Nick walked slowly down the aisle, heading for his bunk. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to get rid of that mental picture of his best friend crying her eyes out. He wanted this to all be a bad dream. But, in fact, it was reality. Before he reached his bunk, he bumped into Brian Littrell, his best friend in the group.
"What's going on, Nick? Where's Rachel?" Brian asked him calmly, knowing nothing of the fight which had just occured.
"She's... in the back... I suggest you leave her alone." Nick mumbled, pushing past his friend, to continue to his distination: his bunk.
"Leave her alone? Why? What happened?" Brian of course wanted to know, grabbing ahold of Nick's arm.
"C'mon, Bri, let me go. I don't want to talk about it." Nick answered, pulling his arm away, since he was much stronger than Brian.
"Nick, talk to me. Look at me. You gotta tell me what's wrong." Brian demanded, "You always tell me when something's wrong."
"Not this time." Nick replied rudely.
"Is Rachel hurt? Are you? Are you fighting?" Brian shot off a million and one questions at Nick.
"I'll tell you she'll probably never talk to me again." Nick said, letting his emotions take control. He didn't want to cry. He hated crying.
"What? If this is serious, you have to tell me, now." Brian demanded again, trying to sound like a mature older person. He was only four years superior to Nick, but always seemed like he was the same age, or younger.
"I don't have to tell you anything. I don't want to talk about it now. So let me go." Nick demanded right back, giving Brian a small shove, just to move him out of the way.
Then Nick stomped off and climbed into his small bunk, underneath AJ's. He still heard Brian calling after him for a minute, but figured that he gave up when he didn't reply.
Now Nick felt guilty about being a jerk to me, by shrugging me off like I was nothing. At least that's why I thought he did. Nick didn't know how much harm he'd done to me. He just figured he should tell me the truth, not lead me on, thinking I was more to him than I was. To Nick, he'd done the right thing. To me, he'd done the worst thing possible.
*In The Back of The Bus*
The next thing I knew, the bus had come to a stop, and stayed stopped for quite awhile. We were either just stopped in traffic, or were at our next destination on the tour. I'd cried myself to sleep, and realized it was almost two hours after my conversation with Nick. Still praying it was just a bad dream, but knowing it wasn't, I sat up and looked out the window. It seemed like we were in a parking lot that was closed off by posts and security tape. I figured we were at the hotel.
Just seconds after my conclusion of where we were, there was a knock on the Entertainment Room door.
"Yeah?" I asked, a little groggy from my nap.
"It's Brian. Can I come in?" the voice asked.
"Yeah, hold on." I sighed, getting up. I walked over to the door and opened it. There stood Brian, looking down at me sadly. I wondered what all Nick had told him.
"Hey sweetheart... you ok?" he asked, and with that, I figured Nick had told him the whole story. Just to make sure, I asked,
"What all do you know?"
"What do you mean?" he asked back.
"About... me and Nick. What'd he tell you?" I wanted to know. I knew Nick always ran to Brian when he needed advice. But not this time.
"He wouldn't tell me anything. He looked upset and all he said was that you'd probably never talk to him again." Brian replayed what Nick had said.
"I don't know think I could ever look at him again... let alone talk to him." I answered.
"What'd he do to you? Please, Rach, you can trust me." Brian practically begged.
"Well... I..." I began, preparing to tell Brian the story. "I-"
But before I could go on, the door to the room flew open again, and AJ McLean stood in the doorway, grinning at us.
"Hey you two! The fans are waiting for us to get off. We gotta check into the hotel and then unpack. Then we gotta get to the soundcheck." AJ told us the schedule for the day, although I already knew.
I memorized the schedule for the next week. We were staying here, in L.A., for the next three nights, two of which the guys were doing shows.
"Thanks... AJ... we'll be out in just a minute." Brian replied, smiling.
"Alright, see ya'll." he finished and left again.
I half smiled at Brian and finished, "I'll tell you later, I promise. I don't want to you get in trouble for being late. I'll tell you in the hotel room."
"Ok, Rach. As long as I know you're ok." he said, his smile fading. He was worried about me, I could tell.
The two of us went to the front of the bus where the last body guard was waiting for us. Not that he had to protect me, no one knew who the hell I was. He, Stevie, was there for Brian's protection. But Brian grabbed the sleeve of my jacket, as Stevie grabbed his, as we jumped off the big bus and ran through the screaming, crying fans. There must've been a thousand of them. Not like that was different from any other place, though. Everywhere we went there was a ton of screaming girls chasing us. I mean, chasing the guys.
We got into the hotel safely and I let out a deep breath. Sometimes I felt as if I was going to be killed, struggling to push through the crowds. Other times I thought that some of the fans wanted to kill me themselves, just for being with the guys. I get dirty looks every time I go out in public with Nick, or the guys. I'm often mistaken for a girlfriend. Only in my dreams was I Nick Carter's girlfriend.
*Fifteen Minutes Later*
I knew I was supposed to be sharing a hotel room with Nick, but I also knew I wouldn't be able to take that. So I quickly switched with Howie, who was supposed to stay with Brian. Howie didn't know why, but didn't put up a fight. He knew Nick would tell him what was wrong, eventually.
There I was, sitting on the bed in Brian's hotel room. I knew I couldn't break down again. I didn't want to. Hoping and praying I wouldn't break down as I told the story to Brian, I waited until he came back to the room from Kevin's.
I was thinking over the words I'd use, just as Brian came back into the room. Brian had always been a good listener, I loved him for that. He always knew the right thing to say.
"You 'aright, sweetie?" he asked, walking over to me. He sat down beside me and waited.
"I'm... fuck, no... I'm not alright! I'm going crazy! I hate this!" I practically screamed.
"What, Rach? Please tell me." Brian said again. He was dying to know.
"Fine... Nick and I were sitting in the back of the bus, and I, all of a sudden, started telling him about my feelings for him. I mean like, how I love him more than just a friend, and how I want to be with him." I explained.
Brian tried to look shocked, but I knew he wasn't.
"You knew, didn't you? You could tell that I was in love with him." I accused him.
"Rachel... I... ok I could sort of tell you liked him more than a friend. I didn't know you were... in love with him." Brian answered.
"I am!" I screamed, flipping out. "I don't want to be. I wish I didn't tell him! Now everything is fucked up!"
"But... why does Nick think you hate him?" Brian seemed to be a bit confused.
"Well, I practically begged him to say that he loved me back. I just wanted him to love me too. Well, he said he loved me, but not the way I want him to. It's true... I want him to love me like a guy would love his girlfriend... but he loves me like a little sister..." I continued, and as I said that last line, I couldn't stop the tears from pouring down my face.
Brian immediately wrapped a caring arm around my shoulder, trying to comfort me. But he knew only Nick could really comfort me.
"Shhh... it's ok Rach." Brian mumbled, unsure of what words to use in this situation. He knew that my best friend had just broken my heart, but what could he do about it?
"NO! It's not ok! My best friend just told me I'm nothing more than a "little sister" to him, after I confessed my love! That's not fair! Our friendship is ruined! I'll always love him and he'll never love me, and-" I could've gone and forever, mumbled nothing that made sense.
Brian stopped me by pulling me into a tight hug. He knew that's what I needed.
"I have a suggestion." he told me plainly.
"I guess anything will help." I answered, wiping my face with my sleeve.
"How 'bout you stay here while we go to the soundcheck, and then when we get back, I'll take you out somewhere, just us. We'll forget about Nick. I don't mean to diss Nick or nothing, but that kid needs to grow up a bit. He only cares about himself, he doesn't know how much pain he just put you through." Brian told me seriously.
"Ok." I nodded. "You're right. He... he rejected me and then left so fast, I couldn't say anything. I just wanted to tell him... and now I've-" I was about to say the same thing I'd been saying for hours. I messed up everything.
"This isn't your fault, Rach. You did the right thing, by telling him. He probably was just shocked and said the first thing that came to mind. We'll figure that out later." Brian smiled, and I hugged him again. "Ok, so you're gonna stay here?" he asked.
"Yeah, I don't think I could go watch Nick sing and dance right now. I'm not in the mood." I answered, but kept smiling at Brian.
"Ok. You just relax here, then. We'll be back in a couple hours." Brian said, standing up. "See ya, Rachel."
"Bye Bri, and thanks." I replied.
"Your welcome." he finished and then left the hotel room.
I sighed again and layed back on the bed. Usually I loved going to the sound checks and watch the guys sing, dance and goof around. But not this time.
