My Poems
These were added on August 17th, 2000
***
Written August 16, 2000
*WINDOW OF PAIN*©
Staring at my heart
Through a window of pain
Hearing the words I knew someday I would
But, I wasn't prepared
I wasn't ready
I am losing my faith
As each tear rolls from my eye
And out of my heart
Why can't I stop crying?
Why do I have t obe filled with so much pain?
I just want to let go
Stop loving and set my heart free
I know now I must say good-bye
Why can't I create a dam to these tears
And thise pain of bleeding?
I just feel so empty inside
So hollow that I will never be filled
I make a home in the corner
Filling my head with a make believe life
Where no hurt or heartbreak finds me
I'm alone, I know
But, someway I have to face this
Somehow I have to do this
I must know how
Because I can't do it on my own
I need help to open my heart and let go
And close it before I get hurt again
I can't help but feel like I have no reason
For living
My reason left like a leaf in the wind
I'm standing on quicksand
The solid ground left with my hope
I stare at myself through the window
Blood streaks the glass
My endless blood
Written August 16, 2000
*RELEASE*©
I'm in a speeding car
Racing down the road
Careening on the sidelines
Pushed up to over 100 miles an hour
Passing every stop sign
I can't stop now
It's all gone passed that now
There is no help for me anymore
Now now, not ever
Trees pass by like lightning in the night
Tears blur my vision
Making it so hard to see
Blood pounds in my ears
Adrenaline pumps through my blood
My fingers grip the stearing wheel so hard
My knuckles turn white
My heart turns cold
It's so dark outside
So very dark
I can't see anymore
Tears obscure my view too much
The car's out of control
I'm out of control
I let go
Let it all go
And now I go crashing down
Falling down a cliff of release
Written August 16, 2000
*NO CHANCE*©
My world is shattered
My heart is broken
My sould is bleeding
My life is meaningless
I can't help but feel this way
Because while I was loving you
You were loving someone else
You were spending time with her
While I was spending time with tears
I've never felt so utterly empty inside
Not before this
My stomach hurts so bad
My eyes are so red from crying
My world so completely alone
I want to end all this suffering
I want to take out that knife
Cut myself from reality
I'm always so cold
I hug myself but nothing helps anymore
There is no warmth left for me to take
I feel like throwing up
Every second of every day
I know there's no chance for me
If I know this why can't I say good-bye?
I pray so hard
But I'm not getting an answer
No matter how hard I plead
Please, if it's all true
Tell me
So I can take the one thing that has no meaning anymore
Life
Written August 17, 2000
*NIGHTMARE*©
I feel like I'm walking in a nightmare
And I can't wake up
I'm doomed to stay asleep forever
And live in this nightmare
I want to open my eyes
And make everything alright
I want things to go back to how they were
I need my faith to come back
But it's so incredibly hard
Because I am losing it all
It's draining from me
Like water from a sponge
My eyes remain so empty
My heart hollow
My insides are gone
I wish there was something that could be done
But I think my punishment
Is to face this alone
I know I don't deserve to be happy
No more smiles are in me anymore
I can't bring myself to laugh
I used to be able to find reasons for everything
Now everything has no reason
The only reason for everything
Is to have no reason
This unending nightmare
Is actually my life
No nightmare
Just me
Living in my nightmare
All Poems by ©Christi Bickart
Please do not copy.
Thank you and have a good day/night=)
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