Avalanche

By Devra

Date: September 11, 2002

Status: Complete

Notes: These stories Mustang and Avalanche follow my fic "Riding in Cars with Boys". Someone mentioned in feedback, what was Jack going to do with his "old" car after Daniel purchases a new Chevy Avalanche for him…well those simple words got my plot bunnies hopping and Mustang and Avalanche are the results

Season/Spoilers: When they were still a team

Archive: Anyone else please ask.

I'm puzzled at Jack's change in attitude as soon as we reach the garage. He opens the Avalanche's passenger side door and orders me tersely to just get into the car.

With my ribs taped and my right arm in a cast, I awkwardly climb into the seat, grimacing as he slams the door. He gets in, throwing my carryall over his shoulder into the rear seat.

I open my mouth, but am interrupted by Jack's "Don't say it, Daniel."

Don't say what? My anxiety is increasing with every mile he drives. He places a CD in the player, pumping up the volume and thereby halting any chance at further conversation. I turn and stare out the window, the passing scenery indicative of the fact that we are driving to places unknown to me, nothing is familiar. The man sitting in the seat next to me is not familiar to me at the moment. The only familiar thing is the sick feeling settling in the pit of my stomach, brought on by the fear of losing someone close to you.

SG1's schedule had been hectic, and General Hammond had granted us an offworld "vacation" to a planet with minerals and ruins aplenty. Sam and I had spent hours pouring over and studying the feedback from the UAV and MALP. I remember Jack making a remark about PX7123 being a playground for his scientists at the briefing. Upon our arrival on the planet, we had separated; Teal'c and Sam in search of minerals, Jack by my side as I explored the ruins of an ancient temple.

We lasted all of 5 hours on the planet. Jack had warned me during my exploration that the shifting sand under the temple's foundation was making him nervous. I chalked it up as one of his mother hen propensities. My discovery of scrolls that corresponded to the writings on the wall in an unfamiliar language, forced me to turn a deaf ear to his warnings.

I remember begging for twenty more minutes. Jack wanted me to bring the parchments outside… I refused. I don't even recall why. I argued that I needed the walls to assist in the translation, or maybe because I was angry at being told what to do. Twenty minutes came and went, Jack's insistence after he walked the perimeter increasing.

Unsure of the safety of the building, he wanted us to leave. Recent rains, he observed on his walk, had eroded the foundation of the building, making it unsafe. I should have seen this, I've been on digs the majority of my adult life. I pleaded for another 15 minutes… just to video tape the walls, then I would go.

The allotted time frame came and went. Jack became furious… I ignored his rantings… ignored him. He turned to leave… was almost out the door when a horrific sound made him stop. I stood, turning towards Jack… I remember him turning towards me and calling my name. I felt myself falling and the next thing I remember was waking up in the infirmary.

I suffered a concussion, broken arm, two broken ribs, along with a punctured lung. I was unconscious for two days. I remember nothing of my accident on the planet and very little of my first days in the infirmary, save Jack always being at my bedside.

I told him I was sorry, I should have listened… he waved the apology off, not necessary, he stated. I never noted a problem between us until we got into his car.

I yell his name, trying to right my body, as he drives at breakneck speed around the mountain bends. My head hits the passenger window, as he pulls the truck intohairpin turns. I cradle my casted arm against my body in an effort to protect it from slamming into the car door. I yell his name again, not knowing the man bent over the wheel.

"I thought this is what you wanted, Daniel."

Heights, I swallow as the road seems to disappear and the Avalanche hangs over the side for a moment before continuing on the asphalt. I am afraid to answer him, afraid to distract him.

He pulls the truck to the side of the road, onto an observation area. Dust and rocks fly haphazardly as he slams on the brakes and turns to face me, the vehicle still running. Panting, as though he'd just run a marathon, he reiterates, "I thought this is what you wanted, Daniel."

Before I can reply, he finishes, "I *thought* you wanted to kill yourself." Jack doesn't wait for a reply, just jumps out of the Avalanche.

I lean over, turn off the car, wondering what Jack was referring to. Opening the door, I slowly step down from the car, confused over Jack's perception of things.

I approach my lover slowly, cautiously, as he stands at the edge of the observation platform. Peripherally, I take note that the view from the mountain is magnificent, but our height makes me swallows convulsively.

"Jack?" The slump of his shoulders and stance of his body confuse me. "I don't understand, Jack."

Jack turned to face me. "You're right, Daniel. You don't."

That's all he says. I'm panicking. I feel my breathing increase and my heart pounds painfully in my bruised chest. I will my voice to remain calm and not break with emotion. "I want to understand, Jack. Would you please explain it to me?"

Jack takes a few steps towards me, now standing in my personal space. He knows he is one of the few people I allow there. I hold my ground.

"You know… if you died, I would have died along with you."

Realization clicks into place. The planet, the injuries I sustained. What I perceive to be guilt, both his and mine. "I told you I was sorry. I should have listened."

He sighs, and I know there is something I seem to be missing. I try a different route. "Teal'c and Sam would be here for your if something happened to me, Jack. The General, even Janet and Cassie. They would be there for you."

Jack is angry now. For a linguist, I don't seem to be reading his language very well at all. "Dammit, Daniel, sure they are my family… our family. But you… *you* are my *life*. I need you to understand that… when you willingly throw your life away, you're taking mine along for the ride."

"Jack, I…"

"Daniel, I don't want to hear 'I'm sorry' again. I want you to listen. We do dangerous work. If you or I die or are injured while encountering aliens, goa'ulds or hazardous environments… well that's the nature of the beast. Traveling through the Stargate, we are aware of the risks. But the trip to this planet, that was a "vacation," a walk in the park for you and Carter; no aliens or goa'ulds. You were willing to throw us away by risking yourself for pieces of paper. When Fraiser wasn't sure if you were going to make it… wanna know what I was going to do? Retire for good. To the mountains. Far away from everyone and everything. Leaving them like you left me."

"No."

"Daniel, I don't know why I didn't physically drag you away from that accursed temple, like I dragged you away from Ernest's planet. Maybe this time, I was testing your choices."

"I failed." All the failure of my life compounded. 'Sorry' is not an adequate word at this point in time.

"No… we both did." He steps forward, taking me gently in his arms. He releases me, holding me at arms length, then drops his hands. "I need you to let me all the way into your life, Daniel. I'm not leaving you like your parents, like Sha're. I want to grow old…" Jack smiles hesitantly. "*Older* with you, Daniel. I need you to understand, *this* between you and me, it's not just for now. It's forever, for the long haul. But it's no good if you don't understand that."

Jack's speech, the height… I walk back to the Avalanche, leaning against the door, the feeling of the cool metal through my shirt and bandages grounding me. I look at the view from the safe distance of the truck. Jack's right… there is a part of me I won't let him have. It's safer that way. A protection if something happens to him.

His shadow blocks the sun as he stands in front of me. I choke out my response, giving him a glimpse into to my thoughts. "It's safer that way. It won't hurt as much if something happens to you."

"Daniel, don't live your life waiting for something terrible to happen. That's not fair to you… or to me."

I lower my eyes. "I've lied to you, to me… it hasn't helped. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you." I love Jack enough to finally admit the truth to him. "I want to be the one to go first, I can't deal with another loss. I need to die first… I don't want to be alone again."

Jack can't answer me. Like he said before, due to the dangerous nature of our work, he can't guarantee that won't happen. I appreciate his not insulting me by making empty platitudes.

He gathers me into his arms, pulling me away from the car. We don't work 9 to 5 jobs, or make our morning commute on the subway. We don't have business meetings or deadlines. As much as we would like, we cannot guarantee that one of us won't spend our golden years alone. "I know Daniel," Jack says.

I don't know if anything was solved, or if I would do anything different if the situation occurred again. That's my nature. But I've revealed to him what he was searching for and I've revealed to myself the truth I've kept hidden.

Jack places his hands on the side of my face, pulling me in for a kiss. Never releasing his hold, he blindly places his hand and opens the rear door. We climb in, and I use my carryall as a pillow as I lay down. Jack enters the truck, closing the door behind him and positions himself to my side. He leans over me, and I unconsciously grimace in pain. Jack looks first puzzled, than upset. "Oh god, Daniel, I'm sorry. Your ribs."

I don't care, I need him at this moment. I want him, all of him. I pull him roughly down to me in response to his concern. Our coupling is fast and fulfilling, the need to feel taking precedence over the pain in my ribs. Satiated, Jack kisses my forehead as button my shirt. I hate when he does that… I'm not a child. I open my mouth to say something, but the look on Jack's face stops me. I rest my forehead against his instead.

As we move to the front seats of the Avalanche, Jack looks into the rear seats and then at us, trying to assess how we just did what we did in that space. I laugh as he states, "Necessity is the mother of invention."

He pulls back onto the road, and I'm offering a silent prayer of thanks to my old car that died on that rainy day, thus starting the whole chain of events leading to this point in our lives. I readjust the volume of the CD player, leaning back on the seat.

"Look, Daniel." Jack replies, pointing.

"Jack, please don't."

I knew Jack wouldn't be able to resist, the cliché king that he is. He was showing me the sunset in the distance and I mentally brace myself for what is to follow. I close my eyes, letting the soft strains of the music flow through my body as I hear Jack say, "All's well that ends well, as the two lovers ride off into the sunset."

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