My Poems
These have been added on June 21, 2000. I hope you enjoy =)
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Written June 12, 2000
*EMPTY MEANINGS*©
Staring at the old letters
Trying to find meaning
Of my life
Words written in pencil
Are blurred from my tears of blood and pain
Staring in the past of all old memories
Trying to find the meaning
Of it all
Holding onto those last words
Gripping the tears we shared
Remembering me and you
We said forever and always
Until death do us part and longer
Best friends no matter what
Living in never never land
Fantasies
Maybe that's all it ever was
Fantasies trying to become reality
But, reality became a nightmare
Thunder roared
It all ended
Everything turned out to be everything
I ever feared
Coldness seized my world
Whirling it in an endless blizzard of lies
Neverending misunderstandings
I realize I'll never find the meaning
Of my life
Written June 17, 2000
Father,©
Here I am again. Crying. And it's funny because I know you hear my crying. You seem to hear my tears before they fall. You also seem to hear my pain. See it before I feel it. How do you do that? I always tell you I believe. I tell you I trust. I am your child. You tell me you love me all the time. Yes, Father, you don't even have to say it. I know. It's funny because when I feel so empty and hollow inside, you just talk to me and I feel new all over again. You even know all the lies in my heart without me even telling you. Father, can I ask you something? You seem to know everything so I know I can ask you. How much longer do I have to wait? You know what I'm talking about; we talk about it every night. I keep waiting and waiting and I don't know how much longer I can wait. It's so hard, you know? but, I believe, Father and I can wait. As long as I have to. Just as long as it will happen soon. Father, will you hold me for a little while? I feel like crying again and when you hold me, you dry the tears up before they fall. I like it when you do that. Can I ask you another question? How come people make me cry? Why do people just want to hurt me? Am I really that bad of a person? I'm sorry if I am. I didn't mean to be. I know you tell me I'm not, but when someone leaves me, I can't help but feel like it's my fault. Is it? Is it my fault? Well, I sure feel like it's my fault. Father, you keep secrets good so I'm gonna tell you something, kay? Sometimes I feel like dying. I don't mean to feel that way but I do. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes I wish an angel would come and carry me up to the sky and that we'll fly so high that no one can see me and I can't see anyone. I always wonder what it would be like to just fly away. To feel free and alive. You always feel that way because when I look into your eyes, I feel like I'm flying and I can actually smile. I like to smile. Did you know that? Well, I'm starting to feel sleepy. Thank you for holding me. I don't feel like crying anymore. How do you do that? Wow, I'm really tired. Good~night, Father. I love you. Tell me you love me, kay? I like it when you do that. It makes me feel good. Father, thank you for being here. Thank you for loving me when no one else does.
Written June 17, 2000
*LOSING THE FIGHT*©
I try to hide my tears
I try to fight my fears
I try to wash away my pain
They say "no pain, no gain"
But all that I have to gain
Is all the pain
People say hold on and never let go
But do they realize it's all hurt that I hold?
The moments to treasure
Are just more tears to measure
Memores, they say, are what you hold always
But eventually, the memories just decay
Become old and rotten
Gone and forgotten
Seize life by the hand
Yeah right, just take me to a different land
There's nothing left for me here
Nothing left for me to hold near
It's gone with yesturday
In the past, they say
I just press on harder
But, how much longer?
I am losing the fight
Blew out my light
I try to hide my tears
I try to fight my fears
But, I can't anymore
Because life is just a chore
Written June 21, 2000
*MEMORIES*©
I hold onto the memories
The ones where we danced
Where we laughed
Until tears stained our cheeks
And pain developed in our stomachs
I hold onto the memories
The ones where we cried together
Whispering vowed promises
That soon faded away
Changing the colored world to nothing more than black and white
I hold onto the memories
Of sweet, sweet hellos
Good-byes were never spoken
For hellos were all we knew
The memories when
For hours we talked
About nothing and everything
Hours crawled by
But only minutes seemed to pass
Those many memories
That we both shared
Forever, we promised, to remember
For so long I held onto those precious memories
But they let me go
All Poems by ©Christi Bickart
Please do not copy.
Thank you and have a good day/night=)
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