Well, this eating problem of mine has been stable. I forced myself to eat breakfast this morning, and glad I did, but I didn't eat lunch at Drama club. Free pizza and cake. I really should have taken that, but oh well. I'm trying to get back to eating 3 meals a day, plus some snacks. Or just bigger portions.
Josh called last night. I asked him why he was treating me like a friend but of lesser value and not like a girlfriend. There were all these pauses and silences.
"I guess I'm just not ready or comfortable for a girlfriend right now."
"When was your last girlfriend?"
"Like....three...four months ago."
"So?"
"I don't know. Maybe right now is not the best time."
He kept saying that he was dumb and retarded for this. I told him that he wasn't, and whatever he wants, I want him to have it. I want people to be comfortable before I am, because I care. He sounded like he was crying on the other line. So we just said goodbye and that was it. I hung up, and cried for a little bit. Then it was kinda early, but late, so I decided to go to sleep cause I was getting tired.
Ten minutes after my lights went out, Zack called. We talked for a couple minutes, and then I called him right back and we talked for a couple of hours about Josh. Really, I wish I could tell you what we talked about. But it would take me forever and a day (aw! Josh's saying! Hmmm....*whiny tone*) to tell you, and it's kind of a personal secret.
I can tell you that Zack told me Josh broke up with me because he cares about me. I wish I could tell you this whole conversation. But I can't. It's too personal, and if Josh found out I told, our friendship would definitely be terminated. He broke up with me because he said that when friends go out, then they break up, they aren't friends anymore. I said that wasn't necessarily true, but he was scared that we wouldn't be friends, and he wants to be friends.
Zack told me he has friends, but they aren't close (we call them "fans"). Josh doesn't have a lot of FRIENDS, and Zack said that breaking up with me because he cared about me means I was a friend, and I think I'm one of his RARE girl friends. I'm really glad that he wants to be friends. But what I gotta do is wait for Josh to fall in love because he's never fallen in love (according to Zack) and he most likely won't unless the girl drives him crazy. I told Jenna that I'll be there when Josh is ready to fall in love.
Well, I woke up this morning thinking nothing was wrong. But something was wrong: Josh. I was scared he was gonna avoid me today. I got ready like I usually do. But today I looked different. I dressed up, if that's the correct english. I wore really nice black PANTS, not jeans. And a really nice green shirt and black mary janes. I felt so pretty.
In Journalism we read more about the history of the newspaper. Faith said my outfit looked really pretty.
I went to history, and we talked about science and technology. I sit next to Pinocchio (Jarrod Hobson). Man he sure looks like Pinocchio! It's so funny! That class is really boring.
In English we took a quiz on "To Kill A Mockingbird." I probably got a C or D on it. Oh well. Shows I should pay more attention to the school's choice of literature. We saw a movie on when the story took place. The book is gonna be interesting.
I went to Spanish, we went over "Survival Phrases." It was pretty boring in there. And the guys behind me always talk, it bugs me! I wanna learn because I love Spanish!
Then it was lunch, and I went to a drama meeting. But since I have Vista fourth and fifth now, which S-U-C-K-S, I had to go to main, get my geometry book out of my locker, and walk back to main. I was late, but it was ok. We voted for a new president (Brian won) because Mercedes is moving to Alaska tomorrow. She's such a sweetie. We discussed more things, but it wasn't much. Then I told Mrs. Adams, the drama teacher, that I switched from Chemistry to Drama. She was really happy. I had nine minutes to kill before fifth started, so I visited my old Spanish teacher, then went back to fifth.
In Drama, Josh wasn't there cause he has it fifth too. I think he ditched, and I think he's avoiding me. Because I think he's feels really bad for breaking up with me. He's likes me so much, but he wants to be friends. I hate that. Anyway, I met like 7 freshmen or something, and Mercedes read us a monologue. She's REALLY talented. It was so cool. And we got into groups, and made statues. It was really fun. There were two Justin's, I think they were stoners, but they're pretty cool!
Geometry, same old, same old. Did a warm up, got some work, and I left early to go to my doctor appointment.
I was scared of going to the doctors for a few reasons: One: Having to wear a paper gown. Two: Peeing in a cup. Three: Finding out something may be REALLY wrong with me. The doctor just asked me questions, and it turns out I have three choices to help my cramps: Ibuprofen, Advil, or Birth Control. I chose birth control because (no not so I can have sex and not get pregnant [duh! Think of STD's!]) it'll make my periods shorter and on time (yea!), can clear up acne (though I don't have that problem), and after a couple of months make my cramps go away! So I took it.
Then my gaurdian and I went to the pharmacy to drop off the prescription, picked up Ibuprofen, and left for home.
I picked up my room because a realtor is coming to look at our house tomorrow. I did my homework, I just gotta read a chapter from "To Kill A Mockingbird" now. And I'm just waiting for Josh to call, if he does. I hope he does. Because I'm NOT upset with him...