IT ALL STARTED IN 6TH GRADE. MATT AND DAVE STARTED JAMMING TOGETHER, MAKING LITTLE LAME ASS SONGS THAT WE THOUGHT WERE REALLY COOL. MATT PLAYED DRUMS AND DAVE PLAYED GUITAR. THEN IN 8TH GRADE WE GOT TOGETHER WITH MIKE (LEAD GUITAR), TOM (BASS...HAHAHA), AND DANE (SINGING...YEAH RIGHT). WE PRACTICED THE SAME SONG (ALTERNATIVE GIRL BY HOMEGROWN) FOR A LONG TIME AND THEN WE PLAYED IT AT OUR 8TH GRADE TALENT SHOW. BUT THERE WAS ANOTHER BAND AS WELL... CONSISTING OF MIKEY (DRUMS), JEFF (TROMBONE) AND A BUNCH OF OTHER DORKS THAT WE DONT NEED TO MENTION. THEY PLAYED A PATHETIC VERSION OF HUSSEIN SKANK FROM SKANKIN PICKLE. AFTER THE TALENT SHOW, TOM, DANE AND DAVE WERE KICKED OUT OF THE BAND AND MIKE AND MATT CONTINUED TO PLAY. THE OTHER BAND DISBANDED AND WE JOINED UP WITH MIKEY (THE LITTLE DRUMER). GETTING MIKEY WAS HARDER THAN WE THOUGHT. IN BIO HONORS MIKE APPROACHED MIKEY ABOUT BEING IN A BAND. WITHOUT A BLINK OR ANYTHING MIKEY REPLIED "BUT MIKE, I DONT LIKE YOU." HEARTBROKEN, MIKE RETURNED TO MATT WITH THE NEWS. BUT THEN MATT THREATENED TO CUT MIKEYS TESTICLES OFF. AND THATS HOW WE GOT MIKEY. WE GOT GRANT TO PLAY SAX FOR US, JEFF TO PLAY TROMBONE AND MATT STARTED PLAYING HIS SHITTY-ASS SQUIRE GUITAR WHEN WE ALL DISCOVERED MATT COULD SING. BRANDON HOPKINS BECAME A PART OF THE BAND WHEN WE DISCOVERED THAT HE OWNED PA EQUIPMENT. WE WROTE 3 OR 4 SONGS THAT WE PLAYED OVER AND OVER AGAIN, BUT BRANDON JUST WASN'T WORKING OUT SO WE KICKED HIM OUT. MIKE, GRANT AND MATT EVENTUALLY LEFT THAT BAND (THE TOILETEERS)AND FORMED A BAND WITH A TROUBLED YOUNG DUDE BY THE NAME OF MATT HARE (WHO IS NOW IN TOFU HEROES). HE WAS THROWN OUT OF HIS HOUSE IN TEXAS AND MOVED IN WITH HIS DAD IN CA. HE PLAYED BASS AND SANG FOR A WHILE AND MATT PLAYED THE DRUMS ONCE AGAIN. GARETT THE BANDO WAS RECRUTED TO PLAY TENOR SAX, BUT HE LEFT US FOR HIS NASTY GIRLFRIEND. WE HAD A TOTAL OF 3 SONGS WHEN MATT DECIDED THAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE IN OUR BAND ANY MORE. IT WAS FOR THE BETTER BECAUSE MATT'S INSANE MOM HATED HIM ANYWAYS AND SHE WAS ALWAYS GRUMPY WHEN HE WOULD HANG AROUND WITH HIM. MATT, MIKE, GRANT AND JEFF WENT BACK TO MIKEY'S HOUSE AND WE RE-BANDED (THIS TIME WITHOUT THREAT OF CASTRATION). WE REVIVED OUR OLD SONGS AND WROTE A BUNCH OF NEW ONES TOO. GRANT HAS NOW MOVED TO TENOR SAX AND MATT LONGWELL WAS RECRUTED TO PLAY ALTO. MIKE PLAYS BASS BECAUSE MATT CAN'T PLAY BASS AND SING VERY WELL AT THE SAME TIME. HE IS SORT OF PISSED THAT HE CANT PLAY LEAD, BUT HE JUST HAS TO DEAL WITH IT. WE DECIDED ON THE NAME, "BETTER OFF DEAD," MOSTLY BECAUSE OF THE MOVIE OR SOMETHING. WE NOW HAVE COOL THINGS LIKE CARS AND RAZORS. SEX, DRUGS AND ROCK AND ROLL.
