Title: No Foolin'

Author: Debi C

Feedback: dcole6@satx.rr.com

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: J/D

Category: Alpha Gate FNF# 16 Challenge: What Fools We Be. Thoughts, POV.

Date: October 13, 2002

Status: Finished.

Series: None!

Season/Spoilers: Every episode ever made Season 4 ish Archive: Alpha Gate. Area 52.

Synopsis: Jack thoughts.

Notes: Just a short thing, not betad, all mistakes are my own.

Warnings: Jack's thinking again. Some bad words and deep thoughts.

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. Showtime/ Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions do. Sci-fi too, I guess. But I seem to take better care of them. This is the way they should be. Don't sue me. I'm poor. No copyright infringement is intended. The story is for entertainment purposes only. At least I hope it's entertaining. The original characters, situations and story are mine. Please check with me first if you want to archive or link to this story.

No Foolin'

by Debi C

Now, who do I think I'm fooling here? Well for a long time I was fooling myself. Fooling myself with the idea that it was the SGC and SG1 who needed me. That they were what was important to my life and that I was just finishing up a job that I had begun over twenty years ago. One that I had started when I was young and idealistic. I wanted to protect the good old USA from the evil of Communism, help the little guy and save the world. I joined too late for 'Nam', though many of my superiors and friends served there. I was actually disappointed. No foolin'.

Then came Eastern Europe. Save Rumania, Poland, East Germany etc., etc., etc. But, hey! They did it themselves, mostly. I had been in and out of there, and I was really happy for them when the wall came down. It was a great day for the world and for world peace. And now look, they're our friends. It's hard for me to accept sometimes when I go head to head with their C.O. but that's okay. No foolin'.

Along came North Africa. Can't name any name or even any country or I'd have to kill ya. Flew up and fell down...really, really hard. Saw pieces of the real estate that I NEVER want to see again. Met lots of influential people. Well, let's just say they influenced the hell out of me. Lots of not nice memories going on here. Carter kind of understands though she only got the mile high viewpoint, thank God! Look, I know all about the woman's lib issues in the military, sexual harassment, and equal opportunity. Like I told her a long time ago, I've got nothing against women...it's scientists I got a problem with. No foolin'.

But my coming back was no hero's reward, let me tell you. The problem with Special Forces, or any such organization, is that what you do is so secret that you can't tell anyone what you do, or have done or may do in the future. One puts you and them at risk, two amounts to national security and three if they care at all they'll try to stop you from doing it. This really builds up problems in the home, even with an understanding wife. And God and all his angels know that Sarah was understanding. She helped me, held me, healed me. And then I fucked up so badly, hurt her so deeply, and totally destroyed my family with one thoughtless act. No foolin'.

Now, the problem with being raised a Catholic is that from little on, you're taught there are things that you don't ever do. You follow the big ten C's, no killing, no stealing, honoring, no this no that. But those are laws. Laws can be broken and forgiven. The one thing taught to all Catholics is that suicide is a deadly sin. It can't be forgiven because it's irredeemable. If you're not there to ask forgiveness, well then you're screwed. If ya can't ask ya can't get it. Got it? Good! No foolin'.

But then comes the perfect opportunity to do the right thing. Death by military is an honorable end, no suicide. Go out with a bang…literally. Try to get the guys home, but you stay and fight the good fight and die the good death. But then, I forgot something, the Daniel factor. No foolin'.

The original loose cannon, first he has to open the Stargate, the thing that none of West's tame genius's could do. Then he has to tell the General that, 'Oh yeah; He can get us back'. Lied through his teeth, he did. The first time, I think, in his life. He didn't do a great job, I had my suspicions, but the General bought it. So, there we go, through the magic looking glass to Abydos where, let's see, we discovered a new planet with an ancient earth based culture, Daniel got married, we met Ra the fake sun god, Daniel got killed saving my sorry ass, but he came back and we blew Ra up with a tactical nuke. Oh, yeah, did I mention Daniel got married. Well, we killed the bad guys, Danny figured out how to send us home and he stayed to live happily ever after, Not! No foolin'.

So I come home and retire...again. One small problem. Sarah had finally gotten smart and left me. I found a 'dear Jack, please got out of the house' letter. So I did. Found a fixer-upper and spent a year on it. Then, well, it happened again. No foolin'.

Some glowing eyed maniac shows up through the Stargate and ruins the retirement plans of one Colonel Jack O'Neill and one General George Hammond. Long story short we open the gate, find Daniel, his family is taken, we go looking and start the Intergalactic War number one between Earth and the Gould. No foolin'.

Now, Daniel has lost everything but he's still in there swinging for all he's worth. He comes back with us. He fights for a place on my team. He follows me through the gate looking for his wife and his brother. Together we face down gods, monsters, aliens and mad scientists. We go to hell in a Tel'tac. And we locate Daniel's family but our batting average is not good. We find Skarra but we lose Sha'uri. We save her boy and lose him again. We and the rest of the SGC teams are now the first line of defense against all of Ra's relatives. In the meantime, we meet a few allies, we find a few more enemies, we learn, we win, we lose, we live, we die, we come back to life. No foolin'.

But here's the be all and end all of it. Through all of it, the hating, the living, and the dying; there was something else happening. Something else that I have learned is so precious that it overcomes all boundaries, defeats all enemies and solves, well, most of the moral dilemmas in my life. That during all the discoveries, the failures, the glories and the crashes that there's been someone unique and precious here, right next to me. That everything in my life revolves around that special person, who had been there to take the staff weapon blast for me, was there when I grew old because of some nanobyte thing, was the one who stayed with me when my mind was taken over by another race, supported me when I wanted it, stopped me when needed it and searched for me when I was lost. I'm not even sure when it happened or where, but I do know this...I have the most precious gift anyone can be given. I have love, the trusting giving supporting unconditional kind of love. No foolin'.

And when I look over at the pillow next to mine I can see the love literally reaching out to give to me even now. The face has changed; it's a little older with more worry lines. The hair is shorter and darker in color. The body had matured, broadened and gathered a few more scars. But the changes don't matter to my eyes. It just makes me appreciate what I've found all the more. Some beauty becomes more memorable with age when it gathers a fine patina of understanding, wisdom and passion. Who is it you ask? Who has shown me the truth? Who has given me my life, my sanity and my future? Why who else could it be...but my friend, my hero, my teacher, my savior, and my lover...Daniel Jackson. No foolin'.

the end.