"You say that now. But what if I had told you that yesterday; or even ten hours ago. Would you have the same opinion?" he asked.
"No Tay," I looked at him. "What are you trying to say?"
"I know I can blabber on and on, but I'll save you time," he took my hand. "Don't waste your time obsessing and worrying over someone who could've taken your life, no more." he said.
This guy is absolutely making no sense. What a loon! But in a way, he's kinda right, I thought, and a small smile appeared in the corner of my mouth.
"Your minds off of it already." he said.
There was a pause as we looked into each other's eyes. I looked down then, and brought my head back up. "Thanks Tay."
He leaned in and kissed me, holding my cheek. The odd thing was that I responded.
"Oh God, sorry." he apologized, looking around to distract his sudden behavior, mostly just to hide his face.
I closed my eyes and went in for his mouth. We kissed a few times, and I pushed him onto his back with me on top. He ruffled my hair and rubbed my back. I kept my hands on his chest.
"Wait, is this okay?" Taylor broke away from me, a worried look on his face.
I just kissed him back, and we continued where we left off. He said no more; and probably thinking the answer to his question was yes.
After manuevering around a lot, I sat up and lifted my shirt up and off of my body. Taylor was no longer shy with showing his affection. Greatly, he took my breast into his mouth. His mouth wanted to be everywhere on my body at once, I knew it. He told me with hands that ran everywhere.
We got serious. He brought his mouth back to mine, but his left hand stayed at my unsucked breast and his right hand massaged under my underwear, but not exactly inside my crotch. Our kissing intensified as well, only using our tongues.
Taylor let go all of a sudden. He got up and went out of the basement, leaving me there half-naked and slightly shocked, for two reasons. One: Our behavior with each other. And two: Why did he leave?
The door reopened, and in came Taylor once again. I welcomed his rearrival, and no questions were asked this time.
The room was hot, and we were heavy. Our breaths were beating on each other and our hearts rate was preparing us for what would come next.
"Kim. I want it. Do you?" his plea came out choppy.
I reached out to his cheek and held it, barely breathing. "Just do it." I replied.
The reason he left was because he needed to recapitulate and catch up with what he was doing. We got lost in each other and each others passion. Even though I've matured and got experienced with others, no one but Taylor had set me on this pedestal that I was now standing upon. I didn't know if it was right, I didn't know if it was wrong. I did know that I hadn't been thinking, though. I had to distract myself and lose myself into something that would allow me to not think of Nathan. And that action had to be making love to Taylor Hanson. The only thing I had to worry about now was facing Taylor when we woke up.
The clock in the basement read ten eleven in the morning when I woke up. I looked at it, and then closed my eyes, thinking about the events that occurred in the previous wee hours of the early morning.
My brain was flooded with confusing emotion, and I couldn't think straight. All I remember was Taylor coming into the basement, and we committed an action that shouldn't have taken place anywhere at anytime.
Eventually, I got out of bed. Before I left the room, though, I had to find shirt that I had discarded earlier. I did, and I left to go upstairs for some breakfast.
The house was quiet when I got to the main floor. I stopped and stood still, perking up my ears to find any distant sounds of cartoons on the television set, music on any radio players, or anything else, but I didn't.
I waddled into kitchen for food. There I found Taylor, eating Fruit Loops and reading the newspaper. I braved to speak up.
"Where is everyone." I mumbled, getting out a bowl, the milk, and a new box of Frosted Flakes.
"Avery and Jess went shopping with Mom, Dad's at the studio, Mack and Zac are sleeping." he replied, not looking up.
"Oh." I said, and ate my cereal slowly.
When I was done, I rinsed my bowl out and loaded it in the dishwasher. The tension was bugging me. I couldn't stand it, and I needed to say what had been on my mind.
"Taylor, last night was totally unacceptable. I let myself fall into you because I was...too distraught and needed a little love but mostly distraction." I said when he didn't look up. "Are you listening to me?"
He still didn't look up. "Fine Tay, if you want to play some childish game of silent treatment, go ahead then." I blurted out, and walked away.
"I know it was uncalled for, but I couldn't help myself." he spoke up, then brought his head up to look at me.
I turned around. "So, you thought we shouldn't have gotten caught up in the moment too?" I asked.
"Yeah. But like I said, I couldn't help myself."
"I just want to let you know, it didn't mean anything to me."
He became starked, but held no silence. "It didn't?" he asked.
"No. Why? Did it to you?" I asked.
"Yeah, of course." he replied.
"Well, it shouldn't have." I said semi-coldly.
"What?"
"Taylor, my life is fucked up now. Last night added on top of it. I just want to...refrain from everyone and everything, especially love. A new relationship is the last thing I need. I can't handle this, I'm leaving." I said, not finishing every word I wanted to say, almost freaking out. I grabbed my keys from the counter, and headed for the door.
"Wait, where are you going? C'mon, I can help. We can work this out." he begged, getting up from the bar stool he was sitting on and followed me to the front door.
"No, I need to get away. I"m going to go get ready and go make an appointment with my doctor." I said, opening the door.
"Why?" he asked.
I turned around, giving him an obvious expression. "Taylor, you didn't wear a condom. I'm sure that should explain everything." I said, and left for my house.
"If you need me, I'll be here for you." he mumbled, walking back into the kitchen slowly.