Title: Stories from the Table: The Commissary.

Author: Kiva

Date: 10th March '03

Feedback: kiva31@yahoo.com

Rating: G

Pairing: None really, speculation at most.

Category: Er......you might say humour.

Status: Finished

Season/Spoilers: Sort of for Forever In A Day.....

Archive: Anyone wants it, they just gotta ask.

Synopsis: Well, I got bored and did another.....The Table has a new location......and it finds out some interesting speculation from some new people.

Notes: Insinuation of slash and some Het....it's up to *you* whether they're doin' it or not. Also, the main characters aren't really in it. Hope that's okay....maybe I'll do a sequel.....J + D take THEIR turn at the table. Not Beta'd. All mistakes my own, including any UK spelling that may have crept in.

Warnings: None. Unless discarded chewy holds some horror for you. And UK spellings.

Disclaimer; The characters of Stargate SG1 are not mine, nor do I lay any claims on them. This is for entertainment purposes only.

I am a table. I am a rectangular four-foot wide by eight-foot long, golden oak table with lots of grain, a leg on each corner, and a polyurethane sealant. This is important, because though it removes me from the level of `fine' furniture, it adds to my versatility and my longevity. I was purchased in the early 90's by the U.S. Air Force Quartermaster in a spasm of upgrades for the offices of NORAD. After I was delivered I was reassigned to a priority slot in a new command under the mountain cryptically referred to as SGC. I can seat eight formally, ten comfortably, and twelve friendly. Because I was purchased without chairs, I knew that my life would be one of utilitarianism not formal dining. In other words, I'll see a lot of service of all kinds.

I'm currently situated in the commissary. It is the place that most Mobiles in this mountain gather at to ingest sustenance. After an incident involving an alien virus, a food fight and a group of infected Marines, this room found itself short on places for the many mobiles on this base to convene. I was drafted, and in the last few days have found myself dribbled on, spilt upon, and on one unforgettable moment, I became the resting place for one very tired Air force Major. I'm unsure as to who was more embaressed, myself -- unfortunately, Lady Sam seemed to have.......leaked......something on me -- or Tall Lady Sam.

As I sit here, a Mobile dressed in white approaches, a piece of ragged cloth dangling from one hand. The cloth is swiped across my surface, but the chewing gum I've been forced to endure sticking under my top is not removed. If I were a mobile, I would sigh. But I am not. So I continue to stand, bracing myself as another group of Mobiles spill forth from the door, three of them walking over to me. They pull out chairs, all seating themselves with groans and moans, of what I believe is pleasure.

"God," says one female. "I thought that shift would never end."

"I know what you mean," replies another female. "We didn't even have any of the usual distractions.......for once all the good lookin' guys on base stayed healthy."

Sharp, pointed elbows are placed on my top, the female who owns them using her hands to prop her face up. "Look, guys," she sighs. "It's him."

Her voice sounds strange, soft and quiet. Soon two more pairs of elbows dig into my surface, the other females mirroring her position.

"You know, Kate," says the first female. "I'm sure I caught him looking at you, last physical."

The second female, Lady Kate makes a strange noise in the back of her throat. "Ha! Right....I'm sure it was love......one look at me and he fell."

"Hey, don't be so negative," puts in the last Lady. "I hear that's how he and his wife got together."

Lady Kate jumps, her knees -- equally as sharp as her elbows -- bumping into my top."Wife? What wife?"

"Oh my God, you haven't heard?" the first female asks. "Oh wait, that would be a bit before your time. Dr Jackson was married......she died well over a year ago, now. I know, 'cause he was injured as well. It was so hard on him."

"A widower," Lady Kate sighs. "That's so sad."

"I know," says the third. "But doesn't that make you want to comfort him, and make him feel better?"

"Yeah," they all sighed as one. They are silent a moment longer, before the first Lady asks them if they would like a substance called 'coffee.' I know of this coffee....it is usually hot and wet. And after it has been spilt on my surface and left, very sticky as well.

The first Lady gets two answers of "yes" for her question, and uses my top to push herself out and up from me, as if she didn't have the energy to do it under her own steam. It seems that I am fulfilling my purpose well. The first Lady walks over to where Tall Civilian Daniel stands, reaching for the coffee pot he has just used. She talks a moment, smiling brightly at him. He responds, and she looks down, her smile softening. She says goodbye, and balancing the three mugs she holds carefully, walks back to her space. Sitting down, she goes to open her mouth, but stops when a flash of green uniform catches her eye.

"Ooh, look out....here comes Colonel Cranky."

I know no one by that name and rank, and only noticed one Mobile enter the room. It was Tall Military Jack.

"Besides, girls," the first woman confides. "I think the good Doctor is already taken."

"What makes you say that, Lin?" asks Lady Kate.

"Aw c'mon....look at the way they look at each other. It's obvious." I do not understand what she means, but -- fortunately -- do not need to in order to fulfill my purpose.

"Naw.....really? I always figured them for best buds."

"Yeah, but that's strange in itself. A hard-ass Military Colonel, best friends with an academic scholar? C'mon." The one I now know as Small (though not as small as Small Lady Janet) Lady Lin makes a scoffing noise, one I am familiar with from Military Jack. It is used primarily to vocalize disbelief.

I feel movement, and realize that the unknown female is nodding her assent to Lady Lin.

"But you have to admit, Lucy," Lady Kate addresses the third woman. "They do have a weird team anyway."

"True....I mean, I'm not saying for sure or anything......it just........I don't know, I guess it appeals." Lady Lucy sounds.....distracted, I think.

"Two guys screwin' each other appeals to you?" There is curiosity in Kate's voice.

"No, not the sex....though I have to admit, the idea -- I mean, no. "Lady Lin laughs along with Lady Kate at Lucy's slip. "It's the idea that in this day and age, two people found each other. It's kinda.....romantic, I guess." Lady Lucy's fingers begin to drum a beat on my top as she continues to watch Tall Military Jack and Tall Civilian Daniel find their own table to be seated at.

"Well, I for one don't think there's anything in it. Remember, there were all those rumors about Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter?"

"Don't see it." Lady Lin says quickly.

"Nope, me either." Lady Lucy seems.......most emphatic in her opinion.

"Or me....I think we should just agree that rumors are rumors," Lady Kate decides. "Hey, talking of, did you here the one about Hammond and the Tollan woman?"

"No!" Lady Lin hisses, slamming her mug down on my top.

"I know!" Lady Kate assures her, spilling coffee on my surface in her enthusiasm.

They continue to discuss various rumors, laughing and joking until it is their time to leave, which they do, somewhat less wearily than they arrived, I think.

I am a table. Sometimes, my existence isn't really about being there to support and hold. It's simply to be there.

The End.