epitaph
Everything can be all right
but do you wonder
"How much does he really care?
Do these friends respect me?
Do my feelings - unrequited,
unexpressed -
affect their decisions?"
Sometimes it seems selfish
but I can't
help but give in
to these passions
this jealousy
sometimes anger
sometimes at him
sometimes at her
most often
at myself
"I don't know why I do this
to myself."
"Sorry, Kev, you're a real sweet guy,
and a great friend.
I value your thoughts
opinions
expressions
ideas, jokes, kind gestures."
A great friend.
And what good is it?
I want more,
You want me to stop.
I wish I could.
To drag you down
To keep you
To risk
everything
for one chance
at greatness.
"Not one person can have that chance."
That's what they say.
So what about them - about those two -
about my best friend and your best friend.
They seem happy - I'm happy for them.
Why won't you make me happy
for me
for us?
Well, you know
the way thngs are between us
when I close my eyes
(pure, simple, strong).
You know how I let you know.
How long it's been (a year and change).
My ideal
I can't move on
It's nowhere near that simple
I don't appreciate you
writing this off as insignificant
When I'm around you
I surprise myself when I notice,
in commonality,
random beauty.
Without you, I can think of you
someone else's smile
stops and inhabits my face
for a few minutes
it won't last.
Soon its rightful owner
currently expressionless
will call it back
leaving me
with devices I thought were my own
but my mind's creations
are emotion manifest,
and the creator is the source,
so credit is due
- not to me - but to everyone
who has ever been affected
and kicked in the teeth
by that special someone
that muse who has no idea
of how special she is
of how wonderful they - given the opportunity -
could make days and nights.
So what's stopping you?
Go with him.
You can take turns twisting the knife.
Flip a coin to see who goes first.
I'm sure you'll call heads.
Don't hesitate.
I can already feel the cold steel point
and hear the scrape of metal on bone.
Oh well
The damage has been done
and as my mouth fills with blood
I went for all
You still own me
Bruised and bloodied up.
