My Poems
These were added on March 2, 2001
***
Written January 9, 2001
*OUTSIDE IMAGES*©
I'm standing inside a room
Surrounded by windows
Through the window I see movement
I move to stand with my hands pressed against the cool glass
A blur of images appear
Then it all comes into focus
I see your face
You're smiling at me
A smile of my own tugs at my lips
You raise your hand, and you wave at me
A tear slips down my cheek as I wave back
A smile spreads so widely on my face I fear it'll break
A parade of laughter penetrates through the glass
It finds me and I laugh in unison
I pound on the glass to get you to come closer to the window
I search for a door around the room
It's filled with nothing but windows
They're locked and bound
I try to open it up
Pulling hard to break free from the room
It clings to the window pane
Now real tears cascade down my cheeks
Trying frantically to break out
Whimpers escape my lips
Echoes sound throughout the room
I search for something to break the glass
I come up empty
You smile again
Your eyes hold onto love
I scream, "I'm coming"
But I don't think you heard
My whimpers become screams
Hear me, please
Come get me out
You come closer to the window, hands pressing against the glass
I join you and press mine to the cool glass, across from yours
But now I see your eyes staring passed me
Your smile's not turned to me
I pound on the glass, trying to make you see
I scream for you to look at me
I slump to the floor in defeat
And I turn around to see who you're looking at
And it's my shadow dancing in the window across from you
Written February 10-15, 2001
*MIDNIGHT DREAMS*©
I've drempt these dreams a million times
I've swallowed the seas with my eyes
I've traveled down these roads every night
And every time, I see you by my side
I've cried these tears before
Wasted away down to the floor
But, we walk hand-in-hand in a valley of promises
Passing trees of visions
Rivers with waters we will find
Flowing down the path of mind
And once we reach the end
We'll go back again
If in our path we find a boulder
We'll push it away, together we're stronger
The flowing waterfalls show
That you'll never leave me alone
The heart of the land
Is the place we'll always go to to understand
To be
To always be
I toss and I turn
As we walk and we learn
A smile shines in your eyes
But then my laugh turns to cries
The leaves turn brown
The rivers dry to the ground
Rain screams in the clouds
And then I turn around
Then I wake up to darkness
Grasping onto consciousness
Green numbers stare back at me
Trying to go back to sleep
Pulling my covers up to my chin
It's a game I just won't win
Time to go back to sleep
Where love isn't just a dream
Written February 20, 2001
*SOUL'S YEARNING*©
Could You stand before me?
And take my hand?
Could you open up Your arms?
And hold me inside?
Could You speak to me
And guide me?
I need to feel You, to see Your love
I have to hear You, to understand Your ways
Would You give me some time
To figure some things out?
But will You stand by my side
And whisper in my ears?
I long to hear what You have to say
My heart yearns for Your majesty
Your wisdom amazes me
Your unconditional love baffles me
How can You love so much
When so many people hate You to the core?
And why do You stay with me
Always forgiving?
I am nothing compared to You
But, You give me meaning
The only meaning I'll ever have to know
You give air to my lungs when I blow it away
You hold me when I push You away
Inside my heart
Down to the blackness it holds
You clear away the darkness
Push away the spiderwebs of fear
Pull out the roots of sin
Washing my soul with Your tears of light
A halo of goodness erupts from You
Piercing itself into my being
If there was only some way
I wish I could form the right words
To tell You how much You mean
But You read my heart
You know how I feel
But I just have to say
Thank You
Forever and always
Written February 20, 2001
*No-Face Voice*©
It's hard to sit here
With an empty hand
And crying eyes
It's hard to understand
Why it all has to be
I just wish there was some way to know
Some place to go
You hide it all inside
You hold it all in Your voice
Give me just one whisper
One breeze of hope
This confusion breaks my soul
How do I confront You
With all the right questions?
I sound like a babbling fool
An idiot in Your presence
It's hard to lie here
And face a no-face voice
I just have to hear
Please
Hold onto me tight
Spin me upside down one more time
Let me land at Your feet
And create a state of peace
Contracting a reaction from You
Please take it all
And give some to me
I need a place to confide in
A soul, a being to hide in
You're my pride
I live my life for You
Written February 24, 2001
*HATEFUL NEED*©
I hate the way I feel
But I need this need
This curse that I live in
I live for it
I strive to hold onto it
I don't have to hope it'll always be there
It engulfs me in its pain
Every day of my life
I rely on it
It fills me up
With it's heartache
My soul breaks
The dams in my eyes fall down
I despise how I want it so
Feeling this need like never before
I'll wake up tomorrow
As it builds up stronger
Blowing away all promises
I'll frame this picture
Hang it up on the wall of my mind
Swimming in a sea of sugar-coated wantings
I hate how I love
But I need that hate
The hate of love
Only makes me fall more
Makes me love more
I need this
I'll always love this
If only I could say
I live for this feeling
I love for you
Written February 26, 2001
*YOUR EYE*©
Here we go again
Here goes the fastball one more time
Three strikes
I'm out of the game
Benched in the hole of reality
Left alone in the rain
Pouring down lies and pain
With my knees pulled in
My heart pulled out
Watch out for my soul
It's a whim
Holding on by a hair
Letting go by the hour
The thunder crashes
My heart breaks
Sounds heard from miles away
Lying in a field of dreams
Cornrows of hope grow all around
A seed of love
Infested in my beating life
A scream of agony breaks free from my eyes
Staring down, looking right
If only I knew where to run
Doors slam in my face
Turn off the machine
Just let it fall
Sitting in an ocean of emptiness
The sun rolls away from a cloud
It shines from the apple of Your eye
A wave of trust
Drowns my soul
As it beats me to my knees
A hope of life
A life of hope
Just don't let me go
All Poems by ©Christi Bickart
Please do not copy.
Thank you and have a good day/night=)
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