Title: Thoughts on the Great and Powerful Daniel Jackson

Author: MajelB

Email: majelitab@lycos.com

Status: complete

Rating: PG

Season: 6

Summary: Missing scene for Full Circle. Sam wonders: why not her?

Spoilers: Paradise Lost, Metamorphosis, Changeling, Full Circle

Warnings: mild language

Author's Notes: Thanks to Jo and Devra for getting me to post this. <g>

"Son of a bitch!" Sam exclaimed, having sliced a healthy gash into her thumb as she pulled her vest down out of her locker. What the hell did she have in there anyway? Wincing, she brought it to her mouth and quickly sucked away the barely-there drop of blood. Damn, she needed to focus. Now was not the time for self-pity. Self-pity time was strictly observed with a quiet evening at home with a full quart of Breyer's, not in the locker room preparing for what was probably one of SG-1's most important missions to date. They had a world to save.

And Daniel was the one who wanted it to happen. That alone made it important to her.

Sam pulled her thumb out of her mouth and picked her dropped vest up off the floor, putting it on over her jacket then slowly sitting on the bench to lace up her boots. Her fingers wove the laces around each other and through eyehole after eyehole with practiced dexterity, the kind borne of repeating the act over and over again for so many years. Her fingers knew what they were doing without having to be told, leaving Sam's mind to wander.

"Major Carter," came a voice behind her, startling her from her daze. She looked down to find her boots already completely laced.

"Teal'c, this is the women's locker room…" she said without turning around. She heard Teal'c take a few steps deeper into the darkened room then close the door behind him. He took several more steps until he was standing right behind her.

"I am experiencing a great deal of familiarity with this situation," he said. Sam let out a pitiful little huff of laughter in acknowledgement of his attempted joke.

"Teal'c, it's…"

"Déjà vu. I am aware," he replied, seating himself next to her on the bench.

Sam smiled weakly. "Right." She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed, trying to remember what she had been planning to do next. Shirt, socks, pants, jacket…

"You are upset," Teal'c said softly but forcefully, denying her intention to ignore him. She sighed again then raised her head, obviously considering her next words carefully. Truthfully, she wasn't entirely sure *how* she felt.

"I… I don't know. Am I upset? I… I suppose so. But it's so aimless, Teal'c. There's no reason for it, but… I am a little angry, yes. I shouldn't be, but I am. I'm feeling a lot of things right now…"

She glanced over at Teal'c briefly for a response. He met her eyes and replied, "With whom are you angry?"

Sam blinked and involuntarily straightened. The question took her aback just a bit. She hadn't actually gotten that far in her thinking yet. "I'm… not really sure…" she trailed off. Though, as she spent the next few seconds considering it, she realized that she was, in fact, sure. But it was so preposterous… it was unthinkable…

"It is alright to be angry with me, and with O'Neill for not telling you of our encounters with Daniel Jackson," he said, drawing her attention. "And, it is alright to be angry with Daniel Jackson himself, for never coming to you."

Before he even finished speaking, though, Sam was shaking her head in abject disagreement. "No… no no no, it's not alright. It's not alright, Teal'c." Sam stood and began to pace, the intensity of her words growing with every syllable. "It's stupid… pointless. Stupid to be angry with you, stupid to be angry with the Colonel, and *really* damn stupid to be angry with Daniel. I mean, all you guys did was not tell me about seeing him alive and well… that's okay, no biggie, I can get over that. And Daniel? Who am I to get all sullen over the fact that the great and powerful Daniel Jackson couldn't take a moment out of his busy schedule out there where time is probably irrelevant anyway, to be with me? I'm nobody, obviously… stupid not to have seen that sooner."

By the time she finished, Sam was gesturing wildly, the anger and frustration that had been building in her not only for the last couple of hours, but over the last few stressful weeks, began to vent. She was almost shouting at the end, her eyes brimming with hot tears borne simply from the depth of her emotions. There were too many feelings to really pinpoint and identify… all she knew for sure was that she felt… bad.

She ran out of things to say, out of energy, and eventually contented herself by folding her arms across her chest and glaring at Teal'c, mentally ordering him to give her a damn good explanation for everything. It was unreasonable, she knew, to ask him to try and make sense of something she couldn't even make sense of herself, but she was just a little beyond reasonable for the moment.

"As I lay beside Master Bra'tak, waiting to die, sharing my symbiote with him in an effort to let us both to survive, I dreamt, Major Carter," Teal'c said.

"I…" Sam began, forgetting to keep being angry for the moment. "I thought you didn't dream." Sam was so drawn by the hush and sincerity of Teal'c's voice, that she sat down again beside him, allowing the hurt within her to subside and her heart to open to her friend. So rarely did he open up to her…

"That is usually the case. I did not dream, even in Kel'no'reem, as humans dream in sleep, and as I have begun to do since the loss of my symbiote. But on that battlefield, I dreamt. I did not know it at the time, but I later learned that Daniel Jackson had been guiding my subconscious thoughts… leading my mind away from reality, from the pain and death that surrounded me, to make me continue in the struggle to survive. I was alone and dying and he kept me sane. I owe Daniel Jackson my life, once again."

"He helped you when you were dying. Helped you hang on…" Sam whispered. "So where was he for me?" She looked over at him for an answer, but got only his unwavering gaze and silence. "I was dying, too, Teal'c. And it was so bad… I was dying. I could feel myself dying. I could feel every molecule as they broke apart, as I melted away, Teal'c. I… I knew what was coming. I knew, and I was so scared… And I actually remember thinking 'I wonder if I'll see Daniel. I wonder if, when I die, I'll fall asleep here, and wake up with him, wherever he is. I wonder if he knows I'm coming.' I just… want to know, now that I know he knew, why wasn't he there?"

Sam wilted and Teal'c hesitantly laid his hand gently on her back, drawing her closer. "Teal'c… I thought he cared about me…" she breathed, her forehead coming to rest on Teal'c's shoulder.

"I do not doubt that he does, Major Carter, nor should you. On the contrary, I believe he has been with us for every leg of our journey. You must have faith."

"Do you think he'll be on Abydos when we get there?" Sam asked, plaintively, already trying to think of all the things she wanted so badly to tell him…

"Of this I am certain, Major Carter."

The End

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