Title: For All to See
Author: Devra and MajelB
E-Mail: paravati@optonline.net and majelitab@highstream.net, respectively
Status: Complete
Category: Drama, angst, h/c, smarm, a/a, Meridian-fix
Pairings: none
Spoilers: A fair understanding of all of Season 5, especially Meridian, is advisable. Almost all eps through season 5 are fair game for spoilers. Off the top of our heads: Stargate the movie, Emancipation, Hathor, Singularity, Tok'ra eps, Upgrades, D&C, Exodus… the list goes on, but we honestly can't remember 'em all.
Season: Season 5
Rating: R, primarily for language. Please forgive our potty-mouths.
Content Warnings: language, mental whumpings, minor new-character deaths
Summary: SG1 has encountered several situations in which they were misled to believe that various intricate deceptions were, in fact, reality… the Gamekeeper's planet, Hathor's base… What if one such deception turned out to be a little more… long term?
Authors' Notes:
MajelB- I want to thank Devra with all my heart for everything. You and your
car-borne plot bunnies made this story happen. Thank you for your sweet nagging,
endless creativity, and generous patience. And thank you for the wonderful
opportunity to review my knowledge of grammar rules. I am a better beta, thanks
to you. <eg> And I am a better person for knowing you, sensei. Thanks.
Devra- I want to thank MajelB for always being there and lending a helping hand
and ear. Whose gift of a baseball cap which now sits in my car prods my little
plot bunnies. For making those plot bunnies into an actual reality and for your
limitless patience regarding my lack of correct grammar usage. Who knew that a
little feedback months ago would lead to such a wonderful friendship. You are
the best! I will always be indebted to "Old Debts."
We would also like to thank all of our marvelous 'test subjects,' Abigor, Jmas, Aloyisious, and CA, for being so gracious as to invest their valuable time into reading this monster in its roughest forms, and for all of your very, very helpful observations and suggestions. Thank you!
Chapter 1
With a sigh, the bone-weary general pushed himself away from the paper-strewn desk. The halls of the SGC, as well as his office, echoed with blaring klaxons. Looking at his watch, it registered that the klaxon sounding was announcing the arrival of SG4 after a standard meet-and-greet mission. The General descended the stairs as a man whose reason to stay in this position of command had been removed. Twelve months removed…twelve long months since his…since the flagship team of the SGC had walked up the ramp to the Stargate, entered the event horizon and disappeared off the face of this planet never to return.
The SG teams had searched for months. Hammond's standing orders, even now when teams were on a mission, were that an extra ear should be kept to the ground in the hopes that one inhabitant on one planet might have any idea regarding SG1's whereabouts. SG1's status had remained MIA for twelve months and in all likelihood would remain status quo until they were returned, dead or alive.
The General took his usual stance by the master-at-arms at the control panel.
"Sir?"
"Is there a problem, sergeant?"
"Well…no, sir…I mean yes, sir."
With a hint of irritation threatening to surface, the General commanded in a tight voice, "Care to clarify the problem, sergeant?"
The sergeant swallowed audibly. "It's SG1's code sir. Their last known, deactivated code."
Without hesitation, his heart hammering in his chest, Hammond made an instantaneous command decision. "Damn it…open the iris," he barked, followed immediately by an order to have a medical team on standby in the embarkation room. The General ran down the steps, two at a time, hoping against hope that the answer to the twelve-month question would be answered in the next few minutes.
The moment the iris opened, a single body was propelled through the event horizon and impacted the metal ramp with such force that General Hammond grimaced. After waiting a few seconds, he gave the stand down order to the SF soldiers occupying the gate room. The General made a few tentative steps toward the prone body and was joined by Dr. Fraiser, who had just entered.
"Dr. Jackson," he whispered. Dr. Fraiser touched his arm, her eyes bright with unshed tears.
The body lifted itself on all fours, face turned towards the shimmering gate, and balanced like a sprinter awaiting the gun's starting signal. General Hammond's stomach twisted as he realized that Dr. Jackson was contemplating throwing himself back into the event horizon, forgetting Major Carter's course in Stargate Travel 101…matter can only travel one way through the Stargate. Without a second thought, Hammond issued the command to close the iris.
Hammond and Fraiser exhaled a collective sigh as the iris shut and Dr. Jackson slowly pulled himself to a standing position. He stood before the gate in shock, shoulders slumped and head bent before the closed iris. The gate room took on an unearthly hush for a single moment in time, and then all hell broke loose.
Daniel took a step forward, pounding on the iris, as if willing it open. When it became apparent that his efforts were in vain, the young man issued forth a cry of such heartbreak and anguish that General Hammond feared for the good doctor's sanity as he continued to pound on the metal doorway.
General Hammond held up his hand to discourage Dr. Fraiser from accompanying him to Daniel. She paused and watched in distress as the General proceeded quietly up the ramp towards the man who, hopefully, held the answers to a year's worth of questions. Muttering incoherently, Daniel was unaware of the General until he touched his arm.
"Son."
Daniel turned around, fists raised in anger. General Hammond was aware of the echoing sounds as the SFs released the safeties of their weapons, now pointed in Daniel's direction.
"Stand down!" General Hammond ordered.
Daniel looked around, and for the first time, really saw the man standing before him. His eyes widened behind his glasses. "General Hammond?" Daniel glanced sideways at his raised fist, lowering it in embarrassment. "Earth…SGC…Cheyenne Mountain?"
"Yes son, you're home," Hammond replied gently, attempting to take Daniel's arm and lead him down the ramp to the waiting Dr. Fraiser. Daniel stood steadfast, refusing to be moved. He looked over his shoulder at the iris and then back at General Hammond.
In a movement too swift to counterattack, Daniel grabbed the General's arms. In a voice broken by emotion, he spewed a torrent of accusations. "Why the hell did you close the iris? Maybe they were behind me. We…I need to go back. Give the command to reinitialize the wormhole. Do you know what you are condemning them to?"
"Dr. Jac….Daniel," General Hammond snaked his hands around Daniel's until they were gently gripping his forearms. He issued a little shake, hopefully bringing the boy back to reality.
Daniel relinquished his hold on the General and sank to the ramp. "Too much time…SG1 thinks I've joined a higher plain and ascended with Oma Desala…they'll never come looking. I left them…and Jack let me go."
* * * *
When the elevator door closed behind what was left of SG-1, Jack leaned up against the cold metal wall and closed his eyes.
"Sir?"
"Carter," he responded to the voice, without opening his eyes.
"Where are we going?"
"Up, Carter."
She rolled her eyes. "No, I mean for dinner. Where are we going for dinner?"
Jack opened his eyes and pushed away from the wall, running a hand through his hair as he went. He looked to Teal'c, who raised an eyebrow… no help there… and then to Carter who was just staring at him with a funny expression on her face.
"What?" he asked her, making his irritation more than obvious. She seemed unfazed by the harshness of his tone.
"Well, Colonel… I… Hell, I know you're not okay, so I'm not even gonna ask," Carter said gruffly, before turning and focusing her attention on the semi-reflective double doors. As she intently examined her own wobbly reflection, trying hard to ignore him, Jack sighed and banged his head a couple of times on the wall.
"Ah, Christ, can't this wait…" he mumbled to himself, hoping nobody else was listening. They were. Carter spun around abruptly and stared at him with an expression halfway between grief and fury.
"Wait?! How long *exactly* do you want to wait, sir? How long do you intend to pretend that everything's okay? *How long*? A week? A month? 'Till one of *us* dies too?" She was on the verge of shouting, now, as she motioned toward Teal'c and herself, trying to drive the point home.
"He's *not* dead!" he shouted, carefully enunciating each syllable, moving to hover over her.
"Well, he's not *here*! Sure as hell seems like the same thing, to me!" she shouted right back.
"Well, hell, Major. Why don't ya just drop the 'sir' and be honest!"
"Don't tempt me, *sir*!"
They were toe to toe, staring each other down. They didn't even notice that the elevator door was open.
"Major Carter. Colonel O'Neill," interjected Teal'c in a soft voice.
"What!" The two officers turned to him and shouted at the same time. Very calmly, the Jaffa motioned toward the assembling audience in the hall. Jack huffed loudly and stormed out of the elevator, followed closely by the Major. Teal'c sauntered into the hall with a very polite "please excuse us" and followed his friends to the parking garage.
O'Neill and Carter were each walking very briskly to their own cars. It seemed to Teal'c that dinner together was officially off. That's what *they* thought, anyway. A slight grin crossed his face as he decided that something had to be done.
"Major Carter," he boomed. It wasn't loud or harsh, but the abruptness of the sound and the echo in the garage made both Carter and O'Neill jump. "Please get into O'Neill's vehicle." O'Neill shot him a look that could very well kill as he unlocked the driver's door of his SUV. Teal'c walked up to the car and opened the back door. Dejectedly, Carter complied with his order and slumped into the back seat, crossing her arms.
Teal'c, himself, sat smugly in the front seat, knowing that he was receiving glares from his companions. O'Neill had not yet even started the car.
"I am hungry, O'Neill. I believe O'Malley's has the 'best steaks in town,'" he said, eyes still straight ahead. O'Neill nodded slightly and turned the key in the ignition, backed out of the space, and sped out of the mountain.
* * * *
They sat in silence. The only words that had been spoken since arriving at the restaurant were their orders to the waitress. Carter and O'Neill sat quietly at the table, trying to avoid eye contact, sipping their drinks, whilst Teal'c sat with his hands folded, waiting for one of them to speak. This cold silence amongst friends, nay family, was trying even his legendary patience.
"Tell me your ages," Teal'c finally requested. O'Neill and Carter looked at him, puzzled.
"Uh… Teal'c… you already--," began Carter, only to be cut off.
"What are your ages?" he asked again, in a sterner, almost parental tone, which wasn't lost on his friends.
"Thirty-six," responded Carter quietly, eyes glued to her hands.
"Forty-eight," added O'Neill, who was closely examining his beer bottle.
"Amongst the Tau'ri, you are considered adults, yes?"
They nodded.
"So, why is it that you both insist upon acting like children?" Teal'c knew he had made his point when both of their heads perked up and they looked at each other cautiously. He leaned back in his chair, satisfied. Carter looked back down at her hands.
"I'm sorry," she whispered with the utmost sincerity. Receiving no response, she lifted her head to find the Colonel peeling the label from his bottle of beer. Getting the gut impression that he was, actually, listening to her, she continued. "I just… I'm… really having a hard time with this. I hate to sound needy and all, here, but I've *needed* you, sir. The only people who have even bothered to *try* and talk about it are Teal'c, Janet… hell, even the General. But you… you're just… I don't know… flying off in your own direction. I'm almost getting the feeling that you're as much *not here* as Daniel." She leaned back a bit, crossing her arms over her chest, as his head jerked up in surprise.
"Just where the *hell* do you get off laying all this on me? Where does it say *I'm* responsible for *your* emotional well being? I've got problems of my own, you know!" he whispered harshly, aware of the many other ears in the room. Carter blinked, but otherwise gave no outward sign of acknowledgement. Frankly, she was a little beyond caring about hurting his feelings.
"Oh, my heart bleeds!" Carter rasped, leaning forward and rolling her eyes in an exaggerated motion. "We used to be *friends*, Colonel. All of us. Or have you forgotten? After all that we've been through together. For each other… Just what the hell kind of friend do you think you are, now? Or have been, lately?"
"One that was trying to do the right goddamn thing for once!" Jack all but shouted, slamming his hands down on the table. Carter jumped and jerked back, her jaw dropping at her CO's sudden show of emotion. Jack shook his head and buried his face in his hands, then rested his forehead on one of his closed fists. He absently toyed with his napkin with his free hand.
Carter didn't know what to say. She'd been so angry with him for the last week or so for being so stoic and standoffish, for wanting to forge right back into the thick of things with that mission to help Heimdal and Thor. She'd wanted so badly to see him hurting, just so she would know she wasn't the only one.
She'd known, deep down, all along that he was feeling Daniel's loss as much as anyone, maybe even more, but she'd needed to *see* it. To share something. And now that she'd gotten what she wanted, she regretted it immediately, cursing herself for wishing this on a person she was supposed to care about and want the best for.
Silently, she looked to Teal'c, hoping he'd be willing to offer some guidance, but he shook his head. Apparently the wise Jaffa thought that this was strictly between her and O'Neill. Sam sighed, her body seeming to deflate in defeat as she did.
"*Please* talk to me, Jack," she said softly, leaning over the table to still the hand that continued to play with its already shredded napkin. His fingers froze and he lifted his head to look at her. He took a deep breath, then lowered his eyes again. It stung that he couldn't look her in the eyes for more than a moment.
"You know," Jack began softly, eyes still watching the table for any sudden moves. "When we first brought him back from that planet, before he started getting really bad… he was in the infirmary and I went to see him. He'd made poor Fraiser tell him in gory detail, everything that was going to happen to him before he died. For some reason, he felt he had to lay it all out for me, too. I don't know… I think I deserved it, what he was doing. I'm sure I deserved it. Because other than all those dandy mental images he managed to plant in my head with his little play-by-play, all I could think about was all the things I'd said to him over the last few months that I didn't really mean. I was a total ass, and I didn't even have a good reason to be. And, even when he was there, on his deathbed, I couldn't apologize. It was like some little part of me didn't really believe I'd done and said what I had. Like it wasn't really me, so *I* had nothing to apologize for.
"All I could say was that I fucking *admired* him. Hmph. He actually laughed at that one. Well, tried to, anyway. And I don't blame him, either. Talk about too little, too late." Jack pulled his hand away from Carter's and started fiddling with the wrapper on his now empty beer bottle again. Sam crossed her arms on top of the table and rested her chin on her forearm, waiting to see if the Colonel was finished. Never in a million years had she expected him to open up to her and Teal'c, but here he was, pouring his heart out, and she was damn well going to be there for him for as long as it took.
No one said a word as the waitress returned to refill Sam and Teal'c's glasses and plop another Bud Light down in front of the Colonel. They ignored her as she tried to reassure them that the food would be out in a few minutes, all three too wrapped up in their own private miseries at the moment. Only Teal'c managed a slight nod as she turned to walk away. She smiled shyly back, as though it would somehow make the big stranger in the fedora feel better.
Jack took a deep gulp of his beer, and Sam could almost feel him steeling himself to continue where he left off.
"So," he breathed, seeming to have gained some confidence in himself, or maybe a little extra trust in his friends. "If I couldn't apologize to him, I thought I could at least try and make it up to him. Maybe I could show him that I didn't hate him--,"
"Didn't *hate* him?" Carter interjected, surprise and worry etched in her face as she lifted her head. Jack shook his head in rejection of his previous statement.
"No, no. That I still *cared*. That I really was sorry. That I had a lot of regrets. I wanted to do right by him at least that one last time. God knows I didn't do anything else right." Sam lowered her chin back down to her arms, satisfied with his explanation. "So I defended him. Tried my damnedest to get that Jonas geek to see what Daniel was talking about. Tried to convince anyone out there who would listen that Daniel was an honorable man. A hero.
"And then Jonas came here to give us the Naquadriah. He said he told his superiors what really happened. I'd managed to make sure that at least one of those guys saw Daniel for the man he really was, and I thought that was it. I'd done everything I could. But I hadn't yet. When Jacob was trying to heal him and he came to me… he asked *me*… gave me another chance to do something right. To respect his wishes. I did what he asked me to do. One last brave act of friendship." Jack took another swig of beer and set the bottle down on the table.
"I just… I want you both to understand… and I think he would, too… This is what he wants. Wherever he is, it's where he wants to be. We just have to trust his decision. We owe him that."
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